Super Moderator buffettphan Posted February 8, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted February 8, 2015 This is just a funny little rant about something that happened last night and one of the coping-mechanisms I use in dealing with my very fundy family. I attended one of my grandson's school basketball games (small christian school that plays in a christian school league). It happened to be "Senior Night" and they were honoring all the seniors on the team. The coach made a few remarks about each kid and some comments were quite humorous. But he also had the kids provide him with their favorite bible verse and explain why that verse was their favorite. Coach read all this mumbo-jumbo out loud. I started feeling bad for all these poor brainwashed kids, but then I realized that the majority of them plan to attend large state colleges, so I told myself there was hope for them. Eventually all the god/buybull stuff became quite boring. So my (evil) mind began to wander. In my fantasy, the coach then asked spectators in the audience for their favorite bible verses. "Oh..me..me..me! Ezekiel 23:20 -- "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses." Awwww coach, do I have to explain why???? " Anyhow, I could barely suppress my giggles and actually had to kinda fake a bit of a coughing fit as a cover-up. That is all. Happy Sunday Everybody! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pratt Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 and you did not advise your grandson to tell coach Eze23:20 as his favorite verse? i am so disappointed 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted February 8, 2015 Author Super Moderator Share Posted February 8, 2015 and you did not advise your grandson to tell coach Eze23:20 as his favorite verse? i am so disappointed In the next few years before he becomes a senior, I'll have to work that into the conversation! Somehow! I've already opened his eyes to the Elisha and the Mauling Bears fairytale. (I have to be careful so I won't get banned from grandson's life!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yunea Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 Ahahaha, I can only imagine the situation. You must educate the grandson! As for a strange favourite verse, Songs of Solomon 8-10 comes to mind. 8 We have a little sister, and she has no breasts.What shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for?9 If she is a wall, we will build on her a battlement of silver,but if she is a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar. 10 I was a wall, and my breasts were like towers;then I was in his eyes as one who finds peace. Songs of Solomon should be called Songs about Breasts anyway. It has boobs all over. I think now I can finally use these emotiocons: 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StJeffTheIncomprehensible Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 This is just a funny little rant about something that happened last night and one of the coping-mechanisms I use in dealing with my very fundy family. I attended one of my grandson's school basketball games (small christian school that plays in a christian school league). It happened to be "Senior Night" and they were honoring all the seniors on the team. The coach made a few remarks about each kid and some comments were quite humorous. But he also had the kids provide him with their favorite bible verse and explain why that verse was their favorite. Coach read all this mumbo-jumbo out loud. I started feeling bad for all these poor brainwashed kids, but then I realized that the majority of them plan to attend large state colleges, so I told myself there was hope for them. Eventually all the god/buybull stuff became quite boring. So my (evil) mind began to wander. In my fantasy, the coach then asked spectators in the audience for their favorite bible verses. "Oh..me..me..me! Ezekiel 23:20 -- "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses." Awwww coach, do I have to explain why???? " Anyhow, I could barely suppress my giggles and actually had to kinda fake a bit of a coughing fit as a cover-up. That is all. Happy Sunday Everybody! That's a great verse! When I was a kid, we always snickered at the verses that talked about "covet thy neighbor's ass," or Joshua being "removed from Shittim," or Abraham's "bosom" or "loins," or anything about the "dung hill." The best one, though (and I grew up King James Only, which only adds to the appeal), is Deuteronomy 23:1--"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD." Ok, I've never managed to grow up. It's still funny. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rerics Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I would love to see someone hold a sign at a sporting event (akin to the "John 3:16" loonies) emblazoned with a bible verse such as the Ezekial 23:20 one. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Numbers 22:27 And when the ass saw the angel of the Lord, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francesco Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 psalm 16:11 You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well this isn't my favorite but: Gen 24:2 "Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he owned, “Please place your hand under my thigh," Gen 24:9 "So the servant placed his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and swore to him concerning this matter." Those ancient goat fu, I mean goat herders had some strange oath customs. Remember it is not consent if you ask your slave. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castiel233 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them" John 2:15 Love the fact it says "anything in the world".....well Christianity is in the world and I don't love that Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. James 4:4 So if you are a friend of Gods creation then you are the enemy of the God who created it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castiel233 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 You will be pledged to be married to a woman, but another will take her and rape her. You will build a house, but you will not live in it. You will plant a vineyard, but you will not even begin to enjoy its fruit. Your ox will be slaughtered before your eyes, but you will eat none of it. Your donkey will be forcibly taken from you and will not be returned. Your sheep will be given to your enemies, and no one will rescue them. . . . The Lord will afflict your knees and legs with painful boils that cannot be cured, spreading from the soles of your feet to the top of your head. Deuteronomy 28:30-31,35 When a woman has a discharge, if her discharge in her body is blood, she shall continue in her menstrual impurity for seven days; and whoever touches her shall be unclean until evening. Everything also on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean, and everything on which she sits shall be unclean. Leviticus 15: 19-20 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted February 10, 2015 Author Super Moderator Share Posted February 10, 2015 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity. Deuteronomy 25:11-12 Which translates to: Hey, babe..you're on your own if you get into a fight...tooooooo risky for me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity. Deuteronomy 25:11-12 Which translates to: Hey, babe..you're on your own if you get into a fight...tooooooo risky for me! "Dude, I'm fucking tired of this bitch. Hit me and make sure she grabs my balls. And yours, just to be safe. Get a handjob out of it and we can take her out." I wonder how many times that happened. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted February 10, 2015 Author Super Moderator Share Posted February 10, 2015 That's a great verse! When I was a kid, we always snickered at the verses that talked about "covet thy neighbor's ass," or Joshua being "removed from Shittim," or Abraham's "bosom" or "loins," or anything about the "dung hill." The best one, though (and I grew up King James Only, which only adds to the appeal), is Deuteronomy 23:1--"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD." Ok, I've never managed to grow up. It's still funny. I went to catholic school and we used to search for those naughty words in the bible too and snicker...we also looked them up in the dictionary. Baaaaaad catholic school girls. I guess I've never grown all the way up either because I still think it's funny too. Now I can just blame it on old age! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 That's a great verse! When I was a kid, we always snickered at the verses that talked about "covet thy neighbor's ass," or Joshua being "removed from Shittim," or Abraham's "bosom" or "loins," or anything about the "dung hill." The best one, though (and I grew up King James Only, which only adds to the appeal), is Deuteronomy 23:1--"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD." Ok, I've never managed to grow up. It's still funny. I went to catholic school and we used to search for those naughty words in the bible too and snicker...we also looked them up in the dictionary. Baaaaaad catholic school girls. I guess I've never grown all the way up either because I still think it's funny too. Now I can just blame it on old age! I do that, too. Last night, in fact, in looking for more "favorite verses." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Furball Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron. judges 1:19 Some of the other translations have they referring to judah not being able to drive out the chariots of iron, but the earliest copies we have make it clear that it says he meaning god. the newer translations must be getting rid of the contradictions knowing the earlier versions will cause people to see the discrepancies and contradictions and deconvert. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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