Parent(S) Further Entrenching Themselves In Jeebus...

[EternalEquinox]

Alright so today my dad is at his church getting baptized. I know nothing about the church itself only that his girlfriend and her family go to it. I have no problem with his new church-love as long as he doesn't become a bible-verse spewing dragon. He hasn't reached that milestone thankfully.

But now he feels the need to tell me that I should join him. I have told him that I don't want to. He's done this ever since he started going to church- attempting to get me to join. He knows I am an atheist but he believes its a phase that can be convinced away with his jeebus knowledge. I've also discovered that he's now up to using guilt tactics to get me to do something churchy with him. Last night he asked me to come to his baptism and said it's an event that means a lot to him. I said, " I don't want to go." He replies, " You hate religion that much?" I said nothing in response. I was afraid to turn it into some debate. 

I do feel a little bad for letting him down but I refuse to be near any religious building, religious sermonizing, or churchy people period because it incites anger, frustration, and a bad headache when I have to tolerate their presence. I do feel I could've handled my situation with my dad a little better but for some reason the ability to better handle religious topics has eluded me. I suppose when enough time has passed that I'll be able to debate confidently like Redneck Prof., have a good grasp of the sciences like other members on here, and a snarky, sarcastic wit so sharp it cuts through everything. 


EDIT: My dad called 20 minutes ago to ask how I was doing and all, which is totally him. He then tells me that he chickened out of the baptism. I also asked my grandma earlier if she had baptized all her kids and she said yes. So I am wondering if the kind of church my dad is going to is one of those born again....I hope not. 

[Guest]

Knowledge of their common tactics and the truth of what their religion actually is and how it evolved really helps in a debate, but it doesn't keep my anger or inability to keep calm in check most times.  I get extremely frustrated in religious debates too because you can show them, "do the math", look stuff up, do everything to prove them wrong and they just come back with "it's faith".  Faith is not something to be admired or respected.  I think it is to be pitied.

[Lilith666]

I've also discovered that he's now up to using guilt tactics to get me to do something churchy with him. Last night he asked me to come to his baptism and said it's an event that means a lot to him. I said, " I don't want to go." He replies, " You hate religion that much?" I said nothing in response. I was afraid to turn it into some debate.

 

Oh, bleedin Jeezus. I hate that. Hate it. How can people stoop so low that they will try to make their own children feel guilty and disloyal for choosing what they want to do and believe? Everyone has the right to decide what happens in her or his own life, and no one should ever attempt to decide that for him/her or force anyone into anything. He should accept your statement that you aren't interested and leave it at that. I would probably go to a friend's or family member's baptism if it were that important that I attend, but everyone's circumstances are different. If you are uncomfortable with it, that's that.

 

My father likes to use passive-aggressive means to get me to go to church when I visit home (and did back in high school when I lived there), such as: "Everyone there misses you. They would really like to see you," in a sad-and-let-down voice. Acting mopey when I said I didn't want to go. I felt a bit bad at first, but that was years ago and it got old pretty quickly.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

You handled it well.  Kudos to you  for standing up for yourself.  He was trying emotional blackmail and it is childish.  Religion makes people do dumb things.

[Deidre]

That's great that you stuck to your own values! Stay true to you.

[EternalEquinox]

Thanks for the replies everyone! 

I did feel a little bad but I knew what he was trying to do. It wasn't too difficult to say no to him, especially when it concerns religion. I have no need to start a big giant debate at the moment and I feel that it is a useless endeavor because he is very thick headed as well as very ignorant of the world around him. He pays little to no attention outside of his work and girlfriend and family. Unless I can finally teach him how to actually use his brain and use critical thinking skills, I find that topics beyond small talk, tv shows, home life events, etc are way beyond him. I don't say this to sound like a jerk. I mean that this is just how he is. Really. It's unbelievable to other people.  

[FreeThinkerNZ]

I know what you mean, some of my family members are like that.  It's better for everyone if I stick to small talk with them.

[Deidre]

Thanks for the replies everyone!

