Xianity + Mental Illness = Disaster

[falemon]

I've had two family members' mental illnesses made worse by christianity.

 

Because it preaches irrational messages about hearing voices of God amongst others, my aunt suffered from paranoid delusions whilst my uncle suffered from so many it's hard to pin any single problem to him.

 

Thankfully my aunt has recovered (though she will never be the same). But my uncle is now going through this stage of believing he can survive without eating. It's ridiculous.

 

I always remember when my aunt suffered from her paranoid delusions I always knew that the church was of little help and might actually do far more harm than good. When my uncle first became sick I remember my grandfather praying over him and the only thing I could think of was how nonsensical the prayer was. He was talking to a "demon" within my uncle but it was clear my uncle had cognitive issues, so the message would do more harm than good.

 

All he watches are these stupid God channels, telling him about more whimsical tales of a super power that speaks directly to some men and how logic and reasoning are foolish when compared to God's word, a dangerous device when presented to the cognitively impaired or the mentally ill as it assists the mind's destruction of itself

[moanareina]

That sounds bad man.

 

Hm, I just thought about christianity and mental illness the past few days. I think my mom has some issues she never faced because of her faith. Her mom was suffering severe depression. She once spent some time at our house because my mom thought she might get better that way and it was horrible. There was a beautiful day and she considered to sit outside in the yard but then turned around with tears in her eyes to get inside again because she was afraid of what our neighbors would think of her sitting there doing nothing. We had so many situations like this with her and it felt so desperate. My mom told me once that our grandma never went to the hair dresser because she was afraid that Jesus could return and she would not be ready. She also never went to enjoy herself because of that.

 

My mom too has those moments when she cries and is depressed. She has sleeping problems since I can think and takes lots of pain killers. There was a time she felt dizzy all the time for no reason. Then again she hardly ever talks about emotions or shows emotions and can be very manipulative when she has an idea about how something is supposed to be or when she wants something. 

I think my dad also has some emotional difficulties. His dad was an alcoholic, not violent and he did not binge drink but he needed a few beers each day. He always talked about how bad this world was and how much he wished Jesus would return etc. 

 

One of my aunts is married to an impotent guy and still praying to get pregnant...not able to accept that it won't happen. He does not want to adopt children and is a weird guy anyways. But they are to be together since they are christians...

 

Sometimes when I think about all the christians I have met who where weirdos and psychos...I wonder...if you need to be mental to convert to this religion or if you become mental due to that religion.

[Voice]

It's true, christianity as well as other types of religions will aggravate mental illness.  They did for me.  

[amateur]

This is very true.  It is so very unfortunate.

 

And I've heard horrible advice from religious people to people with mental problems.  A person diagnosed with bipolar called into a religious talk show to ask if it was biblical to get help from a doctor with the bipolar.  The religious person answered that the first thing the caller must do is pray for help, but then it was ok to get help from a doctor.  NO, no, no.  Skip the prayer and get immediate help and take the medication and keep doctor appointments until the dosage is working for you and you are stabilized.  The religious person went on to say that prayer could help, and the caller must get "right with god" blahblahblah.  No, no, no.  Get to a doctor, work with the doctor until things stabilize.

 

This type of advice, to take it to god, is horrifying.

[Ravenstar]

I am the poster child for adult ADD, no, really.

I also have an anxiety disorder and depression (comes and goes though  weird)

 

Christianity did not help.. first because I HYPERFOCUS when interested/motivated in learning something… to the point where I forget to eat, sleep.. whatever. I go DEEP and WIDE… for a long time, as long as I want to find something out. I studied religion for YEARS, and all the things related to it. I wasted a lot of time on this nonsense. All that time and effort… gone. Can I get a job as a religious dilettante?  LOL

 

I missed a lot of appointments, and a lot of sleep.

 

But the worst was the anxiety… the fear messages, the social pressure and constant stress of trying to live up to all that nearly did me in. I had my first full blown panic attack because of my fear of the 'end times'.. and a misconstrued perception of a sonic jet. I flipped out. I still suffer from anxiety… it's better now that I've learned to think rationally (CBT is a marvellous thing, as is critical thinking) but once your body learns to react this way.. it's always there, lurking… waiting to hit you at the most inopportune times. The fear has taken me into dissociative states. Thank goodness that doesn't happen any more.

 

I can only imagine how much worse it is for those with Bipolar disorder, OCD, psychosis, mood disorders or schizophrenia. I really feel for them. Christianity is a mindfuck for the healthiest of us.

