I'm Sick Of This Crap.

[slave2six]

...knowing this...the fear and guilt are still there.

 

Honestly, if someone was to look at you objectively, do you think they would think as poorly of you as you do? In my experience, that is rarely the case. I think you have a lot less to fear than you think  you do.

[Goddamnit]

 

...knowing this...the fear and guilt are still there.

 

Honestly, if someone was to look at you objectively, do you think they would think as poorly of you as you do? In my experience, that is rarely the case. I think you have a lot less to fear than you think  you do.

 

 

Until we know of his past, I would bet on that. When I was seeing a counselor, she encouraged me NOT to tell people of my past.

[mymistake]

 

Try reading Rob Bell's book, "Love Wins."  He argues that God won't send anybody to Hell.  I tend to agree.  A God of love would not do that.  

 

 

 

 

Quit spreading your religion where people are trying to recover from religion.  A God of love would not inspire the Bible.  God won't do anything because God is fiction.  If we wanted to hear about your religion we would go to a church and ask there.

[NoFaithX7]

 

 

When I was at my worst, I turned to music to heal.

I see.

 

I no longer have any friends....the way I am make it impossible to have friends. I would only drive people away if they knew the real me. I'm not saying this just for dynamic effect, I'm being very serious. it is what it is. to me it's not about having life anymore, it's about keeping my sanity as much as I can. that is all I can do now. my once normal brother has been effected by deadly mental issues, it does not spare you if you get it. me and him are in another realm of messed up brains, though I could it least put some kind of show on unlike my poor brother who was once normal. none the meds work on him....that sure makes me want to take them.....yeah.

 

I prolong the topic enough with 18 posts in one topic. everyone enjoy the Holidays/Christmas/New Years or whatever.

 

 

My family has a history of mental disorders. I keep my own past and the past of my family to myself, because no one believes me when I tell them. It's really bad.

 

Life is very boring to me, and I find little stimulation in making friends or talking to people. I do anyways, but I find no enjoyment from life, at the moment.

 

I'm hoping for it to change.

 

I know where your coming from. on any meds? even I have to cling to some kind of hope no matter how little it is or else I would not....never mind that part. I'm talking to much.

 

PS-I'm still waiting for the day for someone can show me a soul exists....the best I've seen are NDE's....not good enough. we know the brain can do wacky things, but maybe one day if such a thing really exists it's not supernatural at all...but this is a pipe dream to me as I see it.

[Goddamnit]

I know where your coming from. on any meds? even I have to cling to some kind of hope no matter how little it is or else I would not....never mind that part. I'm talking to much.

 

PS-I'm still waiting for the day for someone can show me a soul exists....the best I've seen are NDE's....not good enough. we know the brain can do wacky things, but maybe one day if such a thing really exists it's not supernatural at all...but this is a pipe dream to me as I see it.

 

 

No, but I'll probably give them a try a year from now, once I'm ready. I'm a bit prideful when it comes to such things. However, there are many things I need to work on, so I'll have to ease on the pride if I intend to find success and happiness in life.

[slave2six]

 

 

...knowing this...the fear and guilt are still there.

 

Honestly, if someone was to look at you objectively, do you think they would think as poorly of you as you do? In my experience, that is rarely the case. I think you have a lot less to fear than you think  you do.

 

 

Until we know of his past, I would bet on that. When I was seeing a counselor, she encouraged me NOT to tell people of my past.

 

 

I agree. Who you are today matters a lot more than who you were "back then."

[slave2six]

 

I know where your coming from. on any meds? even I have to cling to some kind of hope no matter how little it is or else I would not....never mind that part. I'm talking to much.

 

PS-I'm still waiting for the day for someone can show me a soul exists....the best I've seen are NDE's....not good enough. we know the brain can do wacky things, but maybe one day if such a thing really exists it's not supernatural at all...but this is a pipe dream to me as I see it.

 

 

No, but I'll probably give them a try a year from now, once I'm ready. I'm a bit prideful when it comes to such things. However, there are many things I need to work on, so I'll have to ease on the pride if I intend to find success and happiness in life.

 

 

I know there's a stigma to medication but there really shouldn't be. After all, what is religion but a coping mechanism? I'd rather rely on science to help me when I need it. There's a reason why medication works, after all...

