Bi Rant (I Will Regret This, Later)

[AriTheApostate]

[Warning-Queerness, homophobia, bipobia ahead.]

 

 

I haven't done much on here for a very long time and when I am on here I don't say much. So, this calls for an ill-conceived miniature closeted-queer rant at one a.m. It doesn't help that I've been needlessly numb and uselessly depressed.

 

So, yeah I'm one of those dirty, slutty, HIV spreading, cheating, just-confused, presumed-to-want-a-threesome bisexual, doesn't REALLY exist bisexual. My god I hate being bisexual. Literally, everyone despises us. Straight people can't "deal" with us(a given) and neither can the LG community. Don't believe me here have a video:

 

I feel like I've been smacked in the face by the people who I thought would understand. Honestly, this Gold-star lesbian BS. (in other news I dislike GSA)

I just...

Whatever...

Never mind.

 

I mean the fetishizing is bad enough from straight culture. I now feel rather isolate. Damnit

 

Although, I'm still a closet case I'm still painfully aware of everything. I'm aware of what would happens to me if I did decide to come out and date out side of straight-evangelical male expectation. I run the risk of being completely shut-out and/or getting coerced into conversion therapy.

 

 

I don't particularly want to know what my cousin who is (I'm pretty sure) homophobic/lgbtqi-phobic and is a future marine and could easily hurt me. (though I maybe paranoid.) 

 

I don't know why I'm talking about this I just feel disgusting.

 

If you need me I'll be in my closet.

[WaitingInfinity]

Please don't feel disgusting, Ari, because you aren't disgusting. It's okay to be you. Don't be ashamed of who you are. Sure, there are people out there who might treat you badly or assume bad things about you, but they don't know who you really are. They don't understand your story or your pain because they don't know you. And if people who do know you are judging you, then they aren't being very kind or loving towards you, which is wrong of them and demonstrates their true characters.

 

All you can do is embrace and accept the unique and beautiful person that you are.

[RenaissanceWoman]

You do exist, Ari, and I for one am glad. You are a valuable human being, and I'm sure there are people in your real life (not just here) who appreciate and love you. I am also thankful that you have chosen to rant about this here. That says a lot about the good folks here, that you feel at least safe enough to unload this burden in a safe place. And you are safe with us. No judgment from me!

 

Are you seriously concerned about conversion therapy being forced on you? By whom? That could be real for you if it comes up, and that would suck big time. Please stay strong and let us know if there is any advice we can give to help with that. I don't know the legal issues or your age or living status (with parents?), but I will offer support if I can.

 

Where are you in your deconversion process? Christianity and its guilt, fear, and judgmental attitudes (in the name of "love" and "saving your soul" and all that garbage) can really embed itself in your psyche. No wonder you are feeling depressed! So many of us on this forum have dealt with that part, and we will help you on this journey if we can. I can assure you that it gets better as you peel away those layers of junk from your thought processes.

 

Hang in there, sweetheart! Keep us posted on what is going on with you. I can speak for others here when I say that we care and want to help ease your burden. Keep in touch. No rant is too shocking, no question is too silly.

 

Peace.

[Suzanne]

Hey there.

 

It's been a while (quite a long one, I believe) since I posted, too, but I just wanted to post to say you're not alone. There are many of us out there, and not everyone hates us, though I'll admit that a lot of people don't really understand - but you get that about a lot of other things, too, right? For example, I see that you listed as one of your interests "learning German". I bet a lot of people don't get why you would want to do that (btw I do, I love German ). Does that make it any less valid as something you like to do, as something that is maybe a small part of who you are? Don't think so. Even my awesome boyfriend whom I love to death and who loves me just as much doesn't always really understand - but he does know that my bisexuality is part of who I am, and he knows he loves all of what I am, or else he wouldn't really love me to begin with.

 

Being in the closet sucks. A LOT. It's dark and lonely in there and every single little remark that MIGHT JUST be about you hurts like hell. If coming out of it does not put you in physical/emotional/economical danger, I'd likely to encourage you to do it. It's very, very hard, but so worth it to not have to hide who you are around the people you love. And you might be surprised by the reactions of people you know as homophobic when you put a face on an abstract (to them) phenomenon like homosexuality.

 

Only you know if you would be in danger coming out (though as I said, from that closet, everything usually looks worse than it is). How old are you? Do you still live at home? Could you potentially take care of yourself financially? I was fortunate in that I did not really start struggling with this until I was almost out of my parents' house, but if you are younger, that might be a problem. I can't really give you more advice without knowing a bit more about your situation.

