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A Bitter Rant


Dirac
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I am sitting here at, oooh, 1:29am drinking a bottle of fine Australian red wine and I need to get few things off my chest. Can you guess what about? Apologies in advance for any expletives which creep in, I swear more when I'm hammered.

 

I was brought up in a Christian home. For 20 fucking years I had it drummed into me that there was this god who loved me, who made me special, that when I died there was eternal bliss with him and my friends and family, that there was a definite notion of right and wrong, that he'd help me live right.

 

Most of all, for very personal reasons, I am most bitter about the church's teaching on sex. Now, at my youth group, it's fair to say most people ignored their teaching on sex, they were too busy exploring their sexuality and desires. But there were the odd one or two, me included, who took their faith really seriously and who tried their upmost to live like the good Lord had instructed.

 

I would like you to consider one verse in particular, 1 Corinthians 6:18.

 

The verse begins: "Flee from sexual immorality."

 

I would beg all of you to follow that through to its logical conclusion when viewed through the eyes of a 15-year-old teenage boy. Let's trace the logical path.

 

Well, if you look at girls and want to have sex with them, entertain lustful thoughts (i.e. experience perfectly fucking natural desires) then to flee from sexual desire is to look at girls but to try and repel any sexual thoughts. Think to yourself, "Yes, she's really hot, but don't stray into looking at her legs in case you slip into fantasing about being between them."

 

But what if you like 99% of teenage boys would be unable to achieve such a feat? Well, then move to...

 

Stage two: Don't even look at girls. Problem solved, right?

 

So far, we've been severely supressing PERFECTLY NORMAL, NATURAL desires and are rounding this suppression off with some further suppression.

 

Stage three: This is an immediate consequence of stage 2; don't talk to girls. If you won't look at a girl, why would she want to talk to you and be your friend? Besides, if you can't trust yourself to even look at a girl, then how can the Lord trust you to speak to them?

 

I left church two-and-a-half years ago, and at that time I had never had a female friend. I am not joking. It took me a whole year to de-programme myself before I finally found a girl who would accept me, and who I could accept. I still find it very hard to accept her sexually, and feel guilty quite frequently when I enjoy her body during sex.

 

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for all your goodness, thank you church for all your earthly wisdom.

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Hi Durac,

 

Don't apologize for the expletives. They are encouraged in the ranting section and I personally don't think you used enough of them.

 

You don't have a lot of experience with women and did not get this out of your system when you were younger. I think the guilt is normal. However, you are going to mess up this relationship if you don't get over it.

 

I would suggest you go read the Sex & Christianity disscussion. Lots of similar feelings.

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Durac,

 

Like Taph said, you must learn to let this guilt go or it will poison your relationship. I know because such a mentality poisoned my last relationship.

 

My ex had a strict Xian upbringing about sex. It was dirty, immoral, and only for making children. She of course was a human being and with two previous bfs, she had sex. The relationships turned very bad, traumatically so, and she left each one with her Xian brainwashing nagging at her that because of her sexual desires and acting them out, she got herself into two abusive relationships.

 

Fast forward to a few years back, when she got involved with me. After a few months and some normal sexuality, she all of a sudden couldn't go on. She had a million and one issues from her past, and her Xian guilt-based brainwashing exacerbated it a hundredfold. God was punishing her for her sinfulness, God was going to send her to hell, she wanted to become a sexless being, etc etc etc. In short, the relationship melted down, partly because of a refusal on her part to deal with and get over her past, and partly because of her Xian brainwashing.

 

If you don't get it out of you, you may end up losing more than you bargained for. I'm not trying to scare you or compare you to my ex, but letting guilt run your life and influence your decisions is always a sure road to disaster.

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It took me a whole year to de-programme myself before I finally found a girl who would accept me, and who I could accept. I still find it very hard to accept her sexually, and feel guilty quite frequently when I enjoy her body during sex.

 

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for all your goodness, thank you church for all your earthly wisdom.

 

Do yourself a favor. Say the words "fuck", "cunt", "cock", and "cum" outloud, and type them here for all to see.

 

Next time you and your girl have sex, try to tell her explicitly what your felling/enjoying, and what you want to do next. Also, you're going to have to go down on her/engage in other things you may have considered sinfull (as long as they don't totally disgust either of you or cause injury). If you make such an effort, you'll get over your religion induced inhibitions soon enough. Plus, admit that you look at porn and masturbate.

 

Like any fear, you have to repeatedly face it head on to conquer it.

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You are not alone Dirac.

 

I can totally relate. Especially to your point about being one of the one or two who took the teachings seriously. These were evil teachings and it takes a hell of an effort to overcome them. Don't know if I ever will fully get over a mispent youth due to this bullshit.

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man...

