"passed Away." Not Me. I'll Be Dead.

[older]

“Passed away.” What an annoying cliché. Worse is the shortened, “passed.” These words are favorites among my Christian friends when referring to the dearly departed.

 

What’s wrong with “dead?”

 

“Passed” is for farts and kidney stones. When my life is over, I’ll be dead. And if anyone looks back on the event, I will have “died.” And during the last hour before I get there, I will be “dying.”

 

I “passed” grammar school, high school, and the graduate records exam. I “passed” a truck on the freeway yesterday. And I “passed” a big turd this morning.

 

But, please, when I’m dead, please don’t say that I “passed.” You can say that I “failed.” Failed to keep breathing.

 

You can say that I “expired.” My subscription to O₂ ran out. Or perhaps I had a “catastrophic cessation of respiration.”

 

If I’m murdered, you can use that old CIA phrase, “terminated with extreme prejudice.”

 

If I die in a car crash, you can say I had a “fatal inertial interruption.”

 

If I fall off a cliff, you can say I had a “negative gravitational experience.”

 

But damn it, I will obey that common highway sign and I will not pass. And when I get there, I’ll be just plain dead.

[Orbit]

"If I fall off a cliff, you can say I had a “negative gravitational experience.”"

 

LOL! 

[ExCBooster]

I like "pushing up daisies"

[rach]

oh my god I totally agree.  Sick of hearing "passed away."  I am going to do everything possible to get a-mum not to make me an obituary if I die first.  I don't want one.  And a-mum would start off "Rachel has passed away from this earthly vail of tears and entered the loving arms of her lord and savior jesus whom she loved with all her heart....... (insert several Jesus paragraphs here). "  Thank god I'll be DEAD because this will be humiliating. 

[Castiel233]

I use the phrase passed away. It’s more respectful and sensitive to the feelings of the grieving family. I think saying “sorry to hear your granddad is dead” is a bit harsh, when you can use a softer alternative. 

[rerics]

This thread sounds like a revisiting of the famous Monty Python "Parrot Sketch"

 

What gets me is that it all sounds so unknown/indefinite.  "Passed" doesn't imply any destination, and "passed away" only refers to a catch-all unknown place (where exactly is "away"?).  Just expressions used by people who have a wishful idea but really don't know jack.

[Avandris]

I use the term 'passed away', both when referring to the death of a friend's loved one or referring to my own. Part of that is probably habit, that is how death has been referred to in my family for as long as I can remember, but I think another part of it is that it is less...abrupt, less razor sharp than died or dead.

 

Part of that might also be denial of some kind, the finality of the word dead feels unpleasant, while 'passed away' seems less so for some reason.

[miekko]

Guys, learn some linguistics, and you'll realize why 'passed away' is quite okay, does not carry any religious baggage, and has its function in English discourse about death. Denying this is 

a ) being dumb

b ) basing one's interaction with humans on a naive understanding of language

[Thackerie]

“Passed away.” What an annoying cliché. Worse is the shortened, “passed.” These words are favorites among my Christian friends when referring to the dearly departed.

 

What’s wrong with “dead?” ...

 

I agree. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to say he/she died when I occasionally have to write obituaries for dead members of the trade association that employs me to produce its newsletter. I use "passed away" rather than "passed" because, the way I see it, the dead person didn't pass into another place, but he or she is definitely away -- not that any of the readers notice the subtle difference. Just another wasted act of passive aggression on my part, I guess.

[ExCBooster]

While I do recognize the need to be respectful of people's feelings, and that euphemisms have a place, I don't like euphemisms, in general. "Passed away" doesn't bother me as much as some other euphemisms for death. Given the widespread nature and diversity of the English language, there's a lot of potential for misunderstanding if people rely on often localized euphemisms. Sometimes, there is a need to be clear and plain. Dysphemisms, on the other hand, are a lot of fun, because they're often much more colorful and punchy. I also like idioms, too. Dysphemic idioms, even more  :

 

Something present, but useless - (as or like) tits on a bull.

Note: From the observation that male mammals have nipples. Does not have to be, but can be, used as a similie.

Use: "That showy speaker system looks impressive, but it's tits on a bull."

[par4dcourse]

My mother is in Hospice near death, and when it happens I will say she passed to lessen the shock for my family. I don't think anyone can judge without actually experiencing, and it certainly isn't humorous.

[Deva]

I'm not crazy about it.  "Passed away" is just another way to soften a reality.  I can deal with it as a polite gesture, though.  People mean well.

 

What is worse to me is in obituaries where its said "they fought a brave battle against cancer." If that's how I am going, I don't want any crap like that written about me.  To me, they survived as best they could with modern medicine until medicine proved inadequate or poverty intervened. That is all it ever is. Its not a "brave battle". 

 

Hope this isn't offensive to anyone, just my opinion.
 

[Deva]

My mother is in Hospice near death, and when it happens I will say she passed to lessen the shock for my family. I don't think anyone can judge without actually experiencing, and it certainly isn't humorous.

 

Sorry to hear it Par.

[Orbit]

I'm not crazy about it.  "Passed away" is just another way to soften a reality.  I can deal with it as a polite gesture.

