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Deidre

Why Did You Get Married?

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For some here, I imagine it had to do with the "sacred covenant" nonsense that Christianity preaches. But, maybe you had other reasons?

 

Why did you get married?

 

Just wondering. The concept doesn't make sense to me. If you love another person, why is marriage necessary to proving this? With the divorce rate as high as it is, it doesn't seem to be a paradigm that works for the long term.

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I wouldn't recommend marriage.  I got married because it was Gawd's plan for my life.  You wouldn't want to live in rebellion against Gawd now.

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Religion had zero to do with my marriage. I married for luuuurrrvvveee. And then got divorced.

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Revenge was my motivation for marriage; it's not a good one.

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I never had dreams of getting married.  I never wanted the white dress or all that crap.  I certainly NEVER wanted to be given away!  I wanted fun and freedom!  

 

So when I was young, I dated a bunch of guys and had a good time.  I really did enjoy myself.  Then I met my first husband and without a doubt he was the ONE!  I knew from the first time he asked me out (in a letter!  I still have it!  It's the most awesome letter ever!) I was going to marry him -- even BEFORE I opened the letter to read it and see if he was going to ask me out!  So we got married outdoors by his uncle, I wore a comfy pink dress that my dad's girlfriend gave me as a hand-me-down, we had a big family picnic in a barn, there was no aisle to walk down, so nobody gave me away, and it was extremely fun and meaningful to both of us.  I was a xian at the time and he was always an atheist, but it was fun and we both felt "that way" about each other.  I never had wanted to change my last name, but coincidentally he had always wanted to change his last name, so that's what we did.

 

Then 15 years later we got divorced, but kept super-civilized for the kids.  We divorced for personal reasons which I will not, out of respect, discuss here.  I had no intention of ever getting married again!

 

I had such fun after the divorce, as far as dating and sex!!!!  I have memories to last a lifetime!  I had a total ball (pun intended), I fell in love sometimes several times per week.  I juggled 3-5 guys a week, and we all had a good time (til I broke up with them!).  I found and nurtured some hidden talents!  I enjoyed my fantasies, and let them enjoy their fantasies and kinks!  Oh, I was set to do this for the rest of my life!

 

Then I met my second husband.  My first impression of him was that he was creepy - the first time we spoke I tried slowly backing away from him as he ranted on about something (no idea what), no way turning my back to him.  Anyway, about seven months later (we were in trucking school together, and through the rigors and hell of trucking school we had ALL grown close, and I was quite the popular girl in trucking school!!!) he ended up homeless on a 7 degree night in January and was going to jump off a bridge but decided to call me first to tell me he wasn't going to school the next day.  I pooh-pooh'ed his bridge jumping and said he HAD to come to school (for reasons I won't go into here to keep this short) and that I would pick him up after my date that night.  So I did.  He stayed the night, then the next night, then the next night.  This was cutting into my social calendar BIG time!  But I realized that after those three days and nights (and we stuck together all day in school, then all night at my house) that he had not annoyed me even ONCE!!!  In fact, even tho he was depressed over his situation (homeless/suicide/bridge/family issues) and I had already missed several dates, neither of us had ever laughed so hard in our lives!  I finally asked him after a few days if he had a plan for getting another place and moving out and he said, "Well! . . . no."  And I said, "That's what I thought."  I told him he hadn't annoyed me, so was welcome to stay, but I had to break up with a few guys, but not until after Valentine's Day because I still wanted the candy which I knew they had bought, and besides it's rude to break up on Valentine's Day or the day before or after, so I waited a week.  So I collected my candy, he broke up with a girlfriend, and we've been together ever since.  We got married because we felt "that way" about each other.  We had a beautiful outdoor wedding under a gazebo, very meaningful, married by the mayor, I wore a red dress, my kids were there, and a friend of ours from trucking school, and again, he changed his last name to mine because I didn't want to change my name especially now because of my kids and he had never really liked his family.

