I No Longer Feel The Need To Worship...

[zuker12]

For the longest time, I struggled with how a person could be a satanist, or a spiritist, or a devil worshipper, or anything like that. How could be a person be like that and still be reasonably good. I feared satanism, and everything contrary to christianity. I struggled with all the doubts like many of us here too. Yesterday, while sitting on a bus, I started thinking on things like "why do I ponder so much" and "why do I fear satanism". I realized I feared being condemned, being wrong, simply put. I could not see how a person could be wrong and still be happy, or (selfishly) altruistic. How can a person live with the potential threat and fear of hellfire within himself?

 

The doubts I struggled with are the usual fare; how can god be just and LOVING and still condemn anyone to an eternal hell, how can there be so much suffering in the world, why do I get so much conflicting information on things, why does god hide, why did god order killing and plundering neighbouring nations, why did god mix up the languages at Babel (for achieving too much?) and whether or not the building of the tower of Babel was a sin or just god putting people at their place, why does god destroy nations with unquenching fire, instead of trying to CORRECT these people or atleast giving a good reason for such destruction. Examining these doubts now, I realize, that I no longer have a desire to worship this god. I cannot shut out my doubts, and in the process of introspection I came to this possibly fateful conclusion.

 

I realized my fear of satanism - and consequently of being wrong, being judged by a deity - was irrational and mostly caused me a lot of mental distress. When I thought on it, I realized, that in the christian worldview, "Satan is the god of this world". That is, anything worldly, minor or major, whether devilish or not, condemned one to eternal torments. There is no sense of relativity. All sin merits the same "death" (or hellish unlife). Anything that brings me pleasure and which I refuse to give up would lead me down the same path, whether or not it was causing any suffering (I don't want to cause any unnecessary suffering). I now understand that satanism exists and I think many people who profess to be satanists or satan worshippers have come to these conclusions, for reasons they themselves find justifiable, useful or good. Many possibly for the same reasons I come to this conclusion. I can understand that a selfish satanist still doesn't mean he causes anyone any especial harm. They are more prone to it, but I doubt every satanist is a selfish murderer. People have to be judged and punished on individual basis, depending on what harm they caused to others. This is just and understandable. If they are docile satanists with a want to show off, let them do it. Let them provoke other people, if it's within the confines of causing no actual physical or mental harm. (Well, provoking causes mental harm to some, but if it is minor, then alright) To a fundie christian, everything contrary to an approved way is worldly, aka satanistic. Be it music, sex, movies, anything. Anything with contrary religious ideals is considered occultism or devil worship...

 

If god exists, then I thank him for the existence he has given me, and the capacity to feel happiness, to enjoy friendship and love. Of course, before these realizations I used to think my existence was cursed, since I did not want to be born in a harsh world where the threat of eternal hellfire went against every moral I could understand. With these words, I am a humanist; I love human beings, as a race, as single beings, and I love humanity and the human experience. I wish more of us realized the power of love, whether it is something inside us, given to us by spirits or god; it is a gift nonetheless, and ensures our safety and happiness as human beings, if people took just, like an hour a week to look out for those less fortunate. Imagine how much good could be done by the human collective, if it was even just a bit more altruistic. I want to do just that. I want to again bring out my creative side, but I want to help others too. I didn't have much emotion or love in my home, but the moments of great emotion and love we had were spectacular. Now I want to do something good for at least some of those less unfortunate.

 

A fundie christian might now view me (and many other people) as a satanist. I used to fear that definition A LOT. I no longer fear the definition. I am worldly, and maybe satanistic. According to my own definition, I am a humanist, agnostic and hoping for but not expecting an infinitely loving, parent-like god. Moderation is essential to everything, for me, and I like the epicuroan teachings. I don't see a reason to believe in the christian view, unless god is hiding, but then I cannot know. The christian question is very much about allegiance. Good deeds and being good to others weigh nothing if you are not of a certain religious mind set. I can't believe god would expect us to pick and choose sides, instead of seeing the good and bad inherent in everyone. If there are spirits doing things out there, like water spirits or machine spirits or demons or something, then I believe people can live in harmony with them. To me, it's not the allegiance, it's the actual good and bad that counts. I believe a witch can practice white magic with the genuine intention of helping. (I struggled with witchcraft fears back in the day too, of course.)

