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What Christians Say


Castiel233
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What they say:

 

I am a Christian and have given my heart to Jesus, He is my rock and my world, and I am grateful that He has died for my sins

 

What I hear:

 

Not only am I afraid of dying, I am afraid to think for myself. I have convinced myself I have entered a telepathic relationship with the Creator of the Universe and His Son. I talk to His Son through the medium of my mind, basically magical thinking, despite the fact that He died over two thousand years ago. I believe He has authored a book, the rules I live my life by, well the ones I like anyway. After I die, I shall be brought back to life and live in a mansion in a city in the sky  forever…..

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When ypu put it that way, it its VERY embarassing that I was once one of these delusional sheep...blush.png

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What they say:

 

I am a Christian and have given my heart to Jesus, He is my rock and my world, and I am grateful that He has died for my sins

 

What I hear:

 

Not only am I afraid of dying, I am afraid to think for myself. I have convinced myself I have entered a telepathic relationship with the Creator of the Universe and His Son. I talk to His Son through the medium of my mind, basically magical thinking, despite the fact that He died over two thousand years ago. I believe He has authored a book, the rules I live my life by, well the ones I like anyway. After I die, I shall be brought back to life and live in a mansion in a city in the sky  forever…..

 

I would go further and say I have given my heart to Jesus so as to remove all responsibility for everything I feel, think, do and am as a person, because I am a poor hopeless human who can't do anything right without him.  So, Jesus take the wheel! Maybe if I stop thinking for myself I won't fudge up as much.  How blessed am I that he chose to help me out of all the other people he created to sin.  

 

And oh yes, how happy I am that he died for the sins he created us all to do, what with the free-will in a world of suffering.  Thanks for the wannabe guilt-trip buddy!smiliegojerkit.gif  

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  I suppose I can claim some amount of ignorance to the the whole metaphorical giving of my heart to Jesus. I was eleven years old when I was first introduced to the concept of Christianity through a private Assembly of God school. Even Master Yoda would have told my mother that I was too old to start the indoctrination. Never the less. I did what the authority figures told me to do. Oddly enough, I never felt all of the happy, happy joy, joy crap that had my counterparts rolling in the aisles blathering like idiots or crying their eyes out at an altar call after being shown A Thief in the Night.

 

  I believed as much as my own mind would allow I suppose. It took thirty more years before I could look in the mirror and declare to myself that I am indeed an Atheist. Something about the word and the definition of it that was pounded into my head during the Reagan years. Boy, giving my heart to Jesus. Such flowery words for accepting membership in a blood cult bent on world domination. So glad to be free of it. 

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What they say:

 

It's not about religion; it's about relationship.

 

 

What they do:

 

They are still practicing religion.

Never understood the whole relationship argument. How can you have a relationship with something, you cannot see, hear or touch....reading about a character in the Bible is not having an actual relationship with them.

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What they say:

 

It's not about religion; it's about relationship.

 

 

What they do:

 

They are still practicing religion.

Never understood the whole relationship argument. How can you have a relationship with something, you cannot see, hear or touch....reading about a character in the Bible is not having an actual relationship with them.

 

 

Here is how believers have explained it to me:

 

Explanation A:

The relationship is not with God or Jesus, but with the Spirit. The Spirit is always with you, in your heart and in your mind.

 

Explanation B:

The relationship is not with God or Jesus, but with other believers. We are all cells in the body of Christ and when we come together, great things can happen.

 

Explanation C:

The relationship is much deeper than I can explain. I just know that God is here, that he's always been here. He's as real as you are, my friend.

 

Explanation D:

GAFL. God is my everything and I won't tolerate your non-believing nonsense.

 

You don't have to read the Bible to have a relationship with Christ. Just believe and that's it. Just open the door when he knocks and you will know him.

 

WTF-ever. It's all in your head.

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The most hurtful of the reasons I gave above is:
 

Explanation C:

The relationship is much deeper than I can explain. I just know that God is here, that he's always been here. He's as real as you are, my friend.

