I'm Sick Of This Crap.

[NoFaithX7]

How the heck do you get over the fear and guilt of the god of Christianity? it causes me so much pain and agony each day. I tried all the logic, reasoning, thinking, rationality, learning I can do with my so vary limited intellect. yet, I cannot bypass the guilt and fear. I do not know how much more I can take of this since it's been long enough if knew the whole story. every-day I feel fear and guilt, not only that, I fear the ultimate demise of my consciousnesses. so I'm holding onto the fear of hell and the obliteration of my mind at the same time. I cannot seem to get over it. it's like I'm living in limbo, neither living nor dead if that makes any sense. I'm a living paradox it seems.

 

I been robbed out of a real life long ago. it's not fair. all my pain, all my tears, all my sorrows, all my confusion, all my misery that extends to the height of the clouds is all in vain, void, meaningless, I have suffered long enough. I do not know how much longer I can keep going at this. people speak about hope and make promises through cyber space, but in least their a god they can only make guesses. so many get screwed in the end. my mind is deteriorating at rapid rates.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-i3mX0YRrjM#t=236

 

That video says it all in how screwed some get it and makes other valid points even if it still does nothing for me personally to get rid of the fear and guilt. I'm also aware of religious trauma syndrome as some call it. 

 

[NoFaithX7]

I'm very depressed....I mean very. some will say take the happy pills called depression medication or something....I'm against mental medications for the most part. I tried to convince myself to take them, I cannot as for right now. I know some of you experienced the same hell of leaving the faith.

 

 

[midniterider]

Try putting yourself in charge of God (who is just a bad thought) instead of the other way around. And then destroy him in whatever way you like. Assume yourself to be more powerful than what you are afraid of. Imagine yourself destroying the object of your fear (God, Hell, Satan). Everytime it rears it's ugly head you nuke it in your imagination.

 

Also, see a psychologist. They are trained in helping bad thoughts go away. Anti-anxiety medication can also be good for diminishing obsessive thoughts.

[NoFaithX7]

Try putting yourself in charge of God (who is just a bad thought) instead of the other way around. And then destroy him in whatever way you like. Assume yourself to be more powerful than what you are afraid of. Imagine yourself destroying the object of your fear (God, Hell, Satan). Everytime it rears it's ugly head you nuke it in your imagination.

 

Also, see a psychologist. They are trained in helping bad thoughts go away. Anti-anxiety medication can also be good for diminishing obsessive thoughts.

Thanks.

[WarriorPoet]

It really sounds like you need to find some professional help to get you through some of this.  I can understand your unwillingness to take the medication, but if it is properly prescribed, it really can help.

 

Some other things you can do.  Stay around this little corner of the web, there are tons of highly intelligent and compassionate people that are willing to help as much as they are able.  See if you can find an ex-christian support group in your area, there are lots of them out there.  It might take some time, but if you live in/near a metropolitan area, you could probably find a good group with a simple google search.

 

De-conversion can be a very difficult task with lots of fear, pain and guilt.  Many of us have gotten through it and I know you can too.  Just remember that you are stronger than all of your fears. 

[TrueFreedom]

Many of us have been there, NoFaithX7. Feel free to talk about it here without negative judgement. If you can open up about it with your loved ones, that may help you to move on, though you can expect losses and judgement from some. I wish you healing.

[Margee]

NoFaithx7, Welcome to Ex-c. I am so sorry about the mental pain you are in right now. I also refused medication for my depression. I went through this cold turkey. Your desperate cry sounds so much like hundreds of others on Ex-c. That video is extremely hard to watch. It triggered me like crazy, but it is also what helped me to accept the truth about the reality of life.

 

I just celebrated 3 years yesterday on this site and it is the ONLY secure support I have had in the last 3 years. I was ready also to say the hell with it and get out of this place on earth. Please protect yourself. Stay here with us for 24 hours if you have to. That's what I did. I was completely traumatized when it hit me like a ton of bricks that the whole thing about Christianity and other gods could be a lie I believed my whole life.

 

Stay here with us...we understand what you are going through. My testimony is below if you want to see another desperate cry... Maybe you won't feel so all alone......

 

It gets much  better..hang out with us awhile....

 

Big *hug* for you...

