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What Is The Worst Method Of Witnessing?


Foxy Methoxy
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My personal pet peeve is the old "If you die tomorrow . . . blah blah blah judgement day" cliche. A person who says this to me might as well be saying "I'm not very bright, but I'm supposed to invite you to my church. Maybe you are so afraid of death that I can trick into going to church with me out of abstract fear."

 

[begin rant]And why do they want me to go to church? I don't know them. They don't know me. Do they win a free prize? Is God going to give them that stupid mystery box of crappy toys that you got to stick your hand in when you were in 1st grade getting rewarded for not being absent one day the whole year hoping for a grape jawbreaker only to pull out a crappy plastic helicopter?[/end rant]

 

There are many other poor witnessing cliches to choose from. What do you consider the worst? Or which one irritates you the most?

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I hate it when they throw out the load about how we are all miserable rotten worms that need to be covered in blood in order for god to tolerate our stinkin' selves.

 

I don't care if they choose to deficate all over their own self esteem, but when they make assumptions about who I am it raises my blood pressure.

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I like this approach to countering fundy witnessing

 

MSU Students for FSM

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I like this approach to countering fundy witnessing

 

MSU Students for FSM

 

 

That kicks so much ass!

 

Wonder what it would take to get some FSM folks to stand across from those screaming fundie demonstrators in Florida? :scratch:

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When I was a Christian, our youth group gave us free ice cream if we brought friends. The more friends, the more ice cream coupons you got. There was a free raffle for all the guests, too. And of course, our meetings were ten minutes of some sort of lesson, ten singing, 5 praying, and an hour and a half playing basketball.

 

My least favorite is the bribery kind of witnessing, such as that. At least the ones who play on fear are honest... sort of.

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My least favorite is what I call the "Kirk Cameron" method:

 

Have you ever lied? Then your a Liar!, etc

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When they are all done with their formula of choice (4 step, Kirky, Crapfort etc.) and have failed to persuade you, then they finish off with this crap:

 

Just remember, one day when you stand before God at the judgment seat, you will have no excuse, because I told you.

 

:Doh:

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A Guy passed me an invitation to a church function today and , I'm seriously not kidding, I ate it. I ate it in front of him. He was one of my friends so he laughed, but I should do that the next time I get Jehova's Witnesses.

 

PEACE,

BC

 

I once had an aquaintance who was a street preacher. He used to make up his own tracts. He was kind of a John the Baptist-type freak, who had long hair and no doubt lived on wild honey.

 

I doubt he ever had a convert because of his looks and his methods. Anyway, he got tired of people tearing up his tracts, so he had his printer use special paper with thin, but very strong fibers embedded. This paper looked like normal tract paper, but it was so strong that even a body builder couldn't tear it.

 

It would have been funny to get a video of his victims.

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The Kirk Cameron method has a lot of potential for parody.

 

Have you ever starred on a stupid TV show with Alan Thicke? Then you are an idiot with no credit!

 

:lmao:

 

Have you ever laughed at a Bob Sagat joke? Then you are braindead!

 

:lmao:

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The Kirk Cameron method has a lot of potential for parody.

 

Have you ever starred on a stupid TV show with Alan Thicke? Then you are an idiot with no credibility!

 

I actually thought Kirk was okay until LEFT BEHIND came out. Then I was like, "Oh Kirk, you're one of them... gosh, I'm sorry."

 

Poor sad Kirk.

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My least favorite is the "love bomb". They want to be your friend and get close to you but it is all for the purpose of winning you for the lord. Once they know you aren't interested, they are so gone like yesterday's trash.

 

 

Like David Wilkerson to Nicky Cruise in the old classic "Cross and the Switchblade:"

 

"Nicky, you could take that knife and cut me into 1000 pieces and every one of those peices will say JESUS LOVES YOU!" :repuke:

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I hate it when they throw out the load about how we are all miserable rotten worms that need to be covered in blood in order for god to tolerate our stinkin' selves.

 

I don't care if they choose to deficate all over their own self esteem, but when they make assumptions about who I am it raises my blood pressure.

