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Omg - T3h Bible Is So Accurate!


Asimov
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"dinasours makes mah hedd hurtz!111oneONEonE!!11!"

 

I think I killed more brain cells perusing their pages than in my drinking daze..

 

frakin'A..

 

kL

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We look for things. Things that make us go. Can you make us go?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Star Trek - The Next Generation - Samaritan Snare

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Things the nutters left out:

 

GOD crowned a DOG as KING!

2 Kings 8:13

Hazael said, "How could your servant, a mere dog, accomplish such a feat?" "The LORD has shown me that you will become king of Aram," answered Elisha.

 

JESUS wants me to WIN at SOCCER!

Philippians 3:14

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

 

GOD supplies HOUSEHOLD OBJECTS grown on PLANTS!

1 Kings 19:4

He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die.

 

The LORD does not allow AMATEURS to construct BASEBALL GROUNDS!

Ezekiel 16:23

Woe! Woe to you, declares the Sovereign LORD. In addition to all your other wickedness, you built a mound for yourself...

 

etc etc...

:blink:

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"Statements Consistent With Meteorology" ... eh...

 

I'm going to make a statement consistent with meteorology too:

 

"Some days it rains, and some days it don't."

 

Cool, that's the whole formula to predict meteorological conditions and what weather will get tomorrow.

 

I think the Bible even have statements consistent with brewing coffee, driving cars and poking your nose, if you just want to find it.

 

What difference does it makes that a book makes a commonly know and accepted opinion? It doesn't explain anything.

 

And the dinosaur thing... *cough* *cough* ... let me do this right ... UAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHA... (urgh, I need to take a breath before I laugh to death!)

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Oh so consistent with stupidity.

Francois Tremblay said it best about Biblical context in a humour page:

(Though I don't like his behaviour in other forums)

 

Christian speak:

"Context is any rationalization you must consider when your conclusion is incompatible with mine. You must not read entire passages or compare sentences with reality.

Example : If you look at it in context, Jesus was not for slavery, but against slavery, because he also said to love your neighbour."

 

From:

http://www.strongatheism.net/library/humor...sh_translation/

 

My view on this Christian website?

Best to avoid unless you're a macho sadist or a sheep person or a pyschic or satirist.

It's sooooo dumb. Teen Titans will eat this page in stakes of trueness.

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I read the first sentence and had to pull the parachute...

 

The Bible is not a science book, yet it is scientifically accurate.

HA the fuck HA! So its not a science book yet is a scientifically accurate?

 

A nice rheotrical caveat there. Its only science when we say its science (eg when the bible can be hammered into psydeo-reflective babblecock) but when its not scientifically accurate, it's not a science.

 

Blow me!

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The Bible frequently refers to the great number of stars in the heavens.

 

OMFG the Bible must be the Word of Gawd because it says there are lots of stars in the sky!!! PRAYZ JEEZUS!!!!!!!

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We have seen estimates of 1021 stars—which is a lot of stars.[2] (The number of grains of sand on the earth’s seashores is estimated to be 1025. As scientists discover more stars, wouldn’t it be interesting to discover that these two numbers match?)

 

Now I'm ready to hurl :repuke:

 

 

Haha, yea...because 10^21 is REALLY close to 10^25.....

 

10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

 

100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

 

...that's like saying 1 is close to 10,000.

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We have seen estimates of 1021 stars—which is a lot of stars.[2] (The number of grains of sand on the earth’s seashores is estimated to be 1025. As scientists discover more stars, wouldn’t it be interesting to discover that these two numbers match?)

 

Now I'm ready to hurl :repuke:

 

 

Haha, yea...because 10^21 is REALLY close to 10^25.....

 

10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

 

100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

 

...that's like saying 1 is close to 10,000.

 

 

You're a little off:

 

10^21

1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

10^25

10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

 

You had one too many zeroes on each. But your point is valid.

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So many 4 legged insects running around.

 

God, like many humans needed to do animal experiments before acting on humans. So when he thought of being cruel tohumans, he first had to test it using animals.He pulled two legs of all the insects and found that they suffered, and his conclusion was that pain leads to suffering. e took a huge sep forward and created hell.

He than put the legs back on because He's loving but forgot to mention that in His Book.

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Except on the snake, because I heard the story (sermon or whatever) that the snake had legs at first, and God took the legs. The reason to that "theory" was something along the line that God said "you will crawl on the ground". Have anyone heard that idea before?

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Isn't a snake with legs commonly called a lizard? :lmao:

 

I have yet to see snakes eating dirt (they would make a great pet though : feed them from your garbages!)

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Isn't a snake with legs commonly called a lizard? :lmao:

 

I have yet to see snakes eating dirt (they would make a great pet though : feed them from your garbages!)

Yes, they are related. So doesn't it show that God didn't remove the legs from the lizzards, considering the lizzards are still around? If it was a lizzard, and God made it to a snake, either all lizzards should be leg-less, or there should only be one kind of snake! Either God punished the lizzard family, and some of then managed to escape the punishment, or the only snake that lost his legs mutated and evolved into hundres (thousands?) of snake families.

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Except on the snake, because I heard the story (sermon or whatever) that the snake had legs at first, and God took the legs. The reason to that "theory" was something along the line that God said "you will crawl on the ground". Have anyone heard that idea before?

 

Yes! In the Hebrew Bible, the entire narrative of the garden (or various narratives if you look closely) revolves around what is a poem, in poetic form, stanzas and everything, where god curses the serpent, the woman, and the man. In the translations, it seems to not be written in poetic form, I don't know why.

 

Anyway, we can conclude that the author most certainly intended us to learn that snakes originally walked around. Here's some miscoded text from the Hebrew just to ugly up my post a little:

 

Genesis 3:14 14 wayyö´mer yhwh(´ädönäy) ´élöhîm ´e|l-hannäHäš Kî `äSîºtä zzö´t ´ärûr ´aTTâ miKKol-haBBühëmâ ûmiKKöl Hayyat haSSädè `al-GüHönkä tëlëk wü`äpär Tö´kal Kol-yümê Hayyʺkä

 

My translation: Yahweh Elohim said to the snake, "because you did this you are more cursed than any beast and any animal of the field: [namely because!] you will go around on your belly and eat dust all the days of your life"

 

Therefore, the snake was not going on its belly or eating dust before the incident, case closed.

 

Also, the language of the poem is old, and therefore shows that it is the original point of the story. Just as in greek myths, it is explaining stuff, like why the sun shines.

 

The curses are:

1. Snakes now get no legs, and we hate them

2. Childbirth is now painful for humans

3. It is now hard work to make crops

 

So like spider webs coming from Arachne's textiles, we have the Hebrew myth explaining:

 

1. Why snakes are so creepy and don't have legs

2. Why childbirth is hard for us and not for other animals

3. Why something apparently as natural as plants take great care to produce

 

These are compelling issues for ancient farmers!

 

Cool huh?

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Too bad it doesn't explain where the snake got the vocal cords from and where they went afterwards. It should have said "you will crawl on the ground and only make hissing sound."

 

[sidetrack]

And I wonder how Creationists and ID proponets can explain how God cursed one snake (lizzard), and we have so many variations of snakes (and still have lizzards with legs), without evolution.

[/sidetrack]

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