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It's hard to look at yourself as the bigger person in a toxic relationship that you absolutely MUST walk away from. I buried an ex-boyfriend who died several years ago. We hadn't spoken in a couple years. I couldn't handle his drinking and obvious self-destruction in his life. It was bringing me down too, and I wasn't willing to give up my life like that, especially if he wasn't going to get his act together.

 

Needless to say, he killed himself about two months after we had briefly spoken when running into each other while out and about. I didn't have any inclination to reconcile at that point, but bore him zero ill will. His note mentioned me and how I was one of the brightest points in his life, and as far as he was concerned, after me, he'd experienced everything in life he'd ever want to partake of. That really stung. He didn't mean it as a backhanded attack at all. He sincerely believed he'd reached his zenith getting to have a gal like me around. He didn't off himself because of our break up either, he just felt he'd accomplished everything on his list of to do's. What a short list, right?

 

Obviously, he wasn't well of mind, and he'd fought cancer three times in his life,  and won every time. He also had a 15 year old daughter. None of it makes any sense, but because he mentioned me, I'm stained black for eternity within his family. They are devoutly Christian and my coming out as an atheist drove the stake in their hearts even further. They are convinced I corrupted him. Never should have lain with him outside of marriage (he was 49 years old ffs).

 

It's just all around horrible. And like you, I still have days where I'll pick up the old Uno deck he gave my oldest and think on him. The feeling of guilt lingers here and there sometimes, but I know, as do you, that you aren't being selfish when putting up boundaries against the irrational. Just let his influences in your life be his constant touch in the present.

 

(((Jose)))

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Our old board friend, and my high school best friend, Foxy Methoxy (Benjamin M. Wright), committed suicide late Saturday night/ early Sunday morning.   He struggled with depression his whole life an

Benjamin Matthew Wright   WRIGHT Benjamin Wright, 38, passed away on February 22, 2014 in Jacksonville, FL. He was born on October 6, 1975 to Mark and Joan Wright in Terre Haute, Indiana. Benjamin g

I was very fond of Foxy's posts. He was a rare and wonderful person, and I wish he could have felt what we did about him. My heart goes out to you Jose, and to all his friends and family right now. My

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Just this. This is helping a lot. Thanks, Margee.

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Sad news, .. pretty sure I contributed to a thread with him in it, ... but in any case, it's sad to know he felt driven to end it.

 

My condolences

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Our old board friend, and my high school best friend, Foxy Methoxy (Benjamin M. Wright), committed suicide late Saturday night/ early Sunday morning.

 

He struggled with depression his whole life and it finally got the better of him this weekend. 

 

He had recently completed his degree, gotten engaged, and had a new job that he loved, so it doesn't make sense from the outside, but those of you who knew him knew about his darker side and it seems that it finally got to be too much for him despite his life seeming to finally be on track.

 

If you never got a chance to speak with him while he was on the board, take a look at his old posts. He had a lot of things to say and he said them very well.

 

The world is dimmer for his absence.

 

Jose Valdes

 

Sorry to hear this. I remember his posting on Ex-c. This is a sad moment.

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This is such sad news.  I loved his sense of humor and always hoped he would be back here posting again some day.  Big hugs to you, Jose.  

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I found out on facebook that he passed away, and it just pierced my heart. As you mentioned, Jose - everything seemed to be falling in place in his life, at least how I saw things. We had a lot in common with what we did, and were doing in our lives so I felt a lot of kinmenship with him. I wish I had a chance to say goodbye. I am also sorry for your loss, Jose. I know from previous postings you guys had a falling out, I'm really sorry you guys couldn't sort it out.

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I was very fond of Foxy's posts. He was a rare and wonderful person, and I wish he could have felt what we did about him. My heart goes out to you Jose, and to all his friends and family right now. My mom committed suicide so I've been through this. Being a suicide survivor is a terrible burden...let me know if you need to talk. 
 

As for us, the ones left behind, the best way for us to manage this grief is to take it's energy and turn it back out into compassion and help for others. Do something life affirming and beneficial for the world, for yourself, for Foxy, and for everyone who's lost their battle with Depression. It doesn't matter what it is. Volunteer at a charity, give money to an org, write an article, paint a picture, adopt a homeless pet, pick up trash in a park, just DO something beautiful.

When you feel up to it, of course. There is no rush. Stuff like this is the equivalent of being in a mental car wreck, so don't push yourself into thinking you have to run out and save the world. That's just missing the point and counterproductive. 

But when you reach the point of getting back up from sobbing on the floor, helping out others is an incredibly healing practice. 

Rest in peace, Foxy. I understand why you did it all too well. I do not blame you. I just wish this was not the way things had worked out. 
 