 

I can only wonder how many take their own lives because of it… and the unqualified advice of other christians and pastors, priests.

 

and some people wonder why it makes me so angry.  sheesh.

[Idontevenknow99]

I believe xianity is like a placebo effect, anyway. Once people start telling you that god will melt all your problems away, you start believing it so you feel like it is gone, accompanied by medication of course. This only lasts for a little while until whatever symptoms you're having start to become aggravated again.

 

My friend and many others who are still Christian believe that this whole system of belief will rid people of their mental illness and then one day they will go back to their old selves. That can't be entirely possible. Trying to reverse something that has already gone into deep effect is desperate.

 

I saw it in my friend whose mother has schizophrenia, and sometimes suffers from disorganized thought and religious delusions as in she'll start singing old hymns and whatnot. From what I know her mother would cope with it and attend a local church in her neighborhood, but besides that, seeing this type of "radical faith" in Christians breaks my heart. 

[Greyrace]

My old Christian life resembled a bi-polar/depressive type experience. I would have rare high's that would compel me to live fanatically and on fire for the lord. I would experience intense moments of joy, utterly convinced of divine intervention, that God was with me, and that I was "finally"living out his plan. Wanting to desperately try and reach out to everyone wanting them to feel what I felt, and I acted in crazy irrational and embarassing ways. After the high would wear off I would crash into despair as to why non-believers wouldn't "get it" and how serious it is, that their eternal souls hung in the balance. That their salvation and exceptance of the one and only truth was placed squarely on my shoulders and it was my failure for not planting the seed. When God seemed to disappear I would blame myself for hidden sin, or lack of faith and berate myself for continually falling short. All of these pressures to be good, holy, perfect like Jesus, and to be a light unto the world, I was living like all the weight of the world was on my shoulders. It was no wonder I was depressed most the time, and those highs were few and far in between. They probably came when my psyche actually "split"  from the stess of it all, inducing a manic type bi-polar high.

[Voice]

I'm bipolar, which is event triggered.  When I first converted to christianity at 21 or so I tripped manic, mania which lasted for long over a year or year and a half.  Palm slaps forehead.  The episode was the most extreme spike of unbridled, unproductive mania I've experienced.  I had a 3 year manic spree during college, but that was productive.  Depression hit hard during the mania when prayers weren't answered, and again upon de-conversion when I realized how false it all was and lost all my friends in a week.

[pawn]

Yep. Bipolar here too. Many of my "episodes", (almost all of them) were triggered by religious delusions... The title of this thread is spot on.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

About two years before my deconversion, I had a nervous/mental meltdown.  I've spoken about it here, but only a couple of times.  It was the most horrific experience of my life, because I was losing my mind and I knew it.  I was consciously aware that my mind, my best friend and ally, was steadily slipping away from me.  I remember at one point, being huddled in a corner curled up in fetal position and howling like an injured beast.  The sound of those mammalian wailings still haunt me sometimes.  I was crying out to a god I subconsciously knew didn't hear me and my brain was doing its best to reconcile the cognitive dissonance.  Unfortunately, my brain was losing the battle and I was losing my mind.  I know that during that episode, something very deep inside of me was broken, irreparably damaged.  It was the beginning of a two-year struggle to final deconversion.

 

How my mind wasn't broken in the process is quite beyond me; but I count myself fortunate that such was the case.  I am so thankful to be here, semi-sane, and able to have such great friends as you all here.  Thank you so much, ex-christian.

[wanderinstar]

Another bIpolar sufferer here. I also have PTSD. In desperation to find healing I turned to christianity at age 21. It only made things a whole lot worse, finally leading to a massive mental breakdown at age 32.It has taken me five years to get back on my feet, although I am still wounded. My experiences in christianity have caused me immeasurable suffering. I am so, so thankful to be out of it now and on the path to recovery with proper medical treatment. 

[slave2six]

I saw a new bipolar emoticon last week.

 

( : ( 

 

I think even someone who does not have a named disorder who takes Christianity seriously cannot possibly be a happy person. I was terrified of god for 43 years and so obsessed with my sins (actual and sinful thoughts) that I was a Complete Prick/Total Wanker. (Is CPTW a disorder?) 

[xliar]

Well you know what they say,,when you start feeling sorry for yourself just take a look around. I am impressed with anyone who manages to climb out of this supernatural mudhole they call christianity.....period! To do it while struggling with mental illnesses is beyond remarkable! My hat's off to all of you.