[milesaway]

NoFaithX7, from the looks of it, it may also help you if you put a moratorium on religion for however long it takes. Anything religious in your room should be boxed up and put away somewhere where it's out of sight, out of mind. Donate it to a thrift store if you feel like it needs to be out of your house altogether. Steer clear of any religious music, movies and whatnot. I did that after I left church once and for all, and looking back, it helped me.

 

I won't be quoting sandiego4me's post out of respect for you, but I will tell you this: please take what he says with a grain of salt. He has an agenda to try to convert people, and to him, you're a prime target. Add him to your ignore list, pronto. If he tries to PM you anything, forward it to one of the mods here. Sandiego, if you're reading this, shame on you! The OP is really struggling here, and it doesn't matter what your intentions were. You are part of the group that did him damage, and reminders of it are the last thing he needs at this time. It's guilt by association, and he needs to heal from what religion did to him.

 

NoFaithX7, promise me you won't hurt yourself. If it gets to that point (and I SERIOUSLY hope it doesn't), promise me you'll call 911 immediately.

[suzie]

NoFaith- you sound like me! Have you ever heard of scrupulosity? I was having a terrible time with all the fear and guilt of religion... Completely obsessing over it and completely withdrew from my life... Almost ruined my relationship and convinced quite a few friends and workmates I was crazy :-\ I found this site and continued obsessing... I finally got around to starting my first thread and a girl replied who happened to only live a few blocks from me. Anyway, we became friends and she sort of became a therapist to me for a while. While all this was going on I went to my GP and he told me I had an anxiety disorder

[suzie]

NoFaith- you sound like me! Have you ever heard of scrupulosity? I was having a terrible time with all the fear and guilt of religion... Completely obsessing over it and completely withdrew from my life... Almost ruined my relationship and convinced quite a few friends and workmates I was crazy :-\ I found this site and continued obsessing... I finally got around to starting my first thread and a girl replied who happened to only live a few blocks from me. Anyway, we became friends and she sort of became a therapist to me for a while. While all this was going on I went to my GP and he told me I had an anxiety disorder... Which didn't really fit. I told my ex-c friend and she did some more research and after hours of searching found scrupulosity. It describes me perfectly- it's basically religious ocd. It's not recognised as a mental illness here in Australia though. I went on an Ssri for a while, which did help, although I tapered myself off it because I was getting sick of the side effects... My sex drive still isn't back to normal but maybe that's just the religion thing or the fact that my partner and I aren't in the 'honeymoon' phase of out relationship any more. It definitely did help for a while though. I also did cognitive behavioural therapy with a psychologist which helped too. Anyway, all this happened about 18 months ago and for the most part I am very much improved :-) I still get bouts of anxiety- I'm having one at the moment because of all the xmas carry on... But mostly I can cope with it! It's easier if I stay away from anything to do with religion... Including ex-c. Sorry if my post is a bit rambly- I'm terrible at writing! Hope you start feeling better soon- sending you hugs! :-)

[suzie]

NoFaith- you sound like me! Have you ever heard of scrupulosity? I was having a terrible time with all the fear and guilt of religion... Completely obsessing over it and completely withdrew from my life... Almost ruined my relationship and convinced quite a few friends and workmates I was crazy :-\ I found this site and continued obsessing... I finally got around to starting my first thread and a girl replied who happened to only live a few blocks from me. Anyway, we became friends and she sort of became a therapist to me for a while. While all this was going on I went to my GP and he told me I had an anxiety disorder... Which didn't really fit. I told my ex-c friend and she did some more research and after hours of searching found scrupulosity. It describes me perfectly- it's basically religious ocd. It's not recognised as a mental illness here in Australia though. I went on an Ssri for a while, which did help, although I tapered myself off it because I was getting sick of the side effects... My sex drive still isn't back to normal but maybe that's just the religion thing or the fact that my partner and I aren't in the 'honeymoon' phase of out relationship any more. It definitely did help for a while though. I also did cognitive behavioural therapy with a psychologist which helped too. Anyway, all this happened about 18 months ago and for the most part I am very much improved :-) I still get bouts of anxiety- I'm having one at the moment because of all the xmas carry on... But mostly I can cope with it! It's easier if I stay away from anything to do with religion... Including ex-c. Sorry if my post is a bit rambly- I'm terrible at writing! Hope you start feeling better soon- sending you hugs! :-)