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I only knew Foxy here on this board, and always enjoyed his sense of humor. I hated it when he left and when he came to mind, I hoped that he would some day return. Finding out that he committed suicide makes me very sad, but can relate and understand that sometimes it seems that there is no reason to go on. RIP, Foxy....

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It's very sad to think of anyone ending their life on purpose. I can't count the number of times that the same solution entered my own mind. But as many times as it's entered, I have had so many more times just after that make me appreciate life again. Our sorrow isn't just for Foxy, or those that knew him personally, but for the recognition of the Foxy that probably exists in most all of us at one time or another.

My condolences to you, Jose, and to all who have experienced such a loss.

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I'm so sorry Jose. You two went through a lot together. That "what if" can consume you if you let it. You knew his dark side so I think that on some level you know that you are not responsible. Losing someone close to you is hard enough. Blaming yourself can be no help.

 

I know it's difficult but I'd suggest that you take time to think about all the good things you experienced together and be glad that you had someone who knew you so well and who trusted you well enough to be close to him. That is something I have never experienced, and I envy you.

 

Crying with you bro. If you need someone to talk it out with, I can be reached at slave2six@gmail.com. 

 

Pax.

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I'm sorry, Jose.  Condolences to you and to Ben's friends and family.

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I'm so sorry Jose. You two went through a lot together. That "what if" can consume you if you let it. You knew his dark side so I think that on some level you know that you are not responsible. Losing someone close to you is hard enough. Blaming yourself can be no help.

 

I know it's difficult but I'd suggest that you take time to think about all the good things you experienced together and be glad that you had someone who knew you so well and who trusted you well enough to be close to him. That is something I have never experienced, and I envy you.

 

Crying with you bro. If you need someone to talk it out with, I can be reached at slave2six@gmail.com. 

 

Pax.

We're right here for you Jose. Huge hug for today

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Just read this topic. ohmy.png  Ages ago, when I was Ill of the Illogical Xtians! and SillyGeeser10, there Foxy was, being witty and intellectual. To be honest, I never interacted with him much, but the fact I still remember him when so many others have come and went, speaks volumes for him. That's an extraordinary achievement in a way because I am pretty bad at remembering names so somebody has to stand out for me to remember more well their names. He contributed well to ExChristian.net and towards so many lives and that's the best and all anybody can ask out of life. So, here's to a long memory amongst ourselves of him in life and after death. He was wonderful. :)

 

Sorry about your loss, Jose. He was gone too early. :(

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Benjamin Matthew Wright

 

WRIGHT Benjamin Wright, 38, passed away on February 22, 2014 in Jacksonville, FL. He was born on October 6, 1975 to Mark and Joan Wright in Terre Haute, Indiana. Benjamin grew up in Orange Park, Florida and attended Orange Park High School. He went on to earn a degree in Information Technology from The University of Phoenix. He worked as a Senior Communications Technician for JEA. Ben is survived by his parents Mark and Joan Russell Wright of Orange Park, sisters Christine Wright and Renee Wright, his fiancé Amy and her daughter Mia Sumerlin, and a very large, loving extended family. A Celebration of Life will be held at Club Continental, 2143 Astor Street, Orange Park, FL 32073, on Friday February 28, 2014 from 12:00 pm to 4:00 pm.

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Hello everyone. I knew Foxy (Buck as I knew him) and Jose (who's nickname I knew him by is actually a Guato name from the Amazonian jungle that means "Wind That Stirs The Jaguar's Loins") from a board that we all used to post on back "in the day". Like Jose, I hadn't spoken to him in years, and when I heard about his passing it was strange cuz I felt a little double-stab of guilt that I hadn't stayed in touch with either him or Jose, who I felt like I should be hanging around so I could at least give him the proverbial shoulder tap, for what it's worth.

 

So yeah, Jose, I journeyed here after many a twist through the moors (not Moors, we don't have them here) to give a "stout hearts, brother" shout out to you, and to Buck, fair winds and following seas as they say in my line of work.

 

The Buck I knew was a funny dude and made me laugh universally. Jose and Ben together were a comedy act worth paying to see. Halcyon days. I firmly believe that a person who can make you laugh regularly is worth having around. I can't pretend to understand what got ahold of him in the later years and as always it's tough to hear that the appearances on the outside aren't matching the emotions that are going on inside. Maybe it's enough to know that even after years of not talking to him, his passing still evoked some sort of emotion inside the people who knew him.

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Never thought I'd see the day Mule would be on Ex-Christian. I'll follow you over to the other board, brother. Thanks for looking for me and I'm glad you found me. 

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