How Do You Get Rid Of Former Beliefs?

[Newlife]

I've been out of the church for 20 years after having been in for 45. One would think that by now there would be no need for me to think much about it any longer but in my case it seems almost impossible.

 

I do have a couple strikes against me.

1)My wife is still a believer so I'm constantly being reminded of the subject. She doesn't talk to me about it but she does the church bulletin, talks to other members on the phone, many of which I know etc. etc. In fact, she is attending their church conference as we speak (or should I say as I type?)

2) I'm on disability so I have a lot of time on my hands. This was not as much of a problem when I was still working.

3)I have very few friends that I do things with. I belong to a freethought group in the general area but it's just not convenient to get to many of their functions. My disability is visual so I do limited driving.

 

It's always suggested to fill your time with other things so as to push out the old. I do that to a certain extent with physical activity but the problem exists more in my mind especially at night. How many x-Christian type books and articles does one have to read before you decide it's enough? It's become my hobby of sorts.

 

Would appreciate your suggestions.

[Bedouin]

Welcome to Ex-C Newlife.

 

I know how you feel.  I find it difficult to believe that anyone who has had the christian virus downloaded into their brain can ever get to the point of NEVER thinking about it.  I think it would take being 100% mindful of the present all of the time, and my experience is that that is not possible.

 

I'm sure some other folks here can give us some good feedback though.

 

Again, welcome.

[Deva]

Newlife: Its difficult, especially if you are constantly around it.  It took me at least 10 years and still in some subtle ways I cannot free myself (although I would never agree with Christian dogma again). And I l am not married to a Christian or around a lot of Christians.  I certainly don't want to discourage you.  Everyone is different.

 

I was going to ask if you enjoy reading because reading and watching videos probably did the most for me.  Nowadays, of course, we have the internet.  I think its a good hobby and you are on the right track.  It does take time.

 

You might try reading up on eastern religion and philosophy. Trying to see things in really different way. That is what helped me.

[mikey101]

Newlife: Its difficult, especially if you are constantly around it.  It took me at least 10 years and still in some subtle ways I cannot free myself (although I would never agree with Christian dogma again). And I l am not married to a Christian or around a lot of Christians.  I certainly don't want to discourage you.  Everyone is different.

 

I was going to ask if you enjoy reading because reading and watching videos probably did the most for me.  Nowadays, of course, we have the internet.  I think its a good hobby and you are on the right track.  It does take time.

 

You might try reading up on eastern religion and philosophy. Trying to see things in really different way. That is what helped me.

 

This.

 

I know how it feels too, and learning about other beliefs that aren't God-based helped me to see more of the big picture.  Religious beliefs are interwoven into our societies and cultures, in other words, the reason we think certain religious beliefs are 'true', like the belief in a God for example, is because of where we live.  If you lived somewhere else, you might have a totally different belief that you see as truth. 

[Newlife]

Thank you all for giving me a few things to think about. I just feel that I allow too much space in my head, which has a limited capacity to begin with, for thoughts about something I've long disproven. It does help to know that I can come here and chat with others that understand.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Humour helps me.  Reading the funny pics thread or the things fundies say on facebook thread always makes me chuckle.  There is a lot of comedic material available online that pokes fun at religion, through Youtube, Facebook, Twitter and individual websites.

 

It's hard when you're around it all the time, I am almost in the same boat.  I try to remember how glad I am that I got out of it.  Given how many people are still living inside the bubble, we are goddamn lucky, aren't we?

[Margee]

Thank you all for giving me a few things to think about. I just feel that I allow too much space in my head, which has a limited capacity to begin with, for thoughts about something I've long disproven. It does help to know that I can come here and chat with others that understand.

Welcome Newlife. So glad you found EX-c! This is a wonderful place to talk about the silly christian god. Deva was right when she mentioned that it can take a long, long time to deprogram yourself. It is wonderful to share with people who have common interests. I consider myself very lucky to be meeting some 'real' (not cyber Lol) people who are atheists right now.  Ex-c has been my home for almost 4 years now and I'm not sure where I would have drifted if it wasn't for this wonderful board of friends that I have here. I'm so glad you joined us!! Looking forward to hearing more from you!! 

 

Hug

[Ellinas]

As long as you are around Christian dogma, you will be thinking about and re-iterating your objections to it to some extent, I suspect.  The only thing I can suggest is to identify whatever position is yours (atheist or whatever), immerse yourself in thinking about that and use the dogma to reinforce your thoughts about what you are rather than about what you used to be.

