Will Living A Secular Life Lift Me Out Of Poverty?

[Tezia]

As a Christian I tried to "pray" my way out of poverty. You see, I am a poor black female and for my entire life I had been a Christian, believing that if I was a faithful Christian long enough that my financial situation would turn around. However, that didn't happen and needless to say I found my economic situation getting worse as well as my problems getting home. But I wonder if there are like any philosophical beliefs or books that would be key to me getting my own self out of poverty instead of relying on an imaginary being.

 

I also notice that the richest countries, such as Sweden, are highly secular. What do you guys think?

[TheBluegrassSkeptic]

Well, that's a tough one. There are many factors involved for one to get out of extreme poverty, though I think rational thinking would aid in detecting your own human errors that contribute to you still struggling. Rational thinking would also help you remove barriers you put up due to religious belief (work schedule restrictions, dress code issues, etc.).  I don't think being an atheist will help further your advantage in employment overall, and it doesn't guarantee success in anything. Ultimately, I think atheism helps one to drop religious barriers, unrealistic goals, and acceptance of suffering that needn't be mandatory to prove your faith. Atheism helps one focus more on what one is doing on a personal level in their life. If you tend to overlook what you do to contribute to a problem, atheism might not solve that, but you do get a bit more clarity when you open your thinking to options outside the confines of dogma.

 

As far as philosophy goes, I don't know if this is one, but I believe in self-accountability. Helps you think your decisions through a bit more when you know what price you are going to pay.

[JadedAtheist]

Some people will always be poor because they don't take action in their lives. I don't know you or your situation so I can't comment on you specifically, but it has been in my observation that when people blame things outside themself, if that obstacle is removed, they simply find another obstacle. For example, some people complain that they can't lose weight because they don't have the time, and then a 24hr gym opens up so the next excuse is it's too expensive, then they find out it's only a couple bucks a week and then they say that they don't know what to do or where to begin and so on and so forth. Until people realize, and believe the problem is within them, they will not succeed. 

[mymistake]

The answer is no.  The secular life doesn't offer anything special.  However religious life won't either despite empty promises made by certain Christian groups.  

 

Here is the bottom line on how to get out of poverty:

 

Live below your means.  That means if you make $10 in a week then you be sure to spend less than $9.  However many dollars you make always always always spend less than you make.  Have this be your rule for life.  Then later on when you make more money you won't fall into the trap.

 

One thing common among the poor and those raised poor is collections.  Everybody collects something.  Well, don't.   Collections are a huge waste of money.  We all know the stories about the baseball card collection that was worth a lot of money, or comic books, or plates or something else.  Those are the rare exceptions.  For everybody else collections keep people down in poverty.

 

 

Edit:

Back when I was just above the poverty line I spent far too much money on fast food but I collected books.  Oh I could do that cheep.  And it was a hell of a lot of fun.  But when I would get a chunk of money I would go to the nice book store and get the best.  It took me a long time to learn to stop doing that.  Having a collection was a matter of personal pride.  But years later I looked back and realized when I was struggling the hardest this collection had eaten away some of my best income.  If you want to change your economic status the only thing you should collect is dollars down at your savings account.

[creative]

As a Christian I tried to "pray" my way out of poverty. You see, I am a poor black female and for my entire life I had been a Christian, believing that if I was a faithful Christian long enough that my financial situation would turn around. However, that didn't happen and needless to say I found my economic situation getting worse as well as my problems getting home. But I wonder if there are like any philosophical beliefs or books that would be key to me getting my own self out of poverty instead of relying on an imaginary being.

 

I also notice that the richest countries, such as Sweden, are highly secular. What do you guys think?

God doesn't give you money, he only takes it

If you pray for money instead of going and look for a job then that's a no-brainer.

In life you have to fight for what you want, nothing will be handed to you on a golden plate (apart from the extremely rare case that you win the lottery).

 

Being nice and business is not the best model to go for if you want to make money.

 

For example:

If you sell a product you could sell it for cheap based on the production cost and a little money to pay your rent (making a nice fair priced quality product).