[moanareina]

Oh wow. Yes I really wonder at times if bi-polar is something I am dealing with. It is weird that at times I feel totally good am outgoing and want to hug the world and then I am depressed and feel like sleeping all day etc. Also I can get super excited about an idea and the next day I feel like its all bullshit. Now it is not too extreme like I could not function anymore or like I do weird stuff and being out of control but I noticed it comes in cycles. Sometimes in my religious time I thought it was premenstrual syndrome. But then I noticed that it would not always match the menstrual cycle and sometimes it was more intense and sometimes less. It is pretty unpredictable. Thats why I like to keep things spontaneous and don't like to plan things ahead and thats why I don't have many friends and my contacts are kinda loose. Leaves me very lonely a lot because I feel like going out but I don't dare to call anyone because people here are not really that way...they need to know like a week or two in advance. Especially those with kids which I understand.

 

So those of you who consider yourself bi-polar, how does it show in your everyday life?

[falemon]

Oh wow. Yes I really wonder at times if bi-polar is something I am dealing with. It is weird that at times I feel totally good am outgoing and want to hug the world and then I am depressed and feel like sleeping all day etc. Also I can get super excited about an idea and the next day I feel like its all bullshit. Now it is not too extreme like I could not function anymore or like I do weird stuff and being out of control but I noticed it comes in cycles. Sometimes in my religious time I thought it was premenstrual syndrome. But then I noticed that it would not always match the menstrual cycle and sometimes it was more intense and sometimes less. It is pretty unpredictable. Thats why I like to keep things spontaneous and don't like to plan things ahead and thats why I don't have many friends and my contacts are kinda loose. Leaves me very lonely a lot because I feel like going out but I don't dare to call anyone because people here are not really that way...they need to know like a week or two in advance. Especially those with kids which I understand.

 

So those of you who consider yourself bi-polar, how does it show in your everyday life?

Omg maonareina, that describes me so much. Sometimes I can be feeling dandy and then all of a sudden an emotional trigger flips the polarity. Though I have a sleep disorder that I'm awaiting a prescription for, which I've always put the drastic drops in energy to that last for at least a day.

 

And it's not just about the interest in my ideas, it's the amount of energy I have and I really can lose an entire day because of it. It's why my schedules are very loose and I hop between different types of projects.

 

So today I've got a website that I have to devote time to, plus some piano preparation as I'm playing at a church for new years (they pay me and I need some cash), and I may also do some coding for a game I'm working on.

[falemon]

I'm seeing a lot of bi-polar in here, could it result from the pressure during services to invoke emotive states at will?

[wanderinstar]

"So those of you who consider yourself bi-polar, how does it show in your everyday life?"

 

 

For me there is an extremely noticeable difference from the times I am depressed to the times when I am manic. When I am depressed the act of getting off the couch, or entering into conversations is extremely painful - physically painful - but when I am manic I have a million amazing ideas and the energy to carry them out. I also get into mixed states which is manic and depressed at the same time, these are hell. My mind races and dives and turns, and my thoughts distort. I have a lot of restless energy and cannot concentrate on anything. Sleep and appetite are effected either way big time too. There are also many days when I feel perfectly normal. WIth mild episodes it is difficult to tell the difference between normal fluctuations in mood and an actual episode. You do have some symptoms but it doesn't mean you definitely have bipolar. How much does it effect your daily life?

[wanderinstar]

I'm seeing a lot of bi-polar in here, could it result from the pressure during services to invoke emotive states at will?

 

I don't think bipolar can be caused by religion but it certainly does exacerbate symptoms and trigger episodes. Religion also seems to draw a significant percentage of people with mental illness, screw them over and spit them out so I am not surprised there are a lot of people here with bipolar. IT is heartbreaking what many people have had to experience at the hands of christianity. They are so ill equipped  to be any help, and the 'help' they do provide can be incredibly destructive. My therapist told me he believes christianity had an extremely detrimental effect on my health while it also kept me from professional help. The change in my mental health since I deconverted has been dramatic. I sill have bipolar but it is under control so can now begin to rebuild my life.

[traveller2]

Christianity initially stabilized me a bit when I converted at 17 but when I started  being a bit more serious bout christian life,church and reading christian teaching it began a long slide that fucked me up till the start of my deconversion.I will probably always have anxiety and depression but I was really mentally unwell as a christian due to the mythic crap that they teach about miracles,demons,healing and god has a plan for your life etc.I think the worst part was how it impinged my ability to grow normally as a person and cocooned me from difficult but helpful exposures.i am responsible for that though,I chose to stay in it as was partly afraid to live out in the big bad world.After I deconverted I found that the world was quite do-able and livable in.

