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Goodbye Jesus

Wasted Time Or Time Well Spent?


Deidre

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For me, from a liberal denomination, I didn't have to deal with dogma being pushed down my throat, so it wasn't as damaging as it was for others. Church really didn't play any part in my life after junior high, but the Bible, theology, and comparative religion and mythology were almost an obsession. I have Christianity to thank for that, and I've not regretted my years of studying comparative religion, the esoteric, Eastern religions, secret societies and all the rest. What does bother me was the years of never feeling "good enough" to have found the "answer" to the contradictions of Christianity--I could have done without that frustration. I think on the whole I feel that Bible study made me culturally literate--I don't think of it as a waste in the past---I do think of it as a waste of effort now, though.

that's interesting, why did it become an 'obsession' for you? do you think perhaps you were seeking the 'truth' through something outside of Christianity? (at that time, I mean)

 

(thank you for sharing btw) smile.png

 

Hi--I wanted to know the The Truth [TM]. This started with wanting to put the Bible into historical and cultural context, which led to to study the Sumerians and other Near-East cultures. When I did that, it was obvious to me that the Bible did not exist in a vacuum, and had borrowed from other religions. I expanded to world cultures, which led me to be an anthropology major in college. In the end, I concluded that Xtianity was just as bogus as any other mythology (but not without value and meaning). I feel enriched by the whole process. Now I do severely criticize the role of Xtianity in oppressing people in the past and now, but I do so from the comfortable position of never having been oppressed by it.

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I haven't read others answers to this, but I will go back and read them after I post.

I have a habit of reading things and getting wrapped up in everyones stories, and then I get off topic.

 

I don't think it was a complete waste of my time, however, I do wish I had figured out it was BS sooner.

Before I became a christian I didn't believe.  I called myself atheist, but was probably more agnostic.  I didn't know WHY I didn't believe, and that bothered me.  I decided to get as many facts as I could.  

I went to many different churches, many bible studies, read many books, and different versions of the bible.

I learned a lot about myself, and other people in the process.  For that alone, it was worth it.

 

What I wish I could take back was how closed minded, judgmental, self righteous, and legalistic I was.  Granted I wouldn't call myself a fundamentalist, but about some things I was very close to it. 

What I learned is that, the power of belief can make you do, and say, insane things!  There are things I look back on, and think, what the hell was I thinking?  How could I say/do/think that?!  Now I know that I can never say never, and not to underestimate myself, or other people.

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I consider my xian years time wasted.  The only redeeming feature is that I get to be an ex-c with firsthand knowledge that will always enable me to have a special kind of empathy for other ex-cs.  The worst part is having believed in things that aren't true, I really regret that.  I could have been getting better from depression much sooner.  I could have had a lot more sex, lol.

 

This is one thing that makes me not regret it as well, because I never trusted people who would talk about things they had no first hand experience in!  If I was going to be atheist I wanted to have a solid reason WHY! Now I have my legit reasons, it took me a while to get here, and a good 15-20 year christian detour to do it!

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25yrs wasted.

25yrs of guilt and shame.

25yrs of not planning for the future because Jesus was coming back any minute now.

 

The only positive is that I met my wonderful wife in church.

 

In this aspect, yes it was a waste of time.  I still struggle with guilt, and I am really mad about not saving etc thinking that this life didn't matter because I had eternity to look forward to!

I do wish I had realized sooner, I would definitely have done things different.  I try not to think too much about it, since I can't change it.  I am just glad I DID finally get it!

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I don't even know where to begin, with replying. Each reply is so unique and fascinating. Really. The way some of you have felt it was time well spent, and your reasons behind that. I'm blown away, and have much to think over. This thread, your input, might just get me 'unstuck' and away from obsessing over 'time wasted.' Or perceived time wasted.

 

I think why I feel that way sometimes over Christianity, is Christianity negatively shaped my views towards people who treated me poorly in life. Let me explain. I allowed many people from family members, to guys I've dated...to friends...to coworkers...to step on me. I've wasted a lot of time trying to be a 'good Christian' to others, so much so, that I forgot about being true to me.

True to my own dignity.

 

That is why I get upset sometimes, over the whole thing. I feel that if I hadn't been raised in Christiniaty, maybe I would have been tougher. Less of a doormat. The Bible promotes 'turning the other cheek,' and I think it caused me to accept toxic behaviors in my life, that I no longer feel guilty for NOT ACCEPTING, now. smile.png

 

Can't thank you all enough for helping me, by contributing your experiences here.