Or you could sell it for what people would pay for it (the price that makes you the most money) screw it that people pay to much for it, its about me making money not about people getting a fair priced quality product.

 

Since religion deems being selfish morally wrong or even evil it obviously has a negative impact on you.

The truth is, being selfish is good and normal human behavior.

Being selfish doesn't make you a bad person, selfish people help others because it makes them feel good.

People who think they are not selfish are just selfish people that help others and then make up a lot of bullshit to explain that they do it for other reasons instead of that it makes them feel good.

 

The secret is:

NOT this stupid book that tells you just to sit on your lazy ass and hopping for it and it will come.

Its getting of your ass and working for it (wish includes educating yourself, looking for a job, etc).

[Blood]

As a Christian I tried to "pray" my way out of poverty. You see, I am a poor black female and for my entire life I had been a Christian, believing that if I was a faithful Christian long enough that my financial situation would turn around. However, that didn't happen and needless to say I found my economic situation getting worse as well as my problems getting home. But I wonder if there are like any philosophical beliefs or books that would be key to me getting my own self out of poverty instead of relying on an imaginary being.

 

I also notice that the richest countries, such as Sweden, are highly secular. What do you guys think?

 

The only real beneficiaries of the prosperity gospel are the snake oil salesmen at the top waving their Bibles around. "Gimme your money and God will bless you" being the oldest con in the world. 

 

America is actually the richest country in the world, but most of the wealth produced goes to .1% of the population. So our standard of living is, overall, much lower than Sweden's. 

 

You've taken the first step out by no longer relying on magic solutions. Find out where the other successful people are in your area, watch what they do, learn from them. Take night classes. Try new ideas. The possibilities are endless. 

[Positivist]

I think evangelical religion definitely can play a role in poverty because (1) you are taught to value the "things of god" (church, the [other] poor, "ministry", etc.) above your own needs and (2) you are taught to dial down self-efficacy (you trust god above yourself and wait [and wait and wait and wait and wait] instead of taking rational action).

 

Self-efficacy is a beautiful thing.

 

Start walking!

[Bhim]

Hi Tezia, nice to meet you.  Are you, by any chance, part of a church that teaches the prosperity gospel (i.e. the idea that God wants you to be wealthy, etc.)?  I know this is popular not only in African American Christian circles, but in Pentecostal churches as well.

 

One thing I've noticed that in churches where the prosperity gospel is not taught, Christians actually harp quite a bit on fiscal responsibility and such.  Along with the fact that most people in these churches are white, upper middle class professionals, people in these churches actually do pretty well from a fiscal standpoint.  I don't say this to suggest that you stay with Christianity (you definitely should not, since it's an evil religion!), but just to point out that you shouldn't be surprised to find a lot of prosperous people who are Christians.

 

To answer your question...well I can't, because as far as I know there's no magic formula for wealth.  Often times it's just a matter of getting lucky.  There are things, however, that you can do to achieve a comfortable middle class lifestyle.  For example, a little education in the right field goes a long way.  A friend of a friend that I know did a two year degree in auto body work.  He's married, his wife doesn't work, and they own a house.  Going to school for a couple years and getting a highly practical degree, like auto mechanics, nursing, etc., seems pretty sure to land people decent jobs.  Not sure I'd recommend going to college though.  I have a PhD in physics and I don't make that much more than someone with a BS.  Heck, there's a pretty good chance that in a few years my wife (who has a BS) might make more than me.

[leopardus]

The only "philosophy" that will lift anyone out of poverty is getting a job and working hard at it. Of course you might come up with a good business idea too, but that's not easy or common, and you need to have some knowledge and experience about running a business.

I don't know your circumstances so I don't know what limitations you have on time, experience, opportunities, etc. I can only say that a paying job is about the only way up.

[Guest Babylonian Dream]

Spending that time you used to spend praying, using it to better yourself instead can lift you out.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

Putting together a good life-plan with reachable goals, hard work, intelligence, and a bit of elbow grease is what is going to pull you out of poverty.  And from what I've read in your posts, you seem singularly capable and willing to achieve all of these.  I predict in a few years, you'll look back on these days and think, "How far I've come!"