[suzie]

NoFaith- you sound like me! Have you ever heard of scrupulosity? I was having a terrible time with all the fear and guilt of religion... Completely obsessing over it and completely withdrew from my life... Almost ruined my relationship and convinced quite a few friends and workmates I was crazy :-\ I found this site and continued obsessing... I finally got around to starting my first thread and a girl replied who happened to only live a few blocks from me. Anyway, we became friends and she sort of became a therapist to me for a while. While all this was going on I went to my GP and he told me I had an anxiety disorder... Which didn't really fit. I told my ex-c friend and she did some more research and after hours of searching found scrupulosity. It describes me perfectly- it's basically religious ocd. It's not recognised as a mental illness here in Australia though. I went on an Ssri for a while, which did help, although I tapered myself off it because I was getting sick of the side effects... My sex drive still isn't back to normal but maybe that's just the religion thing or the fact that my partner and I aren't in the 'honeymoon' phase of out relationship any more. It definitely did help for a while though. I also did cognitive behavioural therapy with a psychologist which helped too. Anyway, all this happened about 18 months ago and for the most part I am very much improved :-) I still get bouts of anxiety- I'm having one at the moment because of all the xmas carry on... But mostly I can cope with it! It's easier if I stay away from anything to do with religion... Including ex-c. Sorry if my post is a bit rambly- I'm terrible at writing! Hope you start feeling better soon- sending you hugs! :-)

[suzie]

Aargh sorry about multiple posts- at home with only dodgy mobile internet!

[Voice]

After sleeping on this and thinking about it, X7, it does sound like you're battling a variation of mental illness which is aggravated sorely by the religious thoughts.  There are others who have come here with similar kinds of suffering, and they have turned out to have some mental illness.  I suffered similarly when I was in the thick of it; I am bi-polar by diagnosis, "mentally ill."

Not to patronize you, I understand well your aversion to meds and I respect it; I want to talk about something you said doubting that meds would affect our thoughts.  It's more like they're affecting the colors of our thoughts, and the weight of our thoughts.  Our priorities are altered with meds, and the chemistries that foster certain kinds of thoughts.  So yes, they can affect that.  In your case they would move the thoughts you're having from the front, to an easy position in the back where you can work with other thoughts in the front.  You are experiencing anguish, which anti-psychotic or other kinds of meds can alleviate.  You would still have the thoughts, at least for a while.

About 4 months ago I went to my doc asking to be returned to anti-depressants again (I was weened of them about a year ago), but instead she gave me a light dose of an anti-psychotic to address social anxiety.  The affects are subtle, but I'm more relaxed now when interacting with others.  I'm thinking less about how badly I'm going to fuck up a situation by saying the wrong things (main source of the anxiety).  Even though my fears are justified by previous experience and proven over and over to be valid, it affects my thoughts about it.

This is all about meds so far, but I'm sharing because over time I think as you progress, and possibly meet with counselors or doctors, your situation will be approached with meds by others and I'm hoping to offer you a slice of experience for perspective.

 

I agree with milesaway that removing all physical/sentimental connections to religion from your environment will be helpful if you haven't done it already.  You should also try reading other things besides the bible and again if you haven't already, remove the plastic cover and recycle it in the paper bin.  Reading what stimulates your mind or takes your mind from the thought loops you're having trouble with would be helpful.  Market reports, science news, anthropology, sports, anything else. 

The religions thought loops you hate will dissipate with time and become less severe.  They spike sometimes, stronger than other times, but over time you can thicken your mental skin and learn to dismiss them.  But you have to modify your religious behavior, which you may be able to (with some of them) before addressing the thoughts themselves.

 

Have you dealt with addictions of any kind in the past?  Religious thought patterns parallel addictive behavior patterns; the addiction is emotional, chemical.  You get endorphins from a good prayer session.  Like shooting up with a needle.

[Margee]

I have posted this before. I like to listen to how our brain works. This is a very good example of how we may be the ones to take control of our thoughts. I will post it again hoping that it may help today.

