Seabiscuit Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 OK, so this question or venting has probably been done by many others. But its my turn and I think I need to ask the question more then I need the answer. What do you do with those folks who want a relationship to you, but use god, prayer, and salvation in every other word. Killing them comes to mind, but when its you mom or dad--well, what can you do? That xian language drives me CRAZY! My dad and I were sharing work stories. He was having a hard time coming up with an idea for a company. He said he prayed and prayed. God didn't answer. Finally, he laid his heart before the lord (omg, I can't believe I just typed that! Someone put me out of my misery NOW!) and an idea came to him. He realized that the voice in his head giving him ideas was god's voice. "God comes up along side of you and speaks into your thoughts gives you scripture versus." He told me in his serious voice. (After reading all the bible god atrocities in my ex-conversion, I wondered if god filters out the bad stuff for my father, or does he just skip those parts.) Anyhoo, Dad finished his story and I said, "Oh, that's interesting." What else could I have said? So I shared my story and it didn't include any supernatural being--just little me. (These days, I love it just being little 'ol me in my head--a lot less confusion these days!) Hung up and wanted to scream, "I Don't Want To Hear about Him any more!" Can anyone else relate to the good ol' xian chats that make you want to toss your lunch? Here's the options as I see it: 1. Stop talking to them altogether 2. Share with them that no longer believe in the existance of a god (the talk will just get worse--believe me! I'll be in my mom's prayer chain.) 3. Keep quiet and say settle things, "Like that's interesting." 4. Say something like, "Can't relate, dad, but I'm glad you figured it out. Good for you!" Is there an option 5 out there? Maybe I do need an answer after all! s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I can only say it's hard. When I talk to my parents I hear the same things. "We prayed to Jesus, and he got better" and stuff, and I can only say, "yeah", "yup", "that's good" or something. But the hardest thing I had to do was when I went back home last year, and they wanted to have a little prayer meeting with the whole family. Sitting in a circle, and speaking in tongues, and as tradition goes, everyone have say a little prayer. I was little nervous, but did it, heh, funny thing, it was really easy. Said the right things, prayed the right way, but in my head I was laughing "Hah, I don't believe one thing I'm saying right now". You might ask why I didn't tell them, and it's because my dad is extremely sick and doesn't have long time left, and if he got to know that I was an atheist now, he would get a heart attack the same second, and I don't want that on my conscious. It's better for my parents that I don't tell them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seabiscuit Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 You're a brave soul, HanSolo. That would be hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Thanks, it was hard. But I've managed to recuperate since then. I was fascinated with myself that I managed to pray, pray in tongues etc, totally cool. And what was even cooler, they didn't notice anything wrong (at least they didn't say anything, all seemed fine), which have strengthen my un-faith, since the Holy Spook should have given me away. Some of my siblings are extreme fundy, they do warrior prayers in tongues etc. So they should have God's presence so strong that they would be able to discern. I felt something similar, but not as strong 6 years ago, when I went to my old church, where the pastor is the leading fundamentalist. I was still a believer then, but struggling with doubts and questions, and we (me, my wife and my kids) went up for prayer and the "hands-on" treatment, and he didn't pray much for me, and I was standing there doubting what was going on, and he couldn't see that in his "spirit"... I thought it was very odd then, but now, of course, I know there is no such thing as spirits or Holy Spook. People are easily fooled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 When speaking with my inlaws, my husband and I usually just nod and smile, and sometimes we say something similar to your 5th option. To avoid confrontation, especially since you haven't told them yet, I think just saying "uh huh... " is best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I usually make a "Hmmm" sound, while at the same time using this unique facial expression that says, "Yeah right!" and "You're full of shit." at the same time. My one eyebrow goes up, one side of my mouth goes up... It's actually kind of funny now that I think about it. I'm going to go check myself out in the mirror to see just what it looks like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Oh, and I forgot to tell. The time when I met my relatives, I got into a little heated discussion, because my brothers ex-wife is extreme fundy squared, and she had one of the christian fundy newspapers where there was criticism of evolution, and she started to say something about it, how "silly" it was that people could believe it, and I could not keep my mouth shut, but started to argue. Luckily my older brother stepped in and calmed it down, but it was close that I had made her cry or totally scared her. I never realized how extreme my family is. I don't know one single person in my whole family, including aunts, uncles, cousines etc that are not Christian, except for me and my little brother, who is agnostic. One of my older brothers is more liberal Christian now, but that's it. I'm the real definition of a black sheep, but they don't know it. Wolf in sheep clothings... hehe I probably wouldn't only give my parents a heart attack, but maybe half of them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueGiant Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Wish I could hide it that well. Those that are close to me (eg. my parents) know that I am one hell of an apostate, my brother and sister know that I am a heritic (not that they are that far behind me). For the rest, I will do stuff like uphold family traditions (considering that I am one of maybe 2 in my generation that knows the religious ones, this is kind of a personal issue) in the event of funerals, weddings, etc. Unfortunately, this tends to unwillingly put me back into a church, and I can barely contain my rage and discomfort at it. Enough to be civil, but that's about it. Wish I had a good fifth option, guess that depends on the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nirrti Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 My ex-boyfriend and I, back when I was a Christian, were having a "discussion" about husbands being the head of the household and wives being submissive. He was one of those men who thinks "god's word", the bible, is the final say on every little detail in life. Well, I started explaining my position on why I wasn't about to be someone's Stepford wife using my own logic and reasoning. He then got angry and frustrated since he thought bible verses would be enough to change my mind. Then he said, "I don't want to say anything right now since I would just be talking out of my head." In other words, using his own brain instead of parroting bible verses was heresy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seabiscuit Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Nirrti, that's horrible. As I was listening to my dad, I heard the words so differently then I had before. I can't believe that people actually believe their own thought process is sinful, wrong, inferrior. I hope you got the boyfriend thing resolved! I couldn't live with someone who constantly used the bible to do her/his thinking. ************************** I know many people I run into hate to hear the details of child abuse so i'll be brief. But when I hear the xian language, it reminds me of being "beaten in the name of god." My father is very sorry for having done this to me. I know this. But everything about xianity is gut level scarry and surfaces as just gross. During a beating I remember thinking that I couldn't catch my breath and that I was going to die. The next thing, the beating was over and I was sitting in my mom or dad's lap praying to god--using the submissive, bible talking language. Yuck... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I just smile and say "that's nice." It's the only non-stressful way I can think of to deal with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I usually make a "Hmmm" sound, while at the same time using this unique facial expression that says, "Yeah right!" and "You're full of shit." at the same time. My one eyebrow goes up, one side of my mouth goes up... It's actually kind of funny now that I think about it. I'm going to go check myself out in the mirror to see just what it looks like. That's me. They don't want to hear my reasons for deconversion and my father especially hates confrontation (what the hell happened to me I have no idea - adopted I guess), so I pretty much do exactly this. What's funny is they either choose to ignore me or they are just so wrapped up in their beliefs that they don't notice that I'm just humoring them. My wife says I'm mean, but I think they just don't read through the body language. Wierd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgnosticBob AtheistPants Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 My mom does use it and it's difficult not to make some sort of disparaging remark when she does, but I try my best to hold my tongue. Although she is Christian, she doesn't believe in forcing her beliefs down other people's throats, so she tries not to say too much when she's around me or on the phone with me. I don't speak with my dad all that often. He was an atheist for most of his life and now has begun getting a spiritual side. He says he believes in God now and he goes to church sometimes too. At least he's not a fundie and never uses the language. Then of course there is my ex-wife and her family who are all pentecostal charismatic uber-fundies. They use the language all day every day. Unfortunately, my ex has physical custody of my kids. Whenever I go to visit my them in Alabama, I have to hear it. I'm doing my best not to say anything to the kids just yet...they are too young to understand right now, AND if I told them there is no God, no Jesus, no holy spook, I'm sure it would get back to their mother and then I'd never hear the end of it. But once they reach the age where they start to ask me what I believe, it's all coming out. I don't want to force them to believe the way I do, but I don't want them being brainwashed into fundie-ism because it's all they see and hear every day of their young lives. It just makes me sick to hear my 7 year old son talk about Jesus and God and to hear my 3 year old daughter singing songs from her Christian pre-school. I do NOT want them turning out to be the mindless drones that my ex and her family are. I would say something along the lines of number 3 is best if you want to keep the