[Positivist]

My faith--especially my fundy-ness--almost drove me over the edge of sanity. When you are having conversations with an invisible friend who you think has a special interest in you even though he is the creator and orchestrator of the universe, something's bound to go awry. I think Xianity can predispose people to:

• Obsessive compulsive disorder: Must. Confess. Sin. Must. Repent. Must. Be. Perfect. Strive. Strive. Strive.
• Narcissistic personality disorder: I am so special!!!!!! The god of the universe lives in my shirt pocket!!!! I can raise the dead!!!! I am powerful!!!! I am plugged into the greatest source of power on earth!!!!! Did I mention that I AM SPECIAL???????
• Depression: From striving and failing, striving and failing, striving and failing. From being in an abusive relationship with a perfect but absent, vindictive, narcissistic and blaming partner.
• Temporal lobe malfunction: From hearing too many voices and letting confirmation bias rule the day, we hear more and more voices and succumb to more and more "holy spirit" urges. (Gawd, the things I did!! )
• Lack of self-efficacy: Leaving it all up to God to fix. (Great article on this: http://infidels.org/library/modern/michael_moore/weak.html)

I feel better than ever now, being in control of my mental faculties. It's wonderful and scary to realize I have more control over my life than I ever thought.

No more voices.

No more OCD.

I simply do my best.

[Voice]

I'm seeing a lot of bi-polar in here, could it result from the pressure during services to invoke emotive states at will?

 

No, I had it before christianity.

 

moanarina, it's like you said.  The episodes you describe are being triggered by things in your day to day life and in your environment.  It's a matter of learning what your triggers are.  For more extreme cases of bi-polar it's possible, which is where this religion wrench enters the engine, for merely our own thoughts to trigger episodes all on their own.

[Margee]

My faith--especially my fundy-ness--almost drove me over the edge of sanity. When you are having conversations with an invisible friend who you think has a special interest in you even though he is the creator and orchestrator of the universe, something's bound to go awry. I think Xianity can predispose people to:

• Obsessive compulsive disorder: Must. Confess. Sin. Must. Repent. Must. Be. Perfect. Strive. Strive. Strive.
• Narcissistic personality disorder: I am so special!!!!!! The god of the universe lives in my shirt pocket!!!! I can raise the dead!!!! I am powerful!!!! I am plugged into the greatest source of power on earth!!!!! Did I mention that I AM SPECIAL???????
• Depression: From striving and failing, striving and failing, striving and failing. From being in an abusive relationship with a perfect but absent, vindictive, narcissistic and blaming partner.
• Temporal lobe malfunction: From hearing too many voices and letting confirmation bias rule the day, we hear more and more voices and succumb to more and more "holy spirit" urges. (Gawd, the things I did!! )
• Lack of self-efficacy: Leaving it all up to God to fix. (Great article on this: http://infidels.org/library/modern/michael_moore/weak.html)

I feel better than ever now, being in control of my mental faculties. It's wonderful and scary to realize I have more control over my life than I ever thought.

No more voices.

No more OCD.

I simply do my best.

 

Positivist.....This is soooooooooo a 5 star post!!!! *****

 

This thread is absolutely amazing!! The honesty is just blowing my mind. I relate to all of it!! All of it!! All of it!! I have never been diagnosed with anything...but I have every 'disorder' in this thread!!!!!!! I just got through saying on another post that I was the perfect personality for fundamentalism. In the church that I got saved in and spent many years, we would be swinging from the chandeliers and then down on our knees  in agony, crying and begging god to forgive us for all our sins..... It was crazy -making and I was the perfect personality for it.

 

The night I went down to the alter to accept jesus, the pastor told the congregation and me out loud on the most fantastic sound system, that god had a very special plan for my life and the church stood up and went into a frenzy!! I KNEW I was special that night. No more searching for me to be 'special'.... God himself told that whole church that night, that I was 'anointed'!! I sucked that in and thought I had won a trillion dollars, especially coming from the dysfunction I had all my life.(one alcoholic father and an alcoholic step father to give you some clues)

 

Then these people wouldn't allow me to teach Sunday school or be in the choir because I smoked cigarettes!!  They told me that as soon as I allowed god to work in my life and 'deliver' me from the tobacco addiction, that I would have to wait to actually participate in the church.

 

Two of my girlfriends who could sing real good and I practised 2-3 times a week singing because 'cable T.V' had us on every second Sunday. We were called 'Harmony'. When I went to my own church I was not allowed to sing with the other two. One night I remember leaving the church as my two singing soul mates were doing a song on stage and I wasn't allowed to sing. I got out in the huge parking lot and screamed at Satan to leave me alone and let god 'deliver' me. I was devastated.

