Jump to content
Goodbye Jesus

Welp. I May Have Accidentally Been Outed As A Nonchristian To My Parents Aka I'm Not Ready For This!


Recommended Posts

Posted

A while back, I told my sister I was having some religious doubts. She also knew that my boyfriend was an agnostic. This was the last time I spoke to her on religion because I did not want to tell her about my agnostic-atheism because I knew it would be a burden for her.

 

At church last night, my boyfriend and I were having a hilarious time. I was texting him hymn titles from the hymnal and replacing all the God-referential words to Godzilla and we had created this parody religion of Christianity that was pretty hilarious.

 

After church I was sitting alone and my almost 18 year old sister came over to me. Just to make conversation (and I realize now that I shouldn't have), I told my sister about how my boyfriend and I thought it was funny to replace the word God with Godzilla in the songs. I read a few to her and I was like, "See how funny it makes it? It's perfect. 'Breathe On Me, O Breath of Godzilla', you know, because he has that breath."

 

She didn't seem to think it was that funny and she was like, "Yeah."

 

I shrugged it off and thought she did too.

 

We got home and I was sitting in my bedroom and I heard my parents talking in the living room. My sister was playing the piano. My mom said, "Bring her out here." Then I heard shuffling. I had this dreadful suspicion that they wanted to talk to me.

 

Dad showed up at my doorway. He said,

 

"I know you don't believe in God anymore."

 

My mouth fell open, "What??"

 

"I heard about how you and your boyfriend were replacing the words in the songs with Godzilla. I don't know what you believe in because that's between you and them, but your sister said you were praying to Godzilla and worshipping it. Could you please not make fun of Christianity in front of her? She is tender enough as it is and doesn't need to worry about this."

 

"It was just a joke!"

 

"Well, it wasn't a very funny joke to her." Then he came over and patted my shoulder. "I still love you." Then he left.

 

I had no idea how to react. How on earth could he KNOW? Unless my sister told him that my boyfriend and I don't believe in God, which she doesn't actually know that (at least about me) either! He doesn't have any hard proof that I don't believe in God, at least none that he could make an accusation like that. Making fun of Christianity does not automatically equal a disbelief. So, I thought he was just coming in and making a shocking statement to get the point across that it was just a serious offense. 

 

Because why on earth would my pastor dad not want to talk about it? He talks to his atheist brother all the time! But he showed no interest in talking about it. He was strangely calm. This was not the reaction I was expecting at all. This is the guy who rants about having nonChristian friends and who got mad at me for wanting to go to movies!

 

My boyfriend and I discussed it and we could not determine whether he knew or not because it seemed so strange that my parents would just let something go like that. So we concluded that I should just keep on living as if they didn't know and see if they said anything further. In the meantime, I am going to ask my sister what she said to them. Apparently there were mixed messages because my dad thought my boyfriend and I were actually worshipping Godzilla.

 

But this morning, my dad did something he never does. He knocked on my door before he went to work and came in and said he loved me and to have a nice day and told me to go back to sleep. He hasn't done that since I was younger.

 

So the nice reaction is really weirding me out. I wish they would just yell at me so I would know that they know. The whole situation is so weird. And I don't know if I'm out or not, which is confusing. I wasn't ready for this at all. I wasn't ready for them to know. So now I just feel sick to my stomach and I would rather stay in my room for the rest of the summer.

  • Super Moderator
Posted
He knocked on my door before he went to work and came in and said he loved me and to have a nice day and told me to go back to sleep.

 

Welp, he just wanted to give you his regards before you go to Hell!

Posted

Huh. I wonder if your dad has doubts, too. He probably wouldn't say so, but he's being really nice to you as a way of being understanding. As far as the Godzilla thing is concerned, it is really funny and the people at my former church would get a kick out of it.

  • Like 1
  • Moderator
Posted

You've probably been displaying signs for a while that you're not aware of.  Even the absence of a former piousness or preachyness can be a pretty clear sign.  Your dad wants to love you back to Jesus.  Or maybe he just wants to show you that he loves and supports you no matter what.  It could certainly be worse.

  • Like 1
  • Super Moderator
Posted

Comparing his response to his atheist brother to his response to you is not really accurate.  He didn't raise his brother; he did raise you.  If I had to hazard a guess, your father probably does know that you no longer believe and he's also probably feeling as guilty as hell about it, because in his mind, your unbelief equates to his failure as a father and as a pastor.  His loving but quiet approach is probably more in line with a greater plan to gently draw you back into belief.  That, and his guilt over failing you is keeping his other emotions in check.  How can he get aggressive with you, when, in his mind, he's the one to blame for your apostasy? 

  • Like 2
Posted

A while back, I told my sister I was having some religious doubts. She also knew that my boyfriend was an agnostic. This was the last time I spoke to her on religion because I did not want to tell her about my agnostic-atheism because I knew it would be a burden for her.

 

At church last night, my boyfriend and I were having a hilarious time. I was texting him hymn titles from the hymnal and replacing all the God-referential words to Godzilla and we had created this parody religion of Christianity that was pretty hilarious.

 

After church I was sitting alone and my almost 18 year old sister came over to me. Just to make conversation (and I realize now that I shouldn't have), I told my sister about how my boyfriend and I thought it was funny to replace the word God with Godzilla in the songs. I read a few to her and I was like, "See how funny it makes it? It's perfect. 'Breathe On Me, O Breath of Godzilla', you know, because he has that breath."

 

She didn't seem to think it was that funny and she was like, "Yeah."

 

I shrugged it off and thought she did too.

 

We got home and I was sitting in my bedroom and I heard my parents talking in the living room. My sister was playing the piano. My mom said, "Bring her out here." Then I heard shuffling. I had this dreadful suspicion that they wanted to talk to me.

 

Dad showed up at my doorway. He said,

 

"I know you don't believe in God anymore."

 

My mouth fell open, "What??"

 

"I heard about how you and your boyfriend were replacing the words in the songs with Godzilla. I don't know what you believe in because that's between you and them, but your sister said you were praying to Godzilla and worshipping it. Could you please not make fun of Christianity in front of her? She is tender enough as it is and doesn't need to worry about this."

 

"It was just a joke!"

 

"Well, it wasn't a very funny joke to her." Then he came over and patted my shoulder. "I still love you." Then he left.

 

I had no idea how to react. How on earth could he KNOW? Unless my sister told him that my boyfriend and I don't believe in God, which she doesn't actually know that (at least about me) either! He doesn't have any hard proof that I don't believe in God, at least none that he could make an accusation like that. Making fun of Christianity does not automatically equal a disbelief. So, I thought he was just coming in and making a shocking statement to get the point across that it was just a serious offense. 

 

Because why on earth would my pastor dad not want to talk about it? He talks to his atheist brother all the time! But he showed no interest in talking about it. He was strangely calm. This was not the reaction I was expecting at all. This is the guy who rants about having nonChristian friends and who got mad at me for wanting to go to movies!

 

My boyfriend and I discussed it and we could not determine whether he knew or not because it seemed so strange that my parents would just let something go like that. So we concluded that I should just keep on living as if they didn't know and see if they said anything further. In the meantime, I am going to ask my sister what she said to them. Apparently there were mixed messages because my dad thought my boyfriend and I were actually worshipping Godzilla.

 

But this morning, my dad did something he never does. He knocked on my door before he went to work and came in and said he loved me and to have a nice day and told me to go back to sleep. He hasn't done that since I was younger.

 

So the nice reaction is really weirding me out. I wish they would just yell at me so I would know that they know. The whole situation is so weird. And I don't know if I'm out or not, which is confusing. I wasn't ready for this at all. I wasn't ready for them to know. So now I just feel sick to my stomach and I would rather stay in my room for the rest of the summer.

 

So go along with the idea that he knows or thinks you don't believe in God....then if he explodes some day because he was secretly testing you to see if you really were a non-believer and found out you really were a non-believer then just come back with, "Of course I believe in God... I was just going along with you Dad cuz you said you knew I didnt believe anymore..."  :-)

Posted

You've probably been displaying signs for a while that you're not aware of.  Even the absence of a former piousness or preachyness can be a pretty clear sign.  Your dad wants to love you back to Jesus.  Or maybe he just wants to show you that he loves and supports you no matter what.  It could certainly be worse.

 

Very true. We aren't necessarily aware of our own behaviors or change in behavior. I suppose one could mention Jesus a few more times a day if they really wanted to convince someone of their Jesusness....not that I would. :-)

  • Like 1
Posted

You've probably been displaying signs for a while that you're not aware of.  Even the absence of a former piousness or preachyness can be a pretty clear sign.  Your dad wants to love you back to Jesus.  Or maybe he just wants to show you that he loves and supports you no matter what.  It could certainly be worse.

