Positive Thread To Support Ex-Cs With Depression Struggles At The Moment

[Margee]

I am feeling overwhelming bipolar fear and paranoia right now. I am afraid of losing people here as friends. They have to keep re-assuring me that everything is okay. I am sure I am wearing one person here out, but she is my friend. I have to keep telling myself that. 

 

I went to the hospital last night, but they didn't think I was ill enough to be admitted. But I had taken a huge dose of Xanax earlier. I was SO driving under the influence. It was almost like being drunk. I was so out of it on the Xanax at the hospital that all I could do was sleep. I couldn't convince them that I was ill enough to stay there.

 

I HATE FEELING THIS WAY!!! The FEAR and the PARANOIA are overwhelming.

 

Just ask for what you need  Jeff and we will tell you how loved you are!!  

 

Whoever needs a hug tonight...from me.....Hug! 

[Brother Jeff]

 

I am feeling overwhelming bipolar fear and paranoia right now. I am afraid of losing people here as friends. They have to keep re-assuring me that everything is okay. I am sure I am wearing one person here out, but she is my friend. I have to keep telling myself that. 

 

I went to the hospital last night, but they didn't think I was ill enough to be admitted. But I had taken a huge dose of Xanax earlier. I was SO driving under the influence. It was almost like being drunk. I was so out of it on the Xanax at the hospital that all I could do was sleep. I couldn't convince them that I was ill enough to stay there.

 

I HATE FEELING THIS WAY!!! The FEAR and the PARANOIA are overwhelming.

 

Just ask for what you need  Jeff and we will tell you how loved you are!!

 

Whoever needs a hug tonight...from me.....Hug! 

 

 

Thanks, Sister Margee! Glory!

[Brother Jeff]

I went to the NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) meeting yesterday. I was SO mentally ill and so miserable. I hadn't had good sleep in a very long time and other things had my stress levels THROUGH THE ROOF. I was filled with FEAR and PARANOIA. I fell apart in the middle of the meeting and ended up crying in front of everybody. I NEVER cry in front of other people. But I guess a NAMI meeting is a good place to fall apart, lol... a friend drove me to the hospital. I cried in her car and I cried at the hospital too in the ER.

 

I am MUCH better now, after about 15 hours of so of deep sleep at the hospital. They gave me safe drugs to make it happen.

 

I am home and I am safe and I am okay.

[buffettphan]

GLORY!!!  I am so glad you got a good night's sleep and are feeling better.  Thanks for letting us know that you're back home, safe and okay.   We love you! LOTS!   

[Brother Jeff]

GLORY!!!  I am so glad you got a good night's sleep and are feeling better.  Thanks for letting us know that you're back home, safe and okay.   We love you! LOTS!   

 

Thanks so much, Sister! Glory!

[Brother Jeff]

I was manic as hell, what, yesterday? Two days ago? I can't remember anymore. I was manic for a couple of months with various symptoms going on. While I was at the hospital, I told the nurse that I wanted to go to sleep and I didn't care if I ever woke up again. She told me that that indicated that I was suicidal. I can't write about this without crying. I am spiraling down, and I cannot handle another severe depression. That would land me in API (Alaska Psychiatric Institute) and that place is an absolute hellhole. It sucks, but if I end up there, and this one particular nurse/whatever is there, I'm going to kick his ass if he says so much as a word me. I still remember his behavior toward me in 2011 and if I hadn't just had back surgery months before, I would have decked him hard then. I avoided a fight then because of my back issues, but I wouldn't do so now. I'm not normally a violent person at all. Hell, I haven't raised a hand to hurt anyone since the last Jr. High schoolyard fight I was involved in. But this guy seriously deserved to have his ass kicked, and I'm still mad about it 3-1/2 years later if I happen to think about it. But I am mentally ill right now. Everything I feel, I feel INTENSELY.

 

I don't really want to die, but it would not bother me if I just never woke up again. The battle than never ends with bipolar disorder would be over. 

 

I am paranoid as hell about posting this.

 

I see my doctor tomorrow morning at 9:30 am. She may want to hospitalize me. That would mean API, and I would say HELL NO. I am open to trying new medicine, though...

[Margee]

I was manic as hell, what, yesterday? Two days ago? I can't remember anymore. I was manic for a couple of months with various symptoms going on. While I was at the hospital, I told the nurse that I wanted to go to sleep and I didn't care if I ever woke up again. She told me that that indicated that I was suicidal. I can't write about this without crying. I am spiraling down, and I cannot handle another severe depression. That would land me in API (Alaska Psychiatric Institute) and that place is an absolute hellhole. It sucks, but if I end up there, and this one particular nurse/whatever is there, I'm going to kick his ass if he says so much as a word me. I still remember his behavior toward me in 2011 and if I hadn't just had back surgery months before, I would have decked him hard then. I avoided a fight then because of my back issues, but I wouldn't do so now. I'm not normally a violent person at all. Hell, I haven't raised a hand to hurt anyone since the last Jr. High schoolyard fight I was involved in. But this guy seriously deserved to have his ass kicked, and I'm still mad about it 3-1/2 years later if I happen to think about it. But I am mentally ill right now. Everything I feel, I feel INTENSELY.

