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The Absurdity Of Christianity


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"If I'm going to a flaming torture chamber - how can I miss it and go to the Sky Kingdom?" Brother OFF: "Kryasst, who magically created our small three-tiered universe about 10,000 years ago by speaking a powerful magical spell from Nowhere, invaded our flat planet in the form of a man, by magically being born of a Spook-fucked Virgin, because He loves you. He sacrificed Himself to Himself for you, and Croaked in the Spook on a big giant stick for you to magically wash away the shit you did that pissed Him off with His Magic Sky Blood. Then He Magically Undeadened Himself to become your Sky Defender, but only if you accept Him as your Lard and Slaver - then you will go to the Sky Kingdom!

 

The cartoon above, which is from a Chick tract entitled "Somebody Goofed" and my commentary on it taken from a parody I did of the tract, highlights just how absurd Christianity is. The absurd cosmology of the Bible and the equally absurd and ignorant beliefs of creationists aside, we start out with the idea that there is an Invisible Spook who lives in the Sky. This Invisible Spook had sex with a Virgin named Mary who somehow magically remained a Virgin after this spooky sex, and the Spook became a Man. The Man sacrificed Himself to the Spook (sacrificed Himself to Himself) by Croaking in the Spook on a big giant stick to apppease the anger of the Spook at us because we had done shit that pissed Him off because two people in a garden a couple of thousand years earlier had pissed Him off because of an unfortunate incident involving a Talking Snake. Supposedly, the Magic Sky Man Magically Undeadened Himself, magically floated up into the Sky, and is going to return someday and magically suck those who believe in Him up into the Sky to go to a wonderful Kingdom there to live with Him forever while casting those who don't into a flaming torture chamber. I mean, come on! It's scary and yet laughable that millions of otherwise generally rational people take these beliefs seriously. If you're a Christian, please contact me and explain why I, being a rational thinking person, should take your absurd beliefs seriously! Thanks.

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This is the latest post to my glorious site. :woohoo:

 

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"If I'm going to a flaming torture chamber - how can I miss it and go to the Sky Kingdom?" Brother OFF: "Kryasst, who magically created our small three-tiered universe about 10,000 years ago by speaking a powerful magical spell from Nowhere, invaded our flat planet in the form of a man, by magically being born of a Spook-fucked Virgin, because He loves you. He sacrificed Himself to Himself for you, and Croaked in the Spook on a big giant stick for you to magically wash away the shit you did that pissed Him off with His Magic Sky Blood. Then He Magically Undeadened Himself to become your Sky Defender, but only if you accept Him as your Lard and Slaver - then you will go to the Sky Kingdom!

 

The cartoon above, which is from a Chick tract entitled "Somebody Goofed" and my commentary on it taken from a recent parody I did of the tract, highlights just how absurd Christianity is. The absurd cosmology of the Bible and the equally absurd and ignorant beliefs of creationists aside, we start out with the idea that there is an Invisible Spook who lives in the Sky. This Invisible Spook had sex with a Virgin named Mary who somehow magically remained a Virgin after this spooky sex, and the Spook became a Man. The Man sacrificed Himself to the Spook (sacrificed Himself to Himself) by Croaking in the Spook on a big giant stick to apppease the anger of the Spook at us because we had done shit that pissed Him off because two people in a garden a couple of thousand years earlier had pissed Him off because of an unfortunate incident involving a Talking Snake. Supposedly, the Magic Sky Man Magically Undeadened Himself, magically floated up into the Sky, and is going to return someday and magically suck those who believe in Him up into the Sky to go to a wonderful Kingdom there to live with Him forever while casting those who don't into a flaming torture chamber. I mean, come on! It's scary and yet laughable that millions of otherwise generally rational people take these beliefs seriously. If you're a Christian, please email me at webmaster@religionisbullshit.org and explain why I, being a rational thinking person, should take your absurd beliefs seriously! Thanks.

 

Brother Jeff,

 

I love these. Thank you for posting them for us.

 

I would also love to see the emails you get from Christians.

 

Taph

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Brother Jeff,

 

I love these. Thank you for posting them for us.

 

I would also love to see the emails you get from Christians.

 

Taph

 

I second that; Brother Jeff, you never fail to make me laugh and make a good point besides.

 

Glory!

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I got this reply from a fundie:

 

OK guys, you seem to think that science refutes the Bible, and that is understandable. Let me invite you to visit the web site www.answersingenesis.com. It should give you something to think about at the very least. I do have a question for you though: If we are just the result of an accident happening out of nothing, by nobody, which is the basis of evolution, why then do we have a moral code? Survival of the fitest, yet murder is against the law everywhere. Our laws are hampering evoloution.

 

This is my reply to him:

 

"OK guys, you seem to think that science refutes the Bible, and that is understandable."

 

It's understandable because it does.

 

"Let me invite you to visit the web site www.answersingenesis.com."

 

(Jeff chuckles and rolls his eyes). I have visited it several times. It's an absurd site that quite typically stands for Christian ignorance and denial of proven scientific reality. The site provides a nice fantasy life for those who want to believe creationist myths and lies, I'm sure, but it's not good for much else.

 

"It should give you something to think about at the very least."

