I Wanted To Be Brainwashed

[Woodsy]

Welcome, Ginko, and thanks for your post. It has helped me immensely. I am one of the "oldies" here and have left xianity over a year ago. As I was reading your post, the part that hit me square between the eyes is your statement about wanting to fit in. Another "ah-ha" moment for me. That totally describes my many years of various forms of xianity from roman catholicism to born-again, bible-thumping, believer. I have spent most of my life trying to fit in and be accepted instead of just being myself. So now, at the ripe age of 66, I'm in the process of becoming my true self with all it's bumps and bruises. And I'm learning that it's all ok. The old "brainwashing" comes back now and then to haunt me. But I'm learning how to stand up to it. Again, thanks for your excellent post and looking forward to alot more.

[Cousin Ricky]

There was nothing artificial about the charisma in this parish. Yet I still could not catch the Spirit. I saw everyone around me shouting for joy, and I wanted some of that, but the Holy Spirit just wasn’t interested in me.

 

Either that, or the Holy Spirit is imaginary and my brain just wasn’t wired the same as the other churchgoers.

 

During a conversation with a member of my former parish the other day, it occurred to me that only a minority of the churchgoers were caught up in the spirit. St. Paul was observant in 1 Corinthians 12:4-11 that different people have different “gifts”; it seems to me that Pentecostals are misinterpreting this passage quite badly.

 

Catholics, on the other hand, are so jaded by the Holy Spook’s failure to manifest itself that they actively teach recruits and young ’uns not to expect a discernable spiritual experience. Same strategy as when they explained to us 7 year olds that demi-human flesh and blood would look, feel, and taste remarkably like stale crackers and wine.

 

After my depression diagnosis, I must have forgotten to lower my expectations of the almighty and all-loving god of the universe.