[R. S. Martin]

As a Christian I tried to "pray" my way out of poverty. You see, I am a poor black female and for my entire life I had been a Christian, believing that if I was a faithful Christian long enough that my financial situation would turn around. However, that didn't happen and needless to say I found my economic situation getting worse as well as my problems getting home. But I wonder if there are like any philosophical beliefs or books that would be key to me getting my own self out of poverty instead of relying on an imaginary being.

 

I also notice that the richest countries, such as Sweden, are highly secular. What do you guys think?

 

I don't know of any "philosophy" to get a person rich. The philosophies exist but obviously if any existed that worked for every human situation no one would be in poverty. Then again, what is poverty? Do you have the necessities of life--food, clothes, and shelter? I see you live in the USA. You should have quite a variety of choice in the basics of life--there's cheaper and more expensive brands of pretty much everything. Learn to evaluate quality versus quantity, versus what is important to you personally. For example, if you have food allergies but can use public transit to get around, you can invest the bulk of your available income in healthy food and use the bus or train to get around, even if it's not high-class like having your own vehicle. Not saying you've got allergies or a vehicle, just used it as an example re the kind of prioritizing one must do with little income. It doesn't make you rich financially but it enables you to survive and live an emotionally rich life.

 

Like others said, it requires practical logic. No quick fixes and get-rich-quick promises with deconversion. Just release from false promises of non-existent deities.

[slave2six]

Your wealth is directly related to your skill level and education. 

 

A philosophy that says, "I am capable" and which inspires you to complete your education or to make yourself visible to your managers will, of course, be a great benefit to you.

 

Praying to god for help is like looking for a handout. You have to make your own way in the world. 

 

That said, the disparity between the rich and everyone else in this country is extreme. Don't expect to become a member of the top 1%. That's just unrealistic. Still, if you can set a reasonable goal for yourself ("I want to make $X a year") then you can start asking questions about how to reach that goal (e.g. "Do I need to complete my bachelor's degree?").

 

I guess what I'm getting at is that you have to rely on yourself. Know that you are smart enough and have the character to change your situation. Then do everything you can to make that change.

[Chikirin]

Even if you never become financially well off, I think you'll still be happier without religion. For me, when I was a christian I was always mad because I couldn't understand why God would bless my friendds with good jobs and money but not me. I'm no longer caught in that stupid mindset.

[florduh]

 

Will Living A Secular Life Lift Me Out Of Poverty?

 

 

Well, it certainly couldn't hurt.

 

Both the rich and poor segments are comprised of religious and non-religious people. Extreme poverty and extreme wealth seem to both be self-perpetuating. I don't think there is a simple answer for how to escape poverty, but we know it is doable.

[TrueFreedom]

Many teachings related to wealth-building which emerged from world religions can also be found in secular advice from wealthy people.  Honest, consistent, competent service pays.  Generosity pays.  Frugality pays.  Dishonesty only pays off for a time, often with disastrous results long-term.  Sharing 10% does not bring about poverty.  Relying on fate to bring wealth brings about poverty.

[Blue elephant]

well, if you were tithing 10% of your gross income before! you have just increased your income by a bit more than 10%. assisting people who are less fortunate than yourself I financially is a good thing - but you decide when and where that should be.

 

if you want to improve your finances, get some qualifications. Make sure there is a market for the type of qualification before you enrol though.

 

eat well! keep your weight down (major source of discrimination in the job market) and think about how every dollar you spend will improve your long term prospects.

 

Not all that magical!

[rach]

Poverty is impossible to overcome without hard work and good fortune.  I've done all the hard work stuff but I haven't had the good fortune.  I've got a bed and food to eat but I'm never going to reach the middle class or anything like that.  At least I don't feel compelled to share my hard earned dollars with the church so they can build an elaborate new entryway or anything like that.  If I was still Christian I'd probably get suckered into tithing so thankfully that's out of the picture.  As a Christian I was so suggestable, and I would see a commercial like dying kids in Africa and feel like I sould send money I didn't have.  Now as a non Christian and far more savvy and world-wise, I know that many charities are scams or do more harm than good.  Now I feel that people in Africa and everywhere else, need to learn responsibility, not creating children they cannot care for.  So it's really not my problem, if people are irresponsible, I should not have to shoulder their burdens.  (That's not to say it's the kids fault for being born). 

