Positive Thread To Support Ex-Cs With Depression Struggles At The Moment

[Guest]

Thanks. Unfotunately, I can't have pets where I live. I miss my doggie, but right now a dog for me would be extra stress anyway with having to walk him several times a day, especially in winter. And unfair to him with the long hours I work. A kitty would seem like a good solution but I am severely allergic.

 

I feel your pain here.  I had to put my dog down in 2009, and my work schedule just doesn't allow me to have a dog either.  I am so allergic to cats I will get a reaction if someone who owns them opens their guitar case and pulls the guitar out.

 

I'm currently dog sitting for a friend who is out of town (summer is my semi slow season and I have a more regular schedule) and I forgot how much trouble a dog can be in an apartment.  It has been 17 years since I had a dog in an apartment and I forgot just how easy it is to open the back door and let them do their thing in a fenced in yard in a suburban neighborhood.  Having to walk them 4 times a day is a real PITA, and I'm glad I had this experience because I have been jonesin' for a dog recently…Now I know it is still not time yet.

[moanareina]

That strong chocolate stuff is really good. I buy myself a bar of 90% every now and then. To me, chocolate in that high of a concentration tastes almost fruity. I didn't know it was addictive though.

 

I can't stand that sugared sweet chocolate "normal" people eat anymore...love the slightly bitter taste of it (though there are differences and I go with the mild ones...).

There are different tastes according to the region the cacao beans come from. I got to taste two 100% chocolates when I was in the US. One I could not stand, the other one I bought but ate too quickly, haha.

 

I guess what I perceive as addictive is that when I wake up one of the first things I am thinking is: I need some chocolate. And I go get breakfast and my daily ration of it...and during the day I am like: I could eat some more. When I give in, I can eat half a bar or during the day a whole. That's what I don't want to and why I forbid myself to get more...

But I am sure if I stopped (oh yes...what all addicted say, ha but I know I quit other addictions cold turkey like chewing gums...if that counts ) I would get over it quite fast. So I added this because I don't want to be responsible when someone gets fat because he can't contain himself...

[directionless]

(1) I close the door to my office so I don't have to hear and see everybody feeling happy and peppy.

 

(2) Sometimes I stare at some vines and flowers and birds in a McDonald's parking lot.

 

(3) I feel better if I don't eat until evening, but often I have some sugary drinks in the morning.

 

(4) I ride my exercise bike every day if possible.

 

(5) Drinking lots of water sometimes helps.

 

(6) I experimented with SAM-e and sometimes it seemed to help a bit.

[Margee]

The suggestions here are fantastic. Thank you to everyone who is being so honest about what you are going through. I've been going through a very tough time for awhile now. I do not have success with antidepressants. My depression is mostly caused by 'situations' and I have a lot of 'situations' going on right now that I am dealing with one at a time.
 
 
I am trying 'niacin' therapy right now, actually recommended by my doctor. Niacin is part of  b-complex and very important for the brain to function properly. It helps to fire the neurons in a better way. The flush from niacin is horrible (I am totally used to it now)  but I think I am feeling a slight difference in my brain power right now. Niacin makes the brain work better. It's only been a  couple of weeks.  I started with 500 mg. in divided doses of 5 times a day. I am up to 750 mg now. I feel as if I am getting my 'fighting' power back. Here is some articles for those who may want to look into this. I'll let you know how I am feeling as time goes by. Of course, I am doing all the other things that can help....eating right, exercising, trying to practice 'acceptance' about life itself, etc.....
 
There is tons of articles and research being done on this vitamin. The hospitals use it (and have for a long time) for heart disease.
 
http://europepmc.org/abstract/MED/11695079
 
Read this and check out the video.
 
http://www.foodmatters.tv/articles-1/how-to-take-niacin-vitamin-b3-for-depression-and-anxiety
 
http://www.doctoryourself.com/hoffer_niacin.html
 
http://starkravingflab.blogspot.ca/2012/07/my-personal-experience-with-niacin-and.html

Abram Hoffer, M.D, niacin and depression and addictions

[RealityCheck]

Depression is one of those issues that doesn't have a single solution for me.  Sometimes you can remedy the situation by eliminating depressing factors in your life.  I've made some massive changes over the last 2 years and it seems to help.  I can go into details but it seems most of them were covered by other posters to this thread.  Sleep is another factor that many seem to overlook.  I recently moved to a different part of the country but had to return home because I became extremely depressed from sleep deprivation.

