lareason Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 i hope this is the right forum to be posting this. i stopped going to church and turned away from the Bible extremely recently. am still struggling a bit with what i believe and such, but i know that church is not for me in any way. since making this decision i have actually had to block two people's numbers so they would stop telling me i was going to Hell and that i'm a terrible person. my very good and sweet (and understanding) friend is getting married this weekend and the guest list consists of people from TWO of my ex-churches. the ceremony will be traditional and quite religious. i have to admit, i'm nervous. i'm not sure what to say to the people wanting to know why i've stopped coming to church, and definitely not sure what to say to the people who have already heard about why and will undoubtedly want to bring me back. i'm not secure enough in my deconversion yet to really know how to handle this kind of thing. so far all i've done is put distance between them and me, and refuse to talk to people who want to be argumentative or hurtful. unfortunately i don't know of a way to "block" people in person. at least one of the people i had to block will be in attendance as well. ugh. help?
florduh Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 On a couple of occasions people have innocently asked why I no longer go to church. I just say, "Oh, I don't believe that stuff anymore." This event is all about the bride, not you or everyone's religious beliefs. Remind them of that if it comes up, but it probably won't be anything like you imagine anyway. Relax, have fun, don't debate.
lareason Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 good point, i tend to think things are going to be centered around me and then forget that people probably don't have me and my lack of attendance in the forefront of their minds. haha. thanks for reminding me of that! hopefully all will just go smoothly and we can all enjoy celebrating the occasion.
midniterider Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 i hope this is the right forum to be posting this. i stopped going to church and turned away from the Bible extremely recently. am still struggling a bit with what i believe and such, but i know that church is not for me in any way. since making this decision i have actually had to block two people's numbers so they would stop telling me i was going to Hell and that i'm a terrible person. my very good and sweet (and understanding) friend is getting married this weekend and the guest list consists of people from TWO of my ex-churches. the ceremony will be traditional and quite religious. i have to admit, i'm nervous. i'm not sure what to say to the people wanting to know why i've stopped coming to church, and definitely not sure what to say to the people who have already heard about why and will undoubtedly want to bring me back. i'm not secure enough in my deconversion yet to really know how to handle this kind of thing. so far all i've done is put distance between them and me, and refuse to talk to people who want to be argumentative or hurtful. unfortunately i don't know of a way to "block" people in person. at least one of the people i had to block will be in attendance as well. ugh. help? Be kind and if the other person makes a scene at your friend's wedding , that's their problem, not yours. Smile at the person and laugh if they harass you. If they give you dirty looks then hold your hand close to your chest so nobody else can see and then flip them the bird. As far as harassing phone calls that's illegal. File a crime report and send the offender a copy.
Roz Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Kindly remind people who bring it up that you're there to support your friend, and that it's their wedding day. It's their time. I think most people will get the hint, smile, and then return to the festivities of the day. If they're going to make a scene, make it clear to them and to the couple that you never wished to talk about it in the first place, that you were there to support them first and foremost. Wish your friends a happy marriage, and you a safe time at the wedding!
amateur Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I was also thinking that a wedding is about the couple being married, and it's the bride's day. If anybody starts making you uncomfortable, you have every right at a wedding to comment on that wedding and bring the attention back to that. "Oh, today isn't about me and my beliefs! Can you believe how beautiful the bride looks?!?" or "This isn't the time or place! I'm going to go back and dance with my dear friend! Look how happy the new couple is!" Since the bride is your very good friend, I am sure you are familiar with what she went through to get the wedding together, fun stories about her new husband, their honeymoon destination, where they'll be living, etc. There's your conversation! Keep it about them! Have fun! And good luck! I hope they have a beautiful day! 1
lareason Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 thank you both so much for the replies. i especially enjoy the secret flipping of the bird. haha. i will have to employ that technique more often in my everyday life i probably should've filed some sort of report about the phone calls and texts. unfortunately in my rush to rid myself of anything unpleasant i deleted my entire text and call history and deleted and blocked both numbers. hopefully they won't mess with me anymore, though.
lareason Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 I was also thinking that a wedding is about the couple being married, and it's the bride's day. If anybody starts making you uncomfortable, you have every right at a wedding to comment on that wedding and bring the attention back to that. "Oh, today isn't about me and my beliefs! Can you believe how beautiful the bride looks?!?" or "This isn't the time or place! I'm going to go back and dance with my dear friend! Look how happy the new couple is!" Since the bride is your very good friend, I am sure you are familiar with what she went through to get the wedding together, fun stories about her new husband, their honeymoon destination, where they'll be living, etc. There's your conversation! Keep it about them! Have fun! And good luck! I hope they have a beautiful day! thank you! yes, that's an awesome idea. they definitely deserve all the attention on their big day!
francesco Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 is it possible to bring a close friend with you? at least they can help you from discomfort and "protect" you from your ex church members once the situation become not comfortable assuming your close friend know the situation
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted April 1, 2014 Super Moderator Posted April 1, 2014 It's been my experience when I run into people from the old church, that they really don't want to discuss why I don't go anymore. They're usually cordial and will engage in small-talk, but it rarely goes any further. That said, though, there have been a few who have tried to have that particular conversation with me and my answer is generally something along the lines of: "You knew me as a christian--how serious I was about the lord; don't you think I would be just as serious about my unbelief? And don't you think there would be a reason for me to be so serious about it?" Somehow, this particular point makes them so uncomfortable about their own beliefs (and hidden doubts) that they usually change the subject.
lareason Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 Francesco, I am luckily bringing my boyfriend with me, so hopefully he can help diffuse any situations that arise. :-) except bringing him will attract the girls from the small group I left. it was hilarious to me how these supposedly "pure" and "Godly" girls would become like rabid hyenas when my boyfriend started coming to group with me. literally, swarming him and ignoring me. it was disgusting. but that's a story for another day! haha. redneck professor, awesome advice, if I can find the bravery to say it! hopefully I won't have to, of course. I guess the thing I am having the hardest time with right now is finding the inner strength and certainty to defend what I believe and not withering under the judgmental gaze of the church folk. I can feel myself immediately start to doubt myself when people start telling me I need to repent immediately, that what I'm doing is wrong, etc. I have to always take a step back and come back down to reality and remind myself that I don't need their approval or anyone's approval about what I believe! as always, you guys have the best advice
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