 

Please know that you're NOT alone. And you'll be okay, in the end.

 

Big creepy internet hugs!

[Xerces]

Comments say end of video says all stereotypes are not true. And fuck other people, be what you want and feel what you want, don't listen to stupid people. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rh6qqsmxNs

[Margee]

Ari.....first of all....*hug*.

 

I can only share my own experience with this and you can take what you want from it.

 

Humans are all domesticated (like any other domesticated animal) to have one 'mind set' and to behave in a punishment/reward system. Somebody made some rules up a long, long time ago about how we should all think and act and we were supposed to 'follow'.  If you follow the worlds system...you get rewarded. If you buck the system...you get punished. Most of it has been handed down from the rules and regulations of all the 'gods' in the world (religions) and how those 'gods' would have us behave. They laid all these friggin' 'ground rules' and we were supposed to abide by them and not buck the system.

 

Then we 'deep thinkers' started to rebel and say, ''That's not the way I am or think' or feel.

 

First, I sat in my closet in the total darkness for awhile after I realized I didn't believe in god. I knew that was not going to go over very good with the rest of the world. Then slowly, I started to accept a few things about me and who I was. So I screwed in a 20 watt light bulb and had to try and accept me for who I was. I had to think about a lot of things in that dim light. It was difficult because I new I was different. Different than most people in many ways. After a spell of asking myself a lot of questions, I changed the light bulb to a 40 watt and stayed in the closet a little longer  seriously thinking about how all the people would react if they knew the real me. Then I stood up and put a 60 watt bulb in my closet. I was starting to see the light and became comfortable with my 'thinking' because I knew I was different and I had to become OK with that.. And I also knew that many people in the world would not agree with the way I think or feel. I had to get real comfortable with this fact about myself.

 

Now, I have a 100 watt bulb in my closet, the door is wide open so all the light is shining and I personally do not care anymore about the opinions of other people. I don't need to say a word out loud anymore because I am becoming so comfortable with who I am within myself. And if someone does not like me for it......somebody else will. There is always someone who will love and accept you for who you are.

 

 I don't have the strength to buck the whole world so I stay very comfortable in my own mind. Fuck the robots and the domesticated humans of the world. They don't know any better...they are 'followers'. I give them a hug and a smile and move on.....

 

Be comfortable today with who you are honey. If you are not hurting anyone...be OK with yourself. You let us know when you put in the 100 watt light? I hope it's soon. You may all wonder if I'm referring to myself being bi-sexual here or other things in general? It just doesn't matter.....  It's just nobody's business but my own......

 

Come out of your closet today sweetie.....

 

another *hug*

[slave2six]

You know, I have never been able to relate to the idea of "gay" although I have never in my life been judgmental of gays (even when a Christian - which is weird). But I have been able to understand lesbianism because, after all, a woman's body is beautiful and that all women admire the female form (I know now that you ladies get dressed up for the other ladies, whether you're straight or gay, and that you could almost not care what guys think about your outfit).

 

Couple that with the biology that makes a woman attracted to a male (which, frankly surprises me since most of us guys are, well, very guyish, which I cannot ever comprehend as being sexually attractive) and "being bi" makes total sense.

 

In the end, it really does boil down to bi-ology (pun intended). If that's the way you're wired, OK. that's no fault of yours, is it?

 

We can see examples of this in other large apes, particularly bonobos who have no scruples about sex whatsoever. 

 

All that to say, the problem isn't you. The problem is ignorance. I find it very frustrating that the overwhelming majority of people are still invested in bronze-age thinking. 

 

Being bi does not define who you are as a person. I mean, honestly, how many orphanages have you burned to the ground because you're bi? How many people have you murdered because you're bi? How many people have you bilked out of their last dollars because you're bi? See what I'm getting at? Sexual preference is not a moral issue. It's a biological setting. You may as well feel horrible for having pubic hair. 

 

Just because your playground is diverse doesn't mean there's something wrong with you hon.

[slave2six]

Ari.....first of all....*hug*...You may all wonder if I'm referring to myself being bi-sexual here or other things in general? It just doesn't matter.....

 

I was not wondering that at all. I was busy being impressed by a radiant answer. Well said.

[slave2six]

BTW - that video only underscores that "being lesbian" is not the same thing as "being enlightened." There are idiots in every camp. My advice is to ignore the idiots.

[MerryG]

BTW - that video only underscores that "being lesbian" is not the same thing as "being enlightened." There are idiots in every camp. My advice is to ignore the idiots.

