Actions Speak Louder Than Beliefs (In The Dating World.)

[RealityCheck]

I typically don't feel the need to frequent Rants and Replies these days but...  You guys recall my thread on being the victim of missionary dating?  The relationship I was involved in degraded into a constant attempt at winning my soul.  It ended with her telling me that she could never seriously date an atheist (atheists have no morals.)  She decided to date the "proper Christian man" she met in her bible study instead. 

 

Now to be perfectly clear, I've never tried taking advantage of this girl.  I never did anything that was beyond her convictions as a believer.  I was completely honest and transparent about the kind of person I am.  I never showed her an ounce of disrespect.  I went out of my way to make her feel special.  Her "Christian" boyfriend tried getting in her pants the second week into their relationship.  He dumped her because she didn't put out.

It was tempting to just let her be but I decided to be there for her after this whole mess ended.  Why can't some people see that actions speak louder than beliefs?  Well, at least she agreed with me on that last point (good thing I set my anger aside in this situation.)  Though I will never date this girl again, I decided to maintain a friendship.

[Fweethawt]

I don't know about you, but I would've HAD to inject a quick, "How's THAT for morality?!?" towards the christian guy soon after the consolation period of her breakup with him.

[mymistake]

Good for your RC.  Don't let her manipulate you but be a decent person to her anyway.  Bravo!  

[violetbutterfly]

Your story is a great example of the hypocrisy and misunderstanding we face. I think you handled it well.

[moanareina]

I typically don't feel the need to frequent Rants and Replies these days but...  You guys recall my thread on being the victim of missionary dating?  The relationship I was involved in degraded into a constant attempt at winning my soul.  It ended with her telling me that she could never seriously date an atheist (atheists have no morals.)  She decided to date the "proper Christian man" she met in her bible study instead. 

 

Now to be perfectly clear, I've never tried taking advantage of this girl.  I never did anything that was beyond her convictions as a believer.  I was completely honest and transparent about the kind of person I am.  I never showed her an ounce of disrespect.  I went out of my way to make her feel special.  Her "Christian" boyfriend tried getting in her pants the second week into their relationship.  He dumped her because she didn't put out.

 

It was tempting to just let her be but I decided to be there for her after this whole mess ended.  Why can't some people see that actions speak louder than beliefs?  Well, at least she agreed with me on that last point (good thing I set my anger aside in this situation.)  Though I will never date this girl again, I decided to maintain a friendship.

 

Agh...I upvoted all kinds of stupid (compared to this...) and now I am out. Good post. I think it is strange how Christians are trained to think of relationship and all. Shortly after I left Church I met my neighbor who is atheist and he fell in love with me (unfortunately he was already married to beer...) and I was still not sure about weather to have sex with someone without being married etc. So we talked about it. He was the kind of guy who slept around and had one night stands etc. And as our "friendship" continued at various points he tried to get into my pants and at some occasions he was successful...not entirely though. But he wanted to marry me. And he wanted to wait if that was what I wanted. He begged me on his knees to become his girlfriend. And I had a hard time to say no. I finally had to end this friendship because I realized that he would never stop to hope for me to be his girl and I just was not strong enough to have a relationship with an alcoholic. Also it hurt me to know how much he wanted me and I just could not give him what he wanted. But to say, even though there where issues, he was quite respectful in that matter. And that surprised me. Not anymore. It was one step to knowing that atheists have morals...even if they had severe problems bigger than them.

[RipVanWinkle]

Realitycheck2K13: Good for you, Your point that behavior goes beyond belief is certainly true. Indeed, I am convinced that the majority of Xtians would back down if they were threatened with harm if they did the "Christian" thing. That's so whether the harm were physical, fiscal or emotional. That's why it disgusts me so that Xtians brag so much about how they are being persecuted. That's a laugh.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    bill

[Orbit]

Well, she definitely wasn't the girl for you. I'm glad you can remain friends.

[Deidre]

Christian in name only. That saying is just as stupid now as it was when I uttered it as a Christian. lol

 

You're a nice guy though, RC.