 

I don't really want to die, but it would not bother me if I just never woke up again. The battle than never ends with bipolar disorder would be over. 

 

I am paranoid as hell about posting this.

 

I see my doctor tomorrow morning at 9:30 am. She may want to hospitalize me. That would mean API, and I would say HELL NO. I am open to trying new medicine, though...

It's going to be alright Jeff. Hang in there and see if you can get some sleep. Positive thoughts coming your way..... Keep posting all your feelings negative or not...we are here for you. We got your back hon. Breatheeeeeee slow. Go put on some favorite meditation music...

 

Hug

[Brother Jeff]

 

I was manic as hell, what, yesterday? Two days ago? I can't remember anymore. I was manic for a couple of months with various symptoms going on. While I was at the hospital, I told the nurse that I wanted to go to sleep and I didn't care if I ever woke up again. She told me that that indicated that I was suicidal. I can't write about this without crying. I am spiraling down, and I cannot handle another severe depression. That would land me in API (Alaska Psychiatric Institute) and that place is an absolute hellhole. It sucks, but if I end up there, and this one particular nurse/whatever is there, I'm going to kick his ass if he says so much as a word me. I still remember his behavior toward me in 2011 and if I hadn't just had back surgery months before, I would have decked him hard then. I avoided a fight then because of my back issues, but I wouldn't do so now. I'm not normally a violent person at all. Hell, I haven't raised a hand to hurt anyone since the last Jr. High schoolyard fight I was involved in. But this guy seriously deserved to have his ass kicked, and I'm still mad about it 3-1/2 years later if I happen to think about it. But I am mentally ill right now. Everything I feel, I feel INTENSELY.

 

I don't really want to die, but it would not bother me if I just never woke up again. The battle than never ends with bipolar disorder would be over. 

 

I am paranoid as hell about posting this.

 

I see my doctor tomorrow morning at 9:30 am. She may want to hospitalize me. That would mean API, and I would say HELL NO. I am open to trying new medicine, though...

It's going to be alright Jeff. Hang in there and see if you can get some sleep. Positive thoughts coming your way..... Keep posting all your feelings negative or not...we are here for you. We got your back hon. Breatheeeeeee slow. Go put on some favorite meditation music...

 

Hug

 

 

Thanks, Sister Margee, very much. 

[Orbit]

I was manic as hell, what, yesterday? Two days ago? I can't remember anymore. I was manic for a couple of months with various symptoms going on. While I was at the hospital, I told the nurse that I wanted to go to sleep and I didn't care if I ever woke up again. She told me that that indicated that I was suicidal. I can't write about this without crying. I am spiraling down, and I cannot handle another severe depression. That would land me in API (Alaska Psychiatric Institute) and that place is an absolute hellhole. It sucks, but if I end up there, and this one particular nurse/whatever is there, I'm going to kick his ass if he says so much as a word me. I still remember his behavior toward me in 2011 and if I hadn't just had back surgery months before, I would have decked him hard then. I avoided a fight then because of my back issues, but I wouldn't do so now. I'm not normally a violent person at all. Hell, I haven't raised a hand to hurt anyone since the last Jr. High schoolyard fight I was involved in. But this guy seriously deserved to have his ass kicked, and I'm still mad about it 3-1/2 years later if I happen to think about it. But I am mentally ill right now. Everything I feel, I feel INTENSELY

 

I don't really want to die, but it would not bother me if I just never woke up again. The battle than never ends with bipolar disorder would be over. 

 

I am paranoid as hell about posting this.

 

I see my doctor tomorrow morning at 9:30 am. She may want to hospitalize me. That would mean API, and I would say HELL NO. I am open to trying new medicine, though...

Hang in there Bro Jeff--we all love you!

[Brother Jeff]

I just took a huge dose of Xanax -- 8 mg. I will be asleep soon. Maybe dead. I don't want to hurt anybody. I just don't want to FEEL anything. I can't stand how I feel right now. I don't want to think, know or feel anything at all. I told my doctor that I had been having suicidal thoughts. But she didn't know how bad they were. They knew at the hospital that I was having suicidal thinking. I am going to bed. If I wake up again, fine. If I don't, I really don't care...

 

If anyone wants to call me, if I am coherent. 907-258-2227. I live in Anchorage, Alaska. I don't care to make that public. I trust everyone here.

