Awkward Lunch And Prayertime With My Christian Friend

[earthgypsy]

For the last 11 months, I have had very little contact with my christian friend of many years. As many of you can relate, this deconversion process takes time and I have tried to give myself that time ....my main coping devices have been isolation (mainly from christians) and humor (and sarcasm!). Well, I had seen my friend's daughter while out, so I sent my friend a text.......she immediately said 'let's do lunch.'  I did say 'ok'..and thought I will let her pray over the food, and I will divert any religious discussion.  I had spoken with her a year ago when I was first questioning the writings of apostle Paul...she told me I need to read it in the 'right spirit' and to' be careful' - At the time I did say I was not a christian (a word started by Paul) but a person of The Way (according to Acts), she had no problem with that statement. Other than that I told her nevermind, and dropped the subject since it was obviously not open to any reasonable discussion.  

 

Well, anyways, we met at a place last week, got our food, and she went to get a lemon and came back with another woman who was obviously upset.  This was a "sister in christ" and needed prayer.  I thought "oh crap!! How am I going to deal with this?"  My friend told her how god always uses us like this. Both women went on about how awesome god is, answers prayers, and all we need is jesus and the bible and the word.  I was careful to not show agreement in these statements.. I kept my face expressionless regarding god.  I tried to show comfort but not mention god.  My friend asked me if I wanted to pray also, and I said no.  I stayed silent. The woman then eventually left. 

 

My friend was all ecstatic about what happened...I changed the subject.  Then my friend mentioned her church and that she got in trouble again for not being in order.  She said she wished she could just not go but family wanted to go.  So I told her it had been a year since I had stopped going to church and it was wonderful.  She said but 'we are not to forsake assemblying ....' and I said ' the bible also says we are to go in our closet to pray and to not pray in public'  (it was the only thing I could think of at the moment -plus it was opposite to what had just happened in public)... she said 'yeah.'  I told her I just read and studied the bible myself, reading from Genesis through Revelation..noticing the contradictions. I told her I had been studying the history of the bible (she already knows that I love history)! And that I am researching and digging into everything. She was like 'wow.'  She asked if I still had a problem with Paul, and I said 'yes' and in my mind said 'and the whole bible!'   She said it was going to lead to something really good.....(boy, she has no idea yet!  She believes she has the gift of prophecy).  

 

My husband thinks I should just tell her I don't believe........I don't know...partly I am scared maybe (she is the one, 16 plus years ago, who told me I was going to hell....I was more of a liberal believer at that time - then I became more and more fundamentalist til my head exploded!)  Right now, I just feel like I should get her thinking by making comments  (for example, last summer during 4th of July celebration, a little boy died from a stray bullet -horrible!!!  She was there and said god had told her to leave...she felt an eerie feeling...and she said god is so amazing that he protects his children - but I said,  except for that little boy! - also, she and her family were right near where the boy was shot and even heard the gunshot.....so my question is why would god take her and her family into the situation instead of having them stay where they were safer which was nowhere near the place where it happened or better yet, why didn't god just protect that little boy???).   Since my deconversion, I do feel more confident but I am first of all giving myself a full year (June) of no faith before I come out about it to her and other christians I know....in the beginning of deconversion I was leaning towards deism, but now it is probably atheism...yeah, atheism. 

 

This is my first time posting a topic..I have thought about posting other topics in the past, but it is taking time to regain the confidence that christianity stripped from me. Even when I have only a few times commented on posts, I felt so much anxiety in getting my words right.  But this little lunchtime event had me look back over my life this year and face many emotions I have been feeling about christianity but pushed aside. Perhaps I just needed to get some things out and stop burying my emotions and deal with them.  I know I have felt all the common feelings you all have felt....sadness, relief, "pissed offness," happiness etc everything..it goes back and forth.  I truly appreciate all of you exchristians here!!   Your own stories, insights, humor, emotions etc have greatly greatly helped me to heal, to not feel so alone, to laugh and to cry with you here in my little space in the world.  Thank you for allowing me to get this out.   Thank you!!

 

 

[florduh]

You're doing fine. I wouldn't stress over what others believe and do, and I don't feel the need to explain why I don't believe that stuff any longer. I don't participate in such foolishness, and I don't openly mock those who do. If pressed for explanations, I just leave in a friendly manner. Life's too short to waste time playing along or explaining yourself.

[Aggie]

Thanks for posting.  Glad you're here!

 

I'm with florduh, usually just leave or try to to give non-responses a lot of times.  It can be difficult because you get forced in these situations where you feel like you have a choice between being honest or insulting-- but usually I find that I can figure out a way to gracefully avoid things.  Unfortunately, deconversion weakens or destroys many friendships. Upsetting, but has its upside.  It opens the doors to new ones...

[MerryG]

earthgypsy -- I agree you did fine. I also have to say that the whole "incident" with the distraught woman almost sounds like a setup. Just a little too convenient (for your friend's purposes) to be true. I hope not because that would have been a very cynical and manipulative move on your friend's and possibly the other woman's part. But it sure hit me that way.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

I'm fortunate that my mother has a big mouth; pretty much everybody from my old church knows I no longer believe.  On the rare occasion I run into one of them, they never bring up the subject of religion.  That said, you handled an extremely awkward situation with the grace and dignity which becomes a lady such as yourself.

[earthgypsy]

earthgypsy -- I agree you did fine. I also have to say that the whole "incident" with the distraught woman almost sounds like a setup. Just a little too convenient (for your friend's purposes) to be true. I hope not because that would have been a very cynical and manipulative move on your friend's and possibly the other woman's part. But it sure hit me that way.

 

MerryG, yeah, as I was sitting there in the middle of it, I was thinking it sure felt like a setup...but by god....and god sure has a wicked sense of humor  (or some strange move of the universe).  I see what you mean tho that maybe my friend set it up...you are really making me think about that one.

 

 

Thanks ya'll for your support!!!  I really appreciate all of your encouragement!!!

[buffettphan]

I think you handled the scenario gracefully.  

 

Preying in restaurants is one of my pet peeves.  If I am with someone who habitually does that, I make it a point to go to the restroom just as they are about to start preying.  

 

I agree with MerryG -- to me, it sounds like you were set up.  

 

Since we live near each other, I can't help but wonder if these women were the same theatrical drama queens I saw at the Dollar Tree around christmastime.   All of a sudden, out of nowhere two women were preying in the middle of an aisle.   The odds are they weren't the same people though since we have an over-abundance of those types around here.  

[Deva]

earthgypsy: The way you wrote your post, I am sure you are a very nice person. You really handled that awkward situation well, and I really commend you for your restraint. Please don't hesitate to post when you encounter difficult situations such as this, it is the entire purpose of this board!

 

When the time is right, maybe you should tell your christian friend how you think about these topics. Perhaps then you won't be subject to someone else's religious crisis or whatever that other person's problem was. 

[earthgypsy]

I think you handled the scenario gracefully.  

 

Preying in restaurants is one of my pet peeves.  If I am with someone who habitually does that, I make it a point to go to the restroom just as they are about to start preying.  

 

I agree with MerryG -- to me, it sounds like you were set up.  

 

Since we live near each other, I can't help but wonder if these women were the same theatrical drama queens I saw at the Dollar Tree around christmastime.   All of a sudden, out of nowhere two women were preying in the middle of an aisle.   The odds are they weren't the same people though since we have an over-abundance of those types around here.  

 

Thank you buffetphan!!  LOL that definitely could have been my friend ..."theatrical drama queen"  haha fitting!!   But I am embarrassed to admit that at one time, it may have actually been me you saw "prEying" publicly (not as dramatically, but still...I am embarrassed I did do that).  This time though I was just thinking "please I hope nobody sees me with these two" here in Panera Bread.

[earthgypsy]

earthgypsy: The way you wrote your post, I am sure you are a very nice person. You really handled that awkward situation well, and I really commend you for your restraint. Please don't hesitate to post when you encounter difficult situations such as this, it is the entire purpose of this board!

 

When the time is right, maybe you should tell your christian friend how you think about these topics. Perhaps then you won't be subject to someone else's religious crisis or whatever that other person's problem was. 

 

Thanks Deva!  Ironically, on my way to meet her, I was thinking about how to tell her how I feel about praying......but I didn't even have a chance...it happened so fast and then I didn't really know how to interject with 'oh by the way I don't believe prayer works. And this is so stupid.'     Thank you for your kind words and your encouragement!

[TheRedneckProfessor]

Preying in restaurants is one of my pet peeves.  If I am with someone who habitually does that, I make it a point to go to the restroom just as they are about to start preying.  

  Whether intentional or not, that's a damn good pun!

[buffettphan]

 

Preying in restaurants is one of my pet peeves.  If I am with someone who habitually does that, I make it a point to go to the restroom just as they are about to start preying.  

  Whether intentional or not, that's a damn good pun!

 

 

 

Preying and christinsanity are my two favorite intentional misspellings!    

I actually have a hard time spelling them correctly anymore..my fingers just automatically type those words the "wrong" way.  lol

[Deva]

Bravo, Buffetphan! Of course I knew your "misspelling" was intentional! Hang around here as much as we have, and we really get to know our fellow ex-c's!

[earthgypsy]

LOL  yes I too knew it was intentional....and I agree with TheRedneckProfessor,  it is a "damn good pun!"  LOL

[Akheia]

You seem very sweet and loving to your friend. I know you'll find the right way to talk to her when the time is right. It was very sweet of you as well to let that distressed woman have her little moment. I think I'd have reacted just like you did. I hope you get it worked out with your friend.

 

My favorite misspelling is "Christain." It just seems like such a huge Freudian slip!

[earthgypsy]

You seem very sweet and loving to your friend. I know you'll find the right way to talk to her when the time is right. It was very sweet of you as well to let that distressed woman have her little moment. I think I'd have reacted just like you did. I hope you get it worked out with your friend.

 

My favorite misspelling is "Christain." It just seems like such a huge Freudian slip!

 

 

Thank you Akheia!  I really appreciate that a lot!!!

[tylereverett]

I can relate in some ways.  I had a very good friend who was like a brother to me.  I spent so much time with him over the years.  I was going to become a pastor, and so was he.  

 

Long story short, he's a pastor now, and I'm here.

 

I'm not one to tell you what you should do, but I told him right away.  I figured I owed it to him.  However, what I don't owe to him is to be a Christian.

 

Its been challenging and the strain on our friendship has been very painful.  But I think it would be better this way than living a lie with him. 

[amateur]

 

I'm not one to tell you what you should do, but I told him right away.  I figured I owed it to him.  However, what I don't owe to him is to be a Christian.

 

 

You are a truly good friend.  You did the right thing.