[milesaway]

I'm glad you took the high road, though you were well within your rights to let her go. She's the one who's missing out on a good thing. all because of her superstitions. I'm not at all surprised the totally proper xtian buybull study guy turned out to be a creep and tried to take advantage of her. He never respected her at all. That's one hell of a reflection on his parents, and the church that created this monster. I think that alone is causing some cognitive dissonance for her, and the fact that you showed her the kind of respect that buybull study guy never would have goes against the narratives they were given from the beginning. 

 

Words and beliefs mean nothing. Behavior is all that matters at the end of the day. Buybull study guy will probably spend the rest of his life alone and wondering why. Serves him right! When he turns into a lonely hateful old man, he'll probably start being a perv to any naive girl who crosses his path.

[RealityCheck]

I don't know about you, but I would've HAD to inject a quick, "How's THAT for morality?!?" towards the christian guy soon after the consolation period of her breakup with him.

There's a part of me that wants to rub this all over her face.  That's also the part of me I'm trying to kill off.  In the context of this situation, anger is not the best response.  I need to prove to her (and those around her) that atheists do have morals and do care.  I need to go above and beyond the least common denominator.

[RealityCheck]

 

I typically don't feel the need to frequent Rants and Replies these days but...  You guys recall my thread on being the victim of missionary dating?  The relationship I was involved in degraded into a constant attempt at winning my soul.  It ended with her telling me that she could never seriously date an atheist (atheists have no morals.)  She decided to date the "proper Christian man" she met in her bible study instead. 

 

Now to be perfectly clear, I've never tried taking advantage of this girl.  I never did anything that was beyond her convictions as a believer.  I was completely honest and transparent about the kind of person I am.  I never showed her an ounce of disrespect.  I went out of my way to make her feel special.  Her "Christian" boyfriend tried getting in her pants the second week into their relationship.  He dumped her because she didn't put out.

 

It was tempting to just let her be but I decided to be there for her after this whole mess ended.  Why can't some people see that actions speak louder than beliefs?  Well, at least she agreed with me on that last point (good thing I set my anger aside in this situation.)  Though I will never date this girl again, I decided to maintain a friendship.

 

Agh...I upvoted all kinds of stupid (compared to this...) and now I am out. Good post. I think it is strange how Christians are trained to think of relationship and all. Shortly after I left Church I met my neighbor who is atheist and he fell in love with me (unfortunately he was already married to beer...) and I was still not sure about weather to have sex with someone without being married etc. So we talked about it. He was the kind of guy who slept around and had one night stands etc. And as our "friendship" continued at various points he tried to get into my pants and at some occasions he was successful...not entirely though. But he wanted to marry me. And he wanted to wait if that was what I wanted. He begged me on his knees to become his girlfriend. And I had a hard time to say no. I finally had to end this friendship because I realized that he would never stop to hope for me to be his girl and I just was not strong enough to have a relationship with an alcoholic. Also it hurt me to know how much he wanted me and I just could not give him what he wanted. But to say, even though there where issues, he was quite respectful in that matter. And that surprised me. Not anymore. It was one step to knowing that atheists have morals...even if they had severe problems bigger than them.

 

Thank you for sharing that story.  A truly mature person can carry the burden of their own demons while maintaining a level of respect and understanding towards others.  It's extremely difficult to cut someone off.  However, there's a chance that it might cause the person to reflect upon themselves and change.  I decided to get professional help for my own issues because someone cut me off and told me the bitter truth.  If she is reading this right now (she'll recognize me by my picture) I would like to thank her.  It was an incredible act of tough love on her part.

[RealityCheck]

I'm glad you took the high road, though you were well within your rights to let her go. She's the one who's missing out on a good thing. all because of her superstitions. I'm not at all surprised the totally proper xtian buybull study guy turned out to be a creep and tried to take advantage of her. He never respected her at all. That's one hell of a reflection on his parents, and the church that created this monster. I think that alone is causing some cognitive dissonance for her, and the fact that you showed her the kind of respect that buybull study guy never would have goes against the narratives they were given from the beginning. 