 

http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/44259-please-forgive-me/

 

Sincerely, Margee

[NoFaithX7]

It's hard to escape Christianity when your surrendered by it everywhere when you have PTSD because of it and nightmares, and all that stuff. movies like Noah and Heaven is for real are coming out, and some son of god thing is coming out as well. many people think atheist's are crazy for not believing in god or gods, but what bit of logic I can use it's the ones who hold onto the idea of a entity that can do all things through incantations of mere words and conjure things out of nothingness are the ones who hold crazy ideas. yet I still have the fear and guilt even saying that. it's not that people that believe are crazy themselves, but the actual beliefs them-self are crazy.

 

It's pretty hard for me to take medication.

 

Thanks for all the kind replies.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

NoFaithX7, it might help if you simply imagine a god who you can believe in.  What attributes do you think a god should have?  Should god be loving?  Then believe in a loving god.  Should god be merciful and kind?  Make it so.  You don't need to feel guilty if the god you believe in doesn't consider you a filthy sinner.  You don't need to fear hell, because you can believe in a god who doesn't condemn anyone.  God doesn't have to be what everyone else tells you god is; they don't know any more than you do.  So why not simply say, "The god I believe in is __________, __________, and __________".  You can fill in the blanks for yourself.  

 

This little exercise (exorcise) did more for my sanity during the early days of my deconversion than anything I ever heard in church.  I hope this helps, and please, do keep us updated.

[milesaway]

Hi there.

Might I suggest you have a look at this site? I found it helpful in easing my fears after parting ways with religion. http://loudsignal.com/ You might also find Marlene Winell's book helpful too, hopefully your library has a copy of it that you can check out. If they don't, then you can try getting it through interlibrary loan. Another site you might like is this one, http://recoveringfromreligion.org/. There's no group for that in my area, but maybe you'll luck out and discover one close to home for you.

 

You might also have some luck with any freethinker/atheist groups in your area on Meetup, depending on where you live. I haven't been to any of the meetups in months, and for me, just knowing they're there is enough. The group has regular Sunday meetups, but I've never been to any of those. I'd rather keep my Sundays to myself for awhile, y'know?

[Goddamnit]

Just blaspheme the holy ghost or something.

[mymistake]

Welcome.  I got over the bad emotions with positive emotions.  Use laughter as your medicine.  First realize the religion is fake.  Then watch videos that make fun of it.

 

George Carlin

Pen Jillette

Ricky Gervais

Sarah Silverman

NonStampCollector

Darkmatter2525

Mr. Deity

Atheist Meme Base

 

Work it until you can't think about God without laughing.  Then you will be free.

[NoFaithX7]

Welcome.  I got over the bad emotions with positive emotions.  Use laughter as your medicine.  First realize the religion is fake.  Then watch videos that make fun of it.

 

George Carlin

Pen Jillette

Ricky Gervais

Sarah Silverman

NonStampCollector

Darkmatter2525

Mr. Deity

Atheist Meme Base

 

Work it until you can't think about God without laughing.  Then you will be free.

Like I said, I tried all the logic, so on, but in the end somewhere down the road it comes to bite me in the ass hard. creates so much anxiety at times. 

 

I know some that leave the faith never let go of the fear and guilt completely, they may be a minority, but they do exist. perhaps I have a malfunctioning brain, thus that is why I cannot get over it. taking medication to me is to risky, but I'm getting desperate at this point. this stuff is making me go crazy at times, because my mind has some sort of obsession with it...OCD as some like to call it. 

 

I have laughed at DarkMatter2525 videos and others before, but it's never enough. it sucks. I once did not give a crap about my faith when I believed before I started to take it really seriously. too me no form of Christianity can be true, all the gods people believe in seem like myths. 

 

I have played the God Of War games if you know them, yet these gods where once believed in by many. I laughed when i played God Of War 3 when I saw Zeus and killed him in the game at the end. I was thinking how the hell did people believe in these gods and yet many people now believe in a god that is far more nonsensical then Zeus and the other Greek gods can ever be.

[RipVanWinkle]

Some advice from one who fought depression for years: Don't be your own worst enemy. By that I mean

don't tell yourself that you will never, for example, take anti depression medication. You have a very bad problem with depression and without even trying it, you decide you will not take medication for it.

