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How Do You Deal With Being A Secret Atheist?


sparklingphoenix
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What is the value of having someone love and accept a false image? If they can't love you for who you really are, they aren't worth keeping in your life. Also,  if you love someone then they have the right to know who is loving them and it's unfair to present them with a lie. Those who can't tolerate a different opinion are the problem, not you. Lying to keep a false peace serves no one. Eventually the truth must be known, and you don't want to hear, "You've been like this for two years and never said anything? Don't you trust me?" Sometimes the fallout isn't as bad as you imagine; sometimes it is. Sorry, that's the truth.

I was going to reply, but florduh nailed it to the cross. Honesty is the best policy, if they truly love you, their love will be unconditional. I hope it all works out. -peace

 

 

Thank you. I definitely see both of your points on this, and my gut reaction is to do exactly that and be honest, but my mind always checks me and stops me. I'm really conflicted.

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I'm a person of color, so people are unlikely to suspect me of even being an atheist. This one time though,someone thought I was Buddhist. Anyway, I have problems when chatting with other people of color, since 'god' and 'letting god take control of things' comes up at some point in the conversation. Adding to that I live in the south as well. Usually I just say 'I don't really believe that' and then the conversation ends a short time later when I don't say anything else. 

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What is the value of having someone love and accept a false image? If they can't love you for who you really are, they aren't worth keeping in your life. Also,  if you love someone then they have the right to know who is loving them and it's unfair to present them with a lie. Those who can't tolerate a different opinion are the problem, not you. Lying to keep a false peace serves no one. Eventually the truth must be known, and you don't want to hear, "You've been like this for two years and never said anything? Don't you trust me?" Sometimes the fallout isn't as bad as you imagine; sometimes it is. Sorry, that's the truth.

I was going to reply, but florduh nailed it to the cross. Honesty is the best policy, if they truly love you, their love will be unconditional. I hope it all works out. -peace

 

 

Thank you. I definitely see both of your points on this, and my gut reaction is to do exactly that and be honest, but my mind always checks me and stops me. I'm really conflicted.

 

Follow your heart, not your mind. The conflict will end. Wish you peace littlena

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It's so sad that those that are suppose to love you unconditionally see you differently just because of your religion differences. It makes no sense to me whatsoever. Religion is a very personal thing and just because it's a "family" doesn't mean everyone needs to believe in the same thing.

 

You're an atheist and? I'm pretty sure you're that same loveable person, caring, kind to others, sweet, etc...it doesn't change who you are as a person really. Your views may be different, however, I'm sure you're a great person at the end of the day and don't you forget that. You follow your own dreams, don't allow your family to walk that path for you, do what you love and forget the rest.

 

It is hard being a secret ex-christian, well, for family members that is. Friends don't seem to give a shit, family members on the other hand...it hits the damn fan. I understand that you just want to be yourself and it's like "they are family, they wouldn't care...would they?" Sadly they do. When I say that, they make it seem as if it's the end of the world, that you're being taken over by satan and his demon children, you're hanging out with the wrong people...etc.

 

I do plan to tell my mom in my mid 20s *I'm 19* I'm hoping by then she would stop seeing me as a child, but I still doubt that will change the reaction.

 

This makes me feel sad because like I said...it's your own family. I don't want to be seen differently nor treated differently because of my views.

 

I wish you all the best & happy holidays! :)

 

- Sweets

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I'm a person of color, so people are unlikely to suspect me of even being an atheist. This one time though,someone thought I was Buddhist. Anyway, I have problems when chatting with other people of color, since 'god' and 'letting god take control of things' comes up at some point in the conversation. Adding to that I live in the south as well. Usually I just say 'I don't really believe that' and then the conversation ends a short time later when I don't say anything else.

 

Props to you for being able to speak your mind to others like that. I'm still not very good at voicing my true thoughts to people when they start spouting off religious nonsense! I usually just mutter a vague response because I hate conflict. A lot of people assume I'm christian too. Idk what makes people think I am one though... Thats really frustrating not being able to find people to talk to with in different backgrounds. Most of my friends have different backgrounds than me and they are either not christian, loosely christian, or atheist with an influence of Buddhism. One friend in particular influenced me a lot, as did my SO.

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It's so sad that those that are suppose to love you unconditionally see you differently just because of your religion differences. It makes no sense to me whatsoever. Religion is a very personal thing and just because it's a "family" doesn't mean everyone needs to believe in the same thing.

You're an atheist and? I'm pretty sure you're that same loveable person, caring, kind to others, sweet, etc...it doesn't change who you are as a person really. Your views may be different, however, I'm sure you're a great person at the end of the day and don't you forget that. You follow your own dreams, don't allow your family to walk that path for you, do what you love and forget the rest.

It is hard being a secret ex-christian, well, for family members that is. Friends don't seem to give a shit, family members on the other hand...it hits the damn fan. I understand that you just want to be yourself and it's like "they are family, they wouldn't care...would they?" Sadly they do. When I say that, they make it seem as if it's the end of the world, that you're being taken over by satan and his demon children, you're hanging out with the wrong people...etc.

I do plan to tell my mom in my mid 20s *I'm 19* I'm hoping by then she would stop seeing me as a child, but I still doubt that will change the reaction.

This makes me feel sad because like I said...it's your own family. I don't want to be seen differently nor treated differently because of my views.

I wish you all the best & happy holidays! :)

- Sweets

 

Thanks for your response and kindness. I hope you remember that about yourself too. :) most of my friends know now, but there is one I'm afraid to tell. We grew up in church together and she's one of my oldest friends. I think she might handle it well but I've been afraid to risk it. I really to need to just be brave about it. I think my family already has seen a change in me, so I wonder if they will really be shocked or not. The change isn't really bad, just that I'm more quiet don't call as much anymore. I am 22 and it took a lot for me to get my family to start seeing me more like an adult. I had to prove myself in a way. That doesn't stop them from continuing to persuade me to live the way they want me to though. I don't know if some parents will ever realize their children are capable adults, but I have leaned to set some boundaries. I hope everything will go okay when you decide to come out to them. I may wait till I graduate and have a job before I say anything, and graduation is not far off for me... D8 I know what you mean about being sad. It's so hard to understand why religion is so important that it can ruin relationships with family. Religion is divisive. I've been afraid that my family will put god first and turn on me because they always taught me that god must come first no matter what. That is so inhuman. Unnatural. I also worry that they will blame my SO for influencing me to quit religion. He did help me get out of it, but he's not the only piece to my deconversion puzzle. I hope you and your family are having a good holiday too. Mine is going okay, nothing terrible. I have opposing views to almost everything my grandparents say so I just keep my mouth shut. >.< take care and happy Saturnalia!!! :P

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