 

Yeah, I could be displaying signs that I'm not aware of. I thought that they would chalk any lack of fervor up to the fact that I just don't like their church, but maybe they jumped to conclusions about my reaction and those conclusions just happened to be right.

 

 

Comparing his response to his atheist brother to his response to you is not really accurate.  He didn't raise his brother; he did raise you.  If I had to hazard a guess, your father probably does know that you no longer believe and he's also probably feeling as guilty as hell about it, because in his mind, your unbelief equates to his failure as a father and as a pastor.  His loving but quiet approach is probably more in line with a greater plan to gently draw you back into belief.  That, and his guilt over failing you is keeping his other emotions in check.  How can he get aggressive with you, when, in his mind, he's the one to blame for your apostasy? 

 

This is really interesting. I suppose he could feel super guilty about it! I figured that the niceness was due to a desire to bring me back. It's too suspicious, especially when we've all been aloof this summer. I'm just surprised he hasn't tried to talk about it, even gently. I wish he would just ask so I could relay to him that short of God showing up, I just will never believe again. I don't want him to try to reconvert me because it would be a waste of time. 

 

I really wanted this to happen when I wasn't living at home because I knew it would be terrible to live at home if they knew.

Posted

You have nothing to lose by taking his reaction in good faith.

 

Some people here are really cynical about Christians, often with good reason, but it won't help you with your relationship with your family if you go into this suspecting your father of having bad motives.

 

I think you'd be best served by going to him, telling him that you love him and are grateful for his love, and that you're open to talk with him if he wants to know anything else.

Posted

Huh. I wonder if your dad has doubts, too. He probably wouldn't say so, but he's being really nice to you as a way of being understanding. As far as the Godzilla thing is concerned, it is really funny and the people at my former church would get a kick out of it.

 

If he is a pastor I would honestly be surprised if he didn't have doubts.  They teach you about the origins of christianity in seminary school and pastors know a lot of what we all know that led us to disbelief.  Personally, I don't understand why people still go on and work as a con man deceiving the masses, but Im sure they have their reasons.

Posted

I think the Professor is correct.

 

Your father has a father's instinct of what his daughter thinks.

 

He doesn't want to push you further away.

 

He wants to protect his other daughter - and, in fairness, she may have been upset.

 

To be honest, this is probably the best reaction you could have had.  I'd take it that he means what he said - and that gives you a chance to be yourself that you did not expect so soon

Posted

I'm not sure if you've heard of The Clergy Project:

 

http://www.clergyproject.org/

 

If you're ever in a position to discuss your nonbelief with your Dad, keep in mind that he may have doubts himself... he might even be a secret member of the project.

Posted

Damn I'm glad I don't like in a mega fundy state like Oklahoma. It's pretty clear that your folks have absolutely no idea how non belief works.

Posted

A while back, I told my sister I was having some religious doubts. She also knew that my boyfriend was an agnostic. This was the last time I spoke to her on religion because I did not want to tell her about my agnostic-atheism because I knew it would be a burden for her.

 

At church last night, my boyfriend and I were having a hilarious time. I was texting him hymn titles from the hymnal and replacing all the God-referential words to Godzilla and we had created this parody religion of Christianity that was pretty hilarious.

 

After church I was sitting alone and my almost 18 year old sister came over to me. Just to make conversation (and I realize now that I shouldn't have), I told my sister about how my boyfriend and I thought it was funny to replace the word God with Godzilla in the songs. I read a few to her and I was like, "See how funny it makes it? It's perfect. 'Breathe On Me, O Breath of Godzilla', you know, because he has that breath."

 

She didn't seem to think it was that funny and she was like, "Yeah."

 

I shrugged it off and thought she did too.

 

We got home and I was sitting in my bedroom and I heard my parents talking in the living room. My sister was playing the piano. My mom said, "Bring her out here." Then I heard shuffling. I had this dreadful suspicion that they wanted to talk to me.

 

Dad showed up at my doorway. He said,

 

"I know you don't believe in God anymore."

 

My mouth fell open, "What??"

 

"I heard about how you and your boyfriend were replacing the words in the songs with Godzilla. I don't know what you believe in because that's between you and them, but your sister said you were praying to Godzilla and worshipping it. Could you please not make fun of Christianity in front of her? She is tender enough as it is and doesn't need to worry about this."