[moanareina]

Have you dealt with addictions of any kind in the past?  Religious thought patterns parallel addictive behavior patterns; the addiction is emotional, chemical.  You get endorphins from a good prayer session.  Like shooting up with a needle.

 

Geees, yes thats so true!

 

I remember once having been at a conference of our church and every session began with worship and prayer and all. When I got home my non believing flatmate said, I looked so relaxed. I told her about the conference and back then thought it was God but in fact it was just the singing. Because all in all yes, I felt relaxed, but being at the conference I felt really lonely and went home early because of it.

[NoFaithX7]

After sleeping on this and thinking about it, X7, it does sound like you're battling a variation of mental illness which is aggravated sorely by the religious thoughts.  There are others who have come here with similar kinds of suffering, and they have turned out to have some mental illness.  I suffered similarly when I was in the thick of it; I am bi-polar by diagnosis, "mentally ill."

Not to patronize you, I understand well your aversion to meds and I respect it; I want to talk about something you said doubting that meds would affect our thoughts.  It's more like they're affecting the colors of our thoughts, and the weight of our thoughts.  Our priorities are altered with meds, and the chemistries that foster certain kinds of thoughts.  So yes, they can affect that.  In your case they would move the thoughts you're having from the front, to an easy position in the back where you can work with other thoughts in the front.  You are experiencing anguish, which anti-psychotic or other kinds of meds can alleviate.  You would still have the thoughts, at least for a while.

About 4 months ago I went to my doc asking to be returned to anti-depressants again (I was weened of them about a year ago), but instead she gave me a light dose of an anti-psychotic to address social anxiety.  The affects are subtle, but I'm more relaxed now when interacting with others.  I'm thinking less about how badly I'm going to fuck up a situation by saying the wrong things (main source of the anxiety).  Even though my fears are justified by previous experience and proven over and over to be valid, it affects my thoughts about it.

This is all about meds so far, but I'm sharing because over time I think as you progress, and possibly meet with counselors or doctors, your situation will be approached with meds by others and I'm hoping to offer you a slice of experience for perspective.

 

I agree with milesaway that removing all physical/sentimental connections to religion from your environment will be helpful if you haven't done it already.  You should also try reading other things besides the bible and again if you haven't already, remove the plastic cover and recycle it in the paper bin.  Reading what stimulates your mind or takes your mind from the thought loops you're having trouble with would be helpful.  Market reports, science news, anthropology, sports, anything else. 

The religions thought loops you hate will dissipate with time and become less severe.  They spike sometimes, stronger than other times, but over time you can thicken your mental skin and learn to dismiss them.  But you have to modify your religious behavior, which you may be able to (with some of them) before addressing the thoughts themselves.

 

Have you dealt with addictions of any kind in the past?  Religious thought patterns parallel addictive behavior patterns; the addiction is emotional, chemical.  You get endorphins from a good prayer session.  Like shooting up with a needle.

I already got rid of all the religious stuff. bibles, bible tracks, and much more. this was long enough ago. outside a few rare times I haven't been on Christian sites for years, but I made a mistake when I went to that Christian prayer form in mid October and asked them to pray for me, along with a few other Christian prayer requests as well. if prayer really worked I ask god to bring world peace and love, and all that nice stuff...but that be too obvious. so it's just left to chance, beating the odds, confirmation bias, probability, and your own will power being mistaken for god's power.

 

if you go by what you say... I need to cut myself off from anyone who speaks about god or gods, the bible, souls, things that sound supernatural. that would mean no longer hearing arguments from atheists and nonbelievers, and the skeptics. 

 

I doubt I will take meds as for right now. a shame I can't tell you more about the story, but like I said, I have my reasons. I might have to suffer way more before I even try meds. paying for it not the issue, taking them is.

 

I have lots of anger and rage...I will not tell what these things have made me do. no, I do not have a criminal record, but this stems from my child hood from being hurt by people who were supposed to be my friends and has nothing to do with the faith. most of my issues have nothing to do with the faith, but losing it has indeed caused a pain I never felt before because I was already down for the count. my own brother is now filled with rage and anger as I am. once an A student, never got in trouble, played sports, out going, so on, but he was not spared...worse then me. I'm bad enough to live with. the mental ill trying to help another mental ill person...how funny, but most people in are huge Italian family do not understand mind issues.