 

Honestly I think this can happen whether you believe or you don't.  Some of us want to please others.  I was more of a doormat as an atheist BEFORE I became a christian!

The best thing is to see it for what it is/was and learn from it.  I know the best learning is from watching others mistakes and NOT making them in the first place, but some things we just have to go through it ourselves to get that "toughness" hope that makes sense!

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StruggleWithin, wrote in post # 29:

 

"What I learned is that, the power of belief can make you do, and say, insane things! There are things I look back on, and think, what the hell was I thinking? How could I say/do/think that?! Now I know that I can never say never, and not to underestimate myself, or other people."

 

That's an enlightening observation about yourself, StruggleWithin. I often look back on my experience within Christianity, mainly within the church culture environment, and wonder why did I ever go along with some of the insanity. And it wasn't only theological, but a lot of it was social.

 

I think we often (whether within religion or not) say/do/think things for the sake of feeling connected and accepted, which we consider to be validation of ourselves by other people, and by the context as well (in this case, Christianity and its god).

 

Thanks for sharing your views.

 

Peace,

 

+ Human

 

That was mainly it for me, I wanted to please god mostly, and it was nice fitting in with other people.  Funny, they would come to me with bible questions because I grasped it, but when I talked to one of them about losing my faith they tried to spout the bible at me...and they NEVER read it Wendytwitch.gif

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argh I wish I could edit my posts!  I wanted to add, that the bible crap they spouted at me was stuff I TOLD THEM!!  I swear I could have been a preacher, but my guilty conscience would never let me do it now!  I could be rich, damn conscience!

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I regret ever being a christian as it cost me dearly. During my 15 years as a christian I was psychologically abused and kept from receiving proper treatment for mental health issues. I endured 5 years of deliverance prayer ministry which was incredibly damaging. I made many bad decisions because of my faith too. On the positive side I have all that experience under my belt which has grown me as a person and helped me be more compassionate to christians still stuck in the faith. So much pain related to my time though, it would take pages for me to describe but I don't have the heart too right now. 

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StruggleWithin wrote (in post # 36)

 

"argh I wish I could edit my posts! I wanted to add, that the bible crap they spouted at me was stuff I TOLD THEM!! I swear I could have been a preacher, but my guilty conscience would never let me do it now! I could be rich, damn conscience!"

Hey, StruggleWithin, I've sometimes said the same thing, about being a preacher and getting rich, but my conscience wouldn't allow it.

 

About editing your posts, there's an "edit" link/button to the immediate left of the "MultiQuote" button. The edit button appears faint in color. Maybe it doesn't work until you've made 25 forum posts. But it appears you know how to make the "quote" function work. I haven't figured out that yet. I'm just using the plain text and html editing.

 

Thanks again for sharing your views.

 

+ Human

 

 

yes, that quote feature looks ok...and I can't edit yet, it isn't anywhere, I have looked for it...all that is there is report, multiquote and quote

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Both the BBCode mode and the Toolbar mode turn a letter "b" followed by a "close parentheses" into an emoticon: cool.png

 

I was actually trying to type the letter "b" followed by "close parentheses."

 

LOL I have done that too!

 

EDITED...I can edit, hallelujah!!!

 

Edited again...sorry for the irrelevant post blush.png

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I enjoyed a lot of it. I did not enjoy the guilt and the pressure to conform to some of the crazy things that Christians try to get you to do. But I had a lot of good times with people. I never had any harm done to me by any Christians. So, I would say that christianity was a generally good experience for me.

 

I am still somewhat involved in it, as I still regularly attend church and play in the worship band. I am content at this point to fake it. I never cared for my pastor's preaching before I deconverted, but now its kind of fun to break down his arguments and see if I can come up with good counterarguments. I play the game pretty well, apparently, because, outside of my wife, no one on the outside has said anything or made any comments regarding my changes in my life. I have been pretty vocal on facebook regarding a few questionable Christian doctrines regarding evolution and gay marriage, and no one has said anything to me that would make me think they see me as a threat.

I agree with much of what you posted here. Isn't it odd though, that while we were following religion, the guilt and such didn't seem so bad at the time. Or in some ways, I made sense of it. I was guilty because I wasn't worthy of God's love. I was unworthy, and therefore, was guilty. A vicious cycle, but...in a way, at that time, it felt purposeful, you know? Christianity is built on the sufferings of Jesus, and so when I felt all those horrible things, I felt 'closer' to Jesus.

 

I sometimes wish Jesus is a real story, and that everything I believed wasn't completely a farce. Is that crazy? sad.png

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Both the BBCode mode and the Toolbar mode turn a letter "b" followed by a "close parentheses" into an emoticon: cool.png

 

I was actually trying to type the letter "b" followed by "close parentheses."

 

LOL I have done that too!

 

EDITED...I can edit, hallelujah!!!

 

Edited again...sorry for the irrelevant post blush.png

 

haha well, that's good!

 

is there a way to multi quote? If so, I haven't yet figured it out. tongue.png

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Deidre32, in post # 22 wrote:

 

"... perceived time wasted.

 

I think why I feel that way sometimes over Christianity, is Christianity negatively shaped my views towards people who treated me poorly in life. Let me explain. I allowed many people from family members, to guys I've dated...to friends...to coworkers...to step on me. I've wasted a lot of time trying to be a 'good Christian' to others, so much so, that I forgot about being true to me.

True to my own dignity.

 

That is why I get upset sometimes, over the whole thing. I feel that if I hadn't been raised in Christiniaty, maybe I would have been tougher. Less of a doormat. The Bible promotes 'turning the other cheek,' and I think it caused me to accept toxic behaviors in my life, that I no longer feel guilty for NOT ACCEPTING, now..."

 

Deidre32,

 

I also think about what my life would have been like if I hadn't been brought up Christian. I think there is a strong likelihood I would never have become Christian, mainly because my personal interests in science and other areas would have steered me away from a religious way of thinking. But we did grow up Christian, and we made commitments to the faith, as adults. The negative experiences of religion that led us out of Christianity also served to help us complete some unfinished business in our personal lives.

 

We cannot be responsible for how our parents (or significant adult role models) influenced our thinking when we were children. But we can take responsibility as adults to remake ourselves into the persons we want to be, or even the persons we were meant to be in our innate humanity. So, even in the negative experiences of religion, we have learned some important insights about who we are and who we can become.

 

Maybe you will write further, either on blog or forum, about this process of remaking one's self. I look forward to your further thoughts and to dialoging with you again.

 

Thanks again for posting this thread.

 

+ Human

I enjoy your thoughts and insights, too Human. smile.png I think you are so right, here. My religious past doesn't need to define my present. But, in a way, it was very much who I once was, who I wanted people to see me as, too. As I'm reflecting on everyone's posts here today, I'm left feeling that all that time wasn't completely a waste. It shaped me, and maybe being a religious person for so long, I can look back at it in a very different way, than if I were brought up as an atheist my whole life. If that makes sense.

 

Thanks so much for contributing, and your kind words, today.

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Both the BBCode mode and the Toolbar mode turn a letter "b" followed by a "close parentheses" into an emoticon: cool.png

 

I was actually trying to type the letter "b" followed by "close parentheses."

 

LOL I have done that too!

 

EDITED...I can edit, hallelujah!!!

 

Edited again...sorry for the irrelevant post blush.png

 

haha well, that's good!

 

is there a way to multi quote? If so, I haven't yet figured it out. tongue.png

 

 

There is a way to do it, but I haven't figured it out either, hence my million posts :/

 

I don't think it is crazy to wish it wasn't a farce.  I have said before my life would be easier (in the sense of relationships) if I just believed, or if it was just true.  However, when I really think about the god of the bible, I am quite glad it isn't true.  I want god to be the nice, loving god the christians say he is.  I don't see him as that type of god in the bible though.  I used to, but I was just seeing what I wanted to see.  Now I can't "unknow" or "unsee" what I now see.

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Both the BBCode mode and the Toolbar mode turn a letter "b" followed by a "close parentheses" into an emoticon: cool.png

 

I was actually trying to type the letter "b" followed by "close parentheses."

 

LOL I have done that too!

 

EDITED...I can edit, hallelujah!!!

 

Edited again...sorry for the irrelevant post blush.png

 

haha well, that's good!

