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Bi Rant (I Will Regret This, Later)

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There is NOTHING WRONG WHATSOEVER with bisexuality, and it also goes for other a/sexualities too. If these people are too blind to admit that you are human like them, then it is their loss, not yours. It sure as fuck don't mean that you are defective or unworthy of life. It is these people who castigate bisexuality or homosexuality or whatever that makes it harder to find happiness. If these prejudices didn't exist, we would all have more of a chance at happiness and I am angry that we don't often have the chance to be ourselves due to these ugly sentiments. I would rather everybody felt that they were okay than having them calling suicide hotlines due to suffering at the hands of a bullshit prejudice. Plus bwith bisexuality and homosexuality all out in force, it would mean that we can get more chances at love than we have now and I hope that day is now. What short sighted numpties, don't they realise that one half is lesbian/gay and that means that there are more potential lesbian/gay relationships than before? It just boils my blood, the sheer stupidity and the inhumanity. Good luck with coming out of the closet! I'm already out of the closet, and it's better than being locked in a death spike coffin.

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First off hugs to everyone! You guys are awesome. cloud9_99.gif Second of all, I want to apologize for not getting to this sooner I was under the weather and I had mid-terms that took up a lot of time.

You do exist, Ari, and I for one am glad. You are a valuable human being, and I'm sure there are people in your real life (not just here) who appreciate and love you. I am also thankful that you have chosen to rant about this here. That says a lot about the good folks here, that you feel at least safe enough to unload this burden in a safe place. And you are safe with us. No judgment from me!
Are you seriously concerned about conversion therapy being forced on you? By whom? That could be real for you if it comes up, and that would suck big time. Please stay strong and let us know if there is any advice we can give to help with that. I don't know the legal issues or your age or living status (with parents?), but I will offer support if I can.
Where are you in your deconversion process? Christianity and its guilt, fear, and judgmental attitudes (in the name of "love" and "saving your soul" and all that garbage) can really embed itself in your psyche. No wonder you are feeling depressed! So many of us on this forum have dealt with that part, and we will help you on this journey if we can. I can assure you that it gets better as you peel away those layers of junk from your thought processes.
Hang in there, sweetheart! Keep us posted on what is going on with you. I can speak for others here when I say that we care and want to help ease your burden. Keep in touch. No rant is too shocking, no question is too silly.

Actually, yes, this is an actual concern for me considering the church I'm affiliated with supports gay-therapy. Typically, if you come out as gay/queer/some other families, of the evangelical streak, will at the very least try and get the youth to "pray the gay away." 
I should disclose I do live with my mother who isn't very kind about the gay-issue. She's nice to the gays but not so much about letting them into heaven and such nonsense.
Understandably, a lot of people, myself included, are prone to bend to the familial pressure and go ahead and subject oneself to this sort of therapy to appease family. For me, specifically, I'm worried about having to go to therapy unwillingly. However, I found out that since I'm 18 they can't force religious therapy on me unwillingly. Nor am in any danger of reviving such treatment if I were committed (no facility that is licensed and can hold me offers any sort of therapy of that nature). 
As for my deconversion process I have to admit that I maybe try too hard at church and at home to act "christian" however I may be trying harder than necessary. dry.png 

Hey there.
It's been a while (quite a long one, I believe) since I posted, too, but I just wanted to post to say you're not alone. There are many of us out there, and not everyone hates us, though I'll admit that a lot of people don't really understand - but you get that about a lot of other things, too, right? For example, I see that you listed as one of your interests "learning German". I bet a lot of people don't get why you would want to do that (btw I do, I love German smile.png ). Does that make it any less valid as something you like to do, as something that is maybe a small part of who you are? Don't think so. Even my awesome boyfriend whom I love to death and who loves me just as much doesn't always really understand - but he does know that my bisexuality is part of who I am, and he knows he loves all of what I am, or else he wouldn't really love me to begin with.
Being in the closet sucks. A LOT. It's dark and lonely in there and every single little remark that MIGHT JUST be about you hurts like hell. If coming out of it does not put you in physical/emotional/economical danger, I'd likely to encourage you to do it. It's very, very hard, but so worth it to not have to hide who you are around the people you love. And you might be surprised by the reactions of people you know as homophobic when you put a face on an abstract (to them) phenomenon like homosexuality.
Only you know if you would be in danger coming out (though as I said, from that closet, everything usually looks worse than it is). How old are you? Do you still live at home? Could you potentially take care of yourself financially? I was fortunate in that I did not really start struggling with this until I was almost out of my parents' house, but if you are younger, that might be a problem. I can't really give you more advice without knowing a bit more about your situation.
Please know that you're NOT alone. And you'll be okay, in the end.
Big creepy internet hugs!

Big creepy internet hugs for everyone! yellow.gif And well, I suppose it doesn't.

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  • 4 weeks later...

[snip] ... However, I found out that since I'm 18 they can't force religious therapy on me unwillingly. Nor am in any danger of reviving such treatment if I were committed (no facility that is licensed and can hold me offers any sort of therapy of that nature).  [snip]


This is great to hear. I'm glad you know your rights. I hope this never comes up and you then have to defend yourself, but knowing your rights is going to help. Keep us posted if this arises, and we will comment if we can.


This might sound a little personal, but I'm wondering if you see a regular doctor, such as for a pap smear or annual physical or anything? Talk to your doctor, and he/she may be able to recommend a non-Christian counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist, and depending on your parents' insurance, it might be covered if referred by your physician. (If not covered, the cash price is usually not that bad, so just be open to the idea.) There are two advantages to this: 1) You will get some sanity by talking with a professional (and meds if really needed, at your discretion) to help you work through all kinds of issues, build self-esteem, cope with your mom, and whatever you feel like discussing. 2) If your family tries to force religious therapy on you, you can counter that you already have "real" licensed therapy, and I just bet your professional would back you up if it came down to it.


You are going to be fine! Because of your age and living situation, you are currently sort of locked in an awkward situation. I can assure you that this not forever. Stay motivated to find yourself and your space, and soon you will be there. You are at a tough age, not a kid but not quite an adult (despite being 18, no offense), with hormonal changes and future decisions and all kinds of big stuff. Don't stress! You are going to figure things out!


We're all rooting for you!

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Ari, as someone who also experiences depression, I want to say I get it.  I also had a bi gf for a few years who I loved.  It seems to me you're being unnecessarily hard on yourself (I say unnecessarily, but I understand the nature of depression and that's how it works) concerning your orientation.  You won't regret sharing with us, we're a diverse community.


How possible is it to distance yourself from those who want to drag you back into the "christian normal" box?  Can you get away?

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