moanareina Posted August 4, 2014 Author Share Posted August 4, 2014 ShabbyMatty... if you really suffer NPD and not just having some fleas I say respect to you for understanding your condition and trying to deal with it. Because they say usually people having a narcissist personality don't see the disorder and if they go on therapy they are quite therapy resistant. I guess you have found a good way and hope you can keep on with it. MommyIssues Thank you for your thoughts. Of course normal is just something society has defined and people usually are weird in one sense or another. Now there are is weird like cute and likable...and there is weird as drains all your energy and isn't really interested in you but pretends to because he can get the attention he is seeking that way...and if not, he accuses you of all kinds of weird stuff and dumps you. And I had some experiences going that direction especially with guys. Just last year I dated a complete narcissist. Of course I had no concept of narcissism back then and so I found it hard to understand how he could behave the way he did. Knowing more about disorders helps me to understand...though I am not sure I can spot it right away and not get into the mess before I realize what is happening and then have to deal with the emotions that come with it... When my birth mom tells me she loves me and then she forgets my birthday and lets me know in my after-birthday-post...that kinda weird I am talking about. And when someone tells me someone else who is spending time with us appeared weird to her and I first found this person nice and all...it feels like I am weird as well...but oh, maybe it was her who is weird? Whatever. I try to live my life and to find the friends that are easy to be with, no emotional milking etc. Also I try to get the bugs out of my own system...at least those I can recognize and are interfering with my ability to keep up with people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moanareina Posted August 4, 2014 Author Share Posted August 4, 2014 Thanks Human ShabbyMatty Thank you for your post. Sounds interesting and it also helps me to understand more about it. Because even though there are clear elements of narcissism with my adopting mom I still have a hard time to believe her to fully be narcissist. Like the sociopath narcissist. I don't think thats the case. But when I think about that guy I dated a year ago I can say it fits him...totally. Now that you say this I can see it clearly. Wow. I had that thought that even though I wish sometimes not to have been growing up Christian it might have been the better option because if my mom had not been a Christian, she might have become a sociopath narcissist. Maybe it prevented worse even though it was not really cool either. Hope that makes sense. Thanks for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklingphoenix Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Hi moanareina, I have narcissistic parents too. I understand, it's really really hard. I basically feel like I have no parents at all. My mom is like a baby, coddled by her parents and pretends to be a great mom in front of other people. My dad left us and is pursuing his own selfish endeavors. I really feel for you. Having these kinds of parents is so hard. They will never ever realize what you need because all they can see is themselves. I'm so sorry for what you went through and are still dealing with. I've been working out a lot of problems with myself that I got because of my parents too. I hope things get better for you. Keep fighting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moanareina Posted August 9, 2014 Author Share Posted August 9, 2014 Thank you Littlena It is weird that I just started to see how weird it all is. Tomorrow is another opportunity for me to get a reality check. Another brother's birthday we are celebrating. I ll see. I started to see those events as a study case sort of...observing and analyzing. I can see more and more how sick all those people are that I have grown up with. As I wrote about my godmother in another thread...as a child you don't see it that way. It is normal. You actually admire them. It is good to understand more of the mechanisms that lead to the whole crazy. And to know I am doing quite good even with all the short comings I am dealing with. That I fucking do well even with my mess. That I do pretty good even if I still work on what I am going to do when I grow up...even with a job I don't like and so on. "They will never ever realize what you need because all they can see is themselves." This is exactly how I feel about them. My mom never bought me a present that I really liked because she just had no idea what I would like. And while it takes me two minutes with a person to know what this person might enjoy I always wondered how it could be that she who raised me had no clue of who I actually was. The only presents they made me for birthdays or so that I actually liked where the obvious ones...the ones I talked about for months. I knew it worked that way and only that way... When it came to me choosing my vocation she once asked me with disappointment in her voice why I would not want to do something in the medical field (of course not like she thought I would study medicine. It was more like why not being a nurse or like her...a doctor's secretary). Even though I am on my way to achieve my dreams it is hard to let go of her talking me into doing a training as a retailer...I mean, who in his sane mind wants his child to work in retail if there are other options? Not to put retailing down, I honor everyone who is working in a store because I really understand the hard work that it is...with all the weird customers who think you are their target to vent off their frustration with life...But seriously. Would you advice your