 

That's the truth! Ari, any time you are, or do, or think, something out of the norm bigots and idiots will condemn you for it. Even better people may still painfully misunderstand.

 

And I've seen it time and time again that some group that wants acceptance and understanding for itself will still be outrageously intolerant of some other group -- without even perceiving the injustice they're committing.

 

All this is much harder when you're young. I totally understand why so many teens are driven to suicide by bullying and just plain lack of acceptance.

 

But it makes you stronger in the long run if you get through it. And I trust you will. I'm glad you posted about it here. I don't think you'll ever have cause to regret doing that.

[mymistake]

Lots of people find both men and women attractive.  It's not that unusual.  Maybe most people just don't want to admit it.

[leopardus]

Hmmm... this is strange to me. I don't know many bi people but have never had a problem with bi women. In fact my fiancé is bi. Sorry to hear that there's this sort of weird phobia about them.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

This may be very uncharacteristic for this particular Southern Redneck, but the only response I can offer is:

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Make no apologies to this world, Baby Girl; for, rest assured, it will make none to you.

[Storm]

Ari,

Thanks for sharing. When I was a Christian, I freely admit that I was overly judgmental of people who weren't like myself. Not just in sexual preferences, but in many things. After I left Christianity, I began to realize that people should be free to do whatever they want to be happy. There are, of course, some limitations on that freedom (some people can get into some crazy weird stuff), but in general, do what makes you happy. But even more importantly, Ari, be who you are. Who cares what anyone else thinks. I understand the closet thing, since I live in the closet with my deconversion, but I have to admit that I am growing weary of the hiding and seeing all the incessant Christian crap that is out there that I am just wondering if I am going to be able to continue this for a long time. I understand your frustration. I understand how and why you feel the way you do. But I can say this, without reservation: You are a good person and what you like to do sexually doesn't define you. What other people think about you doesn't define you. You define yourself. Sure words can be hurtful, I don't want to minimize that, however you can be stronger than their judgment, you can be stronger than their fear. You can be stronger than their inability to understand you.

You are stronger.

Believe that.

Know that.

Be that.

You are always welcome to come here and vent. We will listen. We will accept you. You can be yourself here.

((hugs))

[Lilith666]

Hey Ari,

 

Thanks for sharing with us. If you're afraid of a negative response, coming out to your parents may not be the best idea right now. But that doesn't mean they won't ever accept you. People's minds can change, and you are their child.

 

Never mind what the fundies and hypocritical lesbians say. They're the ones who are confused. They like to have everything in neat black-and-white rows, and that's just not how people work. They're going to have to get over it. 

 

There actually are cool things about being bisexual. You have a greater range of people to pick from as romantic partners, and you can relate to straights and gays because you have a bit of both.

 

I'm guessing you're a teenager, so there aren't that many more years before you can move out and the parents can't really force you to do anything you don't like. I'm a college freshman, and it's so different. You can find friends who accept you and get more into the gay scene if that's what you want--just without the bars/nightclubs.

 

Good luck. I've seen a few of your posts and am happy to have you here. Like others said, we'll accept you and listen when you need it.

 

In spite of your current fears about coming out, you might like this:

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

That video titled "What Lesbians Think of Bisexuals" is a perfect example of how ignorance affects people. The lesbians in that video don't sound any better than bigoted, ignorant heteros who don't know what the hell they're talking about. Besides, I doubt all lesbians think that way anyway.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with you or anyone being bisexual. It's not something you have any control over and if anyone says or thinks that something is wrong with you because of it, then they are the ones with the problem.

 

Ari, if you don't have anyone offline who you can open up to, you can always come here. You won't be judged for something you have no control over or treated as if you are inferior to us because of a difference in sexuality.

 

I'm checking out the Bisexual response to the video to see what the responses are. I have a feeling the video will be interesting.

 

[Thurisaz]

Okay I started watching the first vid... made it about halfway through before
 
"bi women are just confused"? Ah yes, I think I've heard that somewhere else already... now where could that have been... But okay, to a degree I can understand that. Sexual desires are something you don't have much control over (at least we blokes don't - all too often it seems so very different for gals ) so it can easily appear so "natural™" and "self-evident™" that understanding/accepting that not all humans see things just like you do can be... hard. Doesn't make the thought true of course, just kind of understandable.
 
But "a bi girlfriend might leave me for a guy some day!!!!1111!!!oneoneone!!!!!"? DAFUQ did I just hear...?
 