 

is there a way to multi quote? If so, I haven't yet figured it out. tongue.png

 

 

There is a way to do it, but I haven't figured it out either, hence my million posts :/

 

I don't think it is crazy to wish it wasn't a farce.  I have said before my life would be easier (in the sense of relationships) if I just believed, or if it was just true.  However, when I really think about the god of the bible, I am quite glad it isn't true.  I want god to be the nice, loving god the christians say he is.  I don't see him as that type of god in the bible though.  I used to, but I was just seeing what I wanted to see.  Now I can't "unknow" or "unsee" what I now see.

 

Yes, let's say it that way...it would be easier if it were all true. Not if we believed. For we did once believe, and well...here we are. lol
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After typing what I just did it hit me, for me personally, I wanted god to be the strong person for me so I wouldn't have to deal with my issues alone.

I used him as a crutch, as someone to have my back.  It gave me comfort in that sense.  THAT is what I had a hard time letting go of.  That feeling of it being all on me now, it is scary.  

 

I love this site because it helps me think all the way around, rather than just one, or even two sided.  I have been on the christian side, so I can honestly say my mind is completely closed to what christians have to say.  Hell I used all of those arguments myself at one time, and no one is better than arguing with me than I am!  One other good thing about the time spent in the christian fold is there is nothing they can say to me I haven't said myself, or heard already.  So basically, I am fully armed to what they can throw at me (at least I hope I am)

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A little bit of time wasted. But while in learning about Christianity, and seemingly having a relationship with the christian god, I felt like I did grow, spiritually. Now, my faith in spirituality has dissolved, and I'm just not interested in being spiritual right now. 

 

Instead of being strongly encouraged -more like forced- to be a good leader for my younger peers, I could have been working, and putting away money for college. It was just a really bad time for me, when I was in my teens. I didn't know what I was doing. I was just following what I believed was right. It felt good and safe being under the church community I was in, then.

 

As I started taking my classes at a community college, I stopped attending church. That's when my life really started to take a turn for the better...and worse. But I'm glad I came to my senses, and that's all that matters. 

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Deidre32 wrote in post # 38

 

"Yes, let's say it that way...it would be easier if it were all true. Not if we believed. For we did once believe, and well...here we are. lol "

Very poetically put, Deidre32

 

I agree. I like it enough that I decided to make it my Signature, if that is ok with you Diedre.

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Deidre32 wrote in post # 38

"Yes, let's say it that way...it would be easier if it were all true. Not if we believed. For we did once believe, and well...here we are. lol "

 

Very poetically put, Deidre32

I agree. I like it enough that I decided to make it my Signature, if that is ok with you Diedre.

Hey that's awesome! Lol :D

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Deidre32 wrote in post # 38

 

"Yes, let's say it that way...it would be easier if it were all true. Not if we believed. For we did once believe, and well...here we are. lol "

Very poetically put, Deidre32

 

I agree. I like it enough that I decided to make it my Signature, if that is ok with you Diedre.

 

See that, Deidre32, you're something of a celebrity now. smile.png

I might just use it for my signature, too, if I could figure out how to do that.

But for the first time, this "Quote" button actually openened up the entire post in html format for me.

 

the reason it opened it up is because you had the box at the top left hand corner of the text box clicked so it greyed out the icons. If the icons are greyed out, the quote should post. I'm not sure why that is, but happy it's working for you now. lol

 

Thanks for being such a kind poster here! I've enjoyed what you've had to say. smile.png

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Deidre32 wrote in post # 38

 

"Yes, let's say it that way...it would be easier if it were all true. Not if we believed. For we did once believe, and well...here we are. lol "

 

Very poetically put, Deidre32

 

I agree. I like it enough that I decided to make it my Signature, if that is ok with you Diedre.

 

See that, Deidre32, you're something of a celebrity now. smile.png

I might just use it for my signature, too, if I could figure out how to do that.

But for the first time, this "Quote" button actually openened up the entire post in html format for me.

 

the reason it opened it up is because you had the box at the top left hand corner of the text box clicked so it greyed out the icons. If the icons are greyed out, the quote should post. I'm not sure why that is, but happy it's working for you now. lol

 

Thanks for being such a kind poster here! I've enjoyed what you've had to say. smile.png

 

 

Deidre32,

 

You're welcome. I enjoy reading what you write. Your words make me think.

BTW, As I was setting my signature, I noticed it allows for html links.

Maybe you could put in your signature a link to your blog main page.

That way, whenever somebody reads one of your forum posts, they can easily click to your blog.