 

I remember as a Christian- this is how bad it got, how suggestible I was- a man would come on tv and say that I should send him money and god would send me back ten-fold when he saw my faith.  He called it "planting a seed".  I was seriously considering it.  For whatever reason I wasn't at the stage where I could see right through it (blame autism maybe).  I also bought into all the "promises" of scripture that Jesus clothes the lilies of the field, and so that means he's also going to provide for our basic needs.  Well that was such a joke. 

 

So, I work my ass off.  I'm deliberate about spending.  When I go to buy something I look at product reviews and look for the greatest quality I can get within my budget (so it lasts longer).  I don't expect any manna from the sky.  And if I'm lucky I'll make it, and never end up homeless. 

[RipVanWinkle]

Tezia: The good news is that you are so young. 20 years old. You have time. I saw that you were in college. My advice is to get a college degree. Even if it does not help you get a job immediately, it will help you at some time in your future get something. If I were you I would try to specifically identify a series of goals you want to achieve and a date in which to achieve them. Set a realistic long time goal and intermediate goals that will get you there. All should have a time limit within which to reach the goal Be realistic. There is nothing more frustrating than setting a goal unrealistically high and failing to reach it. The other side is not to set it too low. Set it so you will be challenged but not totally frustrated. If you know a good teacher you have had, see him or her to get some advice. Be proactive. It is by nature a frustrating road to travel: But don't give up. Refuse to give up.

 

I really am impressed with your spirit. If your goal turns out to be the wrong goal, change it to the right one, but only after making sure that you are not just giving up, Get advice, but make your own decisions. A wrong decision is not a defeat, it is a learning experience. Don't let defeat prevent you from achieving your goals.

 

Sorry if I ran off my mouth too much. But I really hope you can reach your goals. Don't worry about getting "rich". Just take small steps in the right direction. And good luck. Feel free to PM me if you want.         bill

[mymistake]

Tezia: The good news is that you are so young. 20 years old. You have time. I saw that you were in college. My advice is to get a college degree. Even if it does not help you get a job immediately, it will help you at some time in your future get something. If I were you I would try to specifically identify a series of goals you want to achieve and a date in which to achieve them. Set a realistic long time goal and intermediate goals that will get you there. All should have a time limit within which to reach the goal Be realistic. There is nothing more frustrating than setting a goal unrealistically high and failing to reach it. The other side is not to set it too low. Set it so you will be challenged but not totally frustrated. If you know a good teacher you have had, see him or her to get some advice. Be proactive. It is by nature a frustrating road to travel: But don't give up. Refuse to give up.

 

I really am impressed with your spirit. If your goal turns out to be the wrong goal, change it to the right one, but only after making sure that you are not just giving up, Get advice, but make your own decisions. A wrong decision is not a defeat, it is a learning experience. Don't let defeat prevent you from achieving your goals.

 

Sorry if I ran off my mouth too much. But I really hope you can reach your goals. Don't worry about getting "rich". Just take small steps in the right direction. And good luck. Feel free to PM me if you want.         bill

 

 

All good advise but I think it is important to emphasize not going into debt for college.  These days it just isn't viable.  College debt is one thing you can't get out of with bankruptcy.   So go for grants, scholarships, working on the side and whatever else it takes but keep the school debt to a minimum.

[RenaissanceWoman]

My high school speech team coach always said the same thing, "The cream will rise to the top." Now that I am early 40s, I see that he is right. Whatever you are doing, be the thick rich cream, and you will rise.

 

Since you are in college, here are some tips.

