Antidepressants

[moanareina]

OK, I just had a talk two days ago with a friend of whom I knew she takes meds for her depression. Actually she's an ex-C too but left it all behind way before I even considered...

 

So I talked to her about the meds about the effects and side effects. I need to ponder it all a bit more before I decide to give it a try but maybe it might help to know from those of you who take meds too. You can also pm me if you don't want to talk about it on an open thread.

 

So mainly those who take anti depressants or other stimulants that treat depression or low motivation/energy:

 

 

1. What kind of meds are you taking and for how long are you taking them?

 

2. Did you reduce or increase the dosage over time? Or did you even stop taking them? If so, why?

 

3. Did or do you have therapy too or just the meds? If you have/had therapy, did it help with the depression and if so did it also help in a way you could reduce dosage or where able to stop taking the meds?

 

5. How intense was your depression when you started taking the meds? What where you able to do or not to.

 

6. Did side effects show and if so how?

 

7. Has your personality changed and if so how? Or was it more like you finally could be who you think you are?

 

8. Did you have any increase or decrease in creativity or did the way you think change somehow? (I guess that is one of the greater concerns I have...and I know it might sound silly...but...I always looked at creativity and the way I think as my capital sorta...)

 

 

OK, I guess there are more questions I have and maybe there will come up more when I get some responses. For now I think it is enough though...

[Pantophobia]

Question #8 isn't silly at all! It was one of my concerns, too. 

 

I take Zoloft, and have for almost 20 years now. When I started, I was having a half-dozen panic attacks a day, felt physically unable to leave the house, or, when I was in public, would often be hit with the urge to get home where it was "safe" immediately. I could not stop feeling like I was doomed and cursed, that God had me under some microscope and was tormenting me so I would "learn lessons." There were several times where I truly wanted to die. Mostly it was that I could not stop being not only sad, but also in this heightened, freaked-out and jacked-up state of terror about what bad thing would happen next. 

 

A lot of that, I know now, was my Christian mindset. 

 

I've gradually dropped my dosage down to something like 125mgs from 500 at the beginning, and it's just mostly to keep things level. However, when I meet with my new GP, I may discuss going off them totally. Since deconverting last year, my panic and anxiety has been at the lowest it has ever been in my life. I get anxious about work things, but it's normal people feelings, not that jacked-up terror that Something outside my control is going to cosmically zap me for fun because that's how God works. 

 

And yes, this went along with therapy, which I highly recommend. Sometimes it takes a little while to find a therapist you're comfortable with, and it's going to be a difficult emotional process, but power through. 

 

One friend noted a drop in creativity because she was sleeping better, and she used to write during late-night insomnia sprees. But she has eventually adjusted her schedule, and now writes in the mornings. Mine, however, has flourished in the last year or so, and I credit full deconversion.

 

My personality didn't change. I leveled off. But on the other hand, I have changed drastically since the events that caused me to seek treatment for depression and anxiety in the first place, so who is to say what caused what?

 

My side effects included some weight loss at first. If I forget to take one for more than 2 days, I'll get headachy and jittery, but nothing dramatic. 

 

I hope that helps. 

[Voice]

I was so seriously depressed in 2010 that my parents intervened and started me on an anti-depressant for the first time in my life.  I was pleased with it.  Lamictal, also called Lamotragine.  It's a medication originally designed for epileptic patients but they found it had anti-depressant characteristics so recently they started using it just for that.

I was on it for 2 years.  There were minor side affects at first (slight headache and some indigestion), and the one long term side affect was reduced sex drive.  I couldn't get a boner for a year.  Honestly, I welcomed it considering the alternative.  Some people get a rash when they first try it, I think that's how they tell if it will be right for you or not.  I did not get a rash.

There is another med I take for bi-polar, lithium, which started causing me to shake (hand tremors they call it) some time after I started the Lamictal.  I thought it was the Lamictal causing that and so I went off of it.  I miss it now.  Triggers that normally trip me into depression slid right off, or the depression was too weak to hold more than a few hours or at worst a day.  It was nice.

I don't see a therapist and I don't know if one can really help with depression.  Maybe some day I will find out, I'm seeing a therapist for the first time next week.

 

I understand Lamotragine only works for depressed persons at some 40% success rate or something close according the the documentation I got from my doctor which had stats and studies and stuff.  Definitely ask about it as a possible treatment, it's in a class of its own.

 

Neither lithium or Lamotragine affected creativity.  In fact, lithium helped me focus a bit better with it.  Lithium does not effectively treat depression.  The fact that I've given up all things creative now is a thing of choice, a decision I've made to see if there's anything I have to offer the real world that will make me a living.  I'm not interested in being the starving artist any more.  That's bullshit.

[ApostateAwoken]

Firstly, I primarily suffer from anxiety but I'm taking an SSRI for that that's also an antidepressant. 

 

1. I have been taking Zoloft 200 mg for about 6 or 7 months now. 

 

2. Yes, I started off at 25 mg and gradually worked my way up to 200 mg (which was the plan from the start, it just needs to be done slowly.)

 

3. Yes, I am currently in therapy as well. Medication should be the second option in treating depression, generally. The therapy has helped with both my anxiety and depression, I'd recommend it. I'm on other medications that they plan to take me off once my OCD stabilizes. 

 

4. My anxiety was literally unbearable. I was admitted to a facility because every waking moment was hell. I couldn't do anything without worrying - couldn't go anywhere, etc. I could take care of myself, but most of the time I'd just pace around panicking. :-/ 

 

5. I have not noticed any side effects despite my relatively high dosage. 

 

6. The only way my personality has changed is that I can be calm now. I'm exactly the same as I was before only my usual bright, bubbly self. 

 

7. I have been a pianist for 8 years and play Beethoven, Chopin, etc. Currently working on Schumann's Fantasiestucke. I also draw, write, read, etc. My creativity has not been in the least affected. 

 

15 years old here struggling with OCD and anxiety, some depression (suicidal ideation and whatnot). Any questions feel free to ask me! I'd love to help. :-) 

[Eugene39]

These are all very good questions. I have had depression since I was in my mid-teens, and am 42 now. The catalyst which started it 20 something years ago was religion-induced, but to be fair, my family does have a history of depression - on both sides of my family actually. The event that got the ball rolling towards being on an anti-depressant occurred over a year ago in marriage counseling when I began talking about committing suicide on the winter solstice of that year. The doc put me on Citalopram first. I actually liked it better but one of the side effects which seldom happens is that it can cause ringing in the ears. It got to the point I couldn't handle the 12000 Hz tone literally screaming in my ears, so did quit taking it for awhile to see if it helped calm it down, which it did. I'm on Fluoxetine now, and it certainly helps keep my moods leveled out. 

 

My depression has never made me unable to do anything - I have been the only wage earner for the entire length of our marriage and just never have been able to "shut down". As far as counseling for my depression, no, I've not done that. Voice mentioned an ending of his sex drive; mine didn't drop that drastically but did drop some, which in my situation, is a good thing. I don't think my personality has changed, but my wife does think I'm easier to get along with now. As far as creativity, I can't say that I've ever had much of it. Just ask my wife. LOL

 

Should you decide to go on one, yes, you should expect some "weird" things to happen until your body gets adjusted to it. I had some nausea initially, and with the Citalopram...it was like I couldn't think straight all the time for a few days while getting adjusted. But overall? yes, I would do it all again, and actually should have started when I was a teenager, but in the closed community I was part of, it wasn't an option anyway.

 

Edited for clarity and spelling errors.

[moanareina]

Thank you guys.

 

Well, I suffer from depression since I have been a child...though I have not been aware I had been suffering all along. But I can remember questioning the reason of life when I was five or so and wishing I had never been born...wishing to die in a car accident or something...cause that way It would not be me having killed myself which would put me in hell or purposely keeping me from fulfilling my task on earth...

 

My life was very unstable from birth till I was eight years old. I had been at about seven different places from birth till the age of three. Then I had been at my god mothers family from three to eight when they adopted me (adoption process started at age four and was completed at age eight). During the first four years I spent the time I was not at a daycare or foster family at my mothers boyfriends parents or her parents or other places and then from three to eight I spent every weekend and all vacations at my mom's parents. It was a constant back and forth. And even after the adoption was completed there was not much stability. And my parents seemed to be overwhelmed with their other kids and me and themselves. But as christians of course they had no problems and their marriage was fine...

 

If I would go into details I might wright a book or something...so I try to keep it short.

 

Anyways...I managed to work through a lot of issues on my own or with the help of religion...yes somehow there had been some aspects to it but I guess I that I would have managed to work through that stuff without as well and maybe even better...but who knows. So I could leave my co-dependency behind and my severe inferiority issues as well. But the depression is still there and so is the chaos in my flat. I had never been as depressed to not be able to leave the house or not to function anymore. But enough to not really enjoy the day and to not getting things done that I would like to and also to still work at a job I feel underwhelmed. It is hard to get up in the morning when I don't have to. When I have an appointment its OK. 

 

So I think my depression is some chemical imbalance due to my early childhood experience and development. I am not quite sure if therapy might help. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. Thats why I am asking actually. Because what does it help to talk things over and over? Does it? I have no idea and my imagination is kinda limited when it comes to this. Because I have talked things over...have thought about it, analyzed things etc...I think the things you can solve by talking to someone or thinking about stuff have been solved so far. Like for example I understood the concept of co-dependency and how I got out of it. I no longer make myself emotionally dependent on others and I can deal with the feelings that made me do that. When I feel depressed I cannot really trace it down to some event or person or whatever. its just there. And then come the thoughts. Not the other way round.

 

The hope of taking meds to me would be, to finally start living. To be able to get up in the morning with a good feeling about myself and the day. To not always postponing things I would like to do but just do them. To do what I have or want to without having to have a deadline. To be able to have a clean and cleaned up flat so I could finally invite people over...to not have that constant feeling of time running through my fingers...to live like a normal person. And then also to be more sociable. To be able to keep up with people. To not just work, sleep and eat...and study.

Maybe thats hoped too much, I don't know. But that's what goes through my mind when I think about the medications and the possibility of taking them. To find out if my expectations are right or not is one of the goals of this thread. Also to weigh the cons and pros.

[Blue elephant]

I have had long term problems with depression also.  Have had some counselling about specific issues when I was younger.  But, I have done enough psychology study myself to know when there is an issue that needs counselling.  Depression seems to be quite common with all of us on Ex-c forums.  Some of the things you have said about your early life and your parents make me wonder whether they actually needed to take this sort of medication and whether any imbalance in your brain chemistry is genetically based.

 

 

I taken an anti depressant called escitalopram most of the time.  I don't notice any specific personality changes.  Just fixes the free floating doubt that leads to ridiculous procrastination.  I always have  a little bit of nausea when I start taking them.  These days, I try and start with a quarter of the dose that I finally intend to get up to and eat quite a bit on those days (the nausea feels like low blood sugar to me).

[RipVanWinkle]

1. What kind of meds are you taking and for how long are you taking them?

Wellbutrin: Effexor I have taken these for over 8 years

 

2. Did you reduce or increase the dosage over time? Or did you even stop taking them? If so, why? 

I was taking only Effexor at first, but it did,'t help me enough. So the doctor added wellbutrin.

 

3. Did or do you have therapy too or just the meds? If you have/had therapy, did it help with the depression and if so did it also help in a way you could reduce dosage or where able to stop taking the meds?

I went to therapy for a few months and it was beneficial, at least it helped me to let off steam. I'm not sure it decreased my depression, though.

5. How intense was your depression when you started taking the meds? What where you able to do or not to.

    The doctor described it as "marked depression" which I interpreted to man severe. I had a wife at home and 4 kids. I had no choice but to work. The rest of the time I slept, watched tv , moped around and read about my condition.

 

6. Did side effects show and if so how? 

Not with the meds I have taken for the last 8 or so years. But the 1st ones I took, before the seratonin (sp ?) re-uptake inhibitors, made me feel lousy. Food tasted bad and I felt weird. Next I took Prosaic which really made me feel normal. But after a few months it quit working. Then I tried several different types of antidepressants for several years until a started my current meds. 

 

7. Has your personality changed and if so how? Or was it more like you finally could be who you think you are? Yes. I'm happier to some degree, (not all the time) and have more interest in doing fun things than before. But I get depressed in a milder way from time to time.

 

8. Did you have any increase or decrease in creativity or did the way you think change somehow? (I guess that is one of the greater concerns I have...and I know it might sound silly...but...I always looked at creativity and the way I think as my capital sorta...)

My mind is sharper than it was when I was depressed because then I was always drowsy. My concentration

is better than before.

 

I hope this helps you.    bill

[Voice]

So I think my depression is some chemical imbalance due to my early childhood experience and development. I am not quite sure if therapy might help. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. Thats why I am asking actually. Because what does it help to talk things over and over? Does it? I have no idea and my imagination is kinda limited when it comes to this. Because I have talked things over...have thought about it, analyzed things etc...I think the things you can solve by talking to someone or thinking about stuff have been solved so far. Like for example I understood the concept of co-dependency and how I got out of it. I no longer make myself emotionally dependent on others and I can deal with the feelings that made me do that. When I feel depressed I cannot really trace it down to some event or person or whatever. its just there. And then come the thoughts. Not the other way round.

 

The hope of taking meds to me would be, to finally start living. To be able to get up in the morning with a good feeling about myself and the day. To not always postponing things I would like to do but just do them. To do what I have or want to without having to have a deadline. To be able to have a clean and cleaned up flat so I could finally invite people over...to not have that constant feeling of time running through my fingers...to live like a normal person. And then also to be more sociable. To be able to keep up with people. To not just work, sleep and eat...and study.

Maybe thats hoped too much, I don't know. But that's what goes through my mind when I think about the medications and the possibility of taking them. To find out if my expectations are right or not is one of the goals of this thread. Also to weigh the cons and pros.

Once we have depression, our nervous system is permanently affected. It's likelier that someone who once had depression will get it again.

 

I do believe your expectations for meds are pretty high. You will still have to motivate yourself to clean and stress out to meet deadlines. They may make doing those things a little easier though. Don't think of meds as though they're sunny days.

[gingernut]

I have not reacted well to antidepressants, I have really bad reactions.  However, reactions like those are very rare.  Usually if you don't do well on one they have quite a few to pick from until you get one that works for you.  I would encourage you to try.  What if you did really well on them?  Most people do.  Good luck and I hope you find one that helps.

[moanareina]

Yeah voice...of course my  flat won't clean up itself

 

Now there was one time I can remember when I had a good time and it was about half a year after I left Church for good and in that time, it was so much easier to do all the stuff that is needed. Also relating to others was easier and I had fun with others. I was more adroit (hope I picked the right word) and all. It was like all of a sudden a world opened to me I had never known before. Workmates all of a sudden wanted to spend the breaks with me and strange people on the street where greeting. Even when I had a really bad day and even when I had not washed my hair in days and dressed casual to go grocery shopping. It was weird and somehow surreal...and I was like I always wished I could be.

Then I got to know my neighbor and somehow I was not aware of the danger that came with spending time with him...cause I felt invincible and thought I was aware enough to deal with his alcoholism. Crazy I know. So somehow he managed to destroy all that new confidence at once and it never came back. I literally felt something break within me and I am struggling again since. It was not that he beat me or anything like that. It was only words but pretty manipulative and I was tired from work and all that day. I don't really know how I got to the place brought that great time of my life and I don't understand how it was possible to have it taken away again so easy. But also sometimes I think it might have gone away anyways over time just slowly instead of sudden.

Whatever. I guess I will look for a good psychiatrist after having done my exams in march and also get tested for ADD. I was always scared of those medications but I think I let go of that fear and give them a try. Giving myself another two months to figure out and then taking action

 

Thank you all for the responses. I really appreciate them.