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The Last Desire


NotBlinded
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I'm only posting this to show the good people here where my mind was before I left here and why I needed to find something to change my thinking. My mom died 3 months later. Oh well, here goes:

 

The Last Desire

 

Oh, sweet death

kiss me gently on my lips.

Silence my soul

with the hush of your breath.

 

Still my heart

with your words gone unspoken.

Cease the beating;

never more to be broken.

 

Grant me relief;

reach out for my hand.

Grasp it firmly,

for it trembles with grief.

 

Steal my breath

as you whisper my name.

Struggle no more;

I am weary with blame.

 

Catch my tears

as they fall once more.

Wipe them away;

as the years passed before.

 

Close my eyes

with your soft, fated kiss.

Seal them shut

from a life gone amiss.

 

Caress my face

as you bid me farewell.

Solace my sorrow

with your longed for embrace.

 

Oh, sweet death

How I long for your kiss.

Silence my soul

in your unstirring abyss.

 

Feb '05

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  • 2 weeks later...

NBBTB, I'm sorry to read of the loss of your mother.

 

Both of my parents are struggling with cancer but I "lost" my mother when I deconverted. My departure from the faith shattered our intimate relationship so while she is still among the living, there is so much that has been lost between us.

 

I hope you are finding a measure of peace in closure. I grieve for you.

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

 

Warmly,

Reach

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NBBTB, I'm sorry to read of the loss of your mother.

 

Both of my parents are struggling with cancer but I "lost" my mother when I deconverted. My departure from the faith shattered our intimate relationship so while she is still among the living, there is so much that has been lost between us.

 

I hope you are finding a measure of peace in closure. I grieve for you.

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

 

Warmly,

Reach

Thank you dear Reach. I'm sorry your mom did not accept your choices in life. My mother didn't much care for my deconversion (she said I had my head up my ass :HaHa: ), but she was still there for me. She was my soul-mate and I miss her dearly.

 

It still seems like yesterday and it's been 8 months. What I fear most and look forward to the most is the time when the memories don't seem so real. It's really hard to deal with that. I call them 'living memories' and they use to shake me and cause my breath to choke when they happened. The only way I can describe them is like she is still alive and the memories are as if she is still alive. Then I realize she is gone. So, I fear the loss and look forward to the loss of those emotions. I hope I explained that well.

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You explained that well. I experienced much of those same kinds of emotions when my father-in-law died suddenly. He had lived alone, died in his bed alone and to make matters worse, wasn't discovered for a week or so, in the middle of a prolonged heat wave in Las Vegas where the daily temperature was over 115 degrees F. :ugh:

 

No matter how extraordinarily unpleasant all of that was to deal with, the acute, raw emotional pain was overwhelming. I lost a dearly beloved friend. I guess a year or so went by before the pain started to ease in intensity.

 

NBBTB, my heart goes out to you. I'm glad you had a mother who was worthy of you.

 

May you be warmed, embraced and comforted by your memories. Peace to you.

-Reach

 

P.S. In a few hours, I'm off to see my folks for two weeks. Wish me luck.

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Well, I am glad to hear you didn't do anything about your desires. Hopefully you can find some encouraging things on here this time around. :) Very nice poem, BTW...

 

My dad died when I was 13... it gets easier in some ways and worse in others. My mom is sick with a severe rare lung disease and I will probably lose her soon too... but she's always been there for me and she has encouraged my new freedom. Thankfully, she isn't a Christian. :) And I don't worry about her going to hell... anymore, at least.

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You explained that well. I experienced much of those same kinds of emotions when my father-in-law died suddenly. He had lived alone, died in his bed alone and to make matters worse, wasn't discovered for a week or so, in the middle of a prolonged heat wave in Las Vegas where the daily temperature was over 115 degrees F. :ugh:

 

No matter how extraordinarily unpleasant all of that was to deal with, the acute, raw emotional pain was overwhelming. I lost a dearly beloved friend. I guess a year or so went by before the pain started to ease in intensity.

 

NBBTB, my heart goes out to you. I'm glad you had a mother who was worthy of you.

 

May you be warmed, embraced and comforted by your memories. Peace to you.

-Reach

 

P.S. In a few hours, I'm off to see my folks for two weeks. Wish me luck.

Oh...that is sad. My mom died alone also. I saw her on Friday and we discovered her on Tuesday. We don't know exactly when she died. She was laying on the floor playing Monopoly on Nintendo! She loved to play games on the Nintendo. The paramedic noticed that she had landed on Boardwalk! I just hope that it was quick.

