Xtianity Being Bad For Mental Health Seems To Be A Common Topic...

[traveller2]

...here-my expereince was no exception either.The purpose of this post is a little reflection on mental health five or six years after deconversion.

 

Long term and day to day things are clearly much better which I aa#sume is also a comon expereince.getting up this morning i didn't have to think about praying o reading the bible or feeling guilty if i didn't but deeper than that i didn't have a guilt and "feelings pressure" which i once thought was gods voice killing me coz I didn't do either of those activities as long as he wanted me to do them or coz i failed to do them for the christian ideal (in my disgusting evangelical world) of one hour lol.

 

having been thru alot of talking based therapy and some other more specific and focused therapies life outside the christian cocoon is ok.Its ben briliant at times howeverthe effects of xtianity are still present.aspects such as seeking gods will still affect my life-this morning I was imediatly assaulted by thoughts of what a fucking loser I am at age 39 to be living in rented accomodation and not have much of a career.And the truth is compared to high school peers ,fuck i have not done too well.My most recent therapy is quite mixed.Some hypnosis and life coaching.i am trying not to compare myself with others and follow the berating,deprecating thought pattern that i have taditionally followed.It has been quite hard coz it seems so true and i assumed all the evidence indicated it was correct.i also have a deep down christian based disdain of positive thinking etc which has been hard to cut thru. However with practice i am starting to see the light.this mornig i quickly did a mental balance of what the evidence was for me being  a loser v's the possibility that i am not (while i was making coffee ffs!); and came up with the conclusion quite easily that i am not.i fucking won!This is a big step for me as  i feel i am starting to beat the negative pattern of thinking.Even tho I have made significant steps to improve myself in career and employability; degree and working on an advanced degree now ,the thought pattern had not changed.i often feel 20 or so years behnd peers i now think it is actualy possible to conquer this negative way of thinking and function effectivly and positively even if i am a late bloomer.

If there is anyone reading this who never got the memo and actualy practiced all that seeking gods will crap and really kept at it....and fucked up their life a bit like me,i want you to know your not alone and from someone who has been on this journey awhile -i think it is possible to address ones self esteem even before life circumstances turn around.

[violetbutterfly]

Oh, I can relate. I feel like I wasted a lot of time worrying about what God thought of me and doing things that made me miserable. I also suffer from depression and am in therapy dealing with the fallout of my life choices. The good news is we are out now and can move forward. You are not a loser, and you've taken back your power.

[Guest afireinside]

You're not a loser mate, you've just come out of a time of intense pressure and beating yourself down subconsciously because you always felt like you lacked what it took to be a "real Christian"

 

Don't ever doubt you can get some normality back in your life, I find I have been thinking the same things lately after realising I've spent the best years of my life following some fucking fairy tale and hoping things will go back to normal straight away but this residual bullshit is hard to shake. Christianity trains our brains to constantly remind us we are nothing, our efforts are useless, our happiness is just a deception and we should feel guilty for every human impulse. Don't let that guilt and self loathing you absorbed from Christianity keep you feeling like shit all the time it's done you enough damage.