 

Those are the only two guys I ever felt "that way" about, and to this day, even with the divorce, they are still the only two I ever would have married.  So far!!!!  The divorce was super-emotionally horrible, mainly because of the kids and my concern for them, but after recovering from that (took a few years, but totally enjoyed dating and sex during that time anyway), I have mostly extremely happy, funny memories of that marriage and I am very fond of that dear ex-husband and we are still very friendly (in no way physical), and he and my current husband also get along.  In fact, sometimes when we're all together and with the kids and all, my ex and current husband will team up and mock me about some of my habits!

 

I regret neither marriage.  In no way do I regret my single years!

 

My two husbands have nothing in common, other than maleness and the ability to "forget" anything important (ha ha!).  My first was an ultra-responsible CPA with his own house and car and loving parents (I still love and talk to my ex-mother-in-law) and siblings, and atheist and libertarian, a computer geek.  My second was homeless, a combat veteran, a recovering alcoholic, no real job, no car, and a prison record as long as your arm, a horrific family and upbringing (I still haven't met his sisters after 5 years of marriage and I have no desire to), and oddly enough a believer but he never attends church and politically conservative and a tough-guy fighter.  What they have in common?  They're both, deep down, super nice people with a good sense of humor.  They can both laugh at themselves.  They can both put up with me!  They're both easy to live with.  They both wanted to change their last name to mine!

 

So why did I marry them?  Really, they were the only two I ever felt that way about.  Like I said, I never had a desire to marry or dreamed about it.  But I felt compelled to marry them both and just somehow "knew" fairly soon with both, that we would get married.  I had loved and even been in love with other guys, but had never felt "that way" about them.

 

Anyway, it's worked out.  Like I said, I have no regrets.  Both husbands were/are the perfect husbands for the specific times of my life, I am SO glad we all still get along, and I have no regrets over any of the random guys I dated/went out with/had sex with.  If something happens to my current husband (gee, I hope not) I have no doubt I will happily get back in the saddle again with new guys in no time.  And if I meet another "that way" kind of guy, or woman now that we have marriage equality in PA, I'll happily marry again!

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I wanted hot, sin-free sex and thought that she would make a good wife and mother.

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I never had dreams of getting married.  I never wanted the white dress or all that crap.  I certainly NEVER wanted to be given away!  I wanted fun and freedom!  

 

So when I was young, I dated a bunch of guys and had a good time.  I really did enjoy myself.  Then I met my first husband and without a doubt he was the ONE!  I knew from the first time he asked me out (in a letter!  I still have it!  It's the most awesome letter ever!) I was going to marry him -- even BEFORE I opened the letter to read it and see if he was going to ask me out!  So we got married outdoors by his uncle, I wore a comfy pink dress that my dad's girlfriend gave me as a hand-me-down, we had a big family picnic in a barn, there was no aisle to walk down, so nobody gave me away, and it was extremely fun and meaningful to both of us.  I was a xian at the time and he was always an atheist, but it was fun and we both felt "that way" about each other.  I never had wanted to change my last name, but coincidentally he had always wanted to change his last name, so that's what we did.

 

Then 15 years later we got divorced, but kept super-civilized for the kids.  We divorced for personal reasons which I will not, out of respect, discuss here.  I had no intention of ever getting married again!

 

I had such fun after the divorce, as far as dating and sex!!!!  I have memories to last a lifetime!  I had a total ball (pun intended), I fell in love sometimes several times per week.  I juggled 3-5 guys a week, and we all had a good time (til I broke up with them!).  I found and nurtured some hidden talents!  I enjoyed my fantasies, and let them enjoy their fantasies and kinks!  Oh, I was set to do this for the rest of my life!

