The Perfect Drug

[chrisdownunder]

For years I have been battling against a terrible addiction. Over the years this addiction has crossed many boundaries, but somehow I have always managed to keep it from hurting anyone.

 

I have looked under every rock for help but I just became worse. I even have thought of accepting it and going after the desire the addiction wants, but that is pertinently impossible.

 

I am afraid I am going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life, hiding within the shadows of a undetermined sense of morality.

 

I am afraid I will never fully recover even if I overcome the addiction, because I will never overcome my memories.

 

And then there's the idea of sin and hell and god and finding a way out myself.

[Storm]

Chris, I feel for you. I am an addictions counselor. While I cannot help you professionally, I strongly urge you to seek out professional help. Viewing sobriety for the rest of your life is certainly a daunting task and would overwhelm most people. But you can find freedom and you can be sober. It just takes one step. You may not be able to stay sober for a week, but you can stay sober for the next few minutes. And then the next few minutes. and so on. Then you'll realize that an hour has passed, then a couple hours and then days. But focus on the here and now. Not the future.

 

For years I have been battling against a terrible addiction. Over the years this addiction has crossed many boundaries, but somehow I have always managed to keep it from hurting anyone.

I want to point out that your addiction isn't a victimless crime. You have been hurting yourself. When you hurt yourself, you are still hurting others. Because you aren't being who you really are with them. I'm not saying this to condemn you or make you feel bad, but to try to help you understand that addiction hurts everyone, including the user.

 

I think you are on the right track and you realize that there is a serious problem in your life. That is an important step towards getting better. Seek out a professional counselor and work through your problems. You can do this.