So a lez gf will nevvah evvah! do that eh? Brainfucked much?! I seriously wonder whether lesbians who honestly think like that are the kind of lesbian who sees males not just as sexually uninteresting but The Enemy™ that must be fought any way possible. You know, feminazi style.

[jdog]

Ari, I wish you didn't see yourself as disgusting.

Because you aren't.

You are a beautiful person.

 

And You aren't alone. There are many bi sexual people out there and it is a genuine sexual orientation.

There's no confusion. That's just silly talk.

 

Some people have the capacity to enjoy and be attractive to both sexes. It's not too hard to comprehend. And not such a big deal. Or it ought not be such a big deal is what I mean.

I've always considered myself bi sexual but have never been that open about it only to a close friend or two as I have been ashamed and embarrassed about it but I am not so much now as I've gotten older and realize it's ok.

However my family do not know and They probably never will.

I've been married to a man for many years. In the past before marriage. I have had relations with both male and female and have always been attractive to both sexes ever since I was young. I never "grew out of it". And it wasn't "experimenting" Or "confusion" . Nope.

 

Personally I think having the ability to be open to love whoever it maybe with is a wonderful thing.

And I don't know why but I find bi sexual male really sexy. I have always been a sexual person so things turn me on that perhaps others wouldn't get turned on by.

 

There's too much labeling and defining and putting people in categories and boxes.

I wish people just accepted other people. Period.

 

I don't know why we live in this funky world where there's prejudices of all kinds, it's not just religion, race, sexual orientation, It's all kinds of things.

People of different financial status, where a person comes from, what school or college they went to, What shoes someone wears, What music someone listens to, how someone speaks, their intelligence, Age, disability, there's non acceptance, judgement

and narrow mindedness of all shapes and sizes. And it just gets right on my nerves.

You love who the hell you want to love, or fuck, or whatever.

 

who the fuck cares whether SOME gays and lesbians are accepting of bi or not. If they are being assholes about it, they aren't any different than friggin homophobic Christians.

 

It's your life. I hope you come to love and embrace yourself just the way you are. Be kind and accepting of yourself. Nor Have any shame, embarrassment, guilt over who you are. You are you. Unique and beautiful.

[Discordia]

Sorry, but I couldn't even make it to the one minute mark on that video.  Teh Stoopid was just too much for me to deal with.  Those people are part of a group that has been marginalized and scorned for their biological wiring and those sanctimonoius bitches are going to turn right around and mock someone else the way they've been mocked?  Shit on them.  I cannot stand people who don't learn from their experiences and who don't have empathy for others going through the same shit they've been through themselves.  Goddamned hypocrites just piss me right the fuck off.  I hope they drown while drinking their hater-aid.

You're bi?  So what?  As long as you are in a consensual relationship, I can't find a single shit to give concerning who you spend your time with or what you do together.  It isn't any of my business.  Period.

You need to stop hating yourself for being bi, and stop listening to Teh Stoopid.

[Geezer]

Genetics determine who and what we are and that is pretty much common knowledge these days. Denigrating a human being for their sexual preferences is as ridiculous as demeaning someone who was born with down-syndrome for their physical appearance. The root cause for all of that kind of nonsense is ignorance. It’s sad in this day and age that ignorance, often spawned by religious bigotry, continues to be so widespread.  

 

Ari, your profile indicates you are in the bible belt, that tells me why you are experiencing the things you are.  I’m sorry for what ignorant people think and say. They should be pitied not feared, actually they should probably just be ignored. Be strong and accept yourself for who you are.  

[Goddamnit]

A few gays told me I'm the "first" or only "real" bisexual they've known.

[Cousin Ricky]

Dafuq...? I hope these aren't representative of lesbians.

 

The woman with the dreads seems obsessed with dick. You gotta wonder...

[jdog]

Dafuq...? I hope these aren't representative of lesbians.

 

The woman with the dreads seems obsessed with dick. You gotta wonder...

Yeah I noticed that.

 

The lady doth protest too much, me thinks.

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

Dafuq...? I hope these aren't representative of lesbians.

 

The woman with the dreads seems obsessed with dick. You gotta wonder...

 

Maybe she is bisexual, but doesn't want to admit it for some strange reason...

[Ravenstar]

She's full of it (girl in first video) most 'lesbians' I've met are bisexual… not all mind you, but a fair portion.

 

Sexuality is a continuum, not a polarity thing anyway.

 

as Margee said… hugs!!!