I'm Sick Of This Crap.

[NoFaithX7]

I would love for mankind to put all it's differences away, political ideologies, religions, different gods and what they are like, put down xenophobic and racism ideas, stop all the fighting and arguing, come to an agreement what is true and false, and reserve judgement for things we do not know of yet. I wish we lived in a world of true love and peace continually, and all that nice and warm touchy stuff. the sad reality is we do not. 

 

I sometimes have very pessimistic views for mankind as the Amazing Atheist on you-tube seems to have, though it's hard to tell at times when he is just saying stuff to get more views. I also at times have some little bit of optimism that mankind can see the grand things in reality. I might be losing my mind, I feel like I am at times if you knew the real long whole story. and if any god or gods existed or higher moral beings existed I can't see how they want us to keep fighting each other. it seems mankind can be it's worse enemy at times.

[Goddamnit]

 

I would love for mankind to put all it's differences away, political ideologies, religions, different gods and what they are like, put down xenophobic and racism ideas, stop all the fighting and arguing, come to an agreement what is true and false, and reserve judgement for things we do not know of yet. I wish we lived in a world of true love and peace continually, and all that nice and warm touchy stuff. the sad reality is we do not. 

 

I sometimes have very pessimistic views for mankind as the Amazing Atheist on you-tube seems to have, though it's hard to tell at times when he is just saying stuff to get more views. I also at times have some little bit of optimism that mankind can see the grand things in reality. I might be losing my mind, I feel like I am at times if you knew the real long whole story. and if any god or gods existed or higher moral beings existed I can't see how they want us to keep fighting each other. it seems mankind can be it's worse enemy at times.

 

 

 

Yeah, I constantly obsess over how fucked up the world is, as well. I mean I consider myself a "bad" person, but I adhere to a stricter moral code than almost everyone alive. So, you can see why I think the world is fucked up.

 

It's hard to stop thinking about it, and I have never beaten it. However, I can't give up hope.

 

Sometimes I think that if I step over to the "dark" side of morality like everyone else that I'll no longer care, but I'm more likely to vomit.

[NoFaithX7]

 

 

I would love for mankind to put all it's differences away, political ideologies, religions, different gods and what they are like, put down xenophobic and racism ideas, stop all the fighting and arguing, come to an agreement what is true and false, and reserve judgement for things we do not know of yet. I wish we lived in a world of true love and peace continually, and all that nice and warm touchy stuff. the sad reality is we do not. 

 

I sometimes have very pessimistic views for mankind as the Amazing Atheist on you-tube seems to have, though it's hard to tell at times when he is just saying stuff to get more views. I also at times have some little bit of optimism that mankind can see the grand things in reality. I might be losing my mind, I feel like I am at times if you knew the real long whole story. and if any god or gods existed or higher moral beings existed I can't see how they want us to keep fighting each other. it seems mankind can be it's worse enemy at times.

 

 

 

Yeah, I constantly obsess over how fucked up the world is, as well. I mean I consider myself a "bad" person, but I adhere to a stricter moral code than almost everyone alive. So, you can see why I think the world is fucked up.

 

It's hard to stop thinking about it, and I have never beaten it. However, I can't give up hope.

 

Sometimes I think that if I step over to the "dark" side of morality like everyone else that I'll no longer care, but I'm more likely to vomit.

 

I've seen some make life more glamorous then what it really is.

 

I might get mocked for saying this or this could be the depression talking, but life can be full of mundane and trite, and repetitious things. I said this many times to certain people I know, but the world is too consumed by money and materialistic things, unrealistic standards, and it's needs a great change. I do not know how it will come or if it's even possible...I'm talking about a great change. it does not matter if you do not believe in god or gods, this world needs a great change I'd say. who knows how much life could be better for all, but this could be my wild imagination acting up, LOL!

 

I try to keep my mind opened to great grand things, even things that may in fact contradict everything we may have learned or been taught, but sometimes my opened mindfulness get's the best of me...not a good thing either.

 

Take Care

[Goddamnit]

I've seen some make life more glamorous then what it really is.

Yeah, I constantly obsess over how fucked up the world is, as well. I mean I consider myself a "bad" person, but I adhere to a stricter moral code than almost everyone alive. So, you can see why I think the world is fucked up.

 

It's hard to stop thinking about it, and I have never beaten it. However, I can't give up hope.

 

Sometimes I think that if I step over to the "dark" side of morality like everyone else that I'll no longer care, but I'm more likely to vomit.

 

 

I might get mocked for saying this or this could be the depression talking, but life can be full of mundane and trite, and repetitious things. I said this many times to certain people I know, but the world is too consumed by money and materialistic things, unrealistic standards, and it's needs a great change. I do not know how it will come or if it's even possible...I'm talking about a great change. it does not matter if you do not believe in god or gods, this world needs a great change I'd say. who knows how much life could be better for all, but this could be my wild imagination acting up, LOL!

 

I try to keep my mind opened to great grand things, even things that may in fact contradict everything we may have learned or been taught, but sometimes my opened mindfulness get's the best of me...not a good thing either.

 

Take Care

 

 

The biggest struggle for me, is know that nothing I do will change the world. People will be who they are, regardless. All of these mind movies play in my head of horrible things that go on the in the world, and I can do nothing about it. Sometimes I play video games to cope, but that's not working, anymore.

 

It's hard talking to people sometimes, because it all sounds like chickens clucking to me. It's not just christians stuck in their own delusion, it's everyone, even us. I look at the world and the universe like one giant mud pile. Everything is just going past me, and nothing makes me happy.

[NeverAgainV]

Detoxing from the brainwash of xianity takes time. Some get over it faster. Others, like myself, take a hell of a lot more time to undo how the dogma fucked them up.

I can understand the fear, I was told God would kill me, my kids, curse us, etc...for leaving the church fold. It was terrifying. But deep down i didn't think that a good god would really

do that to me for just disagreeing with the pastor/dogma. My God was GOOD, not some terrible maniac who kills on a whim, not some god who is cruel. I realized if "god" was anything like the bible god, that it was not worthy of my worship or emotion.

 

i lived in fear still because the "true believers" and the xian dogma was shoving their ideas into my thoughts, but my true inner voice was telling me..."they are WRONG"

Still,  because of the brainwashing and indoctrination- the fear was there for a very long time..."will god kill me?" "was I wrong to disagree w/ the pastor?" "was i walking away from god for leaving a church i no longer agreed with?"

It took a good amount of time to finally feel "normal" again. During those very dark days, i never thought i would ever laugh, or feel good again in my life.

Those were days i didn't even feel alive, i just existed, trying to get through life. I realized my pain & suffering was all caused from the indoctrination of fundamentalist xianity. Sounds like you can relate.

 

Well, don't know if i've helped, but just saying- we understand here at ExC! We feel your pain. Please get the help you need to get you through this dark time.

We all need help from time to time, there is no shame in that.

 

Stick around and the more you read good stuff and things that make sense, the toxic beliefs will begin to slowly shrivel from your mind. You need to reinforce the good information

and let go of the toxic religious superstitions. It all takes time.

 

In the meantime, If you do have access to a good therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist then you might want to consider seeing one.

 

All the best to you!! It really does get better, it just takes time.

[Kyle2Step]

Probably the hardest struggle I've been through as it's lasted years.. Only now am I starting to see slight improvements in my overall mood. It really takes a looong fuggin time man. I'm sorry you have to go through it as many of us here still are. Just know that as you learn more and take a lot of time to reprogram the way you think, things will slowly and eventually start to look brighter..

Sorry I'm probably not much help.. I've looked for quick fixes but I've found for me the only way through this storm is to face the winds head on.. I don't think I have a choice in the matter. It sucks but know this community is here if you ever need to rant about anything.. It takes a lot to maintain your sanity when dealing with your deconversion so don't ever feel like your beating the same old dead horse over and over again. If you need to vent over the same issues again and again we're all here for that..

[Kyle2Step]

Gah.. You're**

[RenaissanceWoman]

I hope you don't mind that I found an old reply of mine and copied-and-pasted parts of it here. (Some of you will have already read this, sorry.)

 

Depression can be situational or chemical, but either way, there is no need to suffer like you are suffering. You may actually have chemicals mixed up (or missing altogether) in your brain. Stress can cause or exacerbate this. I hate to tell you, but you may want to reconsider some drug intervention. If done correctly, they can really help.

 

I fought that route for years with post partum depression. I tried all kinds of nutritional avenues, supplement regimes, exercise, acupuncture... you name it, I tried it, and tried it whole heartedly. (I stuck with everything but medical help / drugs, since I had tried one and it had made me much worse.) I finally found a supplement regimen that helped big time (like maybe 75% better), and I thought I had eveything under control. (I was taking handfuls of stuff every day for years -- probably about $200 a month, but it was helping, better than nothing for sure.) This was four years post partum, and by then it was just plain old depression, I suppose. (At least I was sleeping, which had been such a problem during the infant year-and-a-half.)

