Roz Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Warning: Spoilers (but you probably knew that, didn't you? Or at least god should've told you that one) --- Cast of Characters: Josh Christian: -Main protagonist. The guy who you can spot a mile away and peg as a christian. Why? His character is a walking advert for Newsboys! Newsboys poster, concert tickets, t-shirt, yes, he's the christian sales guy for Newsboys. Rock on, commercial guy! P.S.: Can you guess why I made his initials J.C.? The Token Barbie Girlfriend: -Josh Christian's girlfriend. They met at a Newsboys concert 6 years ago! She's got their whole life planned. Really she's a caricature of the christian lady who's got everything planned out, and they better go her- I mean god's way. Strawman Professor: -Hooray, it's Hercules! Wait, I liked Hercules a lot better than this guy. If you've seen the trailers you know he's Straw Prof. It's a christian film, so I know you'll all expect this guy to give canned non-answers about atheism. Guess what, you're correct! SP's Student Girlfriend: -Christian who's in a relationship with Straw Prof. Get's verbally abused by Straw Prof, which is obviously how atheist professors are. Don'tcha know?! P.S.: Sister of E.L.S. Read below... Chinese F.E.S: -Chinese foreign exchange student caricature! You can see it now, but he's the guy Josh Christian will save for jesus in the end. I told you there were spoilers, right? T.M. Girl: -Token Muslim Girl. Of course they had to bring Islam into the picture. And they did it in a heavily biased way! More later. T.M. Dad: -Yup, he's part of the biased depiction they gave about the 'other religion.' Christians, you're so funny... Reverend White Dude: -He helps with J.C.'s dilemma. And he's paired up with the guy below. Missionary Black Man: -Missionary in a far away land coming over to visit his friend, RWD. MBM and RWD are off to Disneyland, but their cars won't start! Ruh roh Shaggy, god must'a done it! Evil Lawyer Superman: -Look, it's another 90's superhero (Superman!) who now plays a villain for a christian propaganda film! Brother of Straw Prof Hercules' girlfriend. ELS GF: -Girlfriend of Evil Super-lawyer. Guess what, she's got a "Proud Humanist" bumper sticker! And she's a reporter for Newleft. Obviously, atheists are leftists. We're all bloody commies for christ's sake! ELS Mom: -Mom of Evil Supes, and she's got dementia. But god uses her to speak to Evil Supes! Ok, so that's all the characters I can remember. Onto the plot! There's multiple plots going through the film, so I'll break things down. --JC's story JC is a college freshman, and obviously he gets into a philosophy class with Straw Prof Hercules. Straw Prof's opening is "please get out paper and write god is dead." What kind of philosophy class has "god is dead" as the first turn-in assignment? Anyways, we all know he says to Straw Prof: "I can't do what you ask, I'm a christian." Straw Prof then says that, for the closing minutes of the next 3 classes, JC must then present the case for god. He could also just write the 3 words down and his life will be much easier. JC stumbles out of the classroom, and then Barbie GF meets him and she bam, gives him an ultimatum. Just write the three little words down, or else defend god and lose me. Why? Because Straw Prof will flunk him, and JC is going to be a lawyer! This is academic suicide! If you go through with it, then this Barbie girl will go back to her Barbie world (insert snap snap here). You can't suicide your grade like that, JC! Just write it down, and you'll have your token christian GF for life! JC then goes to the conveniently located church and meets with Revered White Dude. RWD gives him the usual verses of "to him that much is given, much is required." And "whoever acknowledges me before men, I will acknowledge to my father in heaven. But if you don't, then I'll say I don't know you!" Ok, so JC doesn't have a choice. Defend god! Onward christian soldier! The first confrontation between Straw Prof and JC went like this: JC presents William Lane Craig's argument. Everything that exists must have a cause. Universe started to exist. Therefore, it must have a cause. He quoted several scientists and theist philosophers to come to this topic, but that's what he essentially presented. A girl asks him: "What about your god?" Hand on heart, JC gave this reply. That question is only valid if the god in question were created. Christians believe that their god is everlasting. Wow, solid logic and sound reasoning there. Then the film leaves it as that. Straw Prof tries to come back with an Argument from Authority by Hawking, which is obviously a wise tactic. This is Hawking saying this, and you're just a dumb freshman! Obviously christians understand arguments from on high (don't talk to me, take it up with him!), but aren't arguments supposed to stand and fall on their own merit? JC jumps from Craig's argument to obviously it's the christian god, cause... jesus? Yup, science proves the existence of god. Yay jesus! Straw Prof will then bully and intimidate our poor poor JC after class, cause that's how atheist professors and christian students behave. JC is then greeted by Barbie GF who tells him it's over! Uh oh. He lost his girl for god, isn't he awesome? Now he's all depressed but he gets more and more books from the library to defend god's honor. You have to admire his level of dedication. The 2nd confrontation has JC give a quote from Hawking (how do you demolish an argument from authority? with another one from the same guy, of course!) stating "Philosophy is Dead." Oooooooh burn. 3rd confrontation is a lot more heated, with the strawman debate going to morality. JC states that atheists have no morality, but his morality comes from the bible! It's unambiguous and objective! Uh huh... Obviously he never read the old testament. Straw Prof is getting more and more discombobulated and erratic, until JC says "science confirms the existence of god, why do you hate god!!!" Gasp. Straw Prof breaks down and says "god killed my mother when I was twelve, that's why I hate him!" Oy vey. Chinese FES then comes up to JC and says "hey, you did great." JC then invites him to a Newsboys concert in town that he was originally taking Barbie to. Yay jesus. 4
Roz Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 --Straw Prof's story Straw Prof, in a previous philosophy class, looked around and saw that one of his students was hot. She had the hots for teacher too. She's a christian, and after passing her midterm, they started knowing each other biblically. Straw Prof's mom was killed by cancer when he was a kid, so that's where his hatred of god comes from. He's also a very condescending lecturer and a verbally abusive guy to his student girlfriend. He embarrasses her in front of the other professors and always makes fun of her intellectual capacity. Anyways, he gets embarrassed by JC, his girlfriend stands up to him (good for her, I thought that was the right call), and she goes off to the Newsboys concert to celebrate her new found freedom. He's all weepy, he feels alone, and so he decides to go after her to the concert. BAM! He gets hit with a hit and run driver. He's got minutes to live. Wait! Reverend White Dude and Missionary Black Man finally got their car started and they're driving for Disneyland! No, they weren't the guys who hit Straw Prof, but they were conveniently placed on the scene by god himself. Straw Prof was then given the ultimatum. You have minutes to live (thanks plotline!), either accept jesus or burn forever! Obviously, Straw Prof accepts and then dies. RWD and MBM rejoiced that another soul is in heaven now. God is good. Thank you, christian filmmakers, for inserting this blatant sales pitch to a conveniently dying man. --Evil Lawyer Superman's story So, Evil Supes is a high powered lawyer, and his girlfriend (the Newleft reporter) was just informed that she has cancer. Now, Supes just dumps her on their date because she's no longer bringing something to the relationship table. Thanks christians, you really know how to paint atheists like dirty bastards! Oh, oops. I forgot to tell you Evil Supes is an atheist. His girlfriend is now all alone, weepy, and feels really really alone. She goes to the Newsboys concert to cover their story, and at first tries to act all mean to them (because that's how atheists behave, right?). She then breaks down, says she's dying, and the Newsboys pray with her. Yay jesus. Meanwhile, Evil Supes goes to visit his mom with dementia, and she pulls the exorcist on him. She's magically cognizant of her surroundings, and tells him “you know, sometimes the devil gives you a really nice life because he doesn't want you to follow god. But when death comes knocking, your cushy life will be snuffed out!” Yay jesus, we have another variation of “turn to jesus or burn!” theory. --Token Muslim Girl's story Let's not leave her out of the action. She's got a father who's fat, stern faced, big nosed, and all around mean looking. Thanks christians, your caricature of a muslim father is as accurate as your arguments for your particular god's existence! He forces her to cover her face, but she defies him by uncovering herself on campus. He drops her off and picks her up, so she puts on the veil then. She secretly listens to Billy Graham, and her younger brother snags her iphone one day and discovers her evil secret! She yells at him to not tell Dad, but he does. Token Muslim Scary Dad comes in and takes a look at the evidence. Yup, it's Billy Graham. He then slaps her around (because that's the obvious reaction. No bias here whatsoever, eh) and then throws her out of their house! Of course, no christian fundie would ever do this to their offspring today... Anyways, she's alone, scared, homeless. So she goes to the Newsboys concert (what else?) and rocks on like a christian kid would. Yay jesus. 1
Kaiser01 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I am going to rate this movie. Racism and racial stereotypes: 11/10 Bullshit arguments: 11/10 No arguments:11/10 Bias: 11/10 Strawmen: 11/10 And the grand total, of Christian Circle Jerk found in this movie... 55/50. _____ But seriously, this movie was absolutely incredible in how bad and misinformative it was. It was a Conservative Christian's wet dream. It had Duck Dynasty in it, it had Jesus, it had snobby atheist, it had more reason's to hate Muslims, and in the end everyone goes to a Gods not dead concert! Except the Atheist professor. He dies. But only after accepting Christ, so its okay. Praise God! 4
Vigile Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Have no clue what this movie is, but that was an entertaining review.
thereisnoperfect Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Roz, thanks for doing this. I assumed that was what this film was, but I couldn't help being curious. I thought about logging on here to ask someone to review it, but then didn't want to inflict it on anybody. So I appreciate you stepping up in such an entertaining way! Now I can make fun of it without having to go to it or give them money! Yay humans doing helpful things for each other with no cosmic deity needing to be involved!
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted March 23, 2014 Super Moderator Posted March 23, 2014 After all that cheese, I'm in the mood for some really good wine. Anybody want to share a nice Bordeaux with me?
MerryG Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Roz -- Never read such an entertaining review of such a clearly un-entertaining movie. Thank you. I was laughing yesterday when (in your other thread) you were quietly typing with no caps while in the movie with all those Christians. Never in the entire several thousand years of the world would I ever have sat through such a movie. But I still feel as if your review has saved me (and probably a lot of other people) from wasting a lot of popcorn.
MerryG Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Roz, that was so funny! I'll probably watch it now Somehow, I doubt that's the result Roz was intending. But ... um, enjoy! Speaking of being forced to sit through otherwise unendurable movies, I once got stuck watching Kirk Cameron's Fireproof. In Spanish. While on a six-hour bus ride on the PanAmerican Highway. Come to think of it, the Spanish part was probably a blessing. I have a feeling the movie would have been much worse if I'd actually understood the dialog. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1129423/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_3
Jedah Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Is it at least so bad that it's good, or is this not even worth watching to laugh at it?
Roz Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 To those who've experienced pain reading that, that's what your brain spits out after you've spent 16 bloody hours with your fundie relatives doing all sorts of fundie things. The real moral of the story is: Love = Sacrifice. Now I'm using this sunday to return to reality
SilentLoner Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I couldn't watch this even to laugh at it - just knowing that fundies are salivating over the message and taking it as real inspiration is too depressing.
Roz Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 Wouldn't recommend it, unless you like being in the middle of christians cheering for: 1. the death of the professor (after he accepts jesus, of course) 2. any argument the christian kid presents (I honestly laughed when they were clapping) 3. rocking out to christian rockers
rach Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I didn't even make it through the trailer. It was just too pathetic. I am embarrassed to say that during my fundamentalism days I would have found this movie "inspiring" WOW look at that brave kid taking a stand for Christ.
thereisnoperfect Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I guess the hopeful attitude is that maybe this will make Christian kids overconfident about how easy/effective it is to go take such stands, so they will enroll in secular colleges where they might encounter REAL atheists, foreigners, Muslims, professors--and discover that the world is much more complex than they've been led to believe. 5
xtify Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Roz, that was so funny! I'll probably watch it now Somehow, I doubt that's the result Roz was intending. But ... um, enjoy! Speaking of being forced to sit through otherwise unendurable movies, I once got stuck watching Kirk Cameron's Fireproof. In Spanish. While on a six-hour bus ride on the PanAmerican Highway. Come to think of it, the Spanish part was probably a blessing. I have a feeling the movie would have been much worse if I'd actually understood the dialog. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1129423/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_3 I enjoy making my own blasphemous jokes. But, I probably don't have to sit through the whole thing. It'll probably be reviewed on youtube by someone, possibly Cult of Dusty. I was also forced to watch Fireproof with my parents. Didn't get any laughs from that one.
CyberRaiden1987 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I saw the trailer for this film as a Youtube ad, and I thought it seemed interesting. I'm thinking about seeing it this weekend, if only for fun. On another note, what do you think of the upcoming Noah film?
DrNo Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 On IMDB.COM even the Christians are complaining about the unfair portrayal s of atheists and Muslims and the flimsy argumentsUser Reviews imdb.com/title/tt2528814/reviews
Positivist Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Oh gawd. This movie would have deconverted me, had a still been a believer. Thanks for the warning to not waste 2 hours of my life! A great read!! 1
SilentLoner Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 The comment section on negative reviews for this movie are very depressing. Xtians eat this shit up.
ironhorse Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I have not seen the film but I can see why, if like some other 'Christian movies' I have see, I can understand some of the criticism. The 'Left Behind" movies were terrible: Bad acting, bad dialogue, bad theology, bad story telling. Fireproof was another one that was not good story telling, unrealistic characters and too 'preachy'. I do have a few favorites.
xtify Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I have not seen the film but I can see why, if like some other 'Christian movies' I have see, I can understand some of the criticism. The 'Left Behind" movies were terrible: Bad acting, bad dialogue, bad theology, bad story telling. Fireproof was another one that was not good story telling, unrealistic characters and too 'preachy'. I do have a few favorites. Do tell.
Sophrosyne Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I haven't watched the movie, but this was a good review. I'm sure this movie isn't worth a watch. The christian movies I've watched in the past never caught my interest long, they were always kind of boring and lack a good plot.
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