Crazy Goings - On

[R. S. Martin]

Let’s hope life is back to normal. As some may have noticed I was gone for a while. All my energies were needed for essentials—after dealing with harassment every time I stepped outside the door with my dog.

 

My dog is still dealing with the after effects. It is said that dogs pick up on any feelings of fear or tension in their owners. The fear and tension was right up there.

 

It was so bad I had to call the police. That resulted in a “no verbal communication” order. When the cop was investigating, he reported to me that this guy thinks I’m in love with him.

 

I was stunned. It took me days to realize that I had to take it seriously, that the only way to handle the situation was to accept that they truly believed I was trying to steal a man away from a woman, both of them single and living in their own homes.

 

It’s such a thoroughly crazy feeling to be part of a love triangle that exists only in other people’s minds! I’m not in the least teensy-weensy bit interested.

 

I’m not interested in dating. Period.

 

But this guy???

I thought it's the internet we're warned to be so careful of for this kind of thing.

 

If I didn’t believe very strongly in respecting all human beings for being human, this guy would never ever have gotten the time of day from me. Now he insults me by telling me, via a police officer, that I’m in love with him?   

 

Permission to totally ignore his very existence was one of the most welcome orders I ever got.

 

My poor dog still barks hysterically in the middle of the night when she hears funny noises or during the day when they walk too close to the house with their dog. (They can do that legally because of the tiny properties.)

 

I’m sure this kind of thing happens to everyone at least once in a lifetime. Care to share your story of crazy goings-on like love triangles you were supposed to be part of but weren’t?

[GraphicsGuy]

When the cop was investigating, he reported to me that this guy thinks I’m in love with him.

 

That is crazy!

[R. S. Martin]

 

When the cop was investigating, he reported to me that this guy thinks I’m in love with him.

 

That is crazy!

 

 

Thanks for the reassurance that it's not me who's crazy. 

[♦ ficino ♦]

Holy shit.  I'm glad you and your dog are OK.

[xtify]

This guy sounds like he is projecting.  He's probably infatuated with you and just making an excuse for how much he is contacting you by saying it's the other way around.  You probably did the right thing by calling the police.  

[Onyx]

That's scary, R.S Martin! You did the right thing in going to the police with this nuisance. Hopefully the dog's okay. I would be creeped out too, what with the unwanted entitlement to your love life. Love's not a game, it's something to value if it is freely given to you and vice versa. Hopefully the guy will learn that eventually.

[R. S. Martin]

This guy sounds like he is projecting.  He's probably infatuated with you and just making an excuse for how much he is contacting you by saying it's the other way around.  You probably did the right thing by calling the police. 

 

That's the way I see it. I would guess the police officer saw through it, especially in my reaction. He told me that the guy is not to have any verbal communication with me "and if that changes give us a call." 

 

Verbal communication is, I think, what we normally call talking or spoken language. 

 

Verbal communication is an act of conveying messages, ideas, or feelings through the use of mouth. http://www.ask.com/question/what-is-the-meaning-of-verbal-communication

 

 

 

They used lots of non-verbal communication immediately after the police order was given but nothing more came of it so far. I acted like they didn't exist. If that was impossible, I acted like I didn't care in the least that they blocked my driveway since my dog needed another walk anyway. Etc.

 

I don't know what the police define as harassment. He said this isn't harassment; it's annoyance. But he did take me very seriously. I had a record of all the incidents, along with times and dates. He said that was helpful.

[Deva]

Wow, amazing. If any further incidents occur, be sure to write it down, time and place. Give a complete record to the police. Not familiar with Canadian law, but harassment and stalking must surely be on the books somewhere. I am glad you took this to the police.

 

I have had some experience with guys that would not take "no" for an answer (I know, slightly different situation).  Phone calls every Valentine's day with one guy, and I mean five years after I saw his face. Finally he stopped.  And some weird creepy guy at college.  Of course after I left college I was free of that problem!

[R. S. Martin]

That's scary, R.S Martin! You did the right thing in going to the police with this nuisance. Hopefully the dog's okay. I would be creeped out too, what with the unwanted entitlement to your love life. Love's not a game, it's something to value if it is freely given to you and vice versa. Hopefully the guy will learn that eventually.

 

Thanks for understanding--it IS scary! I had no idea the guy felt that way until the officer told me. It's a very complicated situation that I believe includes the woman and my relationship with her. I can't post the details but I had two close friends whom I kept informed and key authority figures locally to guide me re handling things. A big piece of advice I was given is to ignore this man and woman. That seems to be working. It's been several days since the last incident.

 

 

Holy shit.  I'm glad you and your dog are OK.

 

Thank you. It's so good to see all the support in this thread. I couldn't help but wonder if perhaps I'm a bit cracked myself.

[R. S. Martin]

Wow, amazing. If any further incidents occur, be sure to write it down, time and place. Give a complete record to the police. Not familiar with Canadian law, but harassment and stalking must surely be on the books somewhere. I am glad you took this to the police.