 

If you are looking for a "recipe" for feeding your brain the building blocks to make your own serotonin (5htp/triptophan, melatonin, various fish oils and such), you may want to read one chapter from a book (for women, but you'll get the idea) called "The Triple Whammy Cure". It is supposed to help within about 3 weeks, but for me, a light switch came on in my brain after about 5 days. It is what made me 75% better, as I mentioned. Just an idea.

 

Anyway... I was popping handfuls of supplements, and feeling about 75% better. However, during this time I was over-extending myself at church. I gave everything and then some, and I never felt like it was enough. I was never good enough, never practicing enough, never bending over backwards enough. (Those people were evil political assholes, using and abusing me... which I see now. They had no concept of Christian love, fairness, compassion, conflict resolution, nurture... nothing.) I was never sure of my salvation, never sure if I had enough faith, never sure if God loved me. It was tough to keep it together. Everything that went wrong, I played over and over in my head. Constantly. Every waking moment I thought about church stuff, and the drama, and the way I was treated, and why certain people said or did certain things, and why this and why that, and why allowed God this and why God did not handle that, why I wasn't good enough, why I wasn't sure of my faith and salvation. It was constant noise in my head. Constant. Every. Waking. Moment. Constant.

 

So anyway... After four years of self-management, I got a rib out of place, and the chronic pain over several weeks made me lose control of what little I stability I had. I finally went to my doctor for some pain medication and anti-inflammatories, hoping to ease the rib back with those drug aids and my usual exercise, stretching, etc. The doctor is very sensitive to my approach (nutrition, etc.), but when he asked me straight out if I was feeling sad or depressed, my lip got quivery. He asked if I had ever heard of Cymbalta. I burst out crying, because yes, those commercials say, "Where does depression hurt? Everywhere." And I thought they are so right! (That's probably a dead giveaway for the doc, wouldn't you say?) It's a drug (SNRI) that helps with chronic pain and depression, and is different enough from the first one I had tried (SSRI, with terrible results), so I agreed to try it for a month. He gave me a free sample. Thankfully, three days after starting the pain meds and the anti-inflammatories, my rib finally popped back -- so that pain and physical stress was gone. I had to go back to the doctor two or three weeks later to make sure I was better and not worse with the Cymbalta (suicidal tendencies with those drugs are a serious side effect). I asked my husband if there was anything he had noticed from the outside in those weeks, that I should share with the doctor. He said, "Tell him I love him." (The doctor said, So... I guess it's helping.)

 

The noise in my head was gone. It was not "voices" or anything that extreme, just constant thinking the same things through over and over. I was free of that nonsense. I finally quit the church stuff. (It took about another 18 months to deconvert, which was the final light switch being clicked on in my brain! I was free from the guilt and self-doubt and feelings of abandonment from God.) I got medical help and got the fuck away from the church drama (did I mention they are assholes? yes, I think I did) and away from the religious agony (did I mention guilt and self-loathing? yes, I think I did.)

 

I am joyful again now. I have my life back. My husband has his wife back. I have no trouble concentrating on the meds -- in fact, I can concentrate better without all the other noise in my head. I have more patience. I have joy. Did I mention joy? Yes, joy.

 

(Thankfully, the patent for Cymbalta has finally just run out, so hopefully in the next 6 months I can get a generic instead of my monthly $230 prescription. Ouch!)

 

Long story short: get professional help, do not be afraid of the drugs, and get the hell away from church specifically and religion in general.

 

You can get better. You can turn off the noise. The sun will shine for you again.

[Pantophobia]

 

I would love for mankind to put all it's differences away, political ideologies, religions, different gods and what they are like, put down xenophobic and racism ideas, stop all the fighting and arguing, come to an agreement what is true and false, and reserve judgement for things we do not know of yet. I wish we lived in a world of true love and peace continually, and all that nice and warm touchy stuff. the sad reality is we do not. 

 

I sometimes have very pessimistic views for mankind as the Amazing Atheist on you-tube seems to have, though it's hard to tell at times when he is just saying stuff to get more views. I also at times have some little bit of optimism that mankind can see the grand things in reality. I might be losing my mind, I feel like I am at times if you knew the real long whole story. and if any god or gods existed or higher moral beings existed I can't see how they want us to keep fighting each other. it seems mankind can be it's worse enemy at times.

 

 

Honey, welcome to the human condition!