 

 

A good friend of mine has said this to me in the past. It stung. I said "How can he be THAT real?" Have you ever seen him? Touched him? Heard his voice? Gotten any hard evidence of communication from him such as a letter, email, voicemail, text or tweet? Do you have ANYTHING to offer as evidence for this relationship that isn't subjective bullshit that anyone with a functioning brain can come up with? If your strongest evidence consists of vague notions that wouldn't stand up in kiddie court, then how can you expect any thinking adult to believe it?

 

Especially since most conversions take place during one's childhood or youth, turbulent times when your brain isn't fully developed and you aren't as wise to the ways of the world...

 

Is it any wonder then that most of those "I was saved..." and "here's why I believe" stories all sound the same? Is it any wonder that even the coolest, most sincere believers all have this stupid grinning conviction that boils down to "I have an imaginary friend and you can't prove he's not real because you're blind to the truth!! Nyah nyah boo boo!"?

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What they say: God is about love and free will.

 

What I've learned: God is an obsessive, control freak.

 

If he was there maybe which he is not.

 

It is actually the people that pretend for him that are obsessive and controlling. Sad really they need the excuse to act like this when so many just act that way because they are assholes.

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Seven77, ironically that attitude of "I just know that I know" is an abdication of one's reasoning and freewill. In effect, it's lying to oneself and calling the lie "truth."

 

I think that people turn to this line of unreasonable thinking when they have serious doubts. Like they know that none of it is real in a literal sense. They have no proof and they have no recourse, nothing to fall back on. I'm pretty sure the friend that told me that Jesus was just as real as I am is a deeply in the closet atheist and has been for awhile. She's just too scared to let go and acknowledge it. Her husband is a captain kool-aid drinker and her whole family save one member are really active in the same church that her and husband attend. She herself is seen as a leader and practically worships 2 of 3 pastors at the church. Church is all she has ever done for the past 15 years of her life. She has a testimony that consists of being scared shitless by her old pastor and friends telling her that her dad (whom she is really close to) would burn in hell for being a non-believer. So she accepted Christ at a summer camp at 12 and never looked back.

 

Her whole life she was a Christian goodie and still is. I care about her as a friend and I can tell from conversations we've had in the past that she really doesn't believe. She just says that she believes to keep up appearances. I feel for her because it is like watching an animal in trap who has resigned itself to its fate. Sure, her fate looks pretty good from the outside, but I can tell that she's unhappy on the inside. Following a script, basically. Without the lie, she'd have to face the facts that she has been living a life dictated by a decision she made at age 12. How many of us were capable of making life-altering decisions at 12? Not very many, imho. Hell, when I was 12, I was busy writing elaborate fictions based around computer games and Japanese monster movies. My biggest thoughts of the day were watching my favorite shows, reading fantasy novels, and playing my computer games. I certainly wasn't thinking of the future very much and was in no place to be making decisions about what I'd believe for the rest of my life.

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That reminds me of what I wrote a year ago.

 

 

Jesus you know that I am a sinner and unworthy of your love (Just because you made mistakes does not mean you don't deserve another's love)

 

I know you shed your blood on the cross for me (Jesus is a heroic man and a good role model)

 

Forgive me for my sinning, I don't want to go to hell (So you are using Jesus as a way to escape hell?)

 

I surrender my life to you (So you want to give up your life for Jesus?)

 

Come into my heart and make me whole (But how can he if you are the one laying your life down?)

 

I accept you as my personal savior (Similar to how a princess is locked in a castle and terrorized by a dragon til a knight comes to save her.)

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You're welcome.

 

It seems to me that this friend that I was speaking of was set up to believe as well. She was homeschooled by a fundie mother for her entire school career. They used a Christian curriculum and did Bible studies, flannelgraphs, that sort of thing. Church was her only social outlet.

 

My friend likes to tell her story as one of a full, free and mature understanding of the choice she made at 12. I'd argue that very few persons are capable of making such deep, life-altering decisions as tweens/teens. There is nothing freely chosen when you are in an environment that strongly encourages, if not outright requires, you to believe certain things or face the wrath of your parents/superiors. I suppose that I just can't stand the smugness with which this particular friend defends her faith. As if she skipped from innocent child to high believer, no transition necessary.

 

I only say that I know that she has doubts. She is one of those "It's not about religion; it's about relationship." types. She "hates" religion and talks a lot about how her relationship with Jesus is the most important thing. I just don't see it. One cannot have a relationship with an imaginary friend. It is at best a consistent one-sided conversation and at worst, a form of mental illness.