 

This topic needs to stop. there are others who need help. also, I been telling myself for years. I'm the incarnation of darkness, an abomination onto god, wicked, worthless, a parasite, a virus, a piece of shit, a loser, you are incapable of doing anything, you are a nobody, you are dense and stupid, the list goes on and on. doing that for years has left my mind shattered.

 

 

Have a nice Holiday. this will probably be my final post for this topic. I appreciate the replies, but in the end my thoughts will tell me it's all hopeless and that you have no chance....then again my mind has been saying that for years before the faith was lost.

 

Take Care.

[NoFaithX7]

PS yet again since I do not know to edit posts. Maybe by some off ball chance I can still get better...I can never say never for absolute certainty. again, I appreciate all the replies. I know some of you have suffered greatly in your life because of leaving the faith and your own personal lives it-self. I wish you all well

[slave2six]

You know, eventually "I'm Sick Of This Crap" becomes "Whatever Dude" at which point you just walk away from the potty and go live life in a clean environment.

 

I agree that you stuck your foot in it by asking people to pray for you. Just leave those blighters alone. Eventually you'll become teflon coated (another of god's great miracles, teflon) and will be able to be around Christians without their crap sticking to you.

[milesaway]

PS yet again since I do not know to edit posts. Maybe by some off ball chance I can still get better...I can never say never for absolute certainty. again, I appreciate all the replies. I know some of you have suffered greatly in your life because of leaving the faith and your own personal lives it-self. I wish you all well

 

You won't be able to edit your posts until your 25th post.

[NoFaithX7]

You know, eventually "I'm Sick Of This Crap" becomes "Whatever Dude" at which point you just walk away from the potty and go live life in a clean environment.

 

I agree that you stuck your foot in it by asking people to pray for you. Just leave those blighters alone. Eventually you'll become teflon coated (another of god's great miracles, teflon) and will be able to be around Christians without their crap sticking to you.

Good point. I should not done that. but I did say in my final post on there it seems that the people who told me some time ago I never go back to the faith where right. I'm still opened to awe things, though some theists seem to think you can't have awe and wonder anymore....this is not true.

[mymistake]

 

You know, eventually "I'm Sick Of This Crap" becomes "Whatever Dude" at which point you just walk away from the potty and go live life in a clean environment.

 

I agree that you stuck your foot in it by asking people to pray for you. Just leave those blighters alone. Eventually you'll become teflon coated (another of god's great miracles, teflon) and will be able to be around Christians without their crap sticking to you.

Good point. I should not done that. but I did say in my final post on there it seems that the people who told me some time ago I never go back to the faith where right. I'm still opened to awe things, though some theists seem to think you can't have awe and wonder anymore....this is not true.

 

 

 

Believers like to pretend that God is the source of many things when this isn't true.  People still feel love, want to do good, can behave ethically, can be amazed and tons of other things as well even though they are godless.  Heck, as an atheist I can still speak in tongues and call upon the Peace That Passes All Understanding.

[RipVanWinkle]

"Too right! Seems to me that those people who are always happy are mentally ill. Depression is simply a side-effect of viewing the world as it is, IMHO."  Slave2six

 

I agree. I think it's evolution, a mutation that has outlived its usefulness.   bill

[Voice]

 

 

PS-I'm still waiting for the day for someone can show me a soul exists....the best I've seen are NDE's....not good enough. we know the brain can do wacky things, but maybe one day if such a thing really exists it's not supernatural at all...but this is a pipe dream to me as I see it.

 

 

We argue this here sometimes, and in depth.  Stick around.  

[NoFaithX7]

I have posted this before. I like to listen to how our brain works. This is a very good example of how we may be the ones to take control of our thoughts. I will post it again hoping that it may help today.

 

I just saw the video today. interesting stuff. though I do wonder if we have real free will at times. I saw a video of Lawrence Krauss and Richard Dawkins talking together for 2 hours. was it in 2012? sounds like they do not believe in free will, or maybe I did not hear them right, but at the end of the day you would have to act like there is if their is no free will...who knows.