What is causing this? Is it pride? Has somebody you know had a bad experience with it? Most of all, are you willing to spend the rest of your life with depression rather than take this medication? Suppose, as with many, medication is the one thing that will help? I am not saying it will, of course. But if you've gone a long time with this condition, what do you have to lose? You can always stop taking it if you decide it really isn't worth it.

 

Believe me, I didn't want to take the meds either, but I did. And it took several years for the doctor to get the medications that were right for me. I took the meds because I could not stand the idea of

living the rest of my life feeling like I did. It was worth it for me. It may be worth it for you also.Who knows unless you try it. Good luck and don't give up. bill

[NoFaithX7]

Some advice from one who fought depression for years: Don't be your own worst enemy. By that I mean

don't tell yourself that you will never, for example, take anti depression medication. You have a very bad problem with depression and without even trying it, you decide you will not take medication for it.

What is causing this? Is it pride? Has somebody you know had a bad experience with it? Most of all, are you willing to spend the rest of your life with depression rather than take this medication? Suppose, as with many, medication is the one thing that will help? I am not saying it will, of course. But if you've gone a long time with this condition, what do you have to lose? You can always stop taking it if you decide it really isn't worth it.

 

Believe me, I didn't want to take the meds either, but I did. And it took several years for the doctor to get the medications that were right for me. I took the meds because I could not stand the idea of

living the rest of my life feeling like I did. It was worth it for me. It may be worth it for you also.Who knows unless you try it. Good luck and don't give up. bill

Yes, I been depressed for years. some of it has nothing to do with the faith. but is there not a difference between a circumstance type of depression and a chemical type of depression? I always hear that Serotonin causes this. 

 

I read many things about medications, but I can't help to think a lot of it is placebo effect or they do not work, or they cause more issues. I heard many horror stories of these medications and all mental drugs for that matter. I be lying to say I kinda find psychiatry to be quackery at times....I might be delusional on that.

 

There are 2 main reasons why I will not take meds, fear and yes, pride. the idea I have to take something for the rest my life is not easy to accept.

 

Not sure what medications your on, but I read enough about medications and mental heath stuff.

 

How depressed where you before you took these meds?

[mymistake]

 

I know some that leave the faith never let go of the fear and guilt completely, they may be a minority, but they do exist. perhaps I have a malfunctioning brain, thus that is why I cannot get over it. taking medication to me is to risky, but I'm getting desperate at this point. this stuff is making me go crazy at times, because my mind has some sort of obsession with it...OCD as some like to call it. 

 

 

 

Sorry to hear.  That sucks.  There is only so much we can do as kindred spirits on the net.  Feel free to talk as much as you need.  We are listening.  Perhaps it would help to explore your anxiety in detail?

[slave2six]

What really helped me to get through that mess was to take the moral laws by which we live and then see how well the Christian god lived up to those laws. Turns out, if he was a human being we would consider him to be criminally insane.

 

For me, this made the transition away from lifelong guilt to rationality a lot simpler. When you realize that you are morally superior to the Christian god, all that religious crap sorta looks silly.

[NoFaithX7]

 

 

I know some that leave the faith never let go of the fear and guilt completely, they may be a minority, but they do exist. perhaps I have a malfunctioning brain, thus that is why I cannot get over it. taking medication to me is to risky, but I'm getting desperate at this point. this stuff is making me go crazy at times, because my mind has some sort of obsession with it...OCD as some like to call it. 

 

 

 

Sorry to hear.  That sucks.  There is only so much we can do as kindred spirits on the net.  Feel free to talk as much as you need.  We are listening.  Perhaps it would help to explore your anxiety in detail?

 

I believe I have what may be called Generalized anxiety disorder. I show many signs of it....it sucks.

[centauri]

Sometimes sheer exhaustion can be a cure.

There may be a point where you become so tired of being afraid that a form of apathy sets in.

Apathy then leads to a complete lack of interest in something that terrified you before.

A great sense of relief may be closer than you think.

[NoFaithX7]

Sometimes sheer exhaustion can be a cure.

There may be a point where you become so tired of being afraid that a form of apathy sets in.

Apathy then leads to a complete lack of interest in something that terrified you before.

A great sense of relief may be closer than you think.