 

Previous conversations have revealed that she relies heavily on "impossible" things happening to validate her faith. Things such as a member of our church who was horrifically sexually abused by her father for most of her childhood forgiving the man and deciding to reinstate contact with him. She used this example in conversation and I was bowled over. She didn't understand how a person could forgive someone for doing such things to them and therefore, it was impossible to her and a miracle when it happened. Praise the Lard! Jesus saves!

 

No. Just no. I couldn't even have the conversation with her after that. I have my own hang ups and honestly, I just can't with stuff like this. There is nothing miraculous about sexual abuse or the courage that it takes to face down certain horrible things in one's past. I won't give God the glory for anything but his part in it all: allowing the terrible things (abuse, rape, murder, etc) to happen in the first place. His "son's" death does not mitigate any of what happens. His forgiveness has less value than a counterfeit penny, IMO.

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The whole forgiveness angle is "Twilight Zone" weird. He makes us, knows what we are going to do, still has to hand down updated revelations every few centuries and impregnate an unmarried virgin, have Himself killed and brought back to life, all so that He can accept our apology for being born in the first place

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And of course they all want to get to Heaven as soon as possible (Not)

 

This is one of the most curious things about Christianity,  They claim they long for Jesus and cannot wait to meet Him, but as soon as they get a terminal illness, then its all "i'm not ready to go, get me a Doctor"

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My understanding of Heaven is thus:

 

You have your memories wiped and you get to stand in a choir around God's throne, chanting, "HOLY,HOLY,HOLY" at Him, forever and ever and ever......

 

Sounds Cosmic......

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They say:

Im a child God! I'm not of this world!

 

They mean:

I feel superior to you in every way!

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They say (they mean)

 

Its a mystery (its bullshit)

You don't understand God's will ( I don't understand God's will)

You must have faith ( I have no proof)

Jesus loves you ( I clearly have never read the Bible)

Read The Bible in context (Some texts frighten me)

The Bible is perfect ( I am unable to understand contradictions)

God never sends children to Hell ( I am going to ignore the basic premise of we are all born into sin)

God answers prayers (but not beyond statistical probability) 

Elite scientists believe in Jesus (usually prior to the 19th century) 

All the founding fathers were Christians (wow history and reading are hard work)

The 10 commandments are the basis for law ( I am a fucking idiot)

Salvation is easy ( I have no idea how salvation works)

God is goodness (so must slavery be then)

I have the presence of the inner spirit to guide me (I believe I have a magic ghost inside me. I talk to it...daily)

Dubya is  a godly man ( and proved it, by causing death to foreign nations)

Jesus is my guide ( I fear personal responsibility)

Just read the Bible (please don't read the Bible)

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When they say, "The lord is leading me to tell you, in love, that...", what they really mean is, "There's an aspect of your character that I don't like".

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And of course:

 

Jesus came to save the world (from Himself)

 

Jesus came to save everyone (actually only the lost tribe of Israel) 

 

Jesus was God made flesh ("Why do you call me good, there is none good, but God")

 

The Bible makes perfect sense( If you take enough LSD)

 

The Bible is true ( I believe in talking animals)

 

The Jews witnessed the work of the Living God ( But overwhelmingly rejected His son)

 

All of the Bible's prophecies have come true (well not all of them)

 

Its all about love  for our Heavenly father (its all about fear and obedience to a celestial serial killer)

 

God just wants us to be perfect ( but doesnt care to get it right)

 

God doesn't want sin (something He clearly invented)

 

Its all satan's fault (another Godly invention)

 

I live the Bible ( I pick and choose the easy bits)

 

I know I'm saved (by God , from God)

 

You don't understand (you're a functional adult)

 

You have an immortal soul ( made for the primary reason to be tortured)  

 

God loves the world (what's an Earthquake)

 

Just accept Jesus (even thou you can't see Him)

 

You'll be sorry( I'm losing the argument)

 

Jesus is all I need ( I still use plumbers, doctors, mechanics, electricians, etc)

 

Sin is a disease ( that can't be analyzed by modern medicine)

 

Just say you're sorry ( for being born and insulting  a monster) 

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