 

Always come to class prepared. Always try to ask at least one good question. Professors notice. Your assignment before every class is to come up with one or two questions to ask to show that you have done the work and that you want to learn. Don't be annoying or a show-off, but ask the professor for clarification on something, or to further explain something. For every course every semester, find a reason to talk to each professor (after class, during office hours, whenever) at least once that semester (don't be a pest!) to ask for ideas about further reading or to clarify something. Be just a tiny bit more visible and interesting than the other students. One day, one of those profs is going to write you a recommendation, or tell you about an internship, or help you choose your next course.

 

Make people above you feel important. Yeah, kissing up a bit works. (Just don't be annoying.) Ask the professor for advice if it would make more sense to take microeconomics first, or macroeconomics first; accounting 101 first, or statistics 101, better to take art appreciation or graphic design 101 as your art elective (even if you already know the answers to these questions). Ask your boss what would be the most efficient way to do such-and-such task. Ask the secretary in your school office what she would recommend regarding which meal plan to get on. Those people like to feel like their opinion has value and they have worth in their job, so coax their egos a tiny bit. This is what other successful people do. I'm not a schmoozer, but I have learned to show respect and stand out just a tiny bit. You want to be remembered as someone who cares, asks questions, and wants to do the best job (or the way that person thinks is best).

 

Dress the part. I have noticed how I get great responses and service from people when I dress for success. This can be plain jeans and a crisp black turtleneck with a black belt and black shoes, simple jewelry, well-kept hair, lip stick -- nothing fancy, just smart. Have one good pair of nice black shoes, one pair of well-fitting jeans, two nice black shirts, one flattering skirt, whatever. I have one client (in the apparel business) who always says, "You always look so nice!" Funny, I'm wearing the exact same thing I wore last time we met. As long as it's not something obvious like a red shirt with a memorable sequins pattern, they won't notice that it's the same crisp black top I wore last time. So I threw on that sparkly scarf I got on clearance, and it looks like a whole new outfit. You're in college -- don't come to class in pajamas and slippers, as if you'd rather be somewhere else. Even in jeans, black boots, and a black shirt, my husband's friends have often said, "You always look so nice." Really? These are the same jeans I've been wearing for the past 5 days, lol. I also have a rule -- never wear athletic shoes in public. That conveys caring more about your personal comfort than about your image. Black or brown shoes, every time. (You can always pick out the Americans in Paris -- the only people wearing Nikes.) My daughter is an elementary school cheerleader, and I broke my rule and wore my Adidas kickboxing shoes because I knew I'd be sitting in bleachers. My best friend said, "Oh my god... has hell frozen over?" Ha! My point is... don't spend a bunch of money, but just don't be dumpy looking. Look like you give a damn.

 

Don't pay retail. Get two nice shirts on clearance at Kohl's and be happy. Choose well (good fit, subtle versatile design).

 

Be frugal, not cheap. Buying something you need and will get good use out of -- on sale -- is frugal. Buying a bunch of flimsy trendy shirts that you may wear only a few times because, "but, they were on sale!" is cheap. Hang one poster in a decent frame on your wall; don't fill your place with a bunch of cheap knick-knack clutter. My mother has this bad habit; she buys my daughter all kinds of cheap little shit from the clearance bins, and much of it we don't use or donate, but she thinks a box full of stuff feels like a big gift. I finally had to tell her to consolidate all that money and buy one nice item that my daughter really wants. $20 for the new Monster High doll is going to be more appreciated than a box with $40 worth of stickers, glitter pens, knick-knacky shit, lip gloss, and all that. See what I mean? Don't buy stuff because it's cheap or on sale; buy it because you need it and the price is right.

 

Don't go to the mall. You won't know about all the shiny things you don't have if you don't keep going and reminding yourself of all the shiny things you don't have.

 

Choose your friends wisely. If your friends piss away their extra cash every Saturday night on expensive drinks at a bar, find something else to do. Take a Saturday jewelry-making class at your local craft store together instead. Go to the zoo. Find people and activities where talking is possible, and minimal cash is spent. This will enrich you and inspire you. My husband's older sister always hangs out with biker bar types, who live in trailer parks and dabble in drugs and piss away money on booze. (They are nice enough people, and quite fun, actually, but...) She can never rise above it, and as responsible as she is, she is always the one bailing these people out when they need money or a place to live for a few months. Ugh! Stop doing that! Her grown son (our nephew) and his wife came early to my daughter's birthday party to help me set up. (We have a moderately nice home with a pool, and middle class friends.) Within a month after that, he and his wife and two kids had moved out of his wife's parents house into a rental house of their own. We inspired them to want their own space and a special nest for their kids. They wanted a life more like ours. What? We did all that, simply by inviting them to a birthday party? Yep.

 

My best friend is a single mom below poverty level, with a mixed-race (half black) child, living with her mother in a trailer park. But she loves me and invites me to do stuff, and we text every day. She comes early to every birthday party for my daughter, responds to all my negative rants and positive successes, and calms me like no one else. She helps me, I help her. Now she is searching for schools for her daughter who will start kindergarten next fall. I have worked with enough professionals in our area that I have a contact person for her at every private school she is dreaming of sending her daughter to. I have been able to say, "Remember meeting my friend at my daughter's birthday party? She is interested in the school your kid goes to, and I'm wondering if you know anything about their financial aid and scholarships?" Since I have always tried to be a good reliable person and caring parent, they assume she is too. She is suddenly on the top of the stack. In the next three weeks, she now has appointments at four amazing private schools, and she and her daughter will get to choose from a few of them for free or very little tuition. That's how the world works. She's not just sending her kid to the closest school; she is busy weighing what's best for her child's needs and strengths and weaknesses. So maybe my friend will not pull herself out of poverty, but her daughter for damn sure will have amazing opportunities, and a different set of people in her life to inspire her to bigger and better choices.

 

I have been to some birthday parties for kids in my daughter's class. Some of their houses are way nicer and more expensive than mine. Am I jealous? Hell no! For the price of a $20 kid gift, we get to spend four hours in a beautiful house with nice people and free food. We learn about the local children's chorus and the new polar bear at the zoo. We find people with kids our age, and similar interests. Even if we made one loose connection that may or may not pan out, at least we had a lovely time and got some inspiration. And we learn from other people's success. How do they do it? Well, the dad is a lawyer, but he works all the damn time. Do we want that? No, but what other habits do they have that we can learn from? They always dress nice, and they know people. I don't want to be a socialite, but smart connections are always going to help. That is how the world works.

 

It's not always what you know, but who you know. I fucking hate that, but it's true. I am an over-achiever, but I hate to schmooze. They should want me based on my amazing talent, dammit! But no. How can you prove that you are the best person for the job, when you can't even get your foot in the door? All it takes is one foot in one door. Get in and make the most of it. Be reliable. Be upbeat. Be the person they would recommend for the next big thing. Meet people. Be the kind of person that others want to be with, the person that others want to hire.

 

Join the Jaycees (that's short for Junior Chamber of Commerce). It's young professionals (under 40), who get together to do community projects, go to baseball games, hook up (yeah, just keepin' it real), and get drunk together. However, you will have lawyers there, sales people, up-and-coming career professionals, future city council members, plus various hangers-on. You'll socially hang out with people with connections and motivation. Maybe nothing comes of it for a while, but it helps to surround yourself with people who give a damn about their careers. My husband is a car guy, did not finish high school, and wasn't the typical member -- but he always attended stuff with me dressed appropriately, flirted appropriately with the women, talked cars and macho stuff with the guys, threw back some brewskies, and fit in nicely. So if you're a lowly janitor or a nurse or a teacher or something (and not a lawyer), no one cares. You'll find people who are glad you made the effort to join them. This is just an example -- find what suits you. But by all means, surround yourself with people who are at or above your level, and rising.

 

Do your work cheerfully and to the best of your ability. If you are the one to clean the bathroom, be the best damn bathroom cleaner they ever had. Make suggestions for a different kind of wastebasket that will reduce odor and look sharper. Provide options for installing an air freshener, or a small cabinet under the sink for women employees to store personal items (extra toothbrush, hand lotion, hair gel). Let them say, "Hey, this person gives a shit, and we need someone like that on this other / better project." Sometimes this pans out, and sometimes it does not. If you are not getting respect or opportunities after a while, they could just be assholes and it's time to move on. That happens. But you did your best, no regrets, and you might get a good recommendation for the next opportunity elsewhere.

 

Be nice to little people. Always be friendly to secretaries / receptionists. These are the people who put your calls through (or not), who will order you those special pens you like, who will give you a heads up about a new job posting, who will call Fed Ex for you at the end of the day when you're panicked about getting your project out the door on time. You never know how tight with or related to the dean or boss they are. Just be nice to everyone. Remember that Bible thing about "entertaining angels in disguise." Live it.

 

Do what successful people do. My most successful freelance friend taught me something important early on, and it has served me well. Every year at Christmas he gets a nice (pricey!) Godiva gift basket for every client (including a smaller one for the secretary or assistant or whatever). Clients eat that shit up. One year he told me about a guy who had not given him any work that year, like he had the previous year. My friend delivered a basket anyway. The client said he didn't really deserve it because he hadn't given any work that year, but my friend told him that once the economy picks back up and things get straightened out, he'll be there for him when he needs him. Later the following year, my friend got some huge projects from the guy and made a ton of money. Not a bad $75 investment.  I am a professional package designer, so I put together practical yet beautiful gift bags with a lot of hand work and a professional flair to the outward presentation part. I spend about $30 each (25 bags total), and about 100 hours getting them just right. Delivering them gives me valuable, no-work-pressure face time, and the clients are so chatty and appreciative. Last year I gave elegant travel coffee mugs with my logo lightly embossed on them, a Starbucks gift card, some packets of instant Starbucks coffee, and a little baggy of custom M&Ms with my logo on some and "thank you" on some. A year later, people still tell me that they use my cup every day. Cool! Work picked up soon after delivery, and I even got leads from people I don't know at their company. This year I gave them a "power pack 2014" bag with an elegant lipstick-sized, rechargeable phone charger (with my logo embossed, of course), so they will never again be in a meeting with their phone or blackberry about to die on them, plus a Starbucks card (caffeine "power"), and custom M&Ms again. They were tripping over themselves with delight at the beautiful bags (I got the pieces at four different stores, good grief, but it paid off) -- and work picked up within 2 days. Plus now they have a second item with my logo on it that they will hopefully keep on hand for years to come. And my main client's new manager had never met me, and was considering switching my work to her favorite agency instead, but this little bit of effort caught her attention and she realized why my client (her subordinate) insisted on keeping me -- I am professional, thoughtful, creative. For $30, I just saved myself from losing about half of my annual work!

 

Again, learn from successful people, and be good at what you're good at. One of the most successful guys I know is really good at schmoozing and good at "people" in general, but doesn't have many other skills. He's a great networker. He cannot do the kind of work I do, but he knows how to connect people like me and my colleagues so we work together to make him look good while he's out kissing ass on the damn golf course. I used to get so annoyed by this (he gets paid tons for being a bullshitter?!), but now I get it -- he is doing what he is good at, and it means more paying work for me, so more power to him! I am shocked by his lack of organizational skills, but yet he's laughing all the way to the bank. So... find what you're good at and be freaking awesome at it.

 

Stop buying shit. Remember that nice house I mentioned with the hard-working lawyer dad? I've noticed that his wife always wears the same simple, elegant pieces of jewelry, the same shoes, the same beautiful hat and gloves, buys stuff that doesn't matter at Walmart (and the important items at the expensive organic grocery store), and drives an older yet well-maintained minivan. She could get a job rather than be a stay-at-home mom, and could have all kinds of fancy clothes, shop for everything at the expensive organic grocery store, and get fancy new cars every other year. She made it a priority to be frugal and live her chosen lifestyle. She gets to come on school field trips and host the cheerleading party after school on a Friday. Don't be fooled by the uber-rich people on tv; real life successful / wealthier people are not going out buying up crazy stuff all the time. They are prioritizing too. As I said before, if you start to hang with these types of people, you will pick up on their habits and philosophy, and that will serve you well.