 

Ditto, that. The sheer arrogance you hear just makes you want to commit a felony right there. But then again, those are good old fashioned Babble-based family values, that you're a turd unless you dunk yourself in the blood of some dead spook and sell your soul to him. It's really freaky shit when you look at it like that.

 

But that's the worst kind of preachin', the kind that just emphasizes what is, to me, the single worst aspect of Xianity.

 

I've heard that Watchtower pamplets cause heartburn.

 

They do cause constipation. All Xian literature encourages it.

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The Kirk Cameron method has a lot of potential for parody.

 

Have you ever starred on a stupid TV show with Alan Thicke? Then you are an idiot with no credibility!

 

:lmao:

 

Have you ever laughed at a Bob Sagat joke? Then you are braindead!

 

:lmao:

 

Catholic priests have thier own version of the Kirk Method:

 

Have you ever frenchkissed a man? Would you like to? With me?

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Yeah, the Fear Tactic is probably the worst, but some take it so far, they're only going to get a pew-full of complete cretins.

For example....

 

There's a really old JW (old, as in one foot and both hands in the grave) who stops by my door once a month or so -- I chat amiably with him because he's a really nice old codger and not at all pushy. I really don't mind, seeing as how he's trying to impart the positive aspects of his faith.

 

On the other hand, two young ladies dropped by (once) to tell me about how important it was for me to attend their (odd little baptist splinter-group) church. Because, you see, no one can get into heaven unless they are baptised the proper way. No matter what else, if you are not baptized by full-body dunking and the proper ceremony, you're going to hell. PERIOD.

 

Making great effort not to laugh in their faces, I tried to point out the pettiness of a Jesus who would damn souls to eternal misery for a mere procedural misunderstanding. I could tell that one of the girls was definitely rattled, but the other had clearly disengaged her frontal lobe. Perhaps she had been under water too long...

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What I really hate is the 'What if you're right/what if I'm right' construct - 'If you're right I've just lived a good life but if I'm right you'll burn in hell so you better be sure you're right' and all variations thereof. Though I once saw a guy try this argument and the answer was 'Well if you're right it sucks to be me' and the fundie was left absolutely speechless.

 

bdp

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Here's a fine example:

 

You Almost Certainly Were Not A Genuine Christian

 

Vroom vroom! :loser:

 

 

Yeah, that was pretty bad. Spending an eternity in a heaven full of

such arrogant and horribly ignorant pricks is worse than any hell

described in the Wholly Babble....

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What I really hate is the 'What if you're right/what if I'm right' construct - 'If you're right I've just lived a good life but if I'm right you'll burn in hell so you better be sure you're right' and all variations thereof. Though I once saw a guy try this argument and the answer was 'Well if you're right it sucks to be me' and the fundie was left absolutely speechless.

 

bdp

That's the one I was going to say. I call it the logical illogic argument. My answer to that is, "If you're right, then I at least lived a sincere life. But if I'm right, then you've wasted the only life you will ever have chasing after a non-existent god created by an ancient tribe of desert dwellers who believed in talking donkeys and animal sacrifices to appease their god's anger. Now I don't know about you but that's what I call a total waste of the only life you'll ever have."

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I hate it when they throw out the load about how we are all miserable rotten worms that need to be covered in blood in order for god to tolerate our stinkin' selves.

 

I don't care if they choose to deficate all over their own self esteem, but when they make assumptions about who I am it raises my blood pressure.

 

Ditto, that. The sheer arrogance you hear just makes you want to commit a felony right there. But then again, those are good old fashioned Babble-based family values, that you're a turd unless you dunk yourself in the blood of some dead spook and sell your soul to him. It's really freaky shit when you look at it like that.

 

But that's the worst kind of preachin', the kind that just emphasizes what is, to me, the single worst aspect of Xianity.

 

I've heard that Watchtower pamplets cause heartburn.

 

They do cause constipation. All Xian literature encourages it.

 

 

OMG YOUR RIGHT!!!!! IM SO CONSTIPATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD IS MAKING IT HARD FOR ME TO SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! :HaHa:

 

PEACE,

BC

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