I'm still afflicted with this condition, it's not as dire as it has been in the past but now the only logical course of action I have is medication.  If one solution doesn't work for you please don't give up.

[violetbutterfly]

Margee, about the niacin...I've recently started going the more natural health and wellness route to try to help not only my depression but my lifelong struggles with autoimmune and digestive issues. One of the things I have been doing is methylated B12 (I have a MTHFR gene snp which can affect your body's ability to absorb and properly use vitamins) and niacin. I'm also taking other various vitamins and digestive enzymes and avoiding trigger foods. I just started taking the B12, and supposedly it can affect mood and neurotransmitters, so maybe this will be of some help.

 

I can get on board with the dark chocolate. I love it as well. I agree that the commercial stuff is really too sweet. I cut out refined sugar a while ago and once you do that your tastebuds adapt.

 

Thank you for all the support here. I have good days and bad days. It just takes getting through the worst ones.

 

Oh, and I thought this was a good article to counteract all the awful ones that have been going around:

 

There's Nothing Selfish About Suicide

[Travi]

I just keep wondering where all the hope and all the help is. That's all you hear...there is help, there is hope.

 

Right now I wish all the fucks people would give if I was dead, they would give right now. I'm so sick of being invisible and alone. I'm so sick of people telling me to just smile. That it's not that bad. You have no fucking idea how bad it is. How I want to give up every night.

 

I want to find people who are as fucked up and as broken as I am. I can't stand trying and pretending to be normal among normal people, becuase that's not who I am. I know there are other people in pain. Where are all these people in real life? 

 

I think it's the lonliness that gets me.

 

I live alone. I'm currently not in a relationship. I work odd hours and have rotating days off. I am home and awake when everyone else is alseep. This makes it difficult for me to do things like meet up with friends for dinner or join any kind of club or class or league that has a set schedule. This has also caused me to lose touch with my friends who work traditional hours. So I constantly feel isolated and alone. I do everything alone...wake up alone, go to sleep alone, go grocery shopping alone. I'm always alone. Even if I do go out, I come home by myself to an empty house.

 

When I hear things about "living in the now" I think about how this moment is just another moment I'm wasting by sitting here alone wondering when it all went wrong.

 

I guess my positive contributions are similar to everyone else's.

 

I work out, do yoga, try to eat healthy, avoid alcohol, go to therapy, treat myself to massages, etc. I don't know that any of it helps the debilitating lonliness though. Removing the guilt of Christianity has helped somewhat, but I still have a lot to work though, especially the self-hated.

Things can always seem really bleak when dealing with depression. I dealt with it for many years, still do - especially when I think about the being alone part. I, too, am single - but I've always had a thing about leaving my phone on at all times incase people I know need to get in touch with me. I've had many call me in the wee hours of the morning to talk about something that is torturing them.

 

But I know the feeling, go to sleep alone, wake up alone, do everything alone. I look around and see all the happy people in relationships and just sigh as to why I can't have that same kind of happiness. Instead, I always find the users, the abusers, the cheaters, and the standups. I also know the feeling of alienation by your friends.

 

I'm not sure how comfortable you are with the idea, but I offer my friendship to you if you so wish. I seem to think I can be a good person to vent to, willing to listen, and offer advice to help you out. I don't like seeing people suffer as you are in the throes of such a condition because, if there is one thing I seem to enjoy doing in this life, is listening and trying to be a pillar of support for folks, even ones that I hardly know. Just know that there are people out there who would be very saddened by you ending it all, including folks like us who don't like to see lives thrown away so needlessly.

 

But just know that I will be amongst the many willing to offer you support if you so wish. Keep your chin up!

[Sophrosyne]

Some people say comedians use humor to cope with depression. It's ironic because I'd assume their lives would be going pretty well considering their cheerful attitude and ability to take things lightly. I guess laughing and making people laugh helps them get by.

 

I hope that his death will bring more awareness to depression and help people see that even those who don't appear to be sad can still succumb to it.

 

Things that have helped me are similar to what others have shared - exercising, getting out and staying involved in social activities, eating healthy, coping with stress effectively, & having a pet. I think pets can help people when they have low days.

When I'm feeling down, I try to watch what music I listen to. Some lyrics tend to make me feel worse.

[directionless]

Somebody in another thread suggested this forum:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/

 

The people there seem to be more supportive than other forums where I've tried to discussion psychological issues.

