Oh God No

[Tollo]

So this is a rant.

 

My parents, who i live with for now, well... It seemed like they were in recovery from the god virus. In the past they were highly involved in church activities but they have become Sunday-only types in the last few years. They were absent several weeks in a row in the last few months and I was hoping they might be making the transition to Christmas-and-Easter Christians.

 

No such luck.

 

Probably somewhat in response to spirits of rebellion in me and my my siblings/friends, they have decided that we all need to go to church - a *new* church, since clearly the reason they were skipping was because they felt "unwelcome" at our old church.

 

I work a lot of weekends so I didn't witness this, but last Sunday they went to a church where a lot of their friends go and came back gushing about the *energy* and how friendly everyone was and everyone's prayer requests. They are also laying on the guilt trip for me working on the "day of rest" and when I do go, me only being there to see my friends.

 

This new church seems like great awakening tent meeting revivalist trouble with a capital T. I really don't need my parents to deconvert or anything but the last thing I need is for them to go on a revival kick which, if I'm reading the trajectory right, is going to probably end up with them pressuring me to stop working on Sunday and to tithe to the church (which I can't afford), grilling me about my sexual activities, and quite possibly them getting involved in shit like Sunday school groups, mid-week programs, ministries. Please no this is a nightmare.

 

I think my tactic of just never mentioning religion ever and always directing the conversation away from it was doing some good, making my life easier. but my sister, also a deconvert, came back from school and she is much more belligerent than me. She always asks my parents to turn off the Christian radio programs and she is visibly antagonistic when Christianity is brought up... It makes my mom "fear for her soul" probably and all this revival shit definitely has to do with trying to bring my sister "back into the fold" as they say. I've tried to explain to my sister that she will get better results by not antagonizing my parents and by letting their obnoxious statements slide, but she is so confrontational and it's like she can't control herself.

 

She is ruining all my hard work lol. I am going to have to try my best to get her on board with preventing the Great Awakening before it starts.

 

Anyway. This has been a rant.

[Flutters]

I'm sorry to hear this. I cringe every time someone talks about the "energy" and friendly, welcoming people. It reeks of cult brainwashing to me. Are you old enough to refuse? I assume you live with them and can't just refuse?

[RipVanWinkle]

Unfortunately what they are experiencing is a fix. It will probably go away after a time. But you can't do anything about them. It is you whom you must take care of. My advice ( weak though it is) is to avoid discussions with them about religion as much as you can. And if that doesn't work, tell them your beliefs are your own private business and you want to  keep it that way. Good luck. bill

[Ellinas]

This is awkward.

 

On the basis that you work, presumably you are of an age where you could, theoretically, refuse to go to the church and simply refuse to answer any intrusive questions.

 

Then again, you might be economically dependent on them.

 

The bottom line however, is that whether or not it's down to your sister's approach, your "softly softly" tactic has not worked.

 

Your choice seems to me to be:

1. Passive resistance: simply don't go, refuse to talk about , keep silent if asked intrusive questions.
2. Active resistance: basically join forces with your sister.

 

Only you can choose which way to jump.  As a matter of interest, however, has your sister's method put her into a position more or less difficult than yours?  Any hope of economic independence in the foreseeable future?

[Roz]

You don't have to be antagonistic in resisting.  I told my family that I love them still and will continue to love and care for them.  My feelings for them have not changed when my outlook on christianity did. 

 

If your family can somehow differentiate the two things, then that's a plus for them.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

There are some things you can control while living in your parents' home and some things you can't.  For example, you (or your sister) can't control which radio station is playing in the shared areas of the house, that is your parents' choice.  But you can control your part in conversations with them.  You are allowed to politely decline to discuss your sex life, your beliefs, and anything else you don't want to discuss with them.  They are forgetting that you are now a young adult and their role as parents has permanently changed.  Stand your ground, don't let them pry into your life.

[Fweethawt]

Tell them that it was 30 degrees colder in your sister's room and that you hear strange noises coming from there at night time.

 

 

 

They won't focus on you anymore. I pretty much guarantee that...

[Tollo]

Thanks for all your responses

 

@Flutters Yeah ugh "energy" like a sporting event crowd, very effective at causing resurgences of passionate nonsense. I wish they would have gone to the World Cup instead.... But yeah I mean, I am on the edge. I am old enough to refuse but I am angling to not get kicked out before I graduate next year bc the money I'm saving by not paying rent goes to my college loans, which is convenient.

 

@william7davis Yeah, that is what I kinda figured I'll have to do if worst comes to worst. It really is none of their business and I'm going to have to tell them that at some point bc who's to say they won't keep being controlling after I move out?

 

@Ellinas Well, my sister was away at college for a year and they didn't start reacting and getting serious about going to church until she got back. I would say my tactic is pretty effective, or at least the absence of my sister's tactic. With people's religion, attacking them head-on usually only strengthens their resolve IMO. I think the correlation is pretty clear that my sister's boat-rocking, even if I agree it is a little more noble and badass than my method, has triggered them to backslide into religious fervor, to borrow the term.

 

I agree that I basically have no choice but to resist them right now but I am pretty set on just sort of doing my thing and telling them that I can't afford to cut back on my hours right now and avoiding them as much as possible and especially avoiding religious discussions. I just need one year. What my sister does with her family reputation is her business I guess.

 

And to answer your last question, my sisters tactic definitely makes her in a worse position than me, my parents have focused a lot more on her although the scrutiny has bled onto me too since she got back and started acting different.

 

@Roz My parents and I are not emotionally close and have not been since I was in elementary school. I have no doubt that they care more about my religious affiliation, my reputation reflecting on them, etc than they do about my feelings. My parents (mom mostly) has no problem interrogating me and grilling me and overthinking issues in my life *for* me, while keeping me up to all hours of the night past the point of me crying and having panic attacks. She did that many times (like, multiple times per week) when I was in 7th, 8th grade and ever since then I don't let her in on my life. I don't see a heart-to-heart explanation of my beliefs vs loving my family being a good idea, I just don't trust them as far as I can throw them with any of my real emotions.

 

@FreeThinkerNZ yes, I know I'll need to assert my boundaries at some point... I need to learn from my sister, she is so much more assertive and confrontational, she just doesn't give a f*ck and I admire that. Meanwhile, I do know it's none of their business but for whatever reason I still am sort of afraid of them criticizing me and calling me names. It's childish I know, but being the "golden child" is a heavy title. Especially bc I have so much to hide.

 

@FweeThawt Haha, well, my sister and I have a strict policy of not throwing each other under any busses, but maybe I can find some people at the new church to absorb their judgment lol. Just kidding just kidding... that is one thing I just won't do is make a scapegoat out of somebody, I hate when that is done. Although it is super effective.

[midniterider]

Tell your parents that you are going to a church function at your friend's church...even though you are actually partying. Say some praises to Jesus when you return home. Be prepared to name a church you went to. Keep working Sundays. Gtfo asap.