 

you REALLY aren't alone. I never went on a date until I was 18 & never formed a (semi) normal relationship until I was in my early 30's; I was almost incapable of trust. I don't know so much that church had more to do with it than the fact my parents just found talk about sex to be "distasteful;" but it all figured into a pretty miserable adolescence for me.

 

Good Luck!

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You are in the right place, Dirac. And don't worry about any expletives. I routinely do a lot worse and they haven't kicked me out yet.

 

If you come here regularly, read and write, respond as you like, you will find that it helps to accelerate the change that you seek in your feelings. It's a matter of re-conditioning yourself. Christianity has instilled a phobia toward sex in you, similar to how unpleasant experiences can instill irrational fear of heights or water (etc.). I applaud your honest and clear thinking, and I want to hear how you fight this off and make it a thing of the past.

 

In my opinion, you fight godliness inside you with the devil inside you, and Lucifer is the god who magnifies himself, makes himself bigger than any problem he faces.

 

....just a little of the traditional symbolism, with a useful twist, for a nice change!

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It's ironic that they want you to go and make babies to increases the numbers of Christians [iE donation plate filler] but drum it into you how bad and evil sex is. It's amazing sometimes that Christians even have the courage to date under these conditions becuase that of course leads to sinful thoughts.

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You are in the right place, Dirac. And don't worry about any expletives. I routinely do a lot worse and they haven't kicked me out yet.

Hell no! Of course not! Some of us mods use the expletives too, damn it. :)

 

--- edit ---

 

Here's an interesting thought... natural selection could take care of this, if they made it really, really, sinful to have sex. If they just started to preach that everyone that have sex will go to hell, unconditionally, as an unforgivable sin, then eventually the whole religion would die off.

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I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of that guilt. It is a pretty common feeling in those who have disengaged from the more fundamentalist teachings of the church.

 

Unfortunately, the no sex thing is pretty embedded in early Christian teachings, and abstinence was considered to be ideal...primarily because most people though the big J was coming back...and quickly. End of the world...no reason to procreate, right? Also, it was considered to be a big distraction to a life of contemplation and all that nonsense. Not that I entirely disagree, only so much that sexual relationships can be complicated, and unless you're in a good place mentally to handle it, then sometimes it is good to take a break from them. I did for a couple of years, and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself.

 

But, it sounds as if you really care about your current partner, and I'm guessing that you want to stay with her. If that is indeed the case, you need to be honest with her about all of the guilt you are feeling...and hopefully she'll be understanding. Then, the most important part, get yourself into counseling!!! You have been psychologically battered, and I really think (from my own experience) that professional counseling, especially sex therapy, is extremely beneficial.

 

Just remember that sexual feelings are completely natural...and you need to learn to allow yourself to feel them and enjoy them. Churches like to live in a dualistic world...body and spirit. Body is bad, spirit is good. Body is of course associated with sex...don't let them fool you into thinking its bad.

 

Get some counseling! For you and your partner's sake.

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Here's an interesting thought... natural selection could take care of this, if they made it really, really, sinful to have sex. If they just started to preach that everyone that have sex will go to hell, unconditionally, as an unforgivable sin, then eventually the whole religion would die off.

 

I'm pretty sure that's what happened to the Shakers. They preached total abstinence for everyone, no marriage or procreation. They didn't last much past one generation. Pity, they really came up with some lovely designs for furniture and other home decor. Their simple styles have almost a zen quality.

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Thanks one and all for reading and replying. I took loves learning's advice and booked some counselling today! Will begin in February! Here's to ex-Christians! Rah!

 

It's amazing how many ex-Fuxians have similar problems with sex. A big indictment on not only the church but his wankstain, the Lord Jesus.

 

FUCK COCK CUNT CUM ;D

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FUCK COCK CUNT CUM ;D

 

Hey, if you try to say this real fast you mess up. It's like She sells sea shells

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It's ironic that they want you to go and make babies to increases the numbers of Christians [iE donation plate filler] but drum it into you how bad and evil sex is.

 

They know exactly what they're doing. People who are terrified to talk or think about sex are less likely to use birth control when they do have sex.

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They know exactly what they're doing. People who are terrified to talk or think about sex are less likely to use birth control when they do have sex.

 

There is a good point to that, especially in how so many sects forbid the use of birth control; the Catholic Church especially. Adherents are to scared to use birth control, yet cannot defy one of their strongest and most natural urges, and so the number of unwanted pregnancies increase, and the terrified parents have their children baptized post haste and the numbers of the "faithful" swell accordingly.

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Good for you!!! I'm so glad you're getting some counseling...it may take some time, but really, I bet you feel better already just knowing that YOU are in control of your life, not the church, and not the horrible influences that have made you feel badly in the past.

 

Way to go!

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