child to go into retail as a vocation? I mean as a side job, ok, but as a career? My parents saw me three years unhappy. Three fucking years. And put all the blame on me. I was lazy and had to learn how to work blah blah... Makes me angry just to think about it. I know I should be over this by now...and sometimes I am...but sometimes I am not. Because I go to work and feel like I am at the wrong place. They keep asking me if I still liked my job. I told them several times I never did...it just does not sink in. Probably never will. I just wish that one day that feeling of being paralyzed inside will leave me. And sorry, just needed to get this out again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklingphoenix Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 Thank you Littlena It is weird that I just started to see how weird it all is. Tomorrow is another opportunity for me to get a reality check. Another brother's birthday we are celebrating. I ll see. I started to see those events as a study case sort of...observing and analyzing. I can see more and more how sick all those people are that I have grown up with. As I wrote about my godmother in another thread...as a child you don't see it that way. It is normal. You actually admire them. It is good to understand more of the mechanisms that lead to the whole crazy. And to know I am doing quite good even with all the short comings I am dealing with. That I fucking do well even with my mess. That I do pretty good even if I still work on what I am going to do when I grow up...even with a job I don't like and so on. "They will never ever realize what you need because all they can see is themselves." This is exactly how I feel about them. My mom never bought me a present that I really liked because she just had no idea what I would like. And while it takes me two minutes with a person to know what this person might enjoy I always wondered how it could be that she who raised me had no clue of who I actually was. The only presents they made me for birthdays or so that I actually liked where the obvious ones...the ones I talked about for months. I knew it worked that way and only that way... When it came to me choosing my vocation she once asked me with disappointment in her voice why I would not want to do something in the medical field (of course not like she thought I would study medicine. It was more like why not being a nurse or like her...a doctor's secretary). Even though I am on my way to achieve my dreams it is hard to let go of her talking me into doing a training as a retailer...I mean, who in his sane mind wants his child to work in retail if there are other options? Not to put retailing down, I honor everyone who is working in a store because I really understand the hard work that it is...with all the weird customers who think you are their target to vent off their frustration with life...But seriously. Would you advice your child to go into retail as a vocation? I mean as a side job, ok, but as a career? My parents saw me three years unhappy. Three fucking years. And put all the blame on me. I was lazy and had to learn how to work blah blah... Makes me angry just to think about it. I know I should be over this by now...and sometimes I am...but sometimes I am not. Because I go to work and feel like I am at the wrong place. They keep asking me if I still liked my job. I told them several times I never did...it just does not sink in. Probably never will. I just wish that one day that feeling of being paralyzed inside will leave me. And sorry, just needed to get this out again. I think you've already done huge steps since you can even realize all this stuff. It's hard to realize the truth and have the ability to accept it for what it is. I think I've finally accepted my family with all its problems, but that doesn't really take the pain away. I think it will always hurt at least a little, because you love your family. I still hurt, but it's better than it used to be. I used to cry myself to sleep every day, but now I only cry when something bad happens. You know that saying "time heals all wounds?" I think it's only half way true. I think time helps dull the pain, but you always have a scar if you've been that deeply hurt by people you love, especially if the hurt was done in your childhood. Anyways, I don't know your whole journey, but I know that for me it's been a long and slow healing process. At first when I realized all the shit my parents did to me I was really angry, and depressed, but I got through a lot of it. I've learned more of how to handle my family, and I've had to cut my dad out of my life completely. At one point I had to cut everyone but my grandparents out of my life in order to get through some stuff. It was hard and really painful, but worth it. Do what ever you have to do to get healthy. Establish boundaries with your family and show them they can't push you around. I totally understand how hard it is to feel like you are so messed up and you have so much to fix about yourself. That's how I feel right now. It's really great that you're still pursuing your dreams and not letting them control your life! And.... I used to work in retail! It's the worst job ever!!! I would never recommend anyone to pursue that as a career! I respect the people who can handle it, because I hated my job so much when I worked in retail. That's a crazy suggestion from your mom. I hope you don't feel rushed to get over all of that. It takes a long time to heal from damage like that. Everyone wants you to just get over it and move on because usually people don't want to hear about your problems, but people like us on Ex C want to hear. I think you should heal at the rate that's comfortable for you. I hope you achieve your dreams and have a happier future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts