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A Complete Mess(Y)


moanareina
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Hi guys

 

Hm...to be honest, I don't really feel like starting this thread but somehow I think maybe there is something I have not really thought of or whatever. I feel much shame for what I am going to say here.

 

So I deal with this issue since I am a child and right now somehow it has reached a phase I really am not comfortable with anymore. Actually I hate it for long but now I feel like if I am not doing something...agh...whatever.

 

Somehow I have never really learnt to organize myself. My parents have been upset with me because I always had such a mess in my room. I could not help it but the only way to clean up was to throw everything I had on the floor and rearrange my whole room. Like put the bed to another side, the desk too etc.

 

When I moved out I lived with flatmates, so there had always been some social pressure to at least have the common areas clean. To wash the dishes and not leave stuff lying around in the living room...shoes in the shoe rack and so on. My room though always looked like a hurricane just hit.

 

Three years ago I moved into a flat on my own...and half a year later one of my former flatmates moved in...and I was able to maintain at least some cleanliness but since it was my flat now and I just had her move in just because she did not have anything else by then...the social pressure was not that hard, even though I felt ashamed once in a while when it got worse with the mess. Mainly during times when the exams I prepared fore came closer. 

 

Last December she moved out and I was just in my hardest studying time because the finals where approaching in February and March. Since she moved out I just did not care too much about it and thought I could care about order again when the exams where over. They are since quite a while now and I cleaned my kitchen but as kitchens get dirty and messy pretty fast that seems a never ending task to me. 

Then somehow my living room looks worse and worse each day and week. The same with my bedroom. I procrastinate so hard...and it makes me feel so bad about myself. Quite frustrating. Often I think that I hope no one ever comes to visit me. I noted that it not only happens with physical stuff but also on the computer. For example I use to open tons of articles online that I intend to read because they seem to be interesting but then it is time to go to bed and I think I might read them the next day and send my computer to sleep instead of shutting it down...till it freezes and I have to force it to shut down and do a restart...gah.

 

There has been a time once when it felt easy to clean up. It was the only one time that has been so awesome, the time half a year after I left Church when I had this epic high. So I think this has to do with my struggles of motivation and even depression. I hope it will help to work on those issues and maybe also going on meds if necessary in January. 

 

So this is my confession here because I somehow I feel like it is necessary: I am a complete messy. And I hate it. I don't really know how to approach the issue because it does not help to tell me: Just start cleaning up one thing a day. I can't quite explain but there is something that is holding me back at a point. Not always but often and especially when in the process. And especially when paper is involved...or cloths I don't know if I should wash them or put them back into the closet...

 

But, I want to clean up my kitchen tomorrow, including cleaning out my fridge.

I hope by posting this here, I get the motivation to do so.

Please ask me about it :).

 

Thank you

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Not sure if this will help, but during the times of conflict in my life, those are the times when my house is at its worst. It's as though the chaotic thoughts are manifesting themselves in my unclean/unkempt home. lol When my personal and professional lives are both in sync, is when my home is cleaner and more organized than ever. It could be that what is holding you back is something internally. Maybe something inside of yourself you haven't yet reconciled.

 

It is hard to maintain clarity in other areas of our lives, if one area is off kilter. Take an inventory of yourself, and then you'll be able to do so with your home, is my guess.

 

Just my pov. smile.png

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That's how I am too. Once every couple of years I will try to clean my bathroom or kitchen and pick up some of the easy clutter. I always feel so much better after I do that. The clutter makes me worry that I'm going to lose something or forget something, but it also feels like a never-ending hopeless task to stay organized.

 

When people come to visit I tell them that I let my apartment reach a steady state of filth so that it cleans itself by clinging to their shoes when they leave. smile.png

 

I think the trick is to do a little effort every day, but I have never been able to do that. My desk has always been disorganized at work and my computer is always disorganized too.

 

EDIT: I just remembered that when I was a child I was actually very tidy. I would always make my bed and pick-up. In fact I would often vacuum and scrub the whole house to surprise my mother. Also, my mother has always been fastidiously clean and tidy. I don't know why I turned-out to be such a slob.

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Moanareina, It sounds like your priorities are starting to change. I grew up in clutter and made a vow to be the neatest housekeeper ever. Now I have OCD with it. It';s so important to find a nice balance. I'm a terrible procrastinator in many other ways. I don't like doing things I don't want to do!! I personally find that my mind stays a lot more peaceful and serene in non clutter. It sounds like you are ready to take the bull by the horns. Just start somewhere. Once you do, you may want to continue until it's all tidy. Check in with yourself and see how you are feeling? Does the  organization help you in any way?  When I am going through a hard time with a lot going on, I NEED my house to stay tidy or my depression can worsen. Don't be ashamed....we all have things that challenge us more than someone else. By the way, I also do the same damn thing with my computer!! Let us know how you do!! Blast some good music and get to cleanin'!!  

 

Big hug!

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Honestly, organization just makes a lot of things much easier, and helps give you a feeling of control over your life.

 

It may take some practice, but if you can make checklists with deadlines and calendars a habit, that really helps. Cleaning up really big messes can be really intimidating, but there are some tips that can help you get through it. Break down big problems into smaller ones with achievable goals and hard deadlines, limit your time, and reward yourself. If you have a messy place, just pick one single room to do in a week, and then break the room into zones: "today, just get my desk clean." or "an hour working on the kitchen." Then, when you're done with the task, reward yourself: "I'll do the dishes and pans, then play video games for an hour." Or, every time you go through a room, pick up one thing on your way, and take it to where it belongs. A place for everything, and everything in its place. There's nothing wrong with rampantly bribing yourself to do chores with things that you like. The reason to go slow and reward yourself, is that while organization brings a feeling of satisfaction, it's possible to burn out, and seesaw between frantically trying to clean and being exhausted with it while the mess piles up, and stressed out either way. Doing it gradually, and developing it into habit is just way more relaxed. Once it's under control, maintenance cleaning is much easier, and a matter of routine. Always choose goals that are easily achievable, too, so you don't get discouraged. For example, if the whole fridge in one go seems intimidating, just everytime you open the refrigerator door, remove a single thing or two that doesn't need to be in there. Say you eat three meals a day, in a week, you'll have removed at least 21 things from the fridge (in addition to the things you ate). Besides, I'm sure everyone opens the door to the fridge more than just three times a day. How often do you walk through rooms? Apply this same principle, and you'll have it clean by little bits at a time quicker than you think...

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Good for you, moan!  If you haven't heard of flylady, check her out.  She's got lots of really simple, helpful ideas for cleaning and de-cluttering: http://www.flylady.net/

 

Her 31-day beginner plan is pretty good: http://www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/31-beginner-babysteps/

 

Be free!

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Thank you guys for your support.

 

And I had to smile when I read your post Directionless :)

 

Yes Deidre it is that somehow especially my kitchen resembles my inner life...pretty well. And it is also why I don't like someone seeing it. Ha. And I am taking care of my inner self but it will take its time and I really don't want to have involuntary pets by then...that's why I beat myself up over it. There are ants already though they got access to my kitchen through a black berry bush that is overgrowing and should be cut down by the owner of the house.

 

And I want to add: It is not the first time I try to get organized...

Checklists never worked with me, neither have setting goals or doing one thing at a time.

With the paper stuff I tried folders, bins, file drawers...

 

And I do get to a certain point once in a while when it is kinda more cleaned up but never as cleaned up as I wish it to be.

Social pressure has been the only effective thing to get going. With most things actually. It is weird.

I procrastinate with everything. Going to bed, getting up, taking a shower...and I have the worst job for a procrastinator like me. Because I can. But if there are social events and people involved it helps. It is just that I have not that many people in my life and those I have have lives on their own so it is not that easy to plan enough social events to keep me going. I am even thinking of moving in with flatmates again...but at the same time I am afraid because the last time I had flatmates it was a constant struggle with people moving in and out...the fear of people moving out and not finding replacements or the landlord not accepting any more moving in and out...and the fear of someone not paying rent and being left paying for this person etc. It has been quite stressful to me and the reason I wanted to end that story.

 

Margee thank you so much. I think I feel so ashamed because it is something that can't just be hidden...haha. When I have a date there is always this thought: What if he sees my home and how I live...will he not just be like: OMG, no way, never will I move in with this girl.

 

But oh, I got about two and a half hour until I need to get ready to go to work so...get to do my kitchen and see what else.

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Thank you Human

 

Actually I try to find ways to help myself with it. Like I wanted to get a dish washer but my dad did not want me to get one...it is family property and I am renting so he has the final say...actually that has been the reason I thought about moving out and finding another place and telling my flatmate made her panic and look for another place and shwooops out she was.

 

But at the moment I can't afford to move and I won't find a place that is as reasonable as this one. So I decided to stay and try to keep up with the dishes and all...just washed the dishes of the past two weeks.

Washing the dishes bothers me not just because it has to be done. It is more like there is not enough hot water and I have to make an artificial pause for the water to get hot again. And the method of how I wash the dishes does not matter...not enough hot water anyways. Which is strange because I can fill two bath tops with enough hot water.

 

Another funny thing is, that I usually plan to wash the dishes right away but then I find this and that to do and time passes and I completely FORGET that there where dishes to wash.

 

Whatever. I washed the dishes. So I have plates again, ha. And glasses.

 

So tomorrow I want to start with some bedroom stuff like cleaning up the unused side of my bed so I can wash the linens.

 

And now I start to get ready for work.

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