 

Words and beliefs mean nothing. Behavior is all that matters at the end of the day. Buybull study guy will probably spend the rest of his life alone and wondering why. Serves him right! When he turns into a lonely hateful old man, he'll probably start being a perv to any naive girl who crosses his path.

The only problem is, this "buybull study guy" is also athletic and attractive (you'll never think of him as a creep by sight alone.)  Chances are he's going keep going from church to church preying on Christian girls who don't know any better.  My friend was smart enough to see past his game but I know there are a string of girls who weren't as fortunate.   I question my friend's parents more than those of Mr. Buybull.  They hate my guts because I'm an atheist and think I'm going to harm their daughter even though I've known her for 2 years.  She had to lie to them when I was in town simply to spend time with me (she's currently living at home.)  The one time I actually did meet her mother, she took a picture of me.  I later found out it was just in case she needed to report me to the police in the event I kidnapped her daughter.  She's 24 and capable of exercising her own judgment for crying out loud.

 

Mr. Buybull had free range to do whatever he wanted simply because he professed to be a Christian.  Her parent's welcomed him with open arms and failed to notice the game he was playing (and he just met her.)  I'm relieved that this situation didn't end worse than it actually did.

[moanareina]

 

I don't know about you, but I would've HAD to inject a quick, "How's THAT for morality?!?" towards the christian guy soon after the consolation period of her breakup with him.

There's a part of me that wants to rub this all over her face.  That's also the part of me I'm trying to kill off.  In the context of this situation, anger is not the best response.  I need to prove to her (and those around her) that atheists do have morals and do care.  I need to go above and beyond the least common denominator.

 

 

Don't have time to write long comments right now but there is something that want's to get out

 

I think it is very important to give room to anger. Of course it should not overtake your persona and all but there is nothing wrong with anger and expressing it in a way normal people express anger. If you constantly try to be a better self then you actually are (and I think you are an incredible person but I hope you understand how this is meant) you just wear yourself out. There is no need to proof anything to anyone. If you live your life and keep on the path of taking care of yourself people will see and those who do not, don't even if you push it in their face.

 

And it is quite possible I got your comment in a wrong way. If so, I apologize and hope you let me know.

[milesaway]

 

I'm glad you took the high road, though you were well within your rights to let her go. She's the one who's missing out on a good thing. all because of her superstitions. I'm not at all surprised the totally proper xtian buybull study guy turned out to be a creep and tried to take advantage of her. He never respected her at all. That's one hell of a reflection on his parents, and the church that created this monster. I think that alone is causing some cognitive dissonance for her, and the fact that you showed her the kind of respect that buybull study guy never would have goes against the narratives they were given from the beginning. 

 

Words and beliefs mean nothing. Behavior is all that matters at the end of the day. Buybull study guy will probably spend the rest of his life alone and wondering why. Serves him right! When he turns into a lonely hateful old man, he'll probably start being a perv to any naive girl who crosses his path.

The only problem is, this "buybull study guy" is also athletic and attractive (you'll never think of him as a creep by sight alone.)  Chances are he's going keep going from church to church preying on Christian girls who don't know any better.  My friend was smart enough to see past his game but I know there are a string of girls who weren't as fortunate.   I question my friend's parents more than those of Mr. Buybull.  They hate my guts because I'm an atheist and think I'm going to harm their daughter even though I've known her for 2 years.  She had to lie to them when I was in town simply to spend time with me (she's currently living at home.)  The one time I actually did meet her mother, she took a picture of me.  I later found out it was just in case she needed to report me to the police in the event I kidnapped her daughter.  She's 24 and capable of exercising her own judgment for crying out loud.

 

Mr. Buybull had free range to do whatever he wanted simply because he professed to be a Christian.  Her parent's welcomed him with open arms and failed to notice the game he was playing (and he just met her.)  I'm relieved that this situation didn't end worse than it actually did.

 

 

A creep's a creep, no matter what they look like or what they do. It's just that he's got the advantage of going unnoticed and having an easier time trying to weasel his way under a potential victim's radar. Xtian girls are more likely to be sheltered and naive, so yeah, I can almost guarantee he's got a whole slew of victims from a church setting. Your friend's parents sound awful! It's their superstitions running amok, and they've heard the whole narrative about how atheists and nonbelievers are bad people for decades. Be glad you didn't marry into that. 