[Newlife]

FreethinkerNZ, Yes we certainly are lucky. You mentioned using humor. I think I did that this morning in reading the paper. There was an article about a movement going on in the Catholic churches in the US. So many of them are so low in membership that they are close to being closed so members from the more well attended churches are flocking to some of them periodically to give them a boost and to contribute financially. The priests wear old more colorful garments and refreshments are served. The tactic well be short lived. I just found it humorous. Maybe I'm odd.

Margee, thanks for the welcome. I'm enjoying being here and plan to contribute as I can.

Ellinas, I think you are spot on. I do need to do more of that.

[Orbit]

Getting rid of former beliefs? Well, some are easier to get rid of than others. No literal Creation--not a problem. Forgetting the 10 commandments--hard.

[sparklingphoenix]

I haven't been out of xtianity long enough to know, but I imagine it will take several years to just stop thinking about it constantly. I've been deconverted for 8 months now and I think about it most of the time. I'm also bothered by Christian people a lot. Maybe in time it won't annoy me as much, and I plan on moving to a godless place. My guess based on my little experience and the words of others here is that xtianity will slowly take up a smaller and smaller space in your mind and you'll get less upset about it the more you deal with the pain it caused. I kind of suspect that it will never completely go away, especially if you were indoctrinated as a child. In time hopefully we can all move on from it, but I know I have some bible verses permanently burned into my memory.

[♦ ficino ♦]

There was a song when I was a kid and listening to lounge lizard music instead of the usual rock and roll (yes, that's how weird I was). I think the singer was Peggy Lee. It went something like:

 

"I only miss him when I think of him,

And I think of him all the time ...

 

Maybe in time, I guess, the longing will grow

the slightest bit less

And there will be moments, yes,

When it disappears.

Maybe I'll forget him completely

In about a hundred years."

 

But I ain't never going back to that shit! I'm doing my own shit now.

[Margee]

NewLife, I always found this  article below to be a very good read on how the mind gets programmed. Maybe this might help a little. I've posted this many times because I think it has a lot of good points to it. Deprogramming your own mind takes a lot of discipline and self awareness. I ask myself 2 questions when I get afraid of religion. (or anything for that matter)

 

1. Are these thoughts that I am having my own or that others have put into my brain from childhood....and

 

2. What evidence do I see for 'the claims' of the things people have have taught me?

 

Then I do a lot of  my own investigating to come to my own conclusions. Does that make any sense? Hope this helps a little today.

 

Hug

 

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-deprogram.html

[Woodsy]

Welcome, NewLife! I'm with you. I'm into 17 months of my own deconversion from about 60 years of brainwashing. Started as a child in catholic school. And I realize that this kind of indoctrination is difficult to shake off. It always raises its ugly head at the worst times. That is when we need an arsenal of truth to fight this thing. Being on this site, where people have a treasure of knowledge on the truth, has helped me immensely. But I admit, I'm not in a place where I will never be assaulted by my nagging doubts. But having the tools to help get through those moments, is extremely vital to my sanity.

 

As someone once told me, hang in there and hang with us.

[Geezer]

Like many others here I was brainwashed for 40 years into one of the most conservative, legalistic, fundamentalists groups in the country. They worshipped the Bible, the Apostle Paul, Jesus, and God and pretty much in that order too. Scripture was requited to validate pretty much anything and everything they taught, believed, or practiced.

 

Education convinced me they were wrong, and then more education convinced me that none of it was true. Religion keeps people convinced by constantly re-enforcing their teaching and doctrines. That tactic has proven to be enormously effective.

 

I use that same technique to re-enforce my rejection of religion. I continue to read, study, and research scholars that present material that challenges traditional religious teaching.  I think being active on sites like this is helpful too because that helps to re-enforce my decision to walk away from religion.

 

When I was a Christian the group I affiliated with STRONGLY encouraged members to form friendships and relationship within the church and to read only material that was written by members of our particular sect of fundamentalism.

 

I don't agree with their teaching, but their tactics have a proven track record so I have embraced that as a way of re-enforcing my new perspective. My former Christian friends don't associate with me now and that has proven to be quite helpful in my journey away from religion.

 

My experience suggest reading material that confirms your new world view, associate with people who are not religious. and become active on sites like this that re-enforce you new perspective and that will encourage you.

