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What Are You Favourite Lame Christian Excuses?


Castiel233
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Most of us are aware of Christ’s instructions for Christians to give away what is asked of them. David “really a lizard” Cameron, when asked by a British Christian group what he though of such a teaching replied….”it’s a hard one”….in other words he has no intention of following it, even though he self identifies as a believer in the Christian God and has called for Christians to be more muscular in their Christianity in the UK.

So I wondered how other slaves of Jesus square the circle of kissing His arse while ignoring His commands. I had a look on the internet to see what I could find.

 

One man on his own website, while loving Jesus ever so much stated that asking for money is against federal law. Not being an American I don't know if that is true or not (and I am not in the mood to sit through the US penal codes)……..So here we have a Bible basher, with God as His master, claiming it would seem,that  secular law overrules Biblical rules……if you don't like them.

 

One woman on a different site offered her wisdom. She said (in effect). “Although the Lord instructs us to give what is asked of us, including money, I am sure He would not want us to give money to someone who might spend it on sin” (Biblical citation needed) “So if anyone asks me for money I offer to buy them a Bible Study Guide Instead” Gee, just what a starving homeless guy fucking needs.

 

Guess what Christians. Jesus wants you to give to those who ask of Ye. I should think He is as sick of your hypocrisy as the rest of us.

 

GIVE TO THOSE THAT ASK IF YE.

 

It’s not a difficult command to follow from your God is it...you blank eyed mind rapists

 

P.S

 

Proof that the current British Prime minister is a lizard to be found here:

 

 http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/oct/16/charlie-brooker-cameron-a-lizard

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 do what you want, when you want, and only if you want. And let Jesus pick up the slack.

Well when you put it that way it sounds so easy : )

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The one that pisses me off most is the "mysterious ways" excuse. Any time you back a Christian into a corner, he or she retreats to the "mysterious ways" exit. Ask them, "Why does God allow/cause  [insert your favorite horror here: ebola, child rape, cancer, etc. etc.]."

 

We just don't understand God's plan because it's all mysterious.

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Following God's leading.  "God has led me to...." or "God has not led me to......" 

Within my church people were being led by god to help out each other of the same social class but they were not led of god to help outcasts.  I did not see any church member "led" to mental institutions and most avoided the severe disabled like the plague.  I got fed up with the hypocrisy.  God is leading you to minister to the beautiful people of social standing.  Why isn't he leading you to the Down Syndrome people, don't they need help more?  A-mum got god's leading a lot but it almost always led to stuff that seeking higher social status and seeking attention. 

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Gods way are not our ways, His thoughts are much higher than ours, just read The Bible (but please don't actually)

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One of them is in my avatar.

 

"I don't hate Joe/Jane, I hate that he/she chooses to be gay because god says it's an abomination. "

 

You might want to put down that 3rd cheesebruger when you say that. Your god calls eating too much an abomination as well.

 

 

Another one that makes me bristle is "Who are we to question anything god does or says."

 

So, your god is a bully and tyrant, who sets you up to fail from the word go, and demands you not question him?

 

And lastly "The New Testament is spiritual, the Old was when god was working with a physical people, so he had to deal with them in a physical way."

 

That last one needs to comment from me. Wendytwitch.gif

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Oh yes! I love when I bring up something ridiculous or brutal or hypocritical from the old testament and I'm told, "That's from the OLD testament. When Jesus came he changed everything." A certain relative of mine is great for that one. :(

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Not a favorite, but one I hear often that disturbs me...

When a child dies and the grieving parents ask, why did God take their child, and someone answers because God needed another angel in heaven.

 

My girlfriend's sister died in a car crash and her parents clung to the idea that God called her home. The mom even has a license plate frame that she got after the death that says "God Is Good All The Time". 

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Oh yes! I love when I bring up something ridiculous or brutal or hypocritical from the old testament and I'm told, "That's from the OLD testament. When Jesus came he changed everything." A certain relative of mine is great for that one. sad.png

 

It is one of their favourite go-to's for OT horrors. However, they also say that the reason the law couldn't save was because it was physical (and conveniently why they don't have to follow it). So this god gave the ot'ers a physical law, which couldn't save them (because spiritual jesus and all that) and then punished them for doing what they were told to do under threat of horrifying punishment. It's like some obcene religio-victim blaming.

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A Christian will claim to be a new creation, born again, filled with the living God, a vessel of the supernatural, etc.

 

But when they get caugh sinning they say "I'm only human!"