[Orbit]

I just took a huge dose of Xanax -- 8 mg. I will be asleep soon. Maybe dead. I don't want to hurt anybody. I just don't want to FEEL anything. I can't stand how I feel right now. I don't want to think, know or feel anything at all. I told my doctor that I had been having suicidal thoughts. But she didn't know how bad they were. They knew at the hospital that I was having suicidal thinking. I am going to bed. If I wake up again, fine. If I don't, I really don't care...

Well Bro Jeff, the good news is that 8mg of Xanax won't kill you. But if you are so upset that you need to take that much, you should take yourself back to the hospital. We all care about you here and want you to get the help you need to get better.

[amateur]

Hey, Brother Jeff, please post again when you wake up, ok?  For real, let us know that you've gotten some sleep, and have woken up.  And I know with depression it's hard to feel anything but uncaring about everything, and I know that someone saying "I care about you" may have no meaning, but, hey, I care about you, and so do others here.  And I understand what you've said about not caring if you wake up because then you won't have to deal with mental illness anymore.  I get that, and I get what you mean, and I always know that what you deal with is 100x more than anything I've ever dealt with.  But I care about you anyway.  So let us know when you wake up.

[Brother Jeff]

I am okay. Drowsy, but okay. A friend from here (whom I won't name) called and we had a good talk. She is awesome. Everybody here is awesome! I have a new idea to work on. Glory!

[Margee]

Hey, Brother Jeff, please post again when you wake up, ok?   But I care about you anyway.  So let us know when you wake up.

 

I just made that phone call to brother Jeff and we talked for a few minutes about depression and the things we can do to combat that monster of emotion when it starts to overpower us. I think he's going to make it through this one. When you wake up Mr. Jeff..... remember to command yourself!!   

 

Let us know you're OK?  We all care.

 

Hug

 

Sister Margee 

[Margee]

Go! Go! Go!!!  

[Overcame Faith]

Hi Brother Jeff. You are on my mind right now!! Please let us know that you are OK.

[Brother Jeff]

I started a support group forum for us Ex-C folks:

 

http://exc-mental-health.info/

 

Nothing there yet, but hopefully it will be helpful. Glory!

[Margee]

I started a support group forum for us Ex-C folks:

 

http://exc-mental-health.info/

 

Nothing there yet, but hopefully it will be helpful. Glory!

I'm there!!

 

Let the discussions and support begin!!  C'mon guys...all you who go through a hard time with depression. It will be our very own private little Ex group!!

 

Hug

 

I'm glad you are feeling better Jeff!!

[buffettphan]

Jeff,

 

I've been out most of the afternoon and evening and just saw your post.  I signed up at your new website because today was one of those days I had to kick my own ass in order to drag myself out of bed.

 

Hang in there my dear friend!

[Avandris]

Are fence-straddlers allowed to join this mental health support group? 

[Margee]

I've made the first post... 

 

Jeff, I think you've done it brother.......

 

Let all the depressed ex-c'ers  join hands and we'll all get through these things in life that we have to go through......

 

Hugs!

[Margee]

Jeff,

 

I've been out most of the afternoon and evening and just saw your post.  I signed up at your new website because today was one of those days I had to kick my own ass in order to drag myself out of bed.

 

Hang in there my dear friend!

Come aboard and bitch with me Buff!! Sorry you had a bad day hon..... hug

[Brother Jeff]

I'm glad the new site is a hit. Glory!

 

I am just finding myself with no will to live. If I wake up, fine. If I don't wake up ever again, I am fine with that too. I am TIRED. Tired of the constant battle to feel good when for others that's just natural. They don't have to fight for it. I want to go to sleep forever, and if I never wake up again I'm fine with that. I don't feel sad. I don't feel much of anything. I am just numb and tired. I hope that makes sense. I need to sleep for a very long time.

[Orbit]

I'm glad the new site is a hit. Glory!

 

I am just finding myself with no will to live. If I wake up, fine. If I don't wake up ever again, I am fine with that too. I am TIRED. Tired of the constant battle to feel good when for others that's just natural. They don't have to fight for it. I want to go to sleep forever, and if I never wake up again I'm fine with that. I don't feel sad. I don't feel much of anything. I am just numb and tired. I hope that makes sense. I need to sleep for a very long time.

Bro Jeff you really need to go to the hospital where you can get some good sleep and support.

[Margee]

I'm glad the new site is a hit. Glory!

 

I am just finding myself with no will to live. If I wake up, fine. If I don't wake up ever again, I am fine with that too. I am TIRED. Tired of the constant battle to feel good when for others that's just natural. They don't have to fight for it. I want to go to sleep forever, and if I never wake up again I'm fine with that. I don't feel sad. I don't feel much of anything. I am just numb and tired. I hope that makes sense. I need to sleep for a very long time.

You sleep brother and when you wake up...get over to the new site you started and We'll all try to support everyone going through a hard time. Please be OK.

 

hug