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Every few months I keep returning to a god who seems to be there in the beginning but he soon vanishes like a vapour and I'm left holding the bag again.

 

Short of being crucified for him I think I've done everything I can to follow him, but I keep going back again and again thinking there's something I haven't done.

 

But if this god is really real, why oh why won't he just tell me what to fucking do.

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You most likely need therapy.  Face to face, professional ongoing therapy (secular of course).  You CAN break out of this delusion, and that is exactly what biblegod is... a delusional belief, just like little kids have very strong, very real delusional beleif in Santa Claus.

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You most likely need therapy. Face to face, professional ongoing therapy (secular of course). You CAN break out of this delusion, and that is exactly what biblegod is... a delusional belief, just like little kids have very strong, very real delusional beleif in Santa Claus.

Yeah but Santa is hella more fun.
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I'm going to make an educated guess here and suggest the thing that draws you back is the emotional hooks.  When you are a Christian you use your logic.  You can't see any God.  You can't see anything happening.  Christianity operates exactly the way it would if Jesus were imaginary.  But as a non-believer you don't have a way to cope with certain emotions because Christianity crippled you.

 

That is the way it works with most people.  It is systematic.  Christianity does this to people.  That is how the religion operates.  Personally I worked through the emotional hooks that had me and had to create stronger emotions to replace them.  Mainly I did this with comedy and humor.  There are many websites and resources that illustrate why religion is funny.  I immersed myself in them and eventually Christianity lost all power it had over me.

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I'm going to make an educated guess here and suggest the thing that draws you back is the emotional hooks. When you are a Christian you use your logic. You can't see any God. You can't see anything happening. Christianity operates exactly the way it would if Jesus were imaginary. But as a non-believer you don't have a way to cope with certain emotions because Christianity crippled you.

 

That is the way it works with most people. It is systematic. Christianity does this to people. That is how the religion operates. Personally I worked through the emotional hooks that had me and had to create stronger emotions to replace them. Mainly I did this with comedy and humor. There are many websites and resources that illustrate why religion is funny. I immersed myself in them and eventually Christianity lost all power it had over me.

I was doing the same thing, but I have some serious problems that end up feeding the belief system.
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Chris, what you are experiencing is not unusual.  I went through two years of begging god to strengthen my faith so I wouldn't lose it.  Your rational mind sees that there is no god to help you; but your irrational mind (the part that has been heavily indoctrinated) continues to act as though god were real.  You don't need to do anything more for god than you have already done.  

 

If you have faith the size of a mustard seed...

 

Have you ever seen a mustard seed?  They are tiny.  What you have already done for god demonstrates your faith has been much bigger than a mustard seed.  If god wanted to do anything for you, he'd have done it already.  The fact that he hasn't should be ample proof for you to draw your own conclusion.

 

In the meantime, the ball is in god's court...

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You can't see, hear or touch God, and The instructions in The Bible range from loving, right up to bizarre and dangerous, so I think getting a clear message from God, seems very improbable.

 

I agree with other posters, try seeing if secular therapy might be beneficial  

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Chris, what you are experiencing is not unusual. I went through two years of begging god to strengthen my faith so I wouldn't lose it. Your rational mind sees that there is no god to help you; but your irrational mind (the part that has been heavily indoctrinated) continues to act as though god were real. You don't need to do anything more for god than you have already done.

 

If you have faith the size of a mustard seed...

 

Have you ever seen a mustard seed? They are tiny. What you have already done for god demonstrates your faith has been much bigger than a mustard seed. If god wanted to do anything for you, he'd have done it already. The fact that he hasn't should be ample proof for you to draw your own conclusion.

 

In the meantime, the ball is in god's court...

I think the ball has been in god's court all the time.
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You can't see, hear or touch God, and The instructions in The Bible range from loving, right up to bizarre and dangerous, so I think getting a clear message from God, seems very improbable.

 

I agree with other posters, try seeing if secular therapy might be beneficial

Nah I've been there.
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Chris, if you have not already seen it, take a look at this thread in which Margee expresses your same sentiment. I think it may resonate with you.

 

http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/44259-please-forgive-me/#.U7bL1mK9KSM

It didn't.
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Chris, tell us a little more about youself. When you come running back to God, are you in church answering an altar call? Are you sitting alone reading Christian books, listening to Christian music? Do you have Christian friends that persuade you? What exactly triggers these events?

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Every few months I keep returning to a god who seems to be there in the beginning but he soon vanishes like a vapour and I'm left holding the bag again.

 

Short of being crucified for him I think I've done everything I can to follow him, but I keep going back again and again thinking there's something I haven't done.

 

But if this god is really real, why oh why won't he just tell me what to fucking do.

 

How does he seem to be there in the beginning? Maybe analyze this idea when it starts again. Maybe write down a  list of things about why religion keeps letting you down and post it on the fridge. Every time you start feeling like God is calling , read the list on the fridge and remember that he wont be there a short while after you think he has come back. Maybe even tell God to permanently leave. No more coming and going.

 

MyMistake has a good idea with laughing at God and laughing at religion. Laughter takes away the seriousness of something. Laughter takes away the power of something. Laughter is powerful.

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Chris, what you are experiencing is not unusual. I went through two years of begging god to strengthen my faith so I wouldn't lose it. Your rational mind sees that there is no god to help you; but your irrational mind (the part that has been heavily indoctrinated) continues to act as though god were real. You don't need to do anything more for god than you have already done.

 

If you have faith the size of a mustard seed...

 

Have you ever seen a mustard seed? They are tiny. What you have already done for god demonstrates your faith has been much bigger than a mustard seed. If god wanted to do anything for you, he'd have done it already. The fact that he hasn't should be ample proof for you to draw your own conclusion.

