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Goodbye Jesus

Sunday Sasquatch


TheRedneckProfessor

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First there's original sin... then generations later there's the human that's genetically mutated into a Sasquatch. Scientists said sin is responsible in some article I skimmed.

And prayer to Sasquatch is a testable hypothesis, thereby proving that sin is scietifically provable.

 

No, it was your side that studies prayer....and calls it science. Was just using it as a tool for demonstration purposes. "We studied prayer? Our guys? Can we do that? Uh, well, uh, YEAH bitch, science can study prayer. See our papers? Where'd they go....they were right here".

 

You guys...

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First there's original sin... then generations later there's the human that's genetically mutated into a Sasquatch. Scientists said sin is responsible in some article I skimmed.

And prayer to Sasquatch is a testable hypothesis, thereby proving that sin is scietifically provable.

 

No, it was your side that studies prayer....and calls it science. Was just using it as a tool for demonstration purposes. "We studied prayer? Our guys? Can we do that? Uh, well, uh, YEAH bitch, science can study prayer. See our papers? Where'd they go....they were right here".

 

You guys...

 

 

I took you seriously, End.

 

I treated what you had to say about prayer testing, seriously.

 

You thanked me for taking your words and your thoughts, seriously.

 

So please don't include me in this, ok?  

 

I'm not one of "You guys"

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First there's original sin... then generations later there's the human that's genetically mutated into a Sasquatch. Scientists said sin is responsible in some article I skimmed.

And prayer to Sasquatch is a testable hypothesis, thereby proving that sin is scietifically provable.

 

No, it was your side that studies prayer....and calls it science. Was just using it as a tool for demonstration purposes. "We studied prayer? Our guys? Can we do that? Uh, well, uh, YEAH bitch, science can study prayer. See our papers? Where'd they go....they were right here".

 

You guys...

 

End3, I wasn't really in that particular fight very much.  Should I really be included in "you guys"?

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sass-squatch-comic.jpg

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"At home drawing pictures

Of mountain tops

With Sasquatch on top

Lemon-yellow sun

Arms raised in a "V"

The dead lay

In pools of maroon below"

 

~Yeti Wetter

 

In this haunting passage, we see the great and terrible day of the Sasquatch, when the evil shall be slain and those who turn not from the wickedness of their ways shall be annihilated.  The Sasquatch will ultimately ascend the mountain in victory.

 

Repent, you wrong-doers, before it is too late.

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Truly compelling evidence RNP.

 

That poem changed my perspective. Without it I never would have seen the truth of Sassie (bless his hairyness). I need not seek further the objective evidence I previously desired. That would be blasphemy to demand The Great Haired One to reveal himself to me who dwells not in the rugged wilderness.

 

Woe to those who deny this spiritual truth! If you feel not the presence in your heart from this message, you are truly Squatched.

 

Ramen.

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May you always follow in his giant footprints.

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I met a woman at a New Age psychic fair. She said in a low tone, "I have to tell you that I'm a big foot enthusiast." For some reason it sounded as if she placed more emphasis on the syllable "foot." So, for a moment, I thought she meant that she was a big FOOT enthusiast. So I listened with curiosity as she began to explain that she is a member of the Bigfoot hunters/trackers/watchers society and goes on stakeouts. I think her saying, "I have to tell you..." (or maybe she said, "I want to tell you...") was like her giving her testimony. "God" later entered into her dialogue...

 

But, hey, to each her/his own...

Human, you must never speak of this encounter again.  This woman is indeed more than just an enthusiast; she is our most venerated prophetess.  Her name must never be spoken publicly, for she sees the divine mysteries of the Sasquatch.

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But don't dare ask her for any proof of Sasquatch.  She's a graduate of the IH/End3 School of Unfounded Proclamations.

Just believe and don't question.

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But don't dare ask her for any proof of Sasquatch.  She's a graduate of the IH/End3 School of Unfounded Proclamations.

Just believe and don't question.

You have blasphemed the Holy Prophetess!  Woe unto you!  Repent!  Turn now from the wickedness of your ways, before the great Yeti consumes you!

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Well the new reformed temple of the ham and cheese sandwich says the yeti is a myth.

 

Since this is a religious difference, I guess the only way to settle this is with 1000 years of religious crusades.

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Well the new reformed temple of the ham and cheese sandwich says the yeti is a myth.

 

Since this is a religious difference, I guess the only way to settle this is with 1000 years of religious crusades.

