Idontevenknow99 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I just started typing whatever was on my mind on my personal blog, and I wanted to share with all of you if you're interested. I'm having a lot of thoughts about identity. On top of that, it's been a rough week, so I just felt like I needed to vent: "I just need my “friends,” if they are that, to come around and comfort me. I have nobody really to confide in; maybe I could try but just thinking about it, who, in the few people that I know, would understand? I think that part of this is due to me sort of isolating myself over the past few years or so. And I don’t mean ‘isolating myself’ as in being anti-social, though I am from time to time known to be quiet and reserved, I mean isolating myself from the so-called 'world,' or worldy people. I knew that if I left the church environment, my “new” life wouldn’t be the same. But I’m not “backsliding” or any other terminology that xianity uses to condemn, guilt & shame people who are trying to break away and identify themselves, who are trying to think for themselves. I’m not going back, I’m moving forward, too—well, at least I am trying. Yes, I’m moving forward in my damn life. It’s my life and I’m proud to be able to claim it as mine. I’m taking back my life, not from the devil, but from the thought-terminating, scare tactic-using xianity that damaged my intelligence and ability to identify myself. When I thought of the word, 'identify' I used to think of it in terms of identifying yourself as [whatever adjective belongs here] and you live accordingly. Some people think identifying yourself means sticking a label to yourself, but that’s not exactly the truth. The way I’m identifying myself has nothing to do with whether I belong in this category or that category. My identity is practicing autonomy. My identity is saying 'I don’t care about your labels placed on me'. Only I can define who I am. That’s my identity. Only then can my identify break off into those little categories such as girl, friend, straight, writer, activist, etc."
Woodsy Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Hi "I"....glad you are able to just lay it all out and vent. I know what you mean about finding your identity after xianity. It feels like you've been robbed of something, doesn't it? I know, I've been a xian of one sort or another for a long, long time. And now I'm in that process of deconverting and finding my true identity. It is quite a journey and it will take time. Hang in there, sweetie. Know that alot of people here have been there or are going through what you are experiencing and they are all willing and able to help. I wish you peace!
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted March 29, 2014 Super Moderator Posted March 29, 2014 You've come a long way. I am proud of what you have said here, and very happy for you that you have come to realize these things at such a young age.
FreeThinkerNZ Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 The way I’m identifying myself has nothing to do with whether I belong in this category or that category. My identity is practicing autonomy. My identity is saying 'I don’t care about your labels placed on me'. Only I can define who I am. That’s my identity. Only then can my identify break off into those little categories such as girl, friend, straight, writer, activist, etc." I'm so impressed with your approach and your determination to self-define. It's especially impressive in someone so young. Your post really highlights for me the ways that xianity affected my ability to see myself for who I really am and to learn to stand up for myself. I'm not sure how old you are but have you ever thought about the point at which you start identifying as a woman rather than a girl? I have often noticed that males seem to refer to themselves as a man or a guy instead of a boy much younger than females start referring to themselves as a woman. The mainstram media seems to reinforce this practice too.
Idontevenknow99 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 You've come a long way. I am proud of what you have said here, and very happy for you that you have come to realize these things at such a young age. Thank you!
Blood Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I just started typing whatever was on my mind on my personal blog, and I wanted to share with all of you if you're interested. I'm having a lot of thoughts about identity. On top of that, it's been a rough week, so I just felt like I needed to vent: "I just need my “friends,” if they are that, to come around and comfort me. I have nobody really to confide in; maybe I could try but just thinking about it, who, in the few people that I know, would understand? I think that part of this is due to me sort of isolating myself over the past few years or so. And I don’t mean ‘isolating myself’ as in being anti-social, though I am from time to time known to be quiet and reserved, I mean isolating myself from the so-called 'world,' or worldy people. I knew that if I left the church environment, my “new” life wouldn’t be the same. But I’m not “backsliding” or any other terminology that xianity uses to condemn, guilt & shame people who are trying to break away and identify themselves, who are trying to think for themselves. I’m not going back, I’m moving forward, too—well, at least I am trying. Yes, I’m moving forward in my damn life. It’s my life and I’m proud to be able to claim it as mine. I’m taking back my life, not from the devil, but from the thought-terminating, scare tactic-using xianity that damaged my intelligence and ability to identify myself. When I thought of the word, 'identify' I used to think of it in terms of identifying yourself as [whatever adjective belongs here] and you live accordingly. Some people think identifying yourself means sticking a label to yourself, but that’s not exactly the truth. The way I’m identifying myself has nothing to do with whether I belong in this category or that category. My identity is practicing autonomy. My identity is saying 'I don’t care about your labels placed on me'. Only I can define who I am. That’s my identity. Only then can my identify break off into those little categories such as girl, friend, straight, writer, activist, etc." "Once you label me, you negate me." -- Kierkegaard. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. 1
Idontevenknow99 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 The way I’m identifying myself has nothing to do with whether I belong in this category or that category. My identity is practicing autonomy. My identity is saying 'I don’t care about your labels placed on me'. Only I can define who I am. That’s my identity. Only then can my identify break off into those little categories such as girl, friend, straight, writer, activist, etc." I'm so impressed with your approach and your determination to self-define. It's especially impressive in someone so young. Your post really highlights for me the ways that xianity affected my ability to see myself for who I really am and to learn to stand up for myself. I'm not sure how old you are but have you ever thought about the point at which you start identifying as a woman rather than a girl? I have often noticed that males seem to refer to themselves as a man or a guy instead of a boy much younger than females start referring to themselves as a woman. The mainstram media seems to reinforce this practice too. Thank you FreeThinkerz. I'm 21 and yes, I've sort of caught on to that. I always feel a little awkward calling myself a 'woman' not only because of the way society likes to portray women as hypersexual (va-va-va-voom), but also because in some ways I still act like a kid haha!
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