 

Then I met my second husband.  My first impression of him was that he was creepy - the first time we spoke I tried slowly backing away from him as he ranted on about something (no idea what), no way turning my back to him.  Anyway, about seven months later (we were in trucking school together, and through the rigors and hell of trucking school we had ALL grown close, and I was quite the popular girl in trucking school!!!) he ended up homeless on a 7 degree night in January and was going to jump off a bridge but decided to call me first to tell me he wasn't going to school the next day.  I pooh-pooh'ed his bridge jumping and said he HAD to come to school (for reasons I won't go into here to keep this short) and that I would pick him up after my date that night.  So I did.  He stayed the night, then the next night, then the next night.  This was cutting into my social calendar BIG time!  But I realized that after those three days and nights (and we stuck together all day in school, then all night at my house) that he had not annoyed me even ONCE!!!  In fact, even tho he was depressed over his situation (homeless/suicide/bridge/family issues) and I had already missed several dates, neither of us had ever laughed so hard in our lives!  I finally asked him after a few days if he had a plan for getting another place and moving out and he said, "Well! . . . no."  And I said, "That's what I thought."  I told him he hadn't annoyed me, so was welcome to stay, but I had to break up with a few guys, but not until after Valentine's Day because I still wanted the candy which I knew they had bought, and besides it's rude to break up on Valentine's Day or the day before or after, so I waited a week.  So I collected my candy, he broke up with a girlfriend, and we've been together ever since.  We got married because we felt "that way" about each other.  We had a beautiful outdoor wedding under a gazebo, very meaningful, married by the mayor, I wore a red dress, my kids were there, and a friend of ours from trucking school, and again, he changed his last name to mine because I didn't want to change my name especially now because of my kids and he had never really liked his family.

 

Those are the only two guys I ever felt "that way" about, and to this day, even with the divorce, they are still the only two I ever would have married.  So far!!!!  The divorce was super-emotionally horrible, mainly because of the kids and my concern for them, but after recovering from that (took a few years, but totally enjoyed dating and sex during that time anyway), I have mostly extremely happy, funny memories of that marriage and I am very fond of that dear ex-husband and we are still very friendly (in no way physical), and he and my current husband also get along.  In fact, sometimes when we're all together and with the kids and all, my ex and current husband will team up and mock me about some of my habits!

 

I regret neither marriage.  In no way do I regret my single years!

 

My two husbands have nothing in common, other than maleness and the ability to "forget" anything important (ha ha!).  My first was an ultra-responsible CPA with his own house and car and loving parents (I still love and talk to my ex-mother-in-law) and siblings, and atheist and libertarian, a computer geek.  My second was homeless, a combat veteran, a recovering alcoholic, no real job, no car, and a prison record as long as your arm, a horrific family and upbringing (I still haven't met his sisters after 5 years of marriage and I have no desire to), and oddly enough a believer but he never attends church and politically conservative and a tough-guy fighter.  What they have in common?  They're both, deep down, super nice people with a good sense of humor.  They can both laugh at themselves.  They can both put up with me!  They're both easy to live with.  They both wanted to change their last name to mine!

 

So why did I marry them?  Really, they were the only two I ever felt that way about.  Like I said, I never had a desire to marry or dreamed about it.  But I felt compelled to marry them both and just somehow "knew" fairly soon with both, that we would get married.  I had loved and even been in love with other guys, but had never felt "that way" about them.

 

Anyway, it's worked out.  Like I said, I have no regrets.  Both husbands were/are the perfect husbands for the specific times of my life, I am SO glad we all still get along, and I have no regrets over any of the random guys I dated/went out with/had sex with.  If something happens to my current husband (gee, I hope not) I have no doubt I will happily get back in the saddle again with new guys in no time.  And if I meet another "that way" kind of guy, or woman now that we have marriage equality in PA, I'll happily marry again!

Thanks for sharing your story, very interesting. I like how you write, too. smile.png

 

So, why does 'that way' mean marriage? I ask this because I'm 33, and not interested in marriage. Dating an atheist now, who I think I love, and he talks about marriage. He too has never been married. But, I don't want it, especially now that I feel that there is no sacred/covenant bond, etc...WHY BOTHER? To show the world or whoever...or even the guy...that I'm willing to be legally attached to him at the hip? Ugh. It's always been a weird concept to me. I think this is because I didn't grow up watching healthy role models for marriage.