 

Also, I tend to use this forum when I'm depressed. Sometimes trying to focus on composing my thoughts in a post can help get my brain unstuck.

[Margee]

Some people say comedians use humor to cope with depression. It's ironic because I'd assume their lives would be going pretty well considering their cheerful attitude and ability to take things lightly. I guess laughing and making people laugh helps them get by.

 

 

 I believe you are so right about comedians. I remember very well when my dad left my mom and my sister and Mom couldn't stop crying. I became the clown. I would stand on my head to make them laugh. i tried to be a clown my whole life to make people laugh. I smile through every depression I have ever gone though. (except when I'm by myself) Most people do not know when I am depressed. I am a phony because of my pride..I suffer in silence most of the time. Pride gets in the way of MANY people - not just me. It's embarrassing to admit you are depressed. 

 

I don't want to be ashamed of it anymore and I think threads like this should be started all over the world to help people not be embarrassed of a certain loss you are feeling inside. I hope that Robin Williams suicide opens thousands of people eyes because we have an epidemic of depression in this world right now!! Robin can therefore continue, even through his death, to be the 'hero' that he was.

 

Hugs

[moanareina]

One thing I wanted to add but forgot and now thought about again:

 

Somehow I made a deal with myself. If I ever get suicidal (like above the point I just muse about the meaning of my existence and being tired of this life) I will buy an airplane ticket to the Caribbean, go to the jungle or wherever I feel...get lost or whatever. Also I have found the most beautiful places where it would be easy to perform it. One is a river that goes underground and if you jump in there you ll be lost for good. No rescue, you bump your head on the rocks and pass out, then drown.

This deal kinda gives me that: Oh, I need to get on the internet, buy a ticket and all of that...well, tomorrow...tomorrow I ll see. I think even if I get to that point in the future...buying a ticket and getting packed and going to the airport, having a 16 hour trip, getting off that plane into the caribbean sun, would also blow some sense to my mind and I would come back home save or find a new life there or...most likely...not even be going. Now I hope that I never even reach that state of mind because what sounds nice in theory isn't always what works.

[Margee]

A  good word from Robin Williams.......

[Deidre]

Free, I think this is a wonderful thread. I don't feel like I struggle with depression on a continuum, but it happens as Margee states, as a result of perhaps events or situations. For example, when I have job stress or the recent break up with my bf, I shut everyone out. Friends try to encourage me, or support me, but I sort of go it alone. I've been that way most of my life. Internalizing stress and worry, can inadvertently create depression.

 

So, it's important to turn to people when you're down, don't close off or shut out caring people who want to help. Plus, everyone has problems, maybe differently that what you're experiencing, but we are in this together, so to speak. Sharing with others helps me a lot more than when I try to go it alone.

 

On a physical level, I exercise a lot, take yoga classes, and eat pretty healthy, overall. It helps a lot, and when I eat like crap or whatever, it lessens my ability to cope with stress. But, tonight I went out for a few drinks with friends, venting about my breakup and work related stress. One drink, led to another...and that doesn't help, honestly. For the next day, you end up hung over, and feel lousy. :/

 

Getting adequate sleep too can help with stress, worry and depression. I lack here, wish I could get better quality sleep.

 

Honestly, my down moments mainly come from worry. I've been a chronic worrier most of my life, although i've been better, it can still get the better of me. I'm going to get into more meditative exercises this weekend, and going forward, and see if that dissipates my worry.

 

That's just some things that I thought of tossing into the hat, here.

 

Hugs for everyone going through anything right now. <3

[Brother Jeff]

Bless the Lard for this glorious thread! Wish the Spook of Kryasst who is also somehow magically Him had magically caused me to run across it sooner but oh well... I have been writing and thinking a lot about depression and suicide since Robin Williams died. A little over three years ago I went through a severe bipolar depressive episode and had to spend a week in the hospital. I was severely depressed and extremely suicidal. I got through it with the help of mental health professionals, but also with the help of the wonderful people on this glorious site, who really care. Here is the thread from May of 2011:

 

http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/45970-suicide/

 

Some of those people aren't around here anymore, but their love and support still means a whole lot to me. 

 

As far as what I do to manage my bipolar disorder... I eat healthy most of the time and I usually get a lot of exercise. I live in Anchorage, Alaska, so I have easy access to incredible scenery and hiking and biking trails year round. I have spent a lot of this summer biking all over Anchorage when the weather has allowed, but I have also gone on a few wilderness hikes. That's my spirituality now, is communing with Nature, usually all alone on miles of wilderness trails surrounded by incredible natural beauty. I have lived here for ten years, and the scenery never gets old. I am still awed, and I love it! During the winter months, I am not so active outdoors, but I do go on occasional winter hikes and if the conditions are good for it and my knees are feeling up to it, I will snowshoe occasionally. That's fun too, but a couple of years ago I almost broke my leg four miles out in the Alaskan wilderness in extremely cold 5 degree Fahrenheit weather. I was all alone. What a situation that would have been... but the Lard was magically with me and I remained safe. Glory!

 

In the past, I have been tried on many psychiatric drugs. The list of drugs that didn't work for me is long. The last drug I was on, Geodon, I recently had to stop taking because it was causing cardiac issues. Having a racing, pounding heart at the age of 48 is not a good thing... so far I am feeling fine without the Geodon. Been off of it for more than a week now. I can do quite well without medication, but it does mean that I have to monitor my moods more carefully and be more careful about my diet and exercise habits. And sleep... getting good sleep is super important. I don't sleep great because I have a condition called diabetes insipidus that makes me pee a lot. Has nothing to do with sugar diabetes. It just makes you pee a lot. I am on medication for that, but I'm still up at least once a night to go and then have trouble getting back to sleep. Still playing with the medication dosage and timing for this condition though, so there is hope for improvement and better sleep...

 

Anyway, bless the Lard again, and I hope that was helpful... Glory!

[Deidre]

A  good word from Robin Williams.......

 

thanks Margee!

[Brother Jeff]

A  good word from Robin Williams.......

 

 

Thanks so much for sharing this, Sister Margee! Robin Williams will indeed be fondly remembered for a long time to come... I'm old enough to remember him as the hilarious Mork from Ork on the old "Mork & Mindy" TV show. I loved him in that role, and that's how I choose to remember him...

[Brother Jeff]

The other day when I posted, I forgot to mention chia seeds! They are loaded with Omega-3 fatty acids that are so important for brain function and mental health. Those have been a glorious miracle for me! I add them to my Shakeology smoothies for breakfast, and rarely skip a day. Since I have added chia seeds to my diet, I have not been depressed. I was depressed for three days while I was on vacation in Texas in 2013, and that was when I was out of chia seeds. Otherwise, I have been feeling great. I also occasionally drink kombucha tea with chia seeds in it. I am working on a bottle of it right now! Bless the Lard again for this glorious thread, and Glory!

[Brother Jeff]

Thanks again for starting this glorious thread, Sister! Hasn't seen much action today, but I hope it helps a lot of people... glorious idea! Glory!

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Thanks again for starting this glorious thread, Sister! Hasn't seen much action today, but I hope it helps a lot of people... glorious idea! Glory!

Glory!

[FreeThinkerNZ]

[Brother Jeff]

Thanks for sharing the glorious pic, Sister! Wish our threads about mental health were getting more attention and action but... it's a difficult subject that is hard to deal with, and many people who have never had to face it just can't relate to the suffering depression and mental illness causes. My topics haven't gotten much action or many responses either. Frustrating, but still understandable...

[Brother Jeff]

 

I'm sure the statistics are similar in other countries... 

[Lucynia]

I wish I had time to respond more to the various threads on mental health, but I just have too much on my plate right now. I don't want to just give quick, shallow answers to such an important topic.

 

I feel bad I can't do more right now, but that's part of me staying in a good mental state. I realized that I tend to overcommit and then get overwhelmed, which leads to a shame spiral.

 

Also I'm reluctant to offer too much advice here, because I don't want it to delay people from seeking professional advice on their situation. It's helpful to hear from those who are in a similar place or have been there in the past. I've just seen people avoid going to a doctor or counselor because they are busy self diagnosing.

 

Hope this gets more attention, it seems to be a typical issue for ex c's.

[Margee]

It's a beautiful sunny day here and I just called a friend to go for a nice hour long walk around one of the beautiful lakes in our city. I am making a vow to myself this fall AND winter to get out of this house as much as I can into the fresh air. So here I go trying to break the cycle of isolation that I have created in my own life. 

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Good on you, Margee.

 

I am looking for ideas for mood-enhancing activities that are healthy and sustainable, especially for those times when I can't exercise due to injury.  So I will be re-reading this thread, and if others have any suggestions please add them.  Thanks