 

I am firmly convinced that all religions are cults. Leaving religion is no different than leaving any other cult . Deprogramming will be required and deprograming requires being re-educated and re-enforcement.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

NewLife, I always found this  article below to be a very good read on how the mind gets programmed. Maybe this might help a little. I've posted this many times because I think it has a lot of good points to it. Deprogramming your own mind takes a lot of discipline and self awareness. I ask myself 2 questions when I get afraid of religion. (or anything for that matter)

 

1. Are these thoughts that I am having my own or that others have put into my brain from childhood....and

 

2. What evidence do I see for 'the claims' of the things people have have taught me?

 

Then I do a lot of  my own investigating to come to my own conclusions. Does that make any sense? Hope this helps a little today.

 

Hug

 

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-deprogram.html

 

Thanks Margee for posting this article, it was very interesting, as was the website too

[Newlife]

Thanks for all the suggestions. Good things to think about.

Margee, thanks for the article. Will check out later.

[amateur]

Even though I had mostly been an agnostic/semi-xian for some decades, it's hard to ignore xianity.  I live next door to you in Western PA, and there's always something in the news (like that article on catholicism and spreading their members around and serving refreshments -- yes, that is hysterical!), something always related to xianity as far as the on-going war and ISIS, and there always seems to be some sub-agenda involving religion as far as politics (with the elections coming up, there's always something involving some religious point of view).  Where we live, Newlife, there is a church on every corner, and with your wife still involved in church, of course you can't completely ignore it.

 

I find that I just care less and less about it.  They believe silly, contradictory things, but they seem happy, so whatever.  I honestly believe most people involved in the church never think that deeply about it.  From what I understand from xians that I know, their entire belief seems to be, "I believe in god, so I will go to heaven when I die and be with my relatives."  Which is a simple and happy belief.  I really believe that those of us who thought deeply about it, and realized the idiocy of it, got out of it (and here we are).

 

So you said that reading about ex-c type things has become somewhat of a hobby?  Maybe you can expand on that.  Think about the types of books and articles you enjoy.  Maybe you can expand into further study of history or art or psychology, getting away from strictly a religious bent.  Or you can study different religions, origins of religions, and learn more deeply about what people of other faiths believe for this life and any other life.  Or pick an author -- who do you enjoy reading?  If you enjoy George Bernard Shaw, for example, read everything he wrote, not just his religious writings.  That's my suggestion!

[mikey101]

One thing that helps with dysfunction whether it's fundamentalist religion or any other self-defeating problem is to get treatment for emotional issues.

[Newlife]

amateur, Really appreciate your thoughtful suggestions. I do read a good bit and listen to interesting things on YouTube and other places but when I do I feel the urge to share it with someone especially my wife. She couldn't be less interested as she had proven on many occasions so sometimes I ask myself why I continue to read and study. It only reinforces things I already know. I need to just be more content to live and let live I guess.

[amateur]

^^Oh, so true!  I get so excited sometimes when I read things on this site, or in other articles and books, but I really have no one good in real life to share them with either!  That's why I love this site, and I do also have a friend I can share things with on-line.  We're both readers and atheists so it makes life better.  I was sad when she moved away from where I live, but we do still keep in touch.  My kids (young adults and non-believers) are also pretty good for talking to about some of this stuff.  But I can so relate to what you said about your wife -- my husband also cannot be less interested in my thoughts on religion!  What's funny is he has no deep thoughts about religion at all.  I think his entire belief is "God can do whatever he wants" which ends any type of logical discussion, yet he doesn't go to church or necessarily live in a way that reflects a religious belief.  We get along great otherwise and I am certainly glad he has such a simple explanation of all of xianity and doesn't attend church or try to make me, but to me it's so much fun being able to have deeper discussions about these things.

 

This site does help.  Sometimes it just reinforces things I already know, but I have learned more and learned to catch contradictions and illogical arguments when I hear people talk.  Not that they care to hear my opinions!  But I'm glad I can at least see through their arguments now and not just somehow know they're being wrong but not knowing why.

[azisbest]

I have been out of the religionist business for a long time so I guess I cant relate entirely.  I never try consciously try to get rid of my old beliefs they are well and truly gone. So maybe time will eventually solve that conundrum for you.  I read xtian literature and go to xtian websites often by the way just to see how the folks are getting along, lol.  I even read the xtian bible off and on.  Every reading further convinces me of its mythology.