bleedblue22 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I profusely apologize for the bad language that will inevitably follow in this post. I hope I am not breaking any moderator rules or offending anyone, but I really need to vent and I can't do it to anyone around me in real life… Fuck Christian college. Fuck this stupid shit I have to deal with on a daily basis! I am so sick of not being able to find any peace and calm, because wherever I go Christianity rears its ugly head. I am required to go to three hour long chapels a week, where I hear a bullshit preacher who couldn't get a real job tell me that the only reason all people don't turn to Christ is that they "just want to sin." Fuck you and your stupid fairy tales which warp your morality and kill your empathy! I just want religion to leave me alone to think meaningful thoughts about how things work and how to deal with life without falling back on a stupid god crutch. I have anxiety attacks nearly every day because I feel so alone and stressed out. It is so hard to deconvert when you can't ever remove yourself from the Christian thinking and are surrounded exclusively by Christian believers. I can't have a normal conversation with a cute girl without her talking about how much "God" has done for her, which makes me want to pour cold water on her belief system but I have to refrain. My fucking parents won't let me transfer and keep telling how great I'm doing here because I've learned a shit ton about the bible and theology(I did this during my deconversion process so I could realize how it was all bullshit!!!). I'm trapped here in this toxic, stressful environment where it takes so much just to get through each day. College has been a miserable experience and all my other friends are having the best times of there lives!!! Also, when you're surrounded by believers including intelligent professors who have strong faith, its impossible to not have those "what if I'm wrong thoughts?" I no longer think hell is the remote bit plausible, but when the people around you "know Jesus" and "know without a doubt that he's conquered death" especially by a professor with a phd its hard not to have creeping thoughts. The bible is filled with wretched filth for morality and even if that god existed I don't know that I'd want anything to do with him anyway. Also, fuck Christianity for making me lose my girlfriend. She says she can't see herself with someone who doesn't bring her closer to Christ(barf). We had a good thing going and she was one of the few people I could lean on and depend on through my anxiety and depression and now she's fucking gone thanks to this stupid belief system. I even asked her if she thought I would go to hell if I didn't turn back to Christ before I died and she said "yes"!!! What the fuck, she is the sweetest girl how the fuck can she believe in a God who would torture someone for eternity for not believing a bunch of ridiculous fairy tales with no evidence to support them! How can you stay sane with such a belief! GODDAMIT. Fuck this shit. Get me out of this fucking college. Even when I open up to anyone here about my problems here I always get a similar response to "Trust in the Lord and have faith in his goodness." Fuck no!!! The campus psychologist even is a super hardcore Christian so when I open up to her about how religion is causing me problems and how its all so fucking stupid, she spends most of our time trying to defend her faith for fucks sake. I'm trapped. I'm alone. I'm scared. I'm angry. I'm heartbroken. Get me the fuck out of here so I can live my life. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Welcome to ex-C! That sucks about being trapped in a Christian college. You can't be the only one who feels that way. Look around you carefully. There has to be somebody else who hates it just as bad as you do. To cope with the insanity when ever somebody starts talking about God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit just remember they are really talking about their own brain. "I couldn't find my car keys so I prayed to my brain and then my brain helped me find my keys!" "My brain hates fags! My brain looks around and is deeply offended by all the people enjoying life." "My brain can do miracles. Nothing is impossible for my brain!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bleedblue22 Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 Haha yeah that is what I've pretty much started to think. I spent some time talking to an ex-muslim the other day and he was saying his family says the same things about Allah. So Jesus and Allah can't be answering prayers because that would be a blatant contradiction because they both claim exclusivity. And there might be some closeted atheists around here but it would be freakin tough to find them. It is so hard to swim against the current in this "believer bubble." I'm not normally like this. I just had a fit of rage and had to write this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Haha yeah that is what I've pretty much started to think. I spent some time talking to an ex-muslim the other day and he was saying his family says the same things about Allah. So Jesus and Allah can't be answering prayers because that would be a blatant contradiction because they both claim exclusivity. And there might be some closeted atheists around here but it would be freakin tough to find them. It is so hard to swim against the current in this "believer bubble." I'm not normally like this. I just had a fit of rage and had to write this. A good way to find atheists is to look for people skipping church on Sunday morning. Or sit in the back of chapel and look at the people to see if anybody is board. Or keep your eyes open during prayer and see if anybody else does