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megasamurai

A Failed Experiment

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I always wondered why I was a failed experiment. Christians are very effective at stripping themselves of emotions that cripple humans from loving God such as compassion for his enemies. Christians deal with this by teaching their children that everything  God did in the Bible is good and that humans should support it. Nearly every child raised on this brainwashing program ends up not being bothered by God sending people to hell. I was one of the few children raised on this brainwashing program that this did not work on.  

 

Even when I was a child, I found the Caananite genocide story horrifying. I was horrified that God killed little children who were defenseless just as I was. I found burning people in a fire for not believing in your existence a stupid reason for doing so. I asked my Sunday school teacher for answers, but always got the vague "his ways are better than our ways" excuse. I hated Jesus' fucking guts even as a small child.

 

The thing was that I was treated like a freak for my beliefs. Like an immoral piece of shit that deserved hell. I decided to pretend to accept it in order to protect myself. I was terrified of God because despite the attempts to get me to love God working, the brainwashing me into believing did work. It got even worse when the first girl to show me affection was an atheist. I loved an enemy of God. This made me more depressed.

 

I could not figure out why I was bothered by things that others' weren't. I realized that according to Christianity, everything God does is good. Good is about pleasing God, not what's best for people. The needs of the unworthy outweigh the needs of the unworthy, the needs of the many do NOT outweigh the needs of the few according to Christianity. I had compassion that poisoned my heart, that would send me to hell. About a year ago, my mom offered to pray for me to have my compassion for atheists going to hell removed from my soul. I refused because I didn't want to admit that I was defective for feeling the wrong emotions. Later, I prayed to God in private to have my compassion removed so I could go to heaven, but it didn't work.

 

Why did the experiment fail. Why did every child raised on Christianity get their compassion removed but not me?

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Megasamurai,

 

You are a better person for this failure.  Why didn't the brainwashing take?  It's likely because, as you described above, you asked the kinds of questions you did about God's supposed goodness.  If you just learned it all by rote, you might have never seen the contradictions.  Instead you asked inquisitively, searching for genuine answers.  There were no acceptable reasons.  The god of the bible is EVIL, and you eventually realised this, allong with most of the rest of us here.  Kudos for being an honest and compassionate person!

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I'm starting to realize that there I wasn't alone, but it feels that way in Oklahoma. Society thinks of me as evil. 

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They think you are evil for your lack of belief.  But do you consider a lack of belief in unsubstantiated claims to be evil?  

 

This was one of the reasons I left, because I couldn't understand how punishment for failure to believe in a hidden god could justify eternal torture. This is because I know more of ethics than many christians, not because I know less.  And, you obviously do as well.  That makes you less evil than your christian cohort, imo.

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I know, but there's always the claim that one's worth is determined by service to God. Even after not believing it, those words that one's piety determines one's value still gets to me. It's hard to get the crap I was taught out of my head.

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I totally hear you with having to get rid of all the christian programming gradually.  It's a long process, especially if you're surrounded by religious reinforcement.  Just be good to yourself.  Really, it's not your fault.

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Consider yourself fortunate to be able to still feel compassion for others.  One of the unfortunate consequences of my childhood indoctrination is that I am unable to feel compassion as an adult, or at least I find it extremely difficult.  As a child I as compassionate to the point that it hurt. 

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I too asked the hard questions as a child. I was told I was rebellious and condemned for having a soft heart. I cried over the thought of people being sent to hell. I cried because in my heart I knew I was going there too. I just couldn't believe everything they wanted me to.

 

As an adult I have had to work on being more compassionate. Years of hiding my compassion so I didn't get punished have made it hard to express it now.

 

Coming out of this lifestyle is not easy but oh so worth it.

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Funny your story made me think of a picture I drew as a young child that really upset my parents.  My cousin had died, and they told me that the angels had come and taken him to heaven.  So I took up my little crayon and drew a picture of the angels killing him and taking him to heaven.  Now I can see why a picture like that would upset a mother or father.  But why should it be surprising when you taught them the story of angels killing all the first born on Passover, of all the male babies being killed when Jesus was born (which gave me nightmares) and though God knew about it he didn't help them, when God commanded a man to kill his own son...that's just off the top of my head.

 

It truly is nuts some of the things they want children to believe about God and yet at the same time not be scared shitless.

 

Compassion isn't something you get through prayers or wishes.  You either have it or you don't.  If anything, religions like Christianity make it almost impossible to be truly compassionate.  Because you get punished if you feel it for the wrong people.

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Great OP. It  is one of the most disgusting elements of the Christian Faith, that is requires you to worship an invisible being, who murders children.

