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laura

The Mystery Of Morality-from An Exchristian

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Someone mentioned that I am still looking through Christian goggles, and I suspect that may be partially true, but I wonder when it is that I am doing it. I often get confused as to whether my thoughts are mine own, or someone (anyone) elses. I find myself mentally responding to thoughts and people that really aren't there, trying to constantly defend myself. I also find myself feeling constantly guilty about... anything, really...and it leads me to wonder what there really is to feal guilty about since there is no right or wrong. Maybe that's the goggles, or maybe those are my genuine thoughts. I think that I am what others have produced me to be, and I don't like that. I want to be what I would have been without the Christian brainwashing, if that's even possible now. It's all kinda crazy; does anyone else have these experiences?. I know that people change their viewpoint on different things from time to time, as they have the "right" to. I guess I am just struggling with who I am, and predominantly with figurring out who I am, and whether to accept or change it if even possible. Anyway, I'm blabbering again. I'll stop now :)

I also questioned who that person was that was telling me that I'm not good enough or having to defend myself against myself.

 

I just wanted to say something here that may be of help or may not be, but I want to say it anyway. I look at the bible from a viewpoint of many other spiritual understandings (as I understand them). I just wanted to let you know where I'm coming from.

 

The allegory of the tree of knowledge (IMO) is that it is contaminated with lies. When you find yourself wondering about the voice, listed to what it is saying. If it is telling you that you are no good, then that is the voice of lies. I feel that when someone (or ourself) tells us something about ourself, or even themself, and we believe it, then we live with 100% faith that it is true even if it is not. Don't believe the lies that come from you or from others. This voice comes from believing that we are not perfect, which is a lie. The understanding that we are not perfect comes from knowledge and from knowledge comes judgement. After all, with knowledge we are able to 'judge' what is right and what is wrong and if one is right, the other must be wrong.

 

You are not what other's have produced you to be...unless you believe it. I just told my daughter this morning that when someone makes fun of her or says bad things about her to not believe them. I told her to pretend they were calling her a blue bug (she's 7). She knows that she is not a blue bug, so why should she believe it? If she can dismiss this as only this person's perception of her and not the truth, then she will not be offended.

 

I hope this helps. We are all perfect, we just don't believe it. :grin: We created our own 'fall'.

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Questioning morality seems to be common among every ex-Christian at some point in the de-conversion process. Yet when I look back at my own de-conversion it all seems so silly now. I have more of a personal foundation for my morality now then I did when I was a Christian. When I was still a Christian I ‘believed’ my morality was based on the Bible and Christian principles, yet every Christian I knew interpreted things differently. I was always questioning what I was doing and was never sure if my actions where moral. Now I base my morality on whether or not I am doing any harm and I sleep much better.

 

IBF

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