dutchie Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Hi everyone! As you can see this is my first post here. I´m from the Netherlands, so if I make any funny errors, forgive me, lol. So a bit of info: I´m 22 years, as I said, I´m dutch, and at this moment i´m studying medicine in Belgium. The total length of this study is 7 years, and i´m now in my 4th year. I love to play piano, doing sports, and at this moment i´m also addicted to playing tetris I can now say for myself that I´m an atheist. Wow that is really weird to say. I came to this conclusion about a week ago, so it still has to sink in a little bit. Soon I will post my testimonial, because when I read all of your stories, I can relate to it with all my heart. Hopefully I can give back something to this fantastic website & forum as well! Right now i´m a bit down actually. Besides the whole realization that my christian identity was a lie, I also realize that when I look back at this last years, I have been very solitude, pushed my non-christian friends away, and relied on christian friends. Being that I don´t want to keep those christian friends in dishonesty forever, I fear that of the few people I know at this moment, I will lose some of them too. The church was also a back-up for socializing (that sounds quite hypocritical lol) so soon the church aspect of my life will be no longer part of my life. Also the idea of how and when to break the news to my parents is quite terrifying. (Also my study is a big mess right now) I can see that there are opportunities right now I just don´t know where to start! All the possibilities to having a meaningful live paralyzes me. Okay, so this is my heartfelt introduction. Hopefully I can read this back later and see that I was a bit dramatic over here. (I always have been a little bit lol) Emine 4
mymistake Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Welcome to the forum. Don't worry about perfect English. We don't worry about that. It's great to have you. For most ex-Christians the question of when to tell your parents depends on how much you depend on them. If they are paying for your school then it might be best to not tell them yet. You can tell them later when you are on your own. Or if you are financially independent now then you can tell them whenever you want. As for how I like to not make a big deal about it. I will say "I don't believe that stuff anymore" or "I'm not religious anymore". Then if they ask too many questions I say "I don't want to talk about it". If you let them they might make too big a deal about it.
EternalEquinox Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Welcome dutchie! I remember when I first realized I wasn't christian anymore - calling myself atheist felt kind of scary at first but gradually I accepted it as a part of myself. I am glad you want to be honest with your christian friends and that you realize that you may lose your christian friends but this can happen as part of the journey.Yes, breaking the news to family is a big endeavor so take your time! When and if you tell your parents do it when you are prepared mentally and physically and when you aren't dependent upon them. Having so many opportunities is a wonderful part of being free. But taking it slow and steady and starting out small may be more helpful for you. Go out and enjoy the small things at first, then proceed to do bigger things as you begin to feel more comfortable and confident. Enjoy all the good things life has to offer, girl!
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted May 12, 2014 Super Moderator Posted May 12, 2014 I remember the first time I looked in the mirror and said, "I am an atheist", it felt like the most natural thing I had ever said. Despite having been a hardcore fundamentalist christian for thirty years, those words just felt right. Welcome to the forums, dutchie! Here you'll find the support you need and the answers you seek. I'm looking forward to your testimony.
♦ ficino ♦ Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Welcome, dutchie! Looking forward to hearing more from you on here - but don't take too much time off from your studies, heh heh! Med school must be very demanding.
dutchie Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Thanks everyone for your enthusiastic reply I feel a sort of urgency that I suddenly have to tell everyone, but I realize that it is not a very smart move. Mistake and EternalEquinox: thx for the advice! Yes i´m at moment not the most stable, and I just have to let it all give it some time. I´m partially dependent on my parents for money.. that would end in about 3 years.. The aspect which bothers me the most is that when I tell them out of the blue that I don´t belief anymore, that they will be hurt / disappointed that I did not come to them with my doubts. So i´m just going to throw a couple of belief questions into the conversations next couple of months, so that they don´t have the feeling to be left out in the process.
Overcame Faith Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Welcome to ExC, Dutchie. You need not tell anyone about your deconversion if you do not want to. And even if you decide to tell your parents, there is no timetable for that, either. If telling them will cause you problems now, then hold off until a more opportune time. I know what you mean about friends. Many in ExC had the same issue. What you will need to do is broaden your social horizons. For example, you are studying medicine. Surely, many of your fellow students are not Christians. Right there is a source for other friends. Again, welcome.
FreeThinkerNZ Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I am a recovering Tetris addict. I feel your pain ;-) Welcome along! I became an atheist only 2 months ago and have decided not to tell my family for a long time. There's no hurry for me, I am still getting used to it all. I love medicine and those who practice it. (Doctors don't get enough credit for what they do). Is there an area you want to specialise in?
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted May 13, 2014 Super Moderator Posted May 13, 2014 The aspect which bothers me the most is that when I tell them out of the blue that I don´t belief anymore, that they will be hurt / disappointed that I did not come to them with my doubts. So i´m just going to throw a couple of belief questions into the conversations next couple of months, so that they don´t have the feeling to be left out in the process. That's probably the best approach, given your current financial situation. Plus, if you hint around about your doubts over the next few years, they won't be as shocked when you finally do tell them.
Ellinas Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Welcome. Take your time, do nothing to compromise your position and think through the tactics of how to deal with family and friends. That way, you stay in control.
dutchie Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 Thanks Overcomingfaith and TheRedneckprofessor I agree. There is no time table FreethinkersNZ: haha a ´recovering´ tetrisaddict. I think i´m still in the denial fase a bit to much.. I think the way the study is set up here is a bit different. The first 5 years everybody has the same courses, and no internships (only books, books.. and yes - books ) my 6th year I will do a internship. I hear from the most people that they get to know what they want to do in that year. I also have at this moment not yet a single clue Thx adam and Elinias! That´s good advice.
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted May 13, 2014 Super Moderator Posted May 13, 2014 By the way, while you're in Belgium, you really should take time to enjoy the fine beer they have there. I brew my own beer and Belgian style ales are among my favorites.
Aries256 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Welcome Dutchie, , and welcome to the Oasis of Freedom. Towels over there, beer is str8 ahead, and along this row of trees is every(legal) "sin" possible. enjoy
owen652 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Pass the Dutchie!! Welcome. You're right, you will probably lose most or all of your friends. That is what happened to me, all of my friends and social activities were tied up in the church, so when I left I pretty much had no friends. And making new ones when you're an adult isn't easy, you can't just go up to someone in the playground anymore and say,'let's be besties', and the other person goes 'okay' and you skip off together. You could try it I suppose... I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but years later I am still struggling in this area, so if you find out how to make friends let me know Still, I guarantee you will find that life is much better without the millstone of religion around your neck. Cheers.
dutchie Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 @owen. Haha I will give an update in a couple of months, to share my tactics, lol. At this moment I´m still a bit on a emotional rollercoaster sad - angry - frustrated - happy - confused - etc, at myself sometimes, other times at christian people. But I see that those feelings will go away for the most part with time.
RipVanWinkle Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Welcome dutcie. All of the advice given above is good. The single theme running through the posts is that you should pick the time for your disclosure that is best for you. If you do that you won't regret it. Congratulations. bill
dutchie Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Welcome dutcie. All of the advice given above is good. The single theme running through the posts is that you should pick the time for your disclosure that is best for you. If you do that you won't regret it. Congratulations. bill Thanks william I agree.
sparklingphoenix Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Hi dutchie! Welcome to exC I deconverted in February and it's been hard to keep it to myself too. I really wanted to explode on everyone and tell them "god's not reallllll!!!" Alas that would have been a horrible mistake I am still a closet atheist and will be until I can graduate and support myself in a year or so. Good luck with your studies and dealing with your family~
dutchie Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 Hi dutchie! Welcome to exC I deconverted in February and it's been hard to keep it to myself too. I really wanted to explode on everyone and tell them "god's not reallllll!!!" Alas that would have been a horrible mistake I am still a closet atheist and will be until I can graduate and support myself in a year or so. Good luck with your studies and dealing with your family~ Thanks! Yes, I can see that. From a rational point I agree, emotional, I feel so frustrated raaawr It really helps to vent here me problems
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