 

I've also been down the anxiety and depression path (and RenWoman's post hits most of the same points I'd make, too). Most of us feel this way at some point or another. Some of us feel this way more often than not. For a small percentage, this is the way we feel ALL THE TIME. Know why? We are human.

 

That's the same reason why we believed in God. That's the same reason why we doubt God, and have come to not believe any more. Because we're human. We think, we feel, we fear, we fight with ourselves, we get upset or sad. And sometimes we need help because our brains start processing things based on incorrect patterns, or too much of one thing and not enough of another. Meds can help us smooth out those bumps and focus on other healing things. Taking them is not a sign of weakness. Not taking them is not a point of pride. Needing them is part of being human.

 

You're in the right place, NoFaith. We know these feelings!

[NoFaithX7]

 

I've seen some make life more glamorous then what it really is.

Yeah, I constantly obsess over how fucked up the world is, as well. I mean I consider myself a "bad" person, but I adhere to a stricter moral code than almost everyone alive. So, you can see why I think the world is fucked up.

 

It's hard to stop thinking about it, and I have never beaten it. However, I can't give up hope.

 

Sometimes I think that if I step over to the "dark" side of morality like everyone else that I'll no longer care, but I'm more likely to vomit.

 

 

I might get mocked for saying this or this could be the depression talking, but life can be full of mundane and trite, and repetitious things. I said this many times to certain people I know, but the world is too consumed by money and materialistic things, unrealistic standards, and it's needs a great change. I do not know how it will come or if it's even possible...I'm talking about a great change. it does not matter if you do not believe in god or gods, this world needs a great change I'd say. who knows how much life could be better for all, but this could be my wild imagination acting up, LOL!

 

I try to keep my mind opened to great grand things, even things that may in fact contradict everything we may have learned or been taught, but sometimes my opened mindfulness get's the best of me...not a good thing either.

 

Take Care

 

 

The biggest struggle for me, is know that nothing I do will change the world. People will be who they are, regardless. All of these mind movies play in my head of horrible things that go on the in the world, and I can do nothing about it. Sometimes I play video games to cope, but that's not working, anymore.

 

It's hard talking to people sometimes, because it all sounds like chickens clucking to me. It's not just christians stuck in their own delusion, it's everyone, even us. I look at the world and the universe like one giant mud pile. Everything is just going past me, and nothing makes me happy.

 

Holy crap, me and you got some things in common. I once played video games just for fun and entertainment, but I used them now more then ever to escape this harsh reality. I be lying to say I'm using this forum as another way to waste time to get through the day. I my mind aches with so much pain. I have never been so depressed in my life. theists and atheists...neither are better, one just lacks a belief in gods. 

 

I too look at the world as not so great. some say taking meds could change that or change your thinking....if it was only that easy.  

 

One atheist said, as rare as it is, said the universe just a bunch of fancy colors and lights. something like that. it sucks we cannot travel all over the universe and find the universe is blooming with much life and grand things that would boggle your mind.

 

Take Care.

[NoFaithX7]

I hope you don't mind that I found an old reply of mine and copied-and-pasted parts of it here. (Some of you will have already read this, sorry.)

 

Depression can be situational or chemical, but either way, there is no need to suffer like you are suffering. You may actually have chemicals mixed up (or missing altogether) in your brain. Stress can cause or exacerbate this. I hate to tell you, but you may want to reconsider some drug intervention. If done correctly, they can really help.

 

I fought that route for years with post partum depression. I tried all kinds of nutritional avenues, supplement regimes, exercise, acupuncture... you name it, I tried it, and tried it whole heartedly. (I stuck with everything but medical help / drugs, since I had tried one and it had made me much worse.) I finally found a supplement regimen that helped big time (like maybe 75% better), and I thought I had eveything under control. (I was taking handfuls of stuff every day for years -- probably about $200 a month, but it was helping, better than nothing for sure.) This was four years post partum, and by then it was just plain old depression, I suppose. (At least I was sleeping, which had been such a problem during the infant year-and-a-half.)

 

If you are looking for a "recipe" for feeding your brain the building blocks to make your own serotonin (5htp/triptophan, melatonin, various fish oils and such), you may want to read one chapter from a book (for women, but you'll get the idea) called "The Triple Whammy Cure". It is supposed to help within about 3 weeks, but for me, a light switch came on in my brain after about 5 days. It is what made me 75% better, as I mentioned. Just an idea.