 

+ Human

 

ok, maybe i will do that. smile.png
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I regret ever being a christian as it cost me dearly. During my 15 years as a christian I was psychologically abused and kept from receiving proper treatment for mental health issues. I endured 5 years of deliverance prayer ministry which was incredibly damaging. I made many bad decisions because of my faith too. On the positive side I have all that experience under my belt which has grown me as a person and helped me be more compassionate to christians still stuck in the faith. So much pain related to my time though, it would take pages for me to describe but I don't have the heart too right now.

I can't tell you how inspiring your story is, just from the perspective of sheer courage and strength. You did that on your own, you know. I'm so sorry you were abused, but damn. You really are a strong person! Thank you for sharing this.
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Time you enjoyed wasting wasn't wasted.

 

There were many youth group events I went to when I was much younger from just-for-fun snowboarding trips to the more serious visiting third world countries to help build orphanages/hand out food. I don't consider any of this time I spent to have been wasted. I may not believe in their God but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy their company, nor does it mean I disagree with everything they did. The church does do good from time to time, even if it's misguided.

This made me smile, and you're right. There are Christian friendships that I still hold dear, and perhaps we wouldn't have become friends if I wasn't once a Christian, myself. But, having known them, and still holding their friendships dear, yea, that is not time wasted. You stated this really well.
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I found it an enjoyable and fascinating time. After all, I was doing magic and talking to the creator of the universe on a daily basis! I learned a lot about people, psychology and religion. As I came to understand it was a sham I was briefly mad at myself for being gullible, but I can now understand how sane people can come to believe some insane shit.

 

Believing in Santa as a child was an incorrect belief, but hardly a waste of time.

why can't we give mods positive votes? lol wink.png

 

I love how you words things, gets me to think...and you say it with humor. I'm reminded by this and other posts here, that yes, maybe there was wasted time, but I shouldn't take it all so seriously now. I guess the road to where I'm at with it now, has been more painful than not, but I'd say I'm finally at peace now. The process made me stronger. Made me more compassionate to others. Made me more understanding of all religious people.

 

I still will always long for the day when religion is eradicated. Thanks for your post florduh.

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I enjoyed a lot of it. I did not enjoy the guilt and the pressure to conform to some of the crazy things that Christians try to get you to do. But I had a lot of good times with people. I never had any harm done to me by any Christians. So, I would say that christianity was a generally good experience for me.

 

I am still somewhat involved in it, as I still regularly attend church and play in the worship band. I am content at this point to fake it. I never cared for my pastor's preaching before I deconverted, but now its kind of fun to break down his arguments and see if I can come up with good counterarguments. I play the game pretty well, apparently, because, outside of my wife, no one on the outside has said anything or made any comments regarding my changes in my life. I have been pretty vocal on facebook regarding a few questionable Christian doctrines regarding evolution and gay marriage, and no one has said anything to me that would make me think they see me as a threat.

I agree with much of what you posted here. Isn't it odd though, that while we were following religion, the guilt and such didn't seem so bad at the time. Or in some ways, I made sense of it. I was guilty because I wasn't worthy of God's love. I was unworthy, and therefore, was guilty. A vicious cycle, but...in a way, at that time, it felt purposeful, you know? Christianity is built on the sufferings of Jesus, and so when I felt all those horrible things, I felt 'closer' to Jesus.

 

I sometimes wish Jesus is a real story, and that everything I believed wasn't completely a farce. Is that crazy? sad.png

 

Deidre32,

 

I understand the thoughts and feelings about wanting the Jesus story to be true. My deconversion occurred (consciously) over about a 10 year period. Often during that time, I kept spiraling back in and around those sentiments. Maybe you (or I) will write more about that (on blog or forum). I will tell you that as I've more firmly embraced a Humanist perspective, I've been better able to deal with those thoughts and feelings, and some of the other issues you've mentioned. But it's still a challenge.

 

+ Human

 

Yes, and it's a challenge perhaps too because we are bombarded (depending where one lives) by Christian imagery, and concepts. I live in the U.S., in a predominantly 'Christian culture.' So, that alone, can be a challenge for anyone trying to break free from it. Like being on a diet, and chocolate cake is everywhere you turn. biggrin.png Although, Christianity is more like a poison, and not a delicious dessert. lol (but can be mistaken as such when one is brainwashed to believe in it)
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