 

I hope your visit goes well and please don't take this the wrong way because I can't even live up to my own advice, but maybe if you can understand that the way your parents are maybe because of their life experiences, then you may be more peaceful. Not for their sakes, but for yours? Hell, I don't know if it works or not but it may be worth a try. And forgive me if I have judged you as not understanding what I mentioned. Oh hell...I don't know Reach. Best wishes and I hope it goes well.

 

 

Well, I am glad to hear you didn't do anything about your desires. Hopefully you can find some encouraging things on here this time around. :) Very nice poem, BTW...

 

My dad died when I was 13... it gets easier in some ways and worse in others. My mom is sick with a severe rare lung disease and I will probably lose her soon too... but she's always been there for me and she has encouraged my new freedom. Thankfully, she isn't a Christian. :) And I don't worry about her going to hell... anymore, at least.

You know...the emotion just overwhelms me at times as I am sure it does you also. I'm so sorry about your mom Pandora. Life just sucks sometimes!

 

And thank you for the compliment on my morbid poem!

 

Also, I forgot to thank Serenity and sweet Merlin...thanks y'all!

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You explained that well. I experienced much of those same kinds of emotions when my father-in-law died suddenly. He had lived alone, died in his bed alone and to make matters worse, wasn't discovered for a week or so, in the middle of a prolonged heat wave in Las Vegas where the daily temperature was over 115 degrees F. :ugh:

 

No matter how extraordinarily unpleasant all of that was to deal with, the acute, raw emotional pain was overwhelming. I lost a dearly beloved friend. I guess a year or so went by before the pain started to ease in intensity.

 

NBBTB, my heart goes out to you. I'm glad you had a mother who was worthy of you.

 

May you be warmed, embraced and comforted by your memories. Peace to you.

-Reach

 

P.S. In a few hours, I'm off to see my folks for two weeks. Wish me luck.

Oh...that is sad. My mom died alone also. I saw her on Friday and we discovered her on Tuesday. We don't know exactly when she died. She was laying on the floor playing Monopoly on Nintendo! She loved to play games on the Nintendo. The paramedic noticed that she had landed on Boardwalk! I just hope that it was quick.

 

I hope your visit goes well and please don't take this the wrong way because I can't even live up to my own advice, but maybe if you can understand that the way your parents are maybe because of their life experiences, then you may be more peaceful. Not for their sakes, but for yours? Hell, I don't know if it works or not but it may be worth a try. And forgive me if I have judged you as not understanding what I mentioned. Oh hell...I don't know Reach. Best wishes and I hope it goes well.

 

Gotta love landing on boardwalk. :HaHa: At least she liked the best... which explains why she had you. ;)

 

As for it feeling like yesterday, that's something I can fully understand. I haven't had any serious contact with my father in two years until he gave me a call about a month back. I thought I was past/beyond/over it all, but man... brought everything back in spades. Horrific conversation.

 

Well, I am glad to hear you didn't do anything about your desires. Hopefully you can find some encouraging things on here this time around. :) Very nice poem, BTW...

 

My dad died when I was 13... it gets easier in some ways and worse in others. My mom is sick with a severe rare lung disease and I will probably lose her soon too... but she's always been there for me and she has encouraged my new freedom. Thankfully, she isn't a Christian. :) And I don't worry about her going to hell... anymore, at least.

You know...the emotion just overwhelms me at times as I am sure it does you also. I'm so sorry about your mom Pandora. Life just sucks sometimes!

 

And thank you for the compliment on my morbid poem!

 

Also, I forgot to thank Serenity and sweet Merlin...thanks y'all!

 

:wub:

 

I honestly liked it. I've been writing some poetry myself in my spare time and reading the poetry of others. This piece really reached out and touched me. As for losing a parent, well, my mum is still around(knock on wood) and we're exceptionally close. I really love how you put it - soul mates. I never would have thought of that word but it really fits. My father, on the other hand, is a different story. Does it count if I want him dead? :HaHa:

 

I love you, sis. Keep writing!

 

Merlin

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I honestly liked it. I've been writing some poetry myself in my spare time and reading the poetry of others. This piece really reached out and touched me. As for losing a parent, well, my mum is still around(knock on wood) and we're exceptionally close. I really love how you put it - soul mates. I never would have thought of that word but it really fits. My father, on the other hand, is a different story. Does it count if I want him dead? :HaHa:

 

I love you, sis. Keep writing!

 

Merlin

Yes, I like your poetry! You know about my father so I can say that I have a little understanding on your part. My problem was is that I didn't really want him dead until after he died! What an ass to wait until he died to have the last word! Oh crap...I'm an orphan now!

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