 

Anyway... I was popping handfuls of supplements, and feeling about 75% better. However, during this time I was over-extending myself at church. I gave everything and then some, and I never felt like it was enough. I was never good enough, never practicing enough, never bending over backwards enough. (Those people were evil political assholes, using and abusing me... which I see now. They had no concept of Christian love, fairness, compassion, conflict resolution, nurture... nothing.) I was never sure of my salvation, never sure if I had enough faith, never sure if God loved me. It was tough to keep it together. Everything that went wrong, I played over and over in my head. Constantly. Every waking moment I thought about church stuff, and the drama, and the way I was treated, and why certain people said or did certain things, and why this and why that, and why allowed God this and why God did not handle that, why I wasn't good enough, why I wasn't sure of my faith and salvation. It was constant noise in my head. Constant. Every. Waking. Moment. Constant.

 

So anyway... After four years of self-management, I got a rib out of place, and the chronic pain over several weeks made me lose control of what little I stability I had. I finally went to my doctor for some pain medication and anti-inflammatories, hoping to ease the rib back with those drug aids and my usual exercise, stretching, etc. The doctor is very sensitive to my approach (nutrition, etc.), but when he asked me straight out if I was feeling sad or depressed, my lip got quivery. He asked if I had ever heard of Cymbalta. I burst out crying, because yes, those commercials say, "Where does depression hurt? Everywhere." And I thought they are so right! (That's probably a dead giveaway for the doc, wouldn't you say?) It's a drug (SNRI) that helps with chronic pain and depression, and is different enough from the first one I had tried (SSRI, with terrible results), so I agreed to try it for a month. He gave me a free sample. Thankfully, three days after starting the pain meds and the anti-inflammatories, my rib finally popped back -- so that pain and physical stress was gone. I had to go back to the doctor two or three weeks later to make sure I was better and not worse with the Cymbalta (suicidal tendencies with those drugs are a serious side effect). I asked my husband if there was anything he had noticed from the outside in those weeks, that I should share with the doctor. He said, "Tell him I love him." (The doctor said, So... I guess it's helping.)

 

The noise in my head was gone. It was not "voices" or anything that extreme, just constant thinking the same things through over and over. I was free of that nonsense. I finally quit the church stuff. (It took about another 18 months to deconvert, which was the final light switch being clicked on in my brain! I was free from the guilt and self-doubt and feelings of abandonment from God.) I got medical help and got the fuck away from the church drama (did I mention they are assholes? yes, I think I did) and away from the religious agony (did I mention guilt and self-loathing? yes, I think I did.)

 

I am joyful again now. I have my life back. My husband has his wife back. I have no trouble concentrating on the meds -- in fact, I can concentrate better without all the other noise in my head. I have more patience. I have joy. Did I mention joy? Yes, joy.

 

(Thankfully, the patent for Cymbalta has finally just run out, so hopefully in the next 6 months I can get a generic instead of my monthly $230 prescription. Ouch!)

 

Long story short: get professional help, do not be afraid of the drugs, and get the hell away from church specifically and religion in general.

 

You can get better. You can turn off the noise. The sun will shine for you again.

My little brother is on Cymbalta. I know of SNRI's. I have a hard time thinking any meds will work. so many horror stories I heard on the net, my pride, the idea that they can stop working at any time. but I can say this, I'm losing my mind daily, not just because of the faith, but because my life sucks. I feel powerless and hopeless....I do not know how much longer I can take this

[NoFaithX7]

My mind aches with many pains. my sorrows extend to the heavens. I walk back and forth in the dark hitting the walls hoping to find the door that leaves me out of this agonizing pain I'm in. I feel so vary confused. for I feel beaten by the sword and I'm losing my mind daily. my dreams are full of chaos. my rage and anger are compressed and I do my best to control the beast with-in. I long to feel some kind of real happiness, but I never get it. all my suffering for many years has been all in vain, pointless, vapid.

 

My true enemy is that of myself, I can not run to anywhere in all of existence to escape myself. my tears are suppressed, my hopes have been decimated time and time again. people give me false promises that everything will be okay soon, but everyday reality shows me it cares not for my petty feelings anymore then all the children that will perish by the end of day. 

 

I despise how some things work in this world, but it is what it is at times. reality can be brutal and does not take pity on many who suffer worse then I. for those who are now dead and suffered much in there life, I now can no longer say, rest in peace, for peace can only be held by conscience entities, not dead ones. they are now been obliterated, wiped from existence....I despise we get short lives and I will probably never feel any happiness, and then I'm wiped from existence....how cool is that....yeah right! 

 

Depressing to read, but that is how I feel. 

[NoFaithX7]

Everyone, enjoy the Holidays. 