 

In the meantime, the ball is in god's court...

I think the ball has been in god's court all the time.

 

So, what, in your experience, has "god" done with it?

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I know why this is all happened, because I thought by looking for him I would find myself. But in the end I only imprisoned myself. I know I can't go back to that prison now because it's dead, I just had to have one last look.

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Chris, what you are experiencing is not unusual. I went through two years of begging god to strengthen my faith so I wouldn't lose it. Your rational mind sees that there is no god to help you; but your irrational mind (the part that has been heavily indoctrinated) continues to act as though god were real. You don't need to do anything more for god than you have already done.

 

If you have faith the size of a mustard seed...

 

Have you ever seen a mustard seed? They are tiny. What you have already done for god demonstrates your faith has been much bigger than a mustard seed. If god wanted to do anything for you, he'd have done it already. The fact that he hasn't should be ample proof for you to draw your own conclusion.

 

In the meantime, the ball is in god's court...

I think the ball has been in god's court all the time.

So, what, in your experience, has "god" done with it?
Nothing, because no matter how many balls I hit to him he's not there to return them. I better go over and pick up those balls so they don't go to waste.
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Chris, tell us a little more about youself. When you come running back to God, are you in church answering an altar call? Are you sitting alone reading Christian books, listening to Christian music? Do you have Christian friends that persuade you? What exactly triggers these events?

I go back because the world is insidious and I need something to put it all in context.
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Nothing, because no matter how many balls I hit to him he's not there to return them. I better go over and pick up those balls so they don't go to waste.

 

 

Don't you know?  God has kept the balls and saved them for you, so can suckle them when you get to heaven.

 

Don't be touching God's balls!  At least not until you get to heaven.

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Every few months I keep returning to a god who seems to be there in the beginning but he soon vanishes like a vapour and I'm left holding the bag again.

 

Short of being crucified for him I think I've done everything I can to follow him, but I keep going back again and again thinking there's something I haven't done.

 

But if this god is really real, why oh why won't he just tell me what to fucking do.

How does he seem to be there in the beginning? Maybe analyze this idea when it starts again. Maybe write down a list of things about why religion keeps letting you down and post it on the fridge. Every time you start feeling like God is calling , read the list on the fridge and remember that he wont be there a short while after you think he has come back. Maybe even tell God to permanently leave. No more coming and going.

 

MyMistake has a good idea with laughing at God and laughing at religion. Laughter takes away the seriousness of something. Laughter takes away the power of something. Laughter is powerful.

I'm on that like a fat man at a buffet.
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Every few months I keep returning to a god who seems to be there in the beginning but he soon vanishes like a vapour and I'm left holding the bag again.

 

Short of being crucified for him I think I've done everything I can to follow him, but I keep going back again and again thinking there's something I haven't done.

 

But if this god is really real, why oh why won't he just tell me what to fucking do.

How does he seem to be there in the beginning? Maybe analyze this idea when it starts again. Maybe write down a list of things about why religion keeps letting you down and post it on the fridge. Every time you start feeling like God is calling , read the list on the fridge and remember that he wont be there a short while after you think he has come back. Maybe even tell God to permanently leave. No more coming and going.

 

MyMistake has a good idea with laughing at God and laughing at religion. Laughter takes away the seriousness of something. Laughter takes away the power of something. Laughter is powerful.

I'm on that like a fat man at a buffet.

 

 

 

What worked for me was a steady diet of you tube videos.  George Carlin, Non Stamp Collector, DarkMatter 2525, Sarah Silverman, Ricky Gervais, Bill Maher and many others.  I reached the point where I can't look at a Christian bumper sticker or poster without giggling.  And I can't attend service without bursting out laughing.  Christianity is ridiculous at every level and we just didn't realize it before because we were brainwashed.

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Every few months I keep returning to a god who seems to be there in the beginning but he soon vanishes like a vapour and I'm left holding the bag again.

Short of being crucified for him I think I've done everything I can to follow him, but I keep going back again and again thinking there's something I haven't done.

But if this god is really real, why oh why won't he just tell me what to fucking do.

 

How does he seem to be there in the beginning? Maybe analyze this idea when it starts again. Maybe write down a list of things about why religion keeps letting you down and post it on the fridge. Every time you start feeling like God is calling , read the list on the fridge and remember that he wont be there a short while after you think he has come back. Maybe even tell God to permanently leave. No more coming and going.

MyMistake has a good idea with laughing at God and laughing at religion. Laughter takes away the seriousness of something. Laughter takes away the power of something. Laughter is powerful.

I'm on that like a fat man at a buffet.

 

 

What worked for me was a steady diet of you tube videos.  George Carlin, Non Stamp Collector, DarkMatter 2525, Sarah Silverman, Ricky Gervais, Bill Maher and many others.  I reached the point where I can't look at a Christian bumper sticker or poster without giggling.  And I can't attend service without bursting out laughing.  Christianity is ridiculous at every level and we just didn't realize it before because we were brainwashed.

Stuff like this helps.

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Chris, tell us a little more about youself. When you come running back to God, are you in church answering an altar call? Are you sitting alone reading Christian books, listening to Christian music? Do you have Christian friends that persuade you? What exactly triggers these events?

I go back because the world is insidious and I need something to put it all in context.

I agree there are many bad things about the world. There are also many beautiful things about it. The world never will be just one thing and you have to decide for yourself where it makes the most sense for you personally where you want to focus. It may be healthy for you to at least for now to focus on the beautiful. This doesn't make you shallow or ignorant of the bad stuff. It just makes you in control of that which is best for you at this time of your life.

 

Have you watched the series cosmos yet? It's a really nice way to put things into perspective.

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I agree about the new Cosmos.  It's good.  It gives an excellent fresh start on science for those who might have missed out.

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