bfuddled Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I catch myself with an automatic reaction to tell people that "I pray that God will grant you peace" or "I'm praying for you" or something similar whenever someone relates a tough situation to me. I have more than once typed it here and had to go back and delete after I realize it. It's so ingrained to use these Christian platitudes whenever someone is suffering. I cringe when I hear them, but I still have a knee jerk reaction and use them myself. I guess I just don't have anything else to insert there? Saying "Good Luck with that!" doesn't quite sound as meaningful.
amateur Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Yeah, that one takes a while to not say automatically, especially when someone tells you truly sad news. "I'll be thinking of you" or "Would you like to meet for lunch soon so we can talk?" are good things to say. If you're in person, a sincere "I'm so sorry" or "How awful!" while giving a hug (if appropriate to the person and situation) or touching their arm or shoulder is also good. 1
florduh Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 "I'm so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?" I clarify "help" according to the circumstances; groceries, transportation, meals, etc.
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted May 16, 2014 Super Moderator Posted May 16, 2014 It's true that old habits die hard. "I'll pray for you" is just a more polite way of saying, "I'll do nothing for you." I'm with Florduh, though. A sincere offer of help is better than anything else. 2
Roz Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 If I am able to do anything to help, I'll help out any way I can. If it's one of my friends, I can watch their kids for a while if they need it, buy them dinner and be a shoulder for them, etc. If I really can't help them, I'll just say I sincerely hope that things will get better and that I'm always a call away if they just need someone to rant to.
jdog Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I think once you find some alternative phrases it will become more natural. I think the phrases others have suggested already are good. I use them myself. I'm sorry to hear that I hope things improve I'll keep you in my thoughts or I'll be thinking of you. I'm here if you need me.
midniterider Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I catch myself with an automatic reaction to tell people that "I pray that God will grant you peace" or "I'm praying for you" or something similar whenever someone relates a tough situation to me. I have more than once typed it here and had to go back and delete after I realize it. It's so ingrained to use these Christian platitudes whenever someone is suffering. I cringe when I hear them, but I still have a knee jerk reaction and use them myself. I guess I just don't have anything else to insert there? Saying "Good Luck with that!" doesn't quite sound as meaningful. I would pray that God grants you peace but I would not want to be the one responsible for invoking a cascading chain reaction of temporal causality possibly resulting in negative consequences for countless people when all you needed to do was pop a Vicodin. :-) Or the short version: "Here, take this Vicodin." 1
midniterider Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 It's true that old habits die hard. "I'll pray for you" is just a more polite way of saying, "I'll do nothing for you." I'm with Florduh, though. A sincere offer of help is better than anything else. How about, "Wow, that fucking sucks!" :-)
RipVanWinkle Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Yeah, prayer is useless. But it is hard to get rid of , the urge to pray. It is so frustrating knowing that there is really nothing we can do to help people we love who are suffering horribly. But there it is. The fact that people suffer horribly through no fault of their own is one of the many reasons I do not believe there is a god who has any interest in humanity. It was easier to pretend praying would actually do something. Prayer really only made us feel better, not the sufferer. bill 1
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