[slave2six]

 

 

I would love for mankind to put all it's differences away, political ideologies, religions, different gods and what they are like, put down xenophobic and racism ideas, stop all the fighting and arguing, come to an agreement what is true and false, and reserve judgement for things we do not know of yet. I wish we lived in a world of true love and peace continually, and all that nice and warm touchy stuff. the sad reality is we do not. 

 

I sometimes have very pessimistic views for mankind as the Amazing Atheist on you-tube seems to have, though it's hard to tell at times when he is just saying stuff to get more views. I also at times have some little bit of optimism that mankind can see the grand things in reality. I might be losing my mind, I feel like I am at times if you knew the real long whole story. and if any god or gods existed or higher moral beings existed I can't see how they want us to keep fighting each other. it seems mankind can be it's worse enemy at times.

 

 

Honey, welcome to the human condition!

 

Too right! Seems to me that those people who are always happy are mentally ill. Depression is simply a side-effect of viewing the world as it is, IMHO.

[sandiego4me]

 

How the heck do you get over the fear and guilt of the god of Christianity? it causes me so much pain and agony each day. I tried all the logic, reasoning, thinking, rationality, learning I can do with my so vary limited intellect. yet, I cannot bypass the guilt and fear. I do not know how much more I can take of this since it's been long enough if knew the whole story. every-day I feel fear and guilt, not only that, I fear the ultimate demise of my consciousnesses. so I'm holding onto the fear of hell and the obliteration of my mind at the same time. I cannot seem to get over it. it's like I'm living in limbo, neither living nor dead if that makes any sense. I'm a living paradox it seems.

 

I been robbed out of a real life long ago. it's not fair. all my pain, all my tears, all my sorrows, all my confusion, all my misery that extends to the height of the clouds is all in vain, void, meaningless, I have suffered long enough. I do not know how much longer I can keep going at this. people speak about hope and make promises through cyber space, but in least their a god they can only make guesses. so many get screwed in the end. my mind is deteriorating at rapid rates.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-i3mX0YRrjM#t=236

 

That video says it all in how screwed some get it and makes other valid points even if it still does nothing for me personally to get rid of the fear and guilt. I'm also aware of religious trauma syndrome as some call it. 

 

 

 

Try reading Rob Bell's book, "Love Wins."  He argues that God won't send anybody to Hell.  I tend to agree.  A God of love would not do that.  

[slave2six]

 

 

How the heck do you get over the fear and guilt of the god of Christianity? it causes me so much pain and agony each day. I tried all the logic, reasoning, thinking, rationality, learning I can do with my so vary limited intellect. yet, I cannot bypass the guilt and fear. I do not know how much more I can take of this since it's been long enough if knew the whole story. every-day I feel fear and guilt, not only that, I fear the ultimate demise of my consciousnesses. so I'm holding onto the fear of hell and the obliteration of my mind at the same time. I cannot seem to get over it. it's like I'm living in limbo, neither living nor dead if that makes any sense. I'm a living paradox it seems.

 

I been robbed out of a real life long ago. it's not fair. all my pain, all my tears, all my sorrows, all my confusion, all my misery that extends to the height of the clouds is all in vain, void, meaningless, I have suffered long enough. I do not know how much longer I can keep going at this. people speak about hope and make promises through cyber space, but in least their a god they can only make guesses. so many get screwed in the end. my mind is deteriorating at rapid rates.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-i3mX0YRrjM#t=236

 

That video says it all in how screwed some get it and makes other valid points even if it still does nothing for me personally to get rid of the fear and guilt. I'm also aware of religious trauma syndrome as some call it. 

 

 

 

Try reading Rob Bell's book, "Love Wins."  He argues that God won't send anybody to Hell.  I tend to agree.  A God of love would not do that.  

 

 

NoFaithX7 - SanDiego4Me is on a mission to reconvert us. I'd take his suggestions with a tractor trailer load of salt...

[Goddamnit]

 

My mind aches with many pains. my sorrows extend to the heavens. I walk back and forth in the dark hitting the walls hoping to find the door that leaves me out of this agonizing pain I'm in. I feel so vary confused. for I feel beaten by the sword and I'm losing my mind daily. my dreams are full of chaos. my rage and anger are compressed and I do my best to control the beast with-in. I long to feel some kind of real happiness, but I never get it. all my suffering for many years has been all in vain, pointless, vapid.

 

My true enemy is that of myself, I can not run to anywhere in all of existence to escape myself. my tears are suppressed, my hopes have been decimated time and time again. people give me false promises that everything will be okay soon, but everyday reality shows me it cares not for my petty feelings anymore then all the children that will perish by the end of day. 