Good point

[par4dcourse]

Welcome to the site, NoFaith. Hang with us and you'll find lots of kindred spirits with great advice, as well as folks that have broken free and are enjoying life again!

[par4dcourse]

Sorry, double post.

[RipVanWinkle]

NoFaithX7: I think I came across a little too strong in my post. I reread it and it

seemed a little arrogant. Believe me, that's not what I meant.I was trying to say that it would be a tragedy if meds were the answer and you would not try them because of a

sort of phobia or unnecessary fear. Having suffered severe depression I really

empathize with you. It hurts. If you don't watch out you can become hopeless and that

would be terrible. It was so bad with me that I would have done almost anything to

alleviate my suffering.

 

Situation depression is definitely a reality but I understand it goes away when the bad situation goes away. I would not presume to say what kind of depression you suffer

from. Nor do I think you should try to self diagnose. See a psychiatrist for that.

Really they are not quacks. Get your primary physician to recommend one. Get the

psychiatrist's recommendation about medications. I am not an expert and from what you

have said it doesn't appear you have talked to one. It is only my concern for

you (because I can almost feel your pain) that I am so emphatic in my wish that you

will follow up with a psychiatrist., who will be an M.D.

 

This is too important for you to depend upon anecdotes and amateurs. Please don't let

any opportunity to get professional help pass you by. We all know that we only have one life and we should make it the best life possible. Good luck. bill

[xliar]

Okay NoFaithX7, listen to me pal. Why? Cause I'm a real smart guy! Ok, ok, maybe I'm just a real guy, but let me tell you, there are some real smart people here. It sounds like you're in a really bad place. The good news is; you know it and you're trying to do something about it. A couple of post up Centauri mentions sheer exhaustion and it's effect. Good idea, sometimes physical exertion is the best thing for depression. Have you got a dog? If so, get a leash, get outside and MOVE! If not, consider doing a very therapeutic, soul cleansing thing and adopt a death-row dog that needs you just as much. Form a life-saving bond, get outside and MOVE! Push through this crap! You can do it man, that's what we're all doing. Some are much further along than others, but all of us care and want all of us to make it. Know this,,,you have come to the right place and it will get better.

[moanareina]

It was a decision to stop feeling guilty and depressed about feeling depressed...and lonely. To see how they managed me to feel that way was part of it. The constant quest for change...and those weekly (and if you where like me and attended church more then only sundays its even more) announcements like: Come again next week, bring some friends, we promise you, it will be great, God will change your life and it will not be the same anymore. We have some special surprise for you, you will not regret coming. And then you go and nothing happens. But everyone pretends.

 

So when I got out of it, for the first time in my life I just let myself be depressed. And some of it left me within weeks. Actually I went from depressed to having a great time until I got to know my neighbor with whom much of the depression came back, but thats another story.

 

Maybe you need to give yourself a bit time and see what happens. But I think also its good to be open to get help. I can understand your suspicions towards medications. I have them too and still can't imagine taking them. But then there are so many who take meds and are fine.

 

I also still try it without the meds for now, but if there is not much change within the next year, I might give it a try.

Also I often think about getting more exercise and do stuff etc. that would give more meaning to my life. Then there is just this lack of motivation and I think thats one of the major problems with that...and why people start taking the meds.

 

There is no need to feel guilty for feeling depressed and for being you and all. And there is also no need to feel bad if you decide to take medications.

 

I don't know if thats the best way to do so, but for me it was a decision to stop this guilt trip and also the fear of hell trip. I said to myself that if there is a God, why should he want to put me in hell? If I was only believing in him, wanting to be Jesus "friend", to get a free out of hell card, why would he want to be with me anyways. I mean just think about it. If a friend would tell you: My father wants to kill you because he thinks you are a bad person and deserve not to live but, if you want to be my friend, he will not kill you, you just need to be my friend and he is fine with you. Unless you leave me and quit that friendship. So you would be this guys friend not because you like him, but because you do not want to be killed by his father. So why would Jesus if he was who the bible claims hem to be want to have "friends" who only stuck with him because they feared his father? I mean, don't we all hate fake friends? So the question to me was: If there was no hell, would I still choose to believe? I had no answer then but it helped me to leave the concept of hell and the fear that comes with it.