too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orbit Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aries256 Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Nice rant, I like you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llwellyn Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 If not believing in Christ is a sin, then obviously, someone who does not want to believe in Christ is someone who wants to sin. The pastor's got a point. You're an adult, you need to take charge of your own life. You are being poisoned/poisoning yourself where you are, and you need to accept no excuse for why you can't define your own circumstances. Stop playing the victim and take some responsibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I'm not normally like this. I just had a fit of rage and had to write this. Thats what we're here for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I'm sorry for all the pain, grief and anger that Christianity brought into your life. We've all been there. Rant away! Getting out your feelings with others who know what you're feeling, will help. Hope things start to get clearer, and better for you, as time goes on. **hugs** 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Hope you can get the fuck out of there soon, bleedblue. Meanwhile, welcome, and I hope to see you around on here. Is there anyone who sits in the back of chapel texting or filling out the horse racing forms? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bleedblue22 Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 Thanks everyone! We get our phones taken away if we text in chapel, but I'm sure there are other ways to tell. The thing is, I don't see anyone willing to go to this school unless they were a Christian. I came to the school wanting to make God the first priority in my life, but saying that that backfired would be an understatement. And I don't think it is accurate to say I am playing the victim. I'm sure a great amount of the responsibility for getting through this relies on me, but by just getting the anger off my chest I don't think that is playing the victim. Besides, unfortunately I am financially dependent on my parents and I need a college education so getting a degree from here would be better than nothing at all if my parents refuse to let me transfer to a secular school. Anyway thanks! I don't know how much time I will have to post here, but I will definitely stick around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llwellyn Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 unfortunately I am financially dependent on my parents and I need a college education so getting a degree from here would be better than nothing at all if my parents refuse to let me transfer to a secular school. Ever heard of Cooper Union in NYC? If you get in, tuition is free. Even orphans get university degrees at various schools. You don't need your parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 unfortunately I am financially dependent on my parents and I need a college education so getting a degree from here would be better than nothing at all if my parents refuse to let me transfer to a secular school. Ever heard of Cooper Union in NYC? If you get in, tuition is free. Even orphans get university degrees at various schools. You don't need your parents. Why so harsh? Every situation is unique. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted September 22, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted September 22, 2014 Welcome to Ex-C and feel free to rant as much as you need or want! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llwellyn Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Probably did come across as harsh. I wish I had been more independent at the beginning of my college experience. I would have made very different choices than the ones I made. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Welcome, BB22. I can imagine how horrible it must be to be in your situation. I would absolutely hate it as well. You wouldn't happen to be at Taylor University or Indiana Wesleyan, would you? I grew up near those Christian colleges and I still usually get back to that area a couple times a year. Anyway, good luck as you deal with all the bs.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I hope you can find a way to transfer out of that Christian College. How much help is a degree like that going to be if you don't want to be a minister? Just wondering if you could make a very air tight practical case to your parents for leaving and going to a regular college. Find one with some program and get enthusiastic about it. Something that has good job prospects. That's really all I can think of. Otherwise you really have to complete your degree, it is better than none at all. We all feel for you though, and being surrounded by Xian craziness. Just remember its only temporary and post here as much as you like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted September 22, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted September 22, 2014 I am so terribly sorry for what you're going through because I know exactly how you feel. I spent four years earning a degree from a christian college and even though I was still a christian at the time, I wasn't really up to the standards of "holiness" and "righteousness" of the other students and faculty. I was a misfit and a reject throughout the entire ordeal. It was a highly toxic environment, full of judgment, condemnation, self-righteousness, and guilt. I know, much more deeply than I would like, the exact pain you are feeling. With that said, DO NOT make the same mistake I made. I was too brainwashed to stand up to my parents and demand to be allowed to transfer to another school. I did not stand up for myself then and get the education I wanted. I've had to deal with the consequences for my entire adult life. This is your life, bleedblue; it's your future. Do whatever you have to do to get away from that place and get an education that will prepare you for life in the real world. If that means having a royal bowdy-how with mom and pop, then do it. They have no right to interfere with your life and future. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Hi, BleedBlue. I didn't go to a Christian college. Here are some questions: - how close are you to graduation? - what is your major? - does your college have a good reputation for your major? - are your grades suffering from being unhappy there? - are you planning to go to graduate school? "Caught in the Pulpit" discusses priests and pastors that lose their faith by learning too much in a Christian college or seminary. There are probably many other students experiencing the same problems - especially the students that take religion classes. I hope you can find a way to do your best in college whether you are able to switch or must stay where you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bleedblue22 Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 Thanks for the support everyone! I go to a small college in California. I am starting my second year here. I wanted my major to be computer science but the department was awful and I wasn't learning much anything. I've been taking some psychology classes and they seem promising. My grades have been suffering because I frequently have to run out of class due to anxiety attacks. I do plan on graduate school. I feel like I have just learned too much and while I don't think it is impossible for Christianity to be true, it is so unlikely that I simply cannot believe. It is kinda this state of thinking its almost surely false, but the infinitesimal chance that it could maybe be true in a way that I am missing which stresses me out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted September 22, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted September 22, 2014 Is a degree from a Christian college of any use in the real world? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orbit Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Is a degree from a Christian college of any use in the real world? Not really. Unless it's Notre Dame or Oberlin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted September 22, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted September 22, 2014 Is a degree from a Christian college of any use in the real world? Not really. Unless it's Notre Dame or Oberlin. It depends on what kind of degree one gets, actually. My degree from the christian college was in Secondary Education and the college was accredited; so had I wanted to be a highschool English teacher, I could have. I have had little use for the degree, but that's not to say I've had no use for it. After I got my second degree in Biotechnology, the first job offer I got was from the college I had just graduated from. They offered me the position based on how well I performed as a student there and on the fact that I had the degree in Education. Incidentally, teaching as an adjunct instructor at the college is where I earned the nickname "the redneck professor." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orbit Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Is a degree from a Christian college of any use in the real world? Not really. Unless it's Notre Dame or Oberlin. It depends on what kind of degree one gets, actually. My degree from the christian college was in Secondary Education and the college was accredited; so had I wanted to be a highschool English teacher, I could have. I have had little use for the degree, but that's not to say I've had no use for it. After I got my second degree in Biotechnology, the first job offer I got was from the college I had just graduated from. They offered me the position based on how well I performed as a student there and on the fact that I had the degree in Education. Incidentally, teaching as an adjunct instructor at the college is where I earned the nickname "the redneck professor." The reason I said that is he had mentioned going to grad school. Most Christian colleges aren't taken seriously by grad schools. Do you still teach, Prof? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted September 22, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted September 22, 2014 Is a degree from a Christian college of any use in the real world? Not really. Unless it's Notre Dame or Oberlin. It depends on what kind of degree one gets, actually. My degree from the christian college was in Secondary Education and the college was accredited; so had I wanted to be a highschool English teacher, I could have. I have had little use for the degree, but that's not to say I've had no use for it. After I got my second degree in Biotechnology, the first job offer I got was from the college I had just graduated from. They offered me the position based on how well I performed as a student there and on the fact that I had the degree in Education. Incidentally, teaching as an adjunct instructor at the college is where I earned the nickname "the redneck professor." The reason I said that is he had mentioned going to grad school. Most Christian colleges aren't taken seriously by grad schools. Do you still teach, Prof? I'm not currently teaching. However, University of West Georgia is opening a satellite campus a few blocks from my house and I'm thinking I might try to pick up some evening classes. I kind of miss being in academia. On a side note, the christian college I went to has since upgraded to a university, so students can take graduate degrees there now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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