I did feel a little bad but I knew what he was trying to do. It wasn't too difficult to say no to him, especially when it concerns religion. I have no need to start a big giant debate at the moment and I feel that it is a useless endeavor because he is very thick headed as well as very ignorant of the world around him. He pays little to no attention outside of his work and girlfriend and family. Unless I can finally teach him how to actually use his brain and use critical thinking skills, I find that topics beyond small talk, tv shows, home life events, etc are way beyond him. I don't say this to sound like a jerk. I mean that this is just how he is. Really. It's unbelievable to other people.

 

It will be interesting to see if his relationship with his gf ends, if so will the "zeal" he has for religion. Lol People do all sorts of things for other people. Something strikes me as this is one of those instances.

 

Guess time will tell. Glad you are your own person. Not easy to not follow what our parents want us to do, but your resolve is admirable!

Stay strong.

[EternalEquinox]

 

Thanks for the replies everyone! 

 

I did feel a little bad but I knew what he was trying to do. It wasn't too difficult to say no to him, especially when it concerns religion. I have no need to start a big giant debate at the moment and I feel that it is a useless endeavor because he is very thick headed as well as very ignorant of the world around him. He pays little to no attention outside of his work and girlfriend and family. Unless I can finally teach him how to actually use his brain and use critical thinking skills, I find that topics beyond small talk, tv shows, home life events, etc are way beyond him. I don't say this to sound like a jerk. I mean that this is just how he is. Really. It's unbelievable to other people.

I understand that. Some people just don't think very deeply or broadly beyond what's necessary to function. Keeping the conversation simple seems like a good idea. You seem conscientious, and you care about your relationship with him. It's evident that you want to be respectful while still letting him know your view about religion.

 

Yep, sums it up nicely! I try not to let my atheism be known to other family members when they once in a while bring up a topic pertaining to something about religion. I mostly play stupid. Works wonderfully. 

[EternalEquinox]

 

Thanks for the replies everyone!

I did feel a little bad but I knew what he was trying to do. It wasn't too difficult to say no to him, especially when it concerns religion. I have no need to start a big giant debate at the moment and I feel that it is a useless endeavor because he is very thick headed as well as very ignorant of the world around him. He pays little to no attention outside of his work and girlfriend and family. Unless I can finally teach him how to actually use his brain and use critical thinking skills, I find that topics beyond small talk, tv shows, home life events, etc are way beyond him. I don't say this to sound like a jerk. I mean that this is just how he is. Really. It's unbelievable to other people.

It will be interesting to see if his relationship with his gf ends, if so will the "zeal" he has for religion. Lol People do all sorts of things for other people. Something strikes me as this is one of those instances.

 

Guess time will tell. Glad you are your own person. Not easy to not follow what our parents want us to do, but your resolve is admirable!

Stay strong.

 

Eh, His relationship with her is ridiculous. I'd hate to repeat the whole thing on here though because it's one giant clusterfuck of epic proportions. I'd end up writing a mini novel just describing it in detail. lol

But to summarize: After we moved from colorado to get away from evil stepmom, he was looking for love again. I was cautious because I didn't want a repeat of last time. So, he found girlfriend Janet who has issues of her own. She ends up being a pain in the ass because of all this baggage and they constantly break-up, get together, etc in a nearly never ending cycle. She's been married three times before to asshole husbands, has had two kids (now grown, one is a druggie rehaber, other is a rodeo lover) and is raising two grand-kids. I guess that's why she was being an ass to my dad behind his back, because she'd been in abusive relationships, but that didn't make it right. Anyway, they're back together again at the moment. This is the longest they've been together which is about half a year. So, I guess she's finally getting her shit together and is learning not to be an ass to someone who actually loves you. 

 

Anyway, we live in Arkansas so with that in mind, this town is full of churches and banks and churchy people. He'd never been church going when we were living in Colorado or even when he was working in Florida when I was a baby. I think he's doing it to fit in and be southern like his girlfriend. He's become more religious since he's moved down to the south so I think it isn't entirely her fault he's beginning to get churchy. So, to answer your question, I think it's a matter of our current location that's influencing his new-found religiosity. 

 

Well, anyway, if your really interested in the full story just let me know. I am actually curious what other members would have to say about all that goes on with my crazy family!