 

What is worse to me is in obituaries where its said "they fought a brave battle against cancer." If that's how I am going, I don't want any crap like that written about me.  To me, they survived as best they could with modern medicine until medicine proved inadequate or poverty intervened. That is all it ever is. Its not a "brave battle". 

 

Hope this isn't offensive to anyone, just my opinion.

 

I understand, but it is brave for anybody to go thru that.

[Deva]

 

I'm not crazy about it.  "Passed away" is just another way to soften a reality.  I can deal with it as a polite gesture.

 

What is worse to me is in obituaries where its said "they fought a brave battle against cancer." If that's how I am going, I don't want any crap like that written about me.  To me, they survived as best they could with modern medicine until medicine proved inadequate or poverty intervened. That is all it ever is. Its not a "brave battle". 

 

Hope this isn't offensive to anyone, just my opinion.

 

I understand, but it is brave for anybody to go thru that.

 

I get your statement, but its brave for anybody to go through life, period.

[Ellinas]

I'll be just as dead regardless of what terminology is used, so I really couldn't care less.  Whatever makes the living feel more comfortable...

[★ Citsonga ★]

I use the phrase passed away. It’s more respectful and sensitive to the feelings of the grieving family. I think saying “sorry to hear your granddad is dead” is a bit harsh, when you can use a softer alternative. 

Ditto.

 

I could understand opposition to saying someone "passed on to glory" or something like that, but I don't know why anyone would get a hair up his ass over someone politely saying "passed away." That seems to be quite an extremism.

[VacuumFlux]

With the exception of a few friends with whom I've already discussed this, I will use the softer words about "loss" and "pass away" when talking about someone else's grief unless the person indicates otherwise. Most people seem to prefer that term, so in general that's less likely to cause the grieving any more pain. However, when I'm talking about my own losses, or about someone who died a while ago and it's not personal for anyone in the conversation, I prefer the term "dead".

 

What really bothered me was when I was grieving my own loss and needed to use the harshness of the word "dead" in order to help myself accept the reality of my loss. My own loss, not someone else's, not talking about this with someone who knew the person I was grieving... and I could see people visibly flinch when I used that word. People got upset at me for discussing the reality of death while I was the one they were trying to offer comfort. I have learned that most people are just horrible at talking about grief with, because they want to say happy things to make you feel better and don't want to (or don't know how to) actually help you work through your hurt.

 

Same thing with suicide. A close friend of mine killed themself, and the family avoided that word and talked about "passing away" and "home with the Lord" and all that. It helped them. They didn't understand suicide, so they reframed it for themselves as a disease. And depression is an illness, and I'm very glad that so many christian pastors/priests told the family that their dead one wasn't burning in hell, that self-killing wasn't a sin, that it was a tragic death of a disease getting the better of them. I think they needed to hear that. So around them, I used the terms they preferred. I was still able to do a lot of grieving with them, using each other for support. And for the rest of it, I had other people to talk with, who weren't afraid of the word "suicide".

[Bayard]

I don't see a problem with "passed away." When we die, we pass into nonexistence. Since nonexistence is our natural (i.e. eternal) state and existence a brief blip, we can accurately say we're only passing through life.

[ShackledNoMore]

Guys, learn some linguistics, and you'll realize why 'passed away' is quite okay, does not carry any religious baggage, and has its function in English discourse about death. Denying this is 

a ) being dumb

b ) basing one's interaction with humans on a naive understanding of language

 

OK, I'm ignorant here.  I do not know the origins of "passed away" and I just spent a few minutes trying to find out.  I usually find this sort of information very quickly, but this time I searched on the wrong terms or wasn't persistent enough or something.  Maybe I'll invest more effort later, but...

 

I always assumed that "pass away" was religious in origin, akin to "passing to the other side" because it just seemed to fit.

 

Now I'd like to see a good reference to support or refute this, and if it's not religious, to provide some information on where it actually came from.  Got any good links?

[amateur]

I do try  to be sensitive to other people if they have a family member that died.

 

If it's my own relative, I don't mind saying dead.  And when I die, I'll be dead.

 

I already wrote my own obituary.  You can do that and add it to your will or something, so your lawyer can make sure that's your official obituary.  I have mine where my husband and kids can find it (but they aren't allowed to read it until after I die), and they know about it and I know they will use it.  It was hard for me to write!  I had wanted to do it, but it took me a few months to even start because it was weird writing something like that about myself and I worked through some tears!  I took a long time doing it, and have revised it, and of course will revise it over the years as necessary.  But I'm really proud of it!  It says what I want it to say and it means a lot to me, as it really is my life's few highlights.

[Darkillusion]

Is it bad that I heard George Carlin's voice as I read this OP? xD Seems like something he would have taken issue with before he, you know, passed away

[Neverlandrut]

I agree in principle, but in practice it is more respectful to say "passed" than to say "dead." To me, the feelings of the grieving family are more important than asserting my objection to a cliche.

 

If I were to speak at your funeral, I would tell everyone that we should burry you ass up so I have a place to park my bike. Lol. Had to throw in a Robin Williams tribute ????

[Guest ninurta]

It's a euphemism. People are sensitive, it has nothing to do with christianity specifically, its simply a means of avoiding dealing with death directly by not saying it directly.

[sdelsolray]

Personally, I like "croaked".