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Funeral


Purple
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Hello Everyone

 

Okay I am going through a little angst. I have a funeral to go to on Saturday, the mother of my husbands best friend. She is a women I knew, but really not well, we have in the past been close with this whole family. Of course when I left the church a lot of that cooled, although my husbands friend has been always truly great to us. The angst is further fueled in that it will be a Calvary Chapel service, I have met the pastor and I do not like him, he's prejudice (note I said perjudice, not racist), ignorant, and just, makes me in general want to choke things. The asst. pastor of this particular Calvary Chapel we at one time knew very well, of course now I am evil so he and his wife no longer speak to us. (Oh I looked at the sight, irrelevent side note, asst. pastor has packed on the pounds, he's HUGE! giggles)

The Pastor used Raul's daughters wedding to give a salvation message so I can only imagine what he will do with a funeral. I do not believe in being in any way shape or form rude at funerals, and this is not my family so I will go pay my respects, and no one will ever know if I have any negitive feelings about what goes on, but this is not my idea of a good time. Okay I know funerals are not a good time in general, but, well you know what I mean. So, how do I really feel??

 

I feel pastors who use captive audiance situations to give long salvation message sermons are far ruder then I would be, if I stood up in the middle and yelled out, "We are here to celebrate the life of Teresa NOT to listen to the clap trap of your vile religion, yes RELIGION!" I won't though. I will not do that out of respect for Teresa's husband, her children, and grand children but but but.... I'm evil, me!

I feel, that pastors who have never been any faith but Christian, no matter what they learned about Paganism in seminary, should not be allowed to teach their congregations about the "pagan mind" but I held my tongue during this idiots Sunday service on just this, so as not to embarrass myself and my husband.

I think anyone who says with extreme prejudice that "Buddahists are sad because they worship Buddah who is dead, but Jesus is alive!" should be made to read real books, and maybe spend a year in a monestary, but I wouldn't want to do that to the poor monks.

I think when emotions are high you should not seek to convert people. I think that it is unethical to do this. I believe a desion to change your religion, culture, type of employment and many many other things should be made with a lot of thought, considering all points including, but not limited to how you feel. I think it would be nice if religions agreed and practiced this, but what I see from many xian sects, and certain other religions is, they agree, when they lose one of their own. Then they start talking about how it was an emotional descion. Funny though these same people have no problem attempting to convert grieving people at a funeral.

Lastly, I hate that these Christians, that I will have to politely sit and listen to will at sometime, either on a Sunday morning, or a retreat, or some other such deal, maybe even on Saturday, will talk about how non-christians deny Christ so their life can be a big ol' party of sin, that we have no ethics, and if we have any morality it is based on nothing so we can slip out of it if it is uncomfortable.

The truth? Saturday, due to my ethics, and my morals, I will hold my tongue and be polite, not for socities sake, but because I truly believe the grieving deserve a certain amount of respect. This is something I will not betray just so I can say what is on my mind. Due to my ethics and morality I will not opt out of this funeral, because I believe my husband deserves to have me with him and to not go alone. This is not easy, this is not evil of me, and it's not a big ol' party of sin. It is me, being human, and going somewhere to show respect and give a hug and hope I can be of some kind of comfort. It is morality and ethics based on loving the people you love.

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Wish you the best having to go through that, Purple. But at least you know it's coming. Everything but the altar call to accept salvation. Hopefully they at least talk a little bit about Teresa's life.

Funerals should be about the celebration of a life. Not about the fear of death.

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During my wife's Grandfather's funeral last September (the first funeral I've been to since my deconversion, btw), I made it a point to stare boldly, coldly and directly into the eyes of the preacher while he was giving his little "message". (I have this tendency to look very intimidating. so everyone says)

 

I knew it was bullshit. And I'm pretty sure that he knew that I knew it was bullshit.

 

Every time that he looked at me, he either stuttered or had an untimely pause in his words.

 

Before the funeral, this guy was just as pleasant as can be toward me. Afterwards, he wouldn't even look at me let alone speak to me.

 

 

I don't know why I'm telling you this.

Does it even apply here? :shrug:

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Purple...

 

If given an opportunity to speak, do so with passion and gusto. honoring the passed with your good memories.

 

The sectarian bullshit is part of their lives not yours.. Let it, those empty words wash over you like dust.

 

Their beliefs cannot hurt you.

 

kevinL

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Agreeing with Nivek...

 

And wasn't it a very wise lady by the name of Eleanor Roosevelt who once said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

 

YOU have as much right, if not more to be there sharing your real treasured memories of this lady. Ignore those petty churchers and their "I can say something better" bullshit. You will upset them just by walking in the door as yourself. Probably one of just a few people in the room who won't have their Sunday Mask on.

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Thanks guys, later Sunday I'll let ya'll know how it went. (Later Sunday PST, which could very well be Monday for some of you. ;-) )

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Okay so I went, and it was not so bad. There was music, and I have now be out of these types of churches long enough I didn't recognise one. :dumbo: The pastor started he was short though. Teresa's oldest son did the ulogy and it was nice. Then they opened things up and her other 3 sons, one of which is the DH's best friend spoke, and then 3 of her 4 daughter-in-laws. After that the pastor got up and introduced a film, slides of Teresa, it was nice, they played an old song, Patsy Cline, but I do not know what song. I thought I was home free, but nooooooo. No then the pastor went to close, not one, oh no three freakin salvation messages in one 45 minute speech, good gravy, and I would have been pissed, when he got to the second one I rolled my eyes at him, but, as he droned on it dawned on me, that IS what he was doing. It wasn't him, this man, he was just an automaton, outputting what had been inputed for him to spew. I mean I don't get angry at the animatronics at Disneyland for what they say.

We went to the wake, and of course there was food, and all, just quite normal.

The above seems very focused on me I know, and I wasn't at the ceremony, one of the daughter in laws I know varily well, and when she told how Teresa took her in as one of her own, before her and her son married, and then, even more so when, at sixteen, she was pregnant I kinda lost it, and I will again if I go into too much detail. Hope everyone had a good Saturday.

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