 

You are a better person by far, than the deity, that the faithful pretend to love and admire 

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Why did the experiment fail. Why did every child raised on Christianity get their compassion removed but not me?

 

megasamurai, You are certainly not a failed experiment. If you are, we all are here on Ex-c. (and all the other non-believers) We are the people who noticed the vile things of the Old Testement god. We are the ones who noticed that the only way this god could figure out how take care of the 'sin' in the world was to murderously, torture his 'son' to death. That was is best plan? The god who had all power?  The so called 'cross' was a a popular  ancient, horrible way of death back then. It wasn't only Jesus who supposedly died that way.  People were animals back then and they still are in many ways. You have compassion. You are far from a 'failed experiment'. Aren't you glad this so -called loving god didn't take away your compassion for life.

 

​Those who don't see the vileness of the bible are brainwashed, and could end up being dangerous people as far as I'm concerned. We already can see what religion has done to the world?  I remember getting very judgmental when I was a christian and it is also the very thing that woke me up because i really haven't ever been a judgmental person. It goes against my compassionate personality for humans. I was always was offended by raciest jokes, gay jokes, Etc......

 

I'm glad you're a compassionate person. We need more in this world, that's for sure.

 

Hug

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I'm starting to realize that there I wasn't alone, but it feels that way in Oklahoma. Society thinks of me as evil.

Mega, this blog post might tie in with some of what you've discussed in this thread. Peace, bro.

 

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/01/09/1053088/-An-open-letter-to-the-people-who-hate-Obama-more-than-they-love-America?detail=email

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Strikes me that you simply refused to stop thinking and feeling for yourself.  That's not a failure.  At least, not unless you are looking at it from the standpoint of one adhering to a perverse form of religion - I believe it's called "fundamentalist Christianity".

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I know, but there's always the claim that one's worth is determined by service to God. Even after not believing it, those words that one's piety determines one's value still gets to me. It's hard to get the crap I was taught out of my head.

 

Just remember that the bible also says that our "good deeds are like filthy rags" to god. Seriously, you can't win. You have to be good and pious and all that, but god still thinks you're a filthy animal deserving of hell. (But wait, Jesus loves me and saved me, right? Right?!) But keep doing those good works to show the love of Jesus in you! But remember they are worthless no matter how many or how great. Wth? Just another contradiction that got me in trouble even in to my early 40s, when I pressed my most recent pastor about it. They don't seem to like that, by the way, lol.

 

I also got in a little trouble for scolding people at church for blindly sending money to missions in other countries to help those poor people over there, but ignoring the single mom in the pew next to them who was praying through the whole service that she would have enough gas in her car to get home that day. Compassion is easier for them when its corporate (pre-arranged by the leaders) and far away from their real life. They are blind. You, dear megasamurai, are not blind, and never will be.

 

You are the better person, my dear. I would choose you for coffee and friendship any day over any of those people.

 

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If I may interject my $0.02...

 

You did what many people are unable to do.  You did, what few people have done, which has started entire revolutions and, in drastic cases such as the U.S., have caused entire new governments to form.

 

You questioned.  You used the mind that was given to you.

 

Without that, you would have certainly fallen into the rest of the fold.

 

That is something you should be proud of yourself for.

 

Something to consider. yellow.gif

 

Andrew

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"I know, but there's always the claim that one's worth is determined by service to God. Even after not believing it, those words that one's piety determines one's value still gets to me. It's hard to get the crap I was taught out of my head." megasmurrai


 


One's piety? If that were the test most Xtians I know would fail the test. Many of them are judgmental, arrogant, dismissive, condescending  and self righteous. These are the opposite of what Jesus 


taught. Although the bible is itself inconsistent as to whether faith alone or faith plus works is needed for salvation, most of the Xtians I have known contend belief alone is sufficient. They seem to make no connection between good works and salvation. But I agree with you that it is hard to get their bullshit out of one's mind.   bill


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I read the same passages you read, and yes I'm sorry to say I was part of the brainwashed crowd that just somehow excused god's orders to specifically kill infants, children, virtually all the defenseless canaanites.

 

Whenever we got to that part in bible study, it was reiterated again and again about how those canaanites had centuries to 'turn back to god.'  That somehow excused god's judgment on them.  And it was always "god's judgment."  It didn't register in everyone's mind that god asked people to carry out his judgments.  

 

This is why I consider the question "would you do it?" as valid when christians talk about following god's orders.  It's written in the damn fucking book!  God specifically ordered the deaths of children, and those orders were directed to people.  

 

Now as an adult, I re-read those parts and the parts about lifetime slavery, and I just shake my head.  How the hell could I have been blinded for so long?

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