 

Jackasses like Mr. Buybull behave the way they do, b/c they know they can get away with it. Their whole belief system basically tells them that nothing they ever do is wrong, and personal responsibility goes out the window. He'll get his just desserts in the end, it's only a matter of time. He knew her parents were gullible, and he used his charm to his advantage. Your friend was lucky she had enough wits about her to sniff him out for the predator he is. 

[RealityCheck]

 

 

I don't know about you, but I would've HAD to inject a quick, "How's THAT for morality?!?" towards the christian guy soon after the consolation period of her breakup with him.

There's a part of me that wants to rub this all over her face.  That's also the part of me I'm trying to kill off.  In the context of this situation, anger is not the best response.  I need to prove to her (and those around her) that atheists do have morals and do care.  I need to go above and beyond the least common denominator.

 

 

Don't have time to write long comments right now but there is something that want's to get out

 

I think it is very important to give room to anger. Of course it should not overtake your persona and all but there is nothing wrong with anger and expressing it in a way normal people express anger. If you constantly try to be a better self then you actually are (and I think you are an incredible person but I hope you understand how this is meant) you just wear yourself out. There is no need to proof anything to anyone. If you live your life and keep on the path of taking care of yourself people will see and those who do not, don't even if you push it in their face.

 

And it is quite possible I got your comment in a wrong way. If so, I apologize and hope you let me know.

 

I know it's healthy to express emotion in certain circumstances but restraint and control is a like I muscle that I try to exercise on a daily basis.  I also use to be an "anger-holic" so I try to avoid that path whenever I can.

[gall]

 

 

 

I don't know about you, but I would've HAD to inject a quick, "How's THAT for morality?!?" towards the christian guy soon after the consolation period of her breakup with him.

There's a part of me that wants to rub this all over her face.  That's also the part of me I'm trying to kill off.  In the context of this situation, anger is not the best response.  I need to prove to her (and those around her) that atheists do have morals and do care.  I need to go above and beyond the least common denominator.

 

 

Don't have time to write long comments right now but there is something that want's to get out

 

I think it is very important to give room to anger. Of course it should not overtake your persona and all but there is nothing wrong with anger and expressing it in a way normal people express anger. If you constantly try to be a better self then you actually are (and I think you are an incredible person but I hope you understand how this is meant) you just wear yourself out. There is no need to proof anything to anyone. If you live your life and keep on the path of taking care of yourself people will see and those who do not, don't even if you push it in their face.

 

And it is quite possible I got your comment in a wrong way. If so, I apologize and hope you let me know.

 

I know it's healthy to express emotion in certain circumstances but restraint and control is a like I muscle that I try to exercise on a daily basis.  I also use to be an "anger-holic" so I try to avoid that path whenever I can.

 

 

Anger is only helpful if you use it as catharsis. If you don't release and let go after and harbor the anger it just turns to hate and that only hurts you. It is good to learn to restrain ones self. it teaches patience and self worth.

[moanareina]

I know it's healthy to express emotion in certain circumstances but restraint and control is a like I muscle that I try to exercise on a daily basis.  I also use to be an "anger-holic" so I try to avoid that path whenever I can.

 

I see.

 

I guess then I have just been the opposite and always swallowed all the anger and other feelings considered as bad in Christianity...and sometimes in society and when I came out of that mindset I started to express those feelings and allowed me to be angry. It was very liberating and the interesting thing that happened was, that people around me started to respect me when before I was kinda unseen and no one really seemed to care. When I tried to be nice to everyone, saying good morning to everyone, being good to everyone...it really was as if no one really liked me. Then I started to be real and sometimes I said nothing when I got to work, just came and sat down starting the day...sometimes I gossiped and sometimes I cried. Also sometimes I expressed anger. It was as if I had gone from zombie to human and all. Unfortunately I somehow slide back into alwaysbenicetoothers mode that is hard to break through. But when I do I feel way more alive.