 

I despise how some things work in this world, but it is what it is at times. reality can be brutal and does not take pity on many who suffer worse then I. for those who are now dead and suffered much in there life, I now can no longer say, rest in peace, for peace can only be held by conscience entities, not dead ones. they are now been obliterated, wiped from existence....I despise we get short lives and I will probably never feel any happiness, and then I'm wiped from existence....how cool is that....yeah right! 

 

Depressing to read, but that is how I feel. 

 

 

There is a video games called "Dragon's Dogma Dark Arisen" that deals with the idea of eternity. It's really fun and incredibly depressing.

 

Give it a try.

[RipVanWinkle]

If the Bible is not the Word of God,(which it isn't) why do you believe in him? In other words where is

the evidence of god which can't be explained by nature? If it is the word of God, why was it wrong about hell?

If Hell is nothing more than a metaphor in the bible,why would God leave such a vague one in His Word

which caused so much death and torture over the centuries? bill

[NoFaithX7]

If the Bible is not the Word of God,(which it isn't) why do you believe in him? In other words where is

the evidence of god which can't be explained by nature? If it is the word of God, why was it wrong about hell?

If Hell is nothing more than a metaphor in the bible,why would God leave such a vague one in His Word

which caused so much death and torture over the centuries? bill

I'm not any great intellect of any kind here, I feel stupid if you ask me, but I'm kinda of tired of people talking about god or gods in some sort of hypothetical sense so much of the times. for one, the problem of evil. if you can't even establish these beings even exist, and they are extraordinary claims to begin with since they have more super powers then all the marvel comic characters since a theistic god can conjure anything out nothing by mere words. this is what makes it impossible for me to believe in such beings. a god that hears billions of thoughts all at once, god could make himself into a talking toaster as his real form, like the brave little toaster movie, that is what you believe in if you think unlimited powerful beings exist....absurd by any logic. knowing this...the fear and guilt are still there.

 

Eternal suffering of any kind is the most evil doctrine ever created by man. no entity of any kind that is finite, not even the devil deserves eternal agonizing suffering....more hypothetical stuff, LOL!

[NoFaithX7]

 

 

My mind aches with many pains. my sorrows extend to the heavens. I walk back and forth in the dark hitting the walls hoping to find the door that leaves me out of this agonizing pain I'm in. I feel so vary confused. for I feel beaten by the sword and I'm losing my mind daily. my dreams are full of chaos. my rage and anger are compressed and I do my best to control the beast with-in. I long to feel some kind of real happiness, but I never get it. all my suffering for many years has been all in vain, pointless, vapid.

 

My true enemy is that of myself, I can not run to anywhere in all of existence to escape myself. my tears are suppressed, my hopes have been decimated time and time again. people give me false promises that everything will be okay soon, but everyday reality shows me it cares not for my petty feelings anymore then all the children that will perish by the end of day. 

 

I despise how some things work in this world, but it is what it is at times. reality can be brutal and does not take pity on many who suffer worse then I. for those who are now dead and suffered much in there life, I now can no longer say, rest in peace, for peace can only be held by conscience entities, not dead ones. they are now been obliterated, wiped from existence....I despise we get short lives and I will probably never feel any happiness, and then I'm wiped from existence....how cool is that....yeah right! 

 

Depressing to read, but that is how I feel. 

 

 

There is a video games called "Dragon's Dogma Dark Arisen" that deals with the idea of eternity. It's really fun and incredibly depressing.

 

Give it a try.

 

I heard of the game.

[Voice]

I spent most of my life with mental disorder(s) including depression and refused to take meds.  For me it was partly the pride thing, and having a sort of Darwinian idea about it.  If meds are required, then I'm not fit for survival.  I will survive.  Finally though, in 2010 I got so depressed that my parents intervened and got me a diagnosis and medications.  Yes they do bring their own sets of problems and yes they are risky, but they're helping me now.  Does this mean I don't feel fit for survival?  Yes, it does, I don't; but it beats depression.  

 

You're deep in the thick of it right now, and to ease your mind of the loops and thoughts that plague you you must distance yourself from other christians who enable it and encourage it.  As long as you're interacting with them you will not find relief, they won't let you.  Once you can get away and stay away you can begin reprogramming your thoughts.