peace. Me, I just try to tune it completely out...but it is VERY hard sometimes. I try to hear what they say without the added Xian verbiage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JPD Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Whenever my Dad gets backed into a corner (which is every time we discuss religion), he gets this beatific look on his face and says "son, I know that I know that I know" which is christian speak for "shut the fuck up, asshole" as is "ill pray for you" and "god bless you". Also, he refers to the voice in his head as god's "still small voice". And FUCK, apparently refering to Jesus as Jesus Christ isn't religious enough. The truly saved call him Christ Jesus! My Dad knows how I feel about his religion, but he still holds out for my eventual conversion and treats me as though I haven't been perfectly clear to him about it. I had christianity served to me in my damned breakfast cereal nearly my entire life so I'll be damned if I haven't earned the right to say what I think about it. Whenever my Dad brings up anything religious to me I assume that he's initaing a dialogue and I tell him what I think. It's slowly training him to shut the fuck up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotBlinded Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Well...I guess I'm just not as nice as you guys because I think I have a right to say what I think also. I usually have a come back when they say anything religious. But, of course this leads to us never discussing christianity again...which may not be a bad thing. We both respect each other enough not to bring it up, but it does feel a little alienating knowing that there is somethings we just can't discuss. So, option number 5 could be: Say what you think about what they just said and then agree to disagree. But, that appears to be your option number 2 and that is the road I choose. We all have a right to be heard and it should be respected by both parties. So, whoever brings up the subject should expect some heat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Well...I guess I'm just not as nice as you guys because I think I have a right to say what I think also. I usually have a come back when they say anything religious. But, of course this leads to us never discussing christianity again...which may not be a bad thing. We both respect each other enough not to bring it up, but it does feel a little alienating knowing that there is somethings we just can't discuss. So, option number 5 could be: Say what you think about what they just said and then agree to disagree. But, that appears to be your option number 2 and that is the road I choose. We all have a right to be heard and it should be respected by both parties. So, whoever brings up the subject should expect some heat. LOL My husband is like that... but after we learned it only caused hours of crying for his mother, we stopped paying attention to the elephant in the room. Now we just nod and smile. It does stink that we can't discuss it like civilized people... it is alienating. It feels like we have lost a major connection with them somehow. It's true, but it's sad... sad that family can't love through all the differences. ................... I think his need to be so bold with his newfound freedom is a harkening back to his evangelical upbringing... if you think what you believe is the truth and others are in error, you have a responsibility to try and correct other people. I never really felt that way, so I am comfortable letting things be unless someone wants to honestly discuss with me in a non-judgemental and open manner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotBlinded Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I think his need to be so bold with his newfound freedom is a harkening back to his evangelical upbringing... if you think what you believe is the truth and others are in error, you have a responsibility to try and correct other people. I never really felt that way, so I am comfortable letting things be unless someone wants to honestly discuss with me in a non-judgemental and open manner. Oh my god...you are so right! Thank you for that reality check...sincerely. I have to listen to my spiritual speakers again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I usually make a "Hmmm" sound, while at the same time using this unique facial expression that says, "Yeah right!" and "You're full of shit." at the same time. My one eyebrow goes up, one side of my mouth goes up... It's actually kind of funny now that I think about it. I'm going to go check myself out in the mirror to see just what it looks like. That's me. They don't want to hear my reasons for deconversion and my father especially hates confrontation (what the hell happened to me I have no idea - adopted I guess), so I pretty much do exactly this. What's funny is they either choose to ignore me or they are just so wrapped up in their beliefs that they don't notice that I'm just humoring them. My wife says I'm mean, but I think they just don't read through the body language. Wierd. What is even more fun is when that 'look' isn't enough, and they continue on. If this is the case, I'll hold the 'look' and say, "Oh really?", then I'll ask, "Could you say that again? This time, say it really slow, and really listen to what you're saying." Stumps'em every time. (well - just about) Then you get a look like this from them ----> Because usually, when you ask them to listen to themselves, a part of them realizes that what they're saying is bullshit. Sometimes, not all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts