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Goodbye Jesus

Sunday Dispatch


ironhorse

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"The reason we extended daylight savings time under my administration was for the good of the country, the good of the people. You see, with an extra hour of sunshine this time of year the snow will melt that much faster. And that's good for the country, good for the people."

~ George W. Bush

 

You know, it would not surprise me if W actually did say something like that.   bill

 

 

 

You can tell it isn't a legitimate quote of George W Bush because of the use of large words like extended and administration.  The real W. would have said "extenuerd" and "adminstin".  Besides the real motive of W. was Jesus had told him to do it.

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057-The-bible-is-like-a-software-license

 

 

Sunday Dispatch.7

 

"Oh, the Bible! To be sure, it says a great many things; but, then, nobody ever thinks of doing them."

 

~ Harriet Beecher Stowe, Uncle Toms Cabin

 

This one projects too.  Par for the course.

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Sunday Dispatch.7

 

"Oh, the Bible! To be sure, it says a great many things; but, then, nobody ever thinks of doing them."

 

~ Harriet Beecher Stowe, Uncle Toms Cabin

 

Have you come here for forgiveness?

Have you come to raise the dead?

Have you come here to play jesus

To the lepers in your head?

 

U2 "One"

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Why are we asked to pray after a disaster? Hasn't god made it clear that he doesn't give a fuck? - Frankie Boyle

 

There is no god, and that’s the simple truth. If every trace of any single religion were wiped out and nothing were passed on, it would never be created exactly that way again. There might be some other nonsense in its place, but not that exact nonsense. If all of science were wiped out, it would still be true and someone would find a way to figure it all out again. - Penn Gillette

 

“It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.” - Mark Twain

 

Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money. - George Carlin
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057-The-bible-is-like-a-software-license

 

 

Sunday Dispatch.7

 

"Oh, the Bible! To be sure, it says a great many things; but, then, nobody ever thinks of doing them."

 

~ Harriet Beecher Stowe, Uncle Toms Cabin

 

 

Great things like what?

 

 

Stowe also lived and wrote as an abolitionist during a time when half of the country's population believed chattel slavery -- the system of humans legally owning and doing whatever they wanted with other human beings -- was considered a practice condoned and endorsed by the bible. Anti-abolitionists claimed slavery was a "benevolent" thing because it took savages from Africa and, yeah, sure, okay, ENSLAVED them and all, but TAUGHT THEM ABOUT JESUS, so it was GOOD! Those childlike sub-human negroes never would have been saved otherwise! 

 

So you can't just throw out a Stowe quote like that without REALLY understanding the contexts. She wasn't all "Bible, great things, yay!" She was admonishing the cherry-picking of scripture, especially the Old Testament, to support an inhumane cause… much like you still see in Murrica. Golly. 

 

So before you start using Stowe as some generalized "inspirational" w00t Jesus! quote, you might want to understand who and what you're quoting. Give Uncle Tom's Cabin (the Gates-edited critical edition) a read, and see if the Christianity Stowe communicates and advocates (spoiler: Little Eva dies) is what you really think.

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Though I think this is a fake quote I thought it was funny and suits the day even though over here we have to wait another three weeks to change to summer time.

 

"The reason we extended daylight savings time under my administration was for the good of the country, the good of the people. You see, with an extra hour of sunshine this time of year the snow will melt that much faster. And that's good for the country, good for the people."

 

~ George W. Bush

 

 Wish you all a great week yellow.gif

 

Extreme satire of W is indistinguishable from the genuine article.

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Where's my Pooh? I have come to expect a load of pooh on Sunday.

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Extreme satire of W is indistinguishable from the genuine article.

 

 

 

 

 

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Hahahaaa "I know that human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

 

Thanks for sharing :)

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Where's my Pooh? I have come to expect a load of pooh on Sunday.

 

Hey. I resent that. You telling me that I didn't Pooh on this thread as well as ironhorse usually does?

 

http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/60654-sunday-dispatch/page-6#entry931734

 

Um. Well, come to think of it, he is more sincerely full of it than I am.

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Where's my Pooh? I have come to expect a load of pooh on Sunday.

You can always start going to church again.

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Where's funguy... i mean ironhorse?

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Where's funguy... i mean ironhorse?

 

Don't know.  But you know what I did today?  DIDN'T GO TO CHURCH!  Yes, it's been quite awhile since I've been to any church (and as I've said before, I'll never set foot in one except if it's a polling place on election day).  But to this day Sunday is the day I celebrate that I now have my Sundays back.

 

...I could get used to this Sunday Dispatch thing.

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Sunday Dispatch #8.

 

"Faith: not wanting to know what is true." - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

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137-which-came-first-the-universe-or-sex

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Sunday Dispatch.8

 

“God, my God, omnipotent King, I humbly adore thee. Thou art King of kings, Lord of lords.

 

Thou art the Judge of every age. Thou art the Redeemer of souls.

Thou art the Liberator of those who believe. Thou art the Hope of those who toil. Thou art the Comforter of those in sorrow. Thou art the Way to those who wander. Thou art Master to the nations.

 

Thou art the Creator of all creatures. Thou art the Lover of all good. Thou art the Prince of all virtues.

Thou art the joy of all Thy saints. Thou art life perpetual. Thou art joy in truth.

Thou art the exultation in the eternal fatherland. Thou art the Light of light.

Thou art the Fountain of holiness. Thou art the glory of God the Father in the height.

 

Thou art Savior of the world.

 

Thou art the plenitude of the Holy Spirit. Thou sittest at the right hand of God the Father on the throne, reigning for ever.”

 

~ St. Patrick

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I prefer to celebrate St. Patrick's life by drinking copious amounts of whiskey.

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Sunday Dispatch.8

 

“God, my God, omnipotent King, I humbly adore thee. Thou art King of kings, Lord of lords.

 

Thou art the Judge of every age. Thou art the Redeemer of souls.

Thou art the Liberator of those who believe. Thou art the Hope of those who toil. Thou art the Comforter of those in sorrow. Thou art the Way to those who wander. Thou art Master to the nations.

 

Thou art the Creator of all creatures. Thou art the Lover of all good. Thou art the Prince of all virtues.

Thou art the joy of all Thy saints. Thou art life perpetual. Thou art joy in truth.

Thou art the exultation in the eternal fatherland. Thou art the Light of light.

Thou art the Fountain of holiness. Thou art the glory of God the Father in the height.

 

Thou art Savior of the world.

 

Thou art the plenitude of the Holy Spirit. Thou sittest at the right hand of God the Father on the throne, reigning for ever.”

 

~ St. Patrick

 

Thank you Ironhorse.  I'm glad that you worship me as your God.  Keep it up.

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Sunday Dispatch.8

 

“God, my God, omnipotent King, I humbly adore thee. Thou art King of kings, Lord of lords.

 

Thou art the Judge of every age. Thou art the Redeemer of souls.

Thou art the Liberator of those who believe. Thou art the Hope of those who toil. Thou art the Comforter of those in sorrow. Thou art the Way to those who wander. Thou art Master to the nations.

 

Thou art the Creator of all creatures. Thou art the Lover of all good. Thou art the Prince of all virtues.

Thou art the joy of all Thy saints. Thou art life perpetual. Thou art joy in truth.

Thou art the exultation in the eternal fatherland. Thou art the Light of light.

Thou art the Fountain of holiness. Thou art the glory of God the Father in the height.

 

Thou art Savior of the world.

 

Thou art the plenitude of the Holy Spirit. Thou sittest at the right hand of God the Father on the throne, reigning for ever.”

 

~ St. Patrick

 

You know, in the real world I'm a teeny, tiny bit well known within certain circles. I sometimes get people fawning on me and telling me how frickin' marvelous I am. I appreciate that they care, but being gone on about like that embarrasses me. And even I -- a mere, insecure human with an ego -- know that no sane, well-balanced person needs that kind of unctious attention.

 

So here's this perfect, immortal, all-knowing god who wants all us little bugs (microbes, atoms, whatever else you might compare us to when imagining a god's perspective) to do absolutely nothing other than fawn on him for all our lives and all eternity thereafter.

 

In addition to all this monster's other faults -- his homicidal tendencies, his appreciation for incest and slavery, his failure to understand that pi isn't precisely three -- he's got the most amazingly insecure ego the universe could ever conceive.

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Sweet, I didn't know we get the optional sunday services here at ex-c.  And it's one where freethinkers can openly call BS on the sermon! 

Cartman voice:  sweeeeeeet 

 

ukliam2.gif

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It all sounds so nice...until you get to the part which says that Jesus is sending your mother to eternal conscious torment in hell. See why I don't believe in Jesus the Western European Deity?

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Suppose we've chosen the wrong god.  Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder. - Homer Simpson
 
"The word god is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this." - Albert Einstein
 

 

 

"I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious ideas of heaven and hell, or of a God."Thomas Edison
 
You believe in a book that has sticks turning into snakes, and you say we are the ones that need help? - Dan Barker
 
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Sunday Dispatch.8

 

“God, my God, omnipotent King, I humbly adore thee. Thou art King of kings, Lord of lords.

 

Thou art the Judge of every age. Thou art the Redeemer of souls.

Thou art the Liberator of those who believe. Thou art the Hope of those who toil. Thou art the Comforter of those in sorrow. Thou art the Way to those who wander. Thou art Master to the nations.

 

Thou art the Creator of all creatures. Thou art the Lover of all good. Thou art the Prince of all virtues.

Thou art the joy of all Thy saints. Thou art life perpetual. Thou art joy in truth.

Thou art the exultation in the eternal fatherland. Thou art the Light of light.

Thou art the Fountain of holiness. Thou art the glory of God the Father in the height.

 

Thou art Savior of the world.

 

Thou art the plenitude of the Holy Spirit. Thou sittest at the right hand of God the Father on the throne, reigning for ever.”

 

~ St. Patrick

 

It sounds like St. Patric was pretty delusional.

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Ironhorse, this is for you on Saint Paddy's day.  Stirring tune, poetic Eng. translation - majestic when a whole congregation belts it out (before going out to get belted):

 

I bind unto myself today
the strong Name of the Trinity,
by invocation of the same,
the Three in One, and One in Three.

I bind this day to me for ever,
by power of faith, Christ's Incarnation;
his baptism in Jordan river;
his death on cross for my salvation;
his bursting from the spicèd tomb;
his riding up the heavenly way;
his coming at the day of doom:
I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power
of the great love of cherubim;
the sweet "Well done" in judgment hour;
the service of the seraphim;
confessors' faith, apostles' word,
the patriarchs' prayers, the prophets' scrolls;
all good deeds done unto the Lord,
and purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today 
the virtues of the starlit heaven
the glorious sun's life-giving ray,
the whiteness of the moon at even,
the flashing of the lightning free,
the whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
the stable earth, the deep salt sea,
around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today
the power of God to hold and lead,
his eye to watch, his might to stay,
his ear to hearken, to my need;
the wisdom of my God to teach,
his hand to guide, his shield to ward;
the word of God to give me speech,
his heavenly host to be my guard.

Christ be with me, 
Christ within me,
Christ behind me,
Christ before me,
Christ beside me,
Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort 
and restore me.
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ in quiet,
Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of
all that love me,
Christ in mouth of 
friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself today
the strong Name of the Trinity,
by invocation of the same,
the Three in One, and One in Three.
Of whom all nature hath creation,
eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
praise to the Lord of my salvation,
salvation is of Christ the Lord.

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