 

My final hope is that everyone became more considerate, of others and of themselves. I want people to enjoy and promote a mutual good living. Love for your fellow human being is a virtue and a gift, and it increases the happiness and safety of everyone on earth. Religion or no religion, human beings are human beings. We need to change; religion not so much. If someone is religious and happy, let him be. If his beliefs are somehow offensive, then boohoo, unless he does something that actually causes pain. As human beings, we do cause pain with almost every action we do, to ourselves and others. I just want people to be mindful of this fact.

[ExCBooster]

Actually, I find Satanism (I assume you mean actual, organized LaVeyan Satanism, and not the occult in general, which is a huge, massively varied category) is a really interesting modern religious movement. An anti-religion, kind of, that uses Christian symbols and concepts as its structure. They've got a rather nice website. It might actually help you to go ahead and read up on it, to see how much it borrows from Christianity.

 

Christians don't generally have a very clear idea of the real history and tenets of "occult" or "dark" or, for more extreme versions, anything other than themselves. Which, in this case, leads to a feedback cycle of ignorance:

 

Christians warned off of "satanic" things => Nobody wants to do the research, or they might go to Hell => Ignorance about the topic => More crazy rumours and stereotypes. (Repeat forever, even when they get curb-stomped in arguments.)

 

You've probably noticed this pattern in a lot of topics (*cough* natural selection *cough*), and it inevitably leads to Christians not having anywhere near a decent command of a topic they're debating, because they're forced to take and regurgitate any opinions and ideas that have been spoon fed them, by even more righteously ignorant people. They're not allowed to think for themselves. That, to me, is a real tragedy. But you, zucker12, you got out... and you can read up on anything you want. It's an incredible amount of power, really.

 

If it still bothers you, it might really help ease your mind to go on a research binge on different religions and philosophies, and what they share, where they came from, and lift the curtain on just how much mainstream Christians don't know what they're even talking about, here. Honestly, Christians probably share a lot more, philosophically, with LaVeyan Satanists than either one does with, say, Shinto, which doesn't share a history or cultural background with either, and so a lot of the concepts are completely different. Satanism is explicitly based on Christianity (as a counter-point), so it shares a common cultural background, and a lot of the same concepts and assumptions - for example, "sin" which is common to Satanism and Christianity, but totally alien to Shinto, which is more about ritual purity and defilement.

[Ellinas]

I've read both the Satanic Bible and the Satanic Rituals.  My current view of LaVeyan Satanism is:

1. It tries to be atheistic and rationalist (man is his own god; Satan is an abstract principle of that);
2. It does not really succeed in that endeavour (its' language and rituals assume too much of occult spirituality)
3. It's probably a rather simplified version of Thelema (Aleister Crowley's "religion")

Zuker12 - you sound like someone who is only "satanic" by the rather unhelpful definition of "anything non-Christian".  In fact, satanism is meaningless without Christianity and the Abrahamic concept of deity.

 

Therefore, I would suggest you seek to rid yourself of that as a concept and look at any alternative philosophies you wish to consider free of that baggage.

 

And as to your no longer feeling the need to worship - good.  I suspect any deity worthy of the name feels no need to be worshipped.

[zuker12]

Yes. I used to fear other philosophies and ways of life as being of Satan - but I no longer feel this is an obstruction to exploring other spiritual paths. There may or may not be demons behind everything there is, but in their own viewpoints and ways, they don't see a satan behind these philosophies. It is a christian view. Conspiracies used to confuse and make me scared a lot but I no longer think the conspiracies are of much effect - the christian ones are all about whether or not something can be considered christian. I think I will carve my own way in and out of the universe, with some simple principles, some from secular philosophy, some good morals from christianity and a positive view on humanity. This is why I explored the possibility of being a satanist, because in my conspiracy-fearing mind, I thought everything had something demonic behind it. It required the realization that by A DEFINITION I am a satanist - though I see no reason to view myself as one, realistically speaking. If there is a conspiracy behind something then dog-damnit, I guess I'm participating in witchcraft or something. I no longer care as long as I do not end up hurting anyone in any major way.