 

I have had some experience with guys that would not take "no" for an answer (I know, slightly different situation).  Phone calls every Valentine's day with one guy, and I mean five years after I saw his face. Finally he stopped.  And some weird creepy guy at college.  Of course after I left college I was free of that problem!

 

It's good to hear this from an American. I've heard so many anti-police rants from Americans on these forums but I felt this really did have to go to the police. Yes, we have laws against harassment and stalking. 

 

That Valentine's Day caller sounds like a real pain. Glad he finally got the message.

[MerryG]

Ugh. That's really creepy and scary -- and the fact that you still have to live near this bozo must make things very difficult.

 

I've been stalked and threatened with death by someone who "loved" me. That was a case where I'd actually had a relationship with the man, but even so it was startling. I'd never in a million years have thought he had that sort of craziness in him.

 

Shortly after that I moved to a new city and in interviewing for freelance gigs, I made the mistake of accepting what I believed to be a collegial lunch with the co-owner of an ad agency. I knew something wasn't right the minute we walked into his favorite restaurant and the owner and employees greeted me as, "The new lady we've been hearing so much about."

 

The guy kept wanting to hold my hand, put his arm around me, and kiss me every time we were together (thank heaven not in a sexual way, but in an intensely romantic one). And because of professional contacts, we were together more than I wished. No matter how many times I backed away, pushed him away, or asked him not to do that, he persisted. I'd say, "Look, we're just colleagues. I'm uncomfortable with this." He'd respond, "I understand completely. But may I at least kiss you goodbye before you leave?"

 

Finally, I thought I had it drummed into him that we'd be be "just friends and colleagues." The next day -- the very next day! -- he called up and announced, "I'm on my way over to your place now with a bottle of champagne and we'll spend the evening enjoying it by a fire."

 

So I lowered the boom on him. I yelled. I told him in no uncertain terms that he was never to come near me again. Period.

 

"Well, okay," he pouted. "But you didn't have to be so harsh about it. You could have just told me nicely."

 

Ugh.

 

Still, I'd waaaay rather have somebody like that than the loon you're stuck with. Hope he stays away now. But I'll bet you can't count on that.

[R. S. Martin]

Ugh. That's really creepy and scary -- and the fact that you still have to live near this bozo must make things very difficult.

 

I've been stalked and threatened with death by someone who "loved" me. That was a case where I'd actually had a relationship with the man, but even so it was startling. I'd never in a million years have thought he had that sort of craziness in him.

 

Shortly after that I moved to a new city and in interviewing for freelance gigs, I made the mistake of accepting what I believed to be a collegial lunch with the co-owner of an ad agency. I knew something wasn't right the minute we walked into his favorite restaurant and the owner and employees greeted me as, "The new lady we've been hearing so much about."

 

The guy kept wanting to hold my hand, put his arm around me, and kiss me every time we were together (thank heaven not in a sexual way, but in an intensely romantic one). And because of professional contacts, we were together more than I wished. No matter how many times I backed away, pushed him away, or asked him not to do that, he persisted. I'd say, "Look, we're just colleagues. I'm uncomfortable with this." He'd respond, "I understand completely. But may I at least kiss you goodbye before you leave?"

 

Finally, I thought I had it drummed into him that we'd be be "just friends and colleagues." The next day -- the very next day! -- he called up and announced, "I'm on my way over to your place now with a bottle of champagne and we'll spend the evening enjoying it by a fire."

 

So I lowered the boom on him. I yelled. I told him in no uncertain terms that he was never to come near me again. Period.

 

"Well, okay," he pouted. "But you didn't have to be so harsh about it. You could have just told me nicely."

 

Ugh.

 

Still, I'd waaaay rather have somebody like that than the loon you're stuck with. Hope he stays away now. But I'll bet you can't count on that.

 

Thanks for sharing. Sounds like some really scary experiences. Death threats from a man you trusted...

[RipVanWinkle]

I suggest you take photographs and/or videos of any obstruction of of your driveway and ant other activity that interferes with you or your dog, for that matter. It will be of enormous help in dealing with the police, if you have to again. If you can do this from inside your home or in some other position in which they can't see you, that would be best. If they see you, then they will dream up some explanation for it. If they don't know of the videos or photos they can be caught lying if it's handled right.

 

Let me explain. Once you have the videos/photos, tell the police what they did without showing them your evidence (unless they ask if you have photos/videos). If they are questioned by the police and deny your claims (which, in my experience, they will do 99% of the time) you then show the photos to the police. If you are as honest a person as I think you are, you would be amazed at how frequently people lie to police in these kind of circumstances.

 

The reason I suggest you not show the evidence to the police  before they talk to your neighbors is that they will likely just show them the photos up front which will give the neighbors the chance to minimize what did in some way. So hold the photos until later. If your neighbors are they way many are, you can catch them in the lie. Good look RS. I know how disturbing these things can be. bill 

[R. S. Martin]

Bill, thank you for your advice. I will remember it. Hopefully I won't need it.