[NoFaithX7]

I spent most of my life with mental disorder(s) including depression and refused to take meds.  For me it was partly the pride thing, and having a sort of Darwinian idea about it.  If meds are required, then I'm not fit for survival.  I will survive.  Finally though, in 2010 I got so depressed that my parents intervened and got me a diagnosis and medications.  Yes they do bring their own sets of problems and yes they are risky, but they're helping me now.  Does this mean I don't feel fit for survival?  Yes, it does, I don't; but it beats depression.  

 

You're deep in the thick of it right now, and to ease your mind of the loops and thoughts that plague you you must distance yourself from other christians who enable it and encourage it.  As long as you're interacting with them you will not find relief, they won't let you.  Once you can get away and stay away you can begin reprogramming your thoughts.

No one is preaching to me nor is any Christian hurting me. it's my own thoughts preaching to me...it can be called intrusive thoughts or as I label them, obsessive intrusive religious thoughts I cannot control most of the time. call it OCD or Primarily Obsessional Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but I'm too afraid to take meds.

 

I wish I could tell you more about my story, but I will not for certain reasons. my thoughts can race about many thing that have nothing to do with the faith. it causes me so much anxiety and stress, I cannot stop it no matter what I do. I swear at times I'm about to lose my vary mind when my thoughts race at light speed. I cannot go to sleep either since it takes hours to go to sleep because of my racing intrusive thoughts. my dream activity is abnormal and I'm surprised my brain does not explode because of it. do people expect me to take Anti-psychotic meds to control thoughts? I been on countless mental forums, some of them suffer the same things I do.

 

I feel like someone is playing games with my mind. in a sense my free will is being violated in some way...that is if there is any free will since we could debate that as well since humans cannot agree on damn thing many of the times.

 

I'm pissed I have these issues. I feel like my mind has a mind of it's own. I do not hear voices or see things if something thinks that, but I cannot tell at times what is my own thoughts from the fake ones. life sucks.

 

Everyday is a battle for my sanity and even if I was set free from this stuff I could not believe in any god or the bible as I see it right now, so there go the idea that I do not believe in god because I suffer. I cannot believe because it sounds too damn magical.

 

it least you take meds. I give you credit for not allowing fear or pride get the best of you. I'm in my mid twenties and I just waste my life. 

 

I cannot be as smart some of the other atheist's I see....I believe I have a low IQ. I hate that some people say we have all this free will when a lot of what you are is based on genetics. are people saying that if anyone put their mind to it you can be well received physicist?

 

I cannot even enjoy the holidays nor even a day. a day to me is like waking up to a nightmare.

 

I been tortured in my dreams throughout the years. from being burned alive, eaten alive, having my body parts sawed off, being crushed by falling buildings, from being split in half, having my brains shot out, being tortured by unknown entities in many ways in my dreams, on and on we could go. yet, as vivid and detailed as they are, it's not real, waking up is real...that is the real nightmare.

 

Done with my little rant.

[Goddamnit]

When I was at my worst, I turned to music to heal.

[NoFaithX7]

When I was at my worst, I turned to music to heal.

I see.

 

I no longer have any friends....the way I am make it impossible to have friends. I would only drive people away if they knew the real me. I'm not saying this just for dynamic effect, I'm being very serious. it is what it is. to me it's not about having life anymore, it's about keeping my sanity as much as I can. that is all I can do now. my once normal brother has been effected by deadly mental issues, it does not spare you if you get it. me and him are in another realm of messed up brains, though I could it least put some kind of show on unlike my poor brother who was once normal. none the meds work on him....that sure makes me want to take them.....yeah.

 

I prolong the topic enough with 18 posts in one topic. everyone enjoy the Holidays/Christmas/New Years or whatever.

[Goddamnit]

 

When I was at my worst, I turned to music to heal.

I see.

 

I no longer have any friends....the way I am make it impossible to have friends. I would only drive people away if they knew the real me. I'm not saying this just for dynamic effect, I'm being very serious. it is what it is. to me it's not about having life anymore, it's about keeping my sanity as much as I can. that is all I can do now. my once normal brother has been effected by deadly mental issues, it does not spare you if you get it. me and him are in another realm of messed up brains, though I could it least put some kind of show on unlike my poor brother who was once normal. none the meds work on him....that sure makes me want to take them.....yeah.

 

I prolong the topic enough with 18 posts in one topic. everyone enjoy the Holidays/Christmas/New Years or whatever.

 

 

My family has a history of mental disorders. I keep my own past and the past of my family to myself, because no one believes me when I tell them. It's really bad.

 

Life is very boring to me, and I find little stimulation in making friends or talking to people. I do anyways, but I find no enjoyment from life, at the moment.

 

I'm hoping for it to change.