Or you could choose to follow the path of Zooniversalisim. It's a controversial stance, but the Zooniversalist church allows for FSM, Sasquatch (Mighty is his Hairyness), H&C Sam and Nessy followers to worship together. We need not be in conflict, brethren! Don't you see it's all joined together in one glorious message?

 

I can totally back this up with lots of words that I'll pretend are an answer but that don't really clarify anything or even answer what you're asking.

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Well the new reformed temple of the ham and cheese sandwich says the yeti is a myth.

 

Since this is a religious difference, I guess the only way to settle this is with 1000 years of religious crusades.

Fuck the ham and cheese myth.  It's Jihad time, bitches!

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Well the new reformed temple of the ham and cheese sandwich says the yeti is a myth.

 

Since this is a religious difference, I guess the only way to settle this is with 1000 years of religious crusades.

Fuck the ham and cheese myth.  It's Jihad time, bitches!

 

 

Oh, it's on then.  I've changed religions to Hulk's Witness.  He's got a proven track record so far.

 

hulk-on-religion-21670.jpg

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Meme+Sasquatch.jpg

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Glad to see there are real Sasquatch rockers out there. We need to reach the youth. They had a message board that I used to post on, so that makes me extra holy.

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First there's original sin... then generations later there's the human that's genetically mutated into a Sasquatch. Scientists said sin is responsible in some article I skimmed.

And prayer to Sasquatch is a testable hypothesis, thereby proving that sin is scietifically provable.

 

No, it was your side that studies prayer....and calls it science. Was just using it as a tool for demonstration purposes. "We studied prayer? Our guys? Can we do that? Uh, well, uh, YEAH bitch, science can study prayer. See our papers? Where'd they go....they were right here".

 

You guys...

 

I took you seriously, and found you a scientific prayer study.Now you tell me you were just trolling? What a jerk.

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bigfoot-ringtones.gif

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I used to have debilitating headaches and pain. All the doctors and scientists were stumped and couldn't help me. It's then that I heard of the gospel of the Great Sasquatch. After lots of study and prayer the great Sasquatch revealed the truth to me and HEALED me My headaches left me and I'm able to live a full life again and so can you You don't see the Great Sasquatch because the truth is not revealed to you. You need to just believe and then you too can be healed Just last night in a dream the Great Sasquatch showed me where you go after death and it was a beautiful place full of flowers and trees I walked hand in hand with him and he spoke to me and explained everything He said being gay is wrong because when he created everything he meant for a man and a woman to procreate Smoking and tattoos are also wrong because our bodies are a temple and we should take care of it.

I ask all of you now to please study his great work and to just believe like a child does. You too can be saved.

 

edited to remove puctuation and paragraphs like all great prophets

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I used to have debilitating headaches and pain. All the doctors and scientists were stumped and couldn't help me. It's then that I heard of the gospel of the Great Sasquatch. After lots of study and prayer the great Sasquatch revealed the truth to me and HEALED me My headaches left me and I'm able to live a full life again and so can you You don't see the Great Sasquatch because the truth is not revealed to you. You need to just believe and then you too can be healed Just last night in a dream the Great Sasquatch showed me where you go after death and it was a beautiful place full of flowers and trees I walked hand in hand with him and he spoke to me and explained everything He said being gay is wrong because when he created everything he meant for a man and a woman to procreate Smoking and tattoos are also wrong because our bodies are a temple and we should take care of it.

I ask all of you now to please study his great work and to just believe like a child does. You too can be saved.

 

edited to remove puctuation and paragraphs like all great prophets

What a powerful testimony!  It is clear that the Sasquatch is alive and well!  Glory to Big Foot, our eternal savior reigns!

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“The Sasquatch is first, my family and friends are second, and I am third."

 

~Yeti Sayers

 

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"Spending time with Sasquatch is the key to our strength and success in all areas of life. Be sure that you never try to work Sasquatch into your schedule, but always work your schedule around Sassie."

 

“Just because you go to forests of the Pacific Northwest doesn't mean you're a Bigfootist. I can go sit in the garage all day and it doesn't make me a car”

 

"Why wouldn’t we run to Sassie. He’s sooo good. Sassie's not mad at anybody. He just wants to help us be the best that we can be.”

 

~reworked Joyce Meyer quotes (author of "Race You To The Throne: Lord, I Hope No One's In There....", "My Face Looks Like This Because I Suffer From Chronic Constipation", and her most well-known work, "Battleshits of the Mind")

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