 

"It was just a joke!"

 

"Well, it wasn't a very funny joke to her." Then he came over and patted my shoulder. "I still love you." Then he left.

 

I had no idea how to react. How on earth could he KNOW? Unless my sister told him that my boyfriend and I don't believe in God, which she doesn't actually know that (at least about me) either! He doesn't have any hard proof that I don't believe in God, at least none that he could make an accusation like that. Making fun of Christianity does not automatically equal a disbelief. So, I thought he was just coming in and making a shocking statement to get the point across that it was just a serious offense.

 

Because why on earth would my pastor dad not want to talk about it? He talks to his atheist brother all the time! But he showed no interest in talking about it. He was strangely calm. This was not the reaction I was expecting at all. This is the guy who rants about having nonChristian friends and who got mad at me for wanting to go to movies!

 

My boyfriend and I discussed it and we could not determine whether he knew or not because it seemed so strange that my parents would just let something go like that. So we concluded that I should just keep on living as if they didn't know and see if they said anything further. In the meantime, I am going to ask my sister what she said to them. Apparently there were mixed messages because my dad thought my boyfriend and I were actually worshipping Godzilla.

 

But this morning, my dad did something he never does. He knocked on my door before he went to work and came in and said he loved me and to have a nice day and told me to go back to sleep. He hasn't done that since I was younger.

 

So the nice reaction is really weirding me out. I wish they would just yell at me so I would know that they know. The whole situation is so weird. And I don't know if I'm out or not, which is confusing. I wasn't ready for this at all. I wasn't ready for them to know. So now I just feel sick to my stomach and I would rather stay in my room for the rest of the summer.

I got outed to my parents by my wife recently. My dad told me how I was ruining my family and how wrong I was. It wasn't a week later though that I was able to have a rational discussion with my parents about it. I know they both love me. They tell me so and they made it clear in our last discussion that nothing will change that. So, take heart. Your dad was probably shocked and just trying to get through to you with a sensationalist reaction. Him waking you up to tell you he loves you was probably sincere. Maybe he is trying to love you back to Christianity, but he does love you. The best thing to do, when your ready, is to have that conversation with them. Be honest about your doubts and why you don't believe. As long as they are able to have a rational discussion about it without resorting to emotional manipulation, you should be just fine.

  • Like 1
Posted

Neverlandrut: "Maybe he is trying to love you back to Christianity, but he does love you. The best thing to do, when your ready, is to have that conversation with them. Be honest about your doubts and why you don't believe. As long as they are able to have a rational discussion about it without resorting to emotional manipulation, you should be just fine."

 

Yes, I think that is correct. Some of us had fundy parents that would go ballistic, but yours sounds genuinely concerned. Believers take their faith seriously and are afraid not to, so I understand their reaction to the song changes. (Way back, I was offended by the song "Hallelujah, I'm a bum", which was a take-off on a song I loved "Revive Us Again").  Alternatively, his reaction could be manipulation of a sort, though he may not see it as such. He's going to try to be a parent and direct you the way he thinks best, and may see this as a phase in your life. Being honest with them seems the most authentic path.

Posted

Wow that is such a chill reaction. I'm glad they at least aren't attacking you about it. Like others said, maybe now is your chance to just be yourself. That's awesome. I would be weirded out if I were in your shoes too, though. I agree that there could have been signs of you distancing yourself from religion or god or whatever. It's possible my mom and grandfather have noticed my changes even though I try to stay very quiet about it. The other day my mom said to me about something I was trying to prepare for, "God will get you there. You just need to keep praying. Just pray etc etc.." and I said without even thinking," No, I'll get myself there, praying won't do anything." Ooops.. >.<  I find it hard to believe that your parents would actually think you now believe/ worship Godzilla... That's just funny! tongue.png I hope everything will go smoothly for you. smile.png

Posted

I hope your finding these responses helpful. There's some good stuff here. I find support here when I can't anywhere else.

 

About the worshiping Godzilla thing, my strong impression is that that was just your dad's snap reaction, being a little over dratic. I doubt he seriously thinks that. But it would be funny if he did. You could start wearing Godzilla parafinalia, and collecting all the old movies, and keeping a journal about how Godzilla saved you and changed your life, if you really want to weird him out. I don't recommend that approach, but it's a funny thought.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.