 

Much like you guys I was up and down. One week we would be told by the pastor that we were the 'clay' and god was the potter who was making us perfect and we would go home rejoicing. The next week the pastor would preach a hard lesson and yell for us to 'shit or get off the pot' message where we would go home in depression. Wow, thank you soooooo much for the honesty that you guys are posting here. I'm just sitting here still putting my whole life together after belonging to a cult for all these years.   The pieces are still all coming together because of you guys!!!!!!

 

Edit..I have no idea why this post came up like this with all the spaces????

 

[Positivist]

 

My faith--especially my fundy-ness--almost drove me over the edge of sanity.

I'm just sitting here still putting my whole life together after belonging to a cult for all these years.   The pieces are still all coming together because of you guys!!!!!!

 

Margee, it is great to be here with you! Can you imagine the lunacy, however, if you and I had attended the same crazy church at the same time?   (<<<That's you and me dancing, girl...) Glad I'm meeting you on this side of sanity; I too am still putting my life together.

 

The voices are gone, the striving is greatly reduced (except for what comes with a Type A personality), and I'm not gonna lie to ya--thinking for myself is way more rewarding than I thought it would be!

 

Onwards, compatriots!

[moanareina]

First of all...Happy New Year!

 

Then...falemon, you sound a lot like me. And then you are creative too as you play music and do websites and stuff. Maybe its some kind of "artist syndrome"?

 

"So those of you who consider yourself bi-polar, how does it show in your everyday life?"

 

 

For me there is an extremely noticeable difference from the times I am depressed to the times when I am manic. When I am depressed the act of getting off the couch, or entering into conversations is extremely painful - physically painful - but when I am manic I have a million amazing ideas and the energy to carry them out. I also get into mixed states which is manic and depressed at the same time, these are hell. My mind races and dives and turns, and my thoughts distort. I have a lot of restless energy and cannot concentrate on anything. Sleep and appetite are effected either way big time too. There are also many days when I feel perfectly normal. WIth mild episodes it is difficult to tell the difference between normal fluctuations in mood and an actual episode. You do have some symptoms but it doesn't mean you definitely have bipolar. How much does it effect your daily life?

 

Thank you wanderinstar for the detailed explanation. I guess if I deal with bi polar it would be only a mild version. My moods affect me for example when I am at work and people ask me questions and I feel this deep unwillingness to communicate. So I keep it low and just answer very briefly and at the same time think I should be nicer to people if I wanted them to stay nice with me...

Then I have episodes where I really have a difficult time to get up when I don't have to. So I stay in bed till about noon or later...and then feel bad for having wasted all day.

There are times I clean my apartment, paint huge paintings, do sports, play an instrument...but only in my mind. As soon as I get home or get up this drive is gone.

And I have times when I have an idea, know how to make it happen and make it happen and then I think why I could not do that all the times. Those times its also easy for me to be nice with others, to chit chat and all.

 

So yesterday I was thinking about me not being able to connect with others on a more relational base I got more aware of this to be some issue of early childhood development. I was born to a teenage mom and she had to make it all on her own. So she placed me in day care during the week, at weekends she had me with her boyfriends parents or her father with his wife whom I knew as my grandparents. To the age of three years I had been in about seven different places (first four months at the daycare of the hospital, then different foster families). Then I came into the (Christian) family that finally adopted me when I was eight. During that time, from three to eight I was at my grandparents every weekend and all the vacations (and my birth mom visited once in a while at the beginning until she gave her agreement for the adoption when I was four). All that and the question about heaven and hell where pretty much what I dealt with during my childhood...

I guess I unconsciously do not believe that there where people who would stay permanent in my life, so I rather not be too close with others. My christian background did not allow me to actually acknowledge this because you know...we do not have perfect parents, but our heavenly father is all perfect and wants to make us whole again and give us all our earthly fathers could not...pah! And psychologists where of no use anyways...

 

OK, I don't want to highjack this thread. Thank you all for your experiences and answers.

[Kris]

I still suffer from mental illness related to Christianity. I keep working on it---- but it is probably one of the most difficult things I have gone through. The irrationality, fear, paranoia, delusional thinking, and straight up depression I have suffered from religion has at times pushed me to the brink of suicide. But I know that isn't the answer. I think all of us on this site have been damaged in a way from Christianity or at least know someone who has been--that is why we are here!