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I "love" the Pauline excuse when ur question bout god or his ways is too difficult or bests the biblical answer and they go,"and who are you O man to ( argue ,question or contest ) with god".

 

Fuck right off!

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Following God's leading.  "God has led me to...." or "God has not led me to......" 

Within my church people were being led by god to help out each other of the same social class but they were not led of god to help outcasts.  I did not see any church member "led" to mental institutions and most avoided the severe disabled like the plague.  I got fed up with the hypocrisy.  God is leading you to minister to the beautiful people of social standing.  Why isn't he leading you to the Down Syndrome people, don't they need help more?  A-mum got god's leading a lot but it almost always led to stuff that seeking higher social status and seeking attention.

Exactly, rach. Because actually living the way Jesus instructed would be too inconvenient, Christians justify being picky and choosy by saying, "I feel led" or "I don't feel led" by God/the Lord, to do or not do this or that. It's using the holy spirit as a cover or justification for one's personal preferences, while still appearing to be obedient to God.

 

 

Yes true, but I also think the Christian lifestyle and charity makes itself out to be too exhausting. Not to mention unrealistic. I heard people use the "I don't feel led and/or called by God" many, many times. 

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When the discussion is about the philosophic/ethical issue of hell and the problem of evil, they say there is plenty of evidence for their religion being true so it's your own fault and you send yourself to hell if you don't believe.

 

When the discussion is about evidence/proof for Christianity, they either give the standard "but it's based on faith!" speech or provide PRATTs.

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Probably the usual, the whole "God works in mysterious ways."

I heard that one so many times while trying to get a grip on my best friend's death due to cancer.

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It bothers me when christians blame bad behavior or difficult situations on satan. No, it wasn't a demon making you act like an immature brat. Now take responsibility for your life and work on your personality!

 

And I'm pretty sure The Lord of Darkness would have better things to do than screw with your day through minor annoyances.

 

Edited to add: Satin, on the other hand, is a jerk and will ruin my day every time I have to use it on a project. If you sew, you know how I feel.

 

Obscure rants are kinda my thing.

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"When god says no to a prayer, it's because he knows what is better for you."

 

Starving mother praying for food for her child.  "No."  

 

Fuck that shit.

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I can't think of any excuses to get out of following Jesus right now, but if you ask most Xian women why they don't wear headdresses while praying, or why they wear jewelry and makeup, or why they talk in church (even sometimes teach bible lessons), they'll say it was "The Culture" that required women to be modest and subservient.

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Another one that makes me bristle is "Who are we to question anything god does or says."

 

So, your god is a bully and tyrant, who sets you up to fail from the word go, and demands you not question him?

 

And lastly "The New Testament is spiritual, the Old was when god was working with a physical people, so he had to deal with them in a physical way."

 

That last one needs to comment from me. Wendytwitch.gif

 

Those never fail to infuriate me. I got them a lot in youth group, when I asked questions and the leader/other people actually said that biblegod can do whatever he wants because he is gawd and we are merely things to which he was gracious enough to give life. Isn't there a point when they would say, enough is enough, he's gone too far this time?

 

Obviously not. They already think it's okay for him to torture people for eternity because they were born on the wrong side of the globe. It makes me want to punch them all in the face.

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"When god says no to a prayer, it's because he knows what is better for you."

 

Starving mother praying for food for her child.  "No."  

 

Fuck that shit.

 

Ooooh, I think this is my favorite one to hate.

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"When god says no to a prayer, it's because he knows what is better for you."

 

Starving mother praying for food for her child. "No."

 

Fuck that shit.

Ooooh, I think this is my favorite one to hate.

I heard a variation of this one. Someone was telling me how god had led them to their soon to be spouse. Was hard not to roll my eyes and wonder why god will lead them to the person they are allowed to have church sanctioned sexy fun times with, but won't lead starving children to a sandwich.

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"When god says no to a prayer, it's because he knows what is better for you."

 

Starving mother praying for food for her child. "No."

 

Fuck that shit.

Ooooh, I think this is my favorite one to hate.

I heard a variation of this one. Someone was telling me how god had led them to their soon to be spouse. Was hard not to roll my eyes and wonder why god will lead them to the person they are allowed to have church sanctioned sexy fun times with, but won't lead starving children to a sandwich.

 

 

And we can roll with this all day.

 

"God totally helped me get a first class plane ticket for my trip to Hawaii, thanks God!" vs

 

"I prayed that my baby's test results would be negative, but she has painful, terminal, inoperable cancer all over her body. I guess it's God's will because he knows best."

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