 

Interestingly, marriage is not an invention of religion, as Christianity would have us all believe. It was very much a non religious creation, originating as a pagan custom.

 

Christianity hijacked the concept, and twisted it into the farce it's become today.

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I wanted hot, sin-free sex and thought that she would make a good wife and mother.

So, did you get everything you wanted? smile.png

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wait, amateur...i just reread your story. you would marry again after all that? biggrin.png

 

a hopeless romantic, perhaps? smile.png

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I wanted hot, sin-free sex and thought that she would make a good wife and mother.

So, did you get everything you wanted? smile.png

 

I could have done worse.  :)

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I wouldn't recommend marriage.  I got married because it was Gawd's plan for my life.  You wouldn't want to live in rebellion against Gawd now.

lol

 

have you been happy overall?

 

 

Religion had zero to do with my marriage. I married for luuuurrrvvveee. And then got divorced.

lol

 

but why does the ultimate display of love mean marriage? it just seems like if people don't conform to this 'ideal', they are made to feel less than. i'm always being asked by friends, relatives...so when are you getting married?

 

the reply never changes. NEVER. they look at me like i have three heads. :shrug:

 

 

Revenge was my motivation for marriage; it's not a good one.

 

hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa! yea, i'd imagine not.

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I don't know why "that way" means marriage to me.  It just did.  It just felt RIGHT.  Still does, looking back, even with the first.  Am I romantic?  Ha ha!  No!  My current husband is!  He's a sweetie!  I never liked the idea of marriage in general, but with those two it worked, and is working.  I'm also 50, so living together back in my day wasn't as common, although we think my grandma lived with my grandfather (even my dad was never sure and it was his dad, her second "marriage") in the 1930's, but back then they had common law marriage which doesn't exist now, as far as I know.  Then her children from her first marriage (she was divorced in the 20's) kicked out my grandfather.  They were a very fighting bunch.  My dad was the black sheep of the family and a very nice person.  Ok, that's convoluted!  Anyway, it's not like my family was super-traditional.  But it's not like you can't get married, then divorced if it doesn't work out.  I've married both times for "forever," but when reality steps in, then I don't feel bound by law or anything.

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I don't know why "that way" means marriage to me.  It just did.  It just felt RIGHT.  Still does, looking back, even with the first.  Am I romantic?  Ha ha!  No!  My current husband is!  He's a sweetie!  I never liked the idea of marriage in general, but with those two it worked, and is working.  I'm also 50, so living together back in my day wasn't as common, although we think my grandma lived with my grandfather (even my dad was never sure and it was his dad, her second "marriage") in the 1930's, but back then they had common law marriage which doesn't exist now, as far as I know.  Then her children from her first marriage (she was divorced in the 20's) kicked out my grandfather.  They were a very fighting bunch.  My dad was the black sheep of the family and a very nice person.  Ok, that's convoluted!  Anyway, it's not like my family was super-traditional.  But it's not like you can't get married, then divorced if it doesn't work out.  I've married both times for "forever," but when reality steps in, then I don't feel bound by law or anything.

 

 

I guess I just see marriage as a construct that society has just adopted over the years, and it's "expected." A lot of people see divorce as a problem in society, I see marriage as the problem. Or maybe people who marry, have unreasonable expectations. It's still a high percentage to have unreasonable expectations.

 

I really appreciate your input here.

 

 

 

 

I got married because I truly loved/love my wife.  I wanted a partner in life so as not to be lonely, be there for me and I for her.  I wanted a sexual partner and I wanted a family.

 

 

There's something really dear about your comment, BO. You could almost make me a believer. Lol

;)

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Some friends of mine married because the health insurance is cheaper for spouses than domestic partners.