 

Stop eating out. Buy a crockpot and find some recipes online, or something! Make a list of meals for the week, then go buy the stuff. You'll save money and get superior nutrition. The family in my previous paragraph only eats out a couple times a month. What?! Yep, 2 kids and 2 adults plus tip gets expensive. I know poor families who eat out 4 or 5 times a week. What?! Eating out or getting ice cream is a treat, not a staple.

 

Do not get your nails done. I don't know one wealthy woman who does this. Since you are a black woman -- you know what I mean about those fancy dragon-lady fingernails. Let me assure you, no one thinks those are attractive. Quite the opposite! The only women I see who have those are always check-out ladies. How do you type with those long things? My husband always asks, how do they wipe their ass? (He cracks me up.) And I wonder, how much does that cost, how often must you go for touch-ups, and how much time do you waste in a chair? What a colossal waste of time and money. The professional women I see all have short, clean nails. Very few even bother with basic polish, because it starts to wear off in a few days -- so it either looks bad or you have to take time to re-do it. Don't bother. My advice... spend a little extra time making your hair look polished, do some pretty makeup to softly highlight your eyes, and choose nice earrings. That is what people see first. I paint my nails about twice a year, if I have a client presentation where I will be presenting something with my hands -- and even then, it's only a light shimmer close to the color of my skin. Like I said before with the clothes: You want clean, simple, polished, practical, frugal, wise. Why would I hire someone who looks like a trendy spend-thrift with cheap, tacky taste? I want someone who is going to take my money and give me back something professional, elegant, priced right.

 

Holy smokes... are you still reading this far along?

 

To sum it up: Prioritize time and money. Be frugal. Be the best at what you're doing. Stand out. Dress the part. Act like you give a shit. Be confident. Surround yourself with inspiring and helpful people.

 

Be the creamy good stuff, and you will rise.

[Voice]

I'm a white man who grew up in poverty, became a christian in poverty, de-converted in poverty, had a couple of good years and made $50K, and am currently living in poverty. I believe the opportunities afforded to you are greater than those afforded me. Go for it. But christian or secular, poverty underlies both and success can be achieved through either, christian or secular.

[amateur]

I've been wealthy, I've been poor.  I've been agnostic, Xian, atheist.  Wealth isn't related to religion (unless you become a minister and start your own church).  Hard work and luck are related to wealth.  I've spent time working very very hard and been poor, so when the luck helps out, it's nice.

 

Living frugally is always good.  I've always been frugal, no matter my finances.  It helped in the lean times.

[Bhim]

I was thinking about this thread, and I do have one specific idea for you, Tezia.  You mentioned that you're a black female.  Don't at all take this the wrong way, but affirmative action in academia weighs the scales heavily in your favor.  Professional degree programs, specifically medicine and law, heavily favor both African Americans and females (collectively referred to as "underrepresented minorities").  I don't know what kind of academic studies you're pursuing right now.  But if you're set on getting a four year degree, you might want to major in either biology or engineering (depending on how much you like either rote memorization or mathematics, respectively), make sure you get reasonably good grades, and then apply to medical and law schools.  In my academic experience, I've seen that underrepresented minorities with good grades do very well.

 

This won't get you "rich" in the sense of owning several houses and a yacht, but the $100k+ salaries that accompany these careers will lift you far out of poverty.

[RenaissanceWoman]

Bhim is right on! Take advantage of it! That is what it is for... to lift people like you who want to be helped.

 

This is helping my best friend, too, since she is a low income single mom with a black child, whereas most families at these private schools are married white professional people. But these schools all want diversity (it enriches everyone), and they want a mom like her who cares and is willing to be involved, and they want to help people like her who actually desire to be helped. If other poor black families approached these schools with the same confidence and desire, they would be shoo-ins too. But so many of them do not even know that this is an option. No one has told them! Or they don't know whom to ask.

 

One thing I've noticed about successful people -- they know stuff. They have an advantage because they know people in high places, or people who can connect them to other people. They know there are options out there, and they figure out how to grab them.

 

Talk to your financial aid office. Talk to professors. Talk to your academic counselor. Find out what is available. Be confident. Show motivation. Jump through the hoops to get it.