 

It gives me something to laugh about, until I realize that people actually believe that stuff. Then I don't know whether to laugh harder or become scared.

 

"If we are just the result of an accident happening out of nothing, by nobody"

 

We are the product of billions of years of biological evolution.

 

"which is the basis of evolution"

 

The basis and driving force of evolution is Natural Selection. If you knew anything at all about evolution, you would know that!

 

Euphgeek answered the rest of your post very well.

 

If you want to continue to be ignorant, keep visiting sites like AiG. If you have a desire to educate yourself, I recommend www.talkorigins.org. They do an excellent job of presenting the case for and the facts concerning evolution, and they do an excellent job of debunking creationism.

 

http://www.religionisbullshit.org/2006/01/...ristianity.html

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Typical fundy Xian nitwit. He assumes that just because someone is an ex-xian, that someone is automatically an athiest who believes the world came about entirely by accident. He, like millions of other Xians, just can't understand that there's more to the realm of religious opinions than Xianity, Satanism, or total unbelief period. Such a snotty attitude; if you don't believe in Jesus, you can't possibly believe in anything!

 

A small example of the uber-narrowminded world Xians are living in.

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why then do we have a moral code? Survival of the fitest, yet murder is against the law everywhere. Our laws are hampering evoloution.

I tried to debate a christian who believed we had a built in knowledge of good and evil, but was defeated by the Christian Wall of Ignorance .

Good and evil are simply ideas instilled by society, you are taught what is right and wrong. This can be shown by the Roman blood sports where society said it was justice and a good days family entertainment, and now we would consider this brutal and evil. There are children raised like animals (often called wolf boys) who have no language, no social skills and do not follow what we consider good and evil. There are countries who still practice stoning as their form of execution, we consider it evil, they are taught that it is a valid form of justice.

If we all had a God given ability to know right from wrong there would be no debate over abortion, euthenasia, gay rights and definately no suicide bombers.

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  • 2 years later...
*bump*

 

Why arent there other creatures like us? Are the apes just branches of evolution, the ones that didnt get smarter?

Apes and humans evolved from a common ancestor. You might find this article interesting:

 

http://discovermagazine.com/2004/mar/gene-made-us-human0304

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I got this reply from a fundie:

 

OK guys, you seem to think that science refutes the Bible, and that is understandable. Let me invite you to visit the web site www.answersingenesis.com. It should give you something to think about at the very least. I do have a question for you though: If we are just the result of an accident happening out of nothing, by nobody, which is the basis of evolution, why then do we have a moral code? Survival of the fitest, yet murder is against the law everywhere. Our laws are hampering evoloution.

This is one thing I've never understood, but when a xtian says that we need God in order to have morals and to prevent people from committing murder, then are they saying that THEY would commit murder if there was no God? Doesn't that say more about them than it does about God's existence?
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*bump*

 

Why arent there other creatures like us? Are the apes just branches of evolution, the ones that didnt get smarter?

I heard somewhere that humans once shared the earth with at least seven other sentient species. Given Homo Sapiens' desire to kill off whatever it does not like, I could assume the other species did not prosper because humans wiped them out.

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I don't know about the rest of you, but I can't understand why people waste so much time arguing with these fundies. I mean, what's the point? Why bother? Maybe that's just me. I seriously grew so tired of debating over shit with those brainless idiots, that I just can't even muster the desire to even speak to them any more. Seems like you'd get tired of even talking to them after awhile anyway. Endless debate is just not my cup of tea though. Maybe some do actually enjoy it. For me it's a simple matter of the fundies don't like how I think, then fuck'em. And I feel like that about anyone, fundies or anyone else. Am I going to let them catch me debating about how I choose to live? That seems to be a mind trap of sorts to me. I live as I see fit and they can go whine to their god and pound sand. Meanwhile I waste no time in my life debating them about meaningless horseshit.

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The moral code comment made me guffaw. The moral code, as written in the bible, is deplorable! We are biologically WIRED to have a moral code so as to perpetuate the species. Mothers love and protect their children to ensure their survival. Murder is frowned upon because it leads to more violence and loss of life...the opposite of what we need to perpetuate the species. We may not realize it, but most of our actions and morals are based upon hundreds of thousands of years of evolution.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have a hard time believing the Jesus story. It so closely resembles Mithra as well as Pagan gods and Greek mythology, which is a savior that is half divine and half mortal. Does Jesus exist in any historical document besides the Bible?? The Gospels are not first-hand accounts, were written a few decades after his death, they contradict each other, and no one is sure who really wrote them. They even had specials on TV over Easter "investigating" the life of Jesus, the crucifixion and resurrection. They insist that the gospels are authentic and date back to the era that they claim. My question is not about the authenticity of the documents, but about proof that what was written actually happened! I think that the Bible should be considered "literature" instead of "history".

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I have a hard time believing the Jesus story. It so closely resembles Mithra as well as Pagan gods and Greek mythology, which is a savior that is half divine and half mortal. Does Jesus exist in any historical document besides the Bible??

Hi Nash! Welcome to the forums!

 

Christians claim that Jesus was fully human and fully divine at the same time, but yes, his story was derived from pagan mythology. No, Jesus does not exist in any historical document besides the bible, except as hearsay.

 

http://nobeliefs.com/exist.htm

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