 

Me, personally, I'd like to get married some day. I feel sad that I doubt that will ever happen. To me, marriage is something you do to present yourselves as a couple to your families, friends, and aquantances after you've already formed a commitment to each other. "Giving the bride away" is creepy as hell. I've pretty much decided that if I ever do end up having the full wedding ceremony, I'm going to have me, my partner, and a few close friends at a ceremony where we give ourselves to each other, no officiant involved, a few days beforehand. The official wedding is just an announcement, a demand that everyone else accept that we belong together. I'd rather it be a celebration of two families being joined together in a new kinship bond, but my parents wouldn't approve of anyone I'd be willing to marry so that part of my dream will never happen.

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in my younger days, i always assume that marriage is simply for freedom of sex and procreation and nothing else,,,,,

 

i remained single till this day, and still enjoy sex, but with protection,,,, and there is enough people on this earth, one more or one less will not make much difference.....

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I had finished college and started a career. So the next step was to start a family. Both of us were from Christian families and we both believed, so living together instead of getting married wasn't an option. Despite the fact we were having copious amounts of sex. She felt guiltier about that than I did. Because of that we rushed into marriage and it didn't take long before we knew that we had made a mistake. Religion is the reason we stuck it out but neither of us was happy. Eighteen years later and we're now going through a painful divorce. I have a son so I can't say it wasn't worth it. But I do wish that I had gotten divorced many years ago.

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We didn't have the luxury of deciding for ourselves.  If we wanted to be together, we had to get married or she would of had to go back to Russia. 

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We didn't have the luxury of deciding for ourselves.  If we wanted to be together, we had to get married or she would of had to go back to Russia.

 

Ha-ha! Aren't you living in Russia now???

 

Don't know why, but if you are, your comment is hilarious to me!

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Anyway, I got married cuz of love. Things got sped up cuz we got pregnant, but that was okay.

 

Two fine boys, an 18.5 year marriage and I've been "single" for the past 7 years and that's okay,too.

 

Would I get married again?

I can't honestly answer that.

I just don't know.

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We didn't have the luxury of deciding for ourselves.  If we wanted to be together, we had to get married or she would of had to go back to Russia.

Ha-ha! Aren't you living in Russia now???

 

Don't know why, but if you are, your comment is hilarious to me!

 

 

We were in the US for 4 years prior though.  I met her when she was on a tourist visa visiting her brother. 

 

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I got married because I wanted to be a good little Christian and I wanted to have "blessed' sex and not be living in sin like the rest of the immoral world. And I was positive that God would bless us and everything would be all rosy. Even though I didn't even really like my husband all that much.

 

BAHAHAHAHA.

 

Now I'm divorced. And no longer a Christian.

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I've been married for about 40 years.  I married for love...AND because I was young 'n dumb.   But all and all, it's been a good ride.

 

If I ever happen to be single again, I will enjoy it!  If I ever happen to meet someone and fall in love again, would I marry?   That would depend entirely on the bottom line. By that I mean, how would we, as a couple, be better off financially?  Married or single?   At my age, we would have to consider things like insurance, social security, pensions, investment income, tax breaks, etc.    We Will Exploit The System in order to live out our golden years under the best circumstances possible.  GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

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I'll say this about marriage.  My wife and I have, I think like most couples, had our ups and downs.  But when I was in the hospital for 7 weeks, she was the one that visited every day.  She was the one that went out of her way to bring me food, going 3 hours out of her way every single day, because I couldn't eat the hospital food.  I received plenty of love and good wishes from my friends and family, but it was my wife that was right there with me through it all. 

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Guest ninurta

I'll say this about marriage.  My wife and I have, I think like most couples, had our ups and downs.  But when I was in the hospital for 7 weeks, she was the one that visited every day.  She was the one that went out of her way to bring me food, going 3 hours out of her way every single day, because I couldn't eat the hospital food.  I received plenty of love and good wishes from my friends and family, but it was my wife that was right there with me through it all. 

If I ever get married, I want my wife to be that loyal and supportive. Though me and my current girlfriend have our ups and downs, we do get along and she's there for me for the most part. Even though we're far away.

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I just read through all of your replies. Wow, such interesting "reasons" for getting and staying married. I will reply more later as I'm at work now and it's a challenge to multi quote. :blush:

 

GREATLY appreciate the various insights. :)

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