Guest Pagan Chris Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 I am probably going to get some respones from Christians telling me a deserved this for not believing or I must be evil or something like that, but I have a story I would like to tell. I was recently dumped by my live in boyfriend of three years because of God. When we first met, he had told me that he was once into Christianity, but that he wasn't that into it anymore. He still believed in God, but it didn't play that big a part in his life anymore. I told him that I was agnostic, and although I didn't mind if he went to Church, I didn't want to have it preached to me. He was totally fine with that, and sad that it wasn't a problem to him that I didn't believe. Other than one argument we had over evolution vs. creationism, we never talked about our beliefs and it didn't seem to be a problem. Then a few weeks ago he came to me and said that he needed to re-establish his relationship with God, and in doing so he needed to be in a "Christian" relationship and couldn't be with me anymore. I was totally blindsided by this as I had no indication it was coming. I asked him why he couldn't just go back to Church and his response was that he had to be with someone he could preach to and obviously that person was not me. We had just recently bought a house together (yes I know, stupid to by a house with someone that you are not married to). So how Christian is it when you leave the person you supposedly love with the responsibilities and expenses of running a house, without giving them a chance to work things through, and without giving them any indication of things to come? What is interesting is that he is a Geologist working towards his Phd. I asked him what he told people when they asked why we split up and he said that it depends on who he is talking to. If it was someone at school he would just say that we grew apart, because if they new that he believed in Creationism, he would get laughed out of the profession. I found it ironic that his religion is so important to him that he would dump his girlfriend over it, yet he can't admit the way he feels to his colleques (spelling?). Yes I know, I am just ranting here and I probably sound bitter, but I just wanted to get it off of my chest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thunderbolt Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Hey Chris Welcome, and so sorry to hear about this turn of events in your life. It really is strange behavior, considering that you agreed on the ground rules going into the relationship. Just out of curiosity, is/was your boyfriend part of some uber evangelical group? If so, it might explain some things as the guilt trip in those brands of Christianity is quite strong. I only heart these "have to be with a Christian" arguments from them. I guess, go tell it to the mountains ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sage Nabooru Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Well, it doesn't sound he ever was "just not that into it", if he still believed in Creationism! You are bitter, yes, but that doesn't mean it isn't bad. Imagine if he had stayed with you - you'd be preached to, probably more, and is that what you want? We cannot create the will and destiny of others to be our liking. Just as he cannot compel you to be Christian, you cannot compel him not to be. And that's the best way. In fact, instead of regarding this as either good or bad, how about just dealing with it and living? True love is allowing others to be free to follow their own destinies. This is just an incident, another change in Life. Growing requires moving on. It's a lesson learned. Study it, explore it, watch how it affects you, and will yourself to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pagan Chris Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Just out of curiosity, is/was your boyfriend part of some uber evangelical group? If so, it might explain some things as the guilt trip in those brands of Christianity is quite strong. I only heart these "have to be with a Christian" arguments from them. I am not sure if it is considered an "uber evangelical group", but he belongs to a Church called Calvary Chapel, which appears to be a chain that is all over the country. My sister, who is also a born again, also belonged to this church and dragged me there one time. Needless to say I left there a little frightened because I felt like I was among cult members. For the most part I have moved on from this, however it has only been a little more than a month so there is still some healing going on, and talking about it and writing about it is one way I get through it. I totally realize that I never would have been able to change him and I am pretty sure I would never have tried, but I guess if there is one thing I could have asked for would have been a chance to give living with our difference a try, instead of immediately giving up. But life goes on and I have certainly learned from this experience. Its his loss! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonofspong Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Losing someone you love to Gawd is the equivelent of losing them to an imaginary friend. Its absurd and rediculous, and I'm sure it must hurt that they would put some fictional sky buddy above you. Good luck, hope you can move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 I am not sure if it is considered an "uber evangelical group", but he belongs to a Church called Calvary Chapel, which appears to be a chain that is all over the country. My sister, who is also a born again, also belonged to this church and dragged me there one time. Needless to say I left there a little frightened because I felt like I was among cult members. You were among cult members. I don't know this Calvary Chapel, but most evangelical sects are basically cults. Except, they're accepted by society in general. Actually, he sounds like a good little christ-stain. He's only doing what the bible tells him to. 'Be not yoked to the unbeliever, forsake your family, blah blah blah'. At any rate, xtians can find justification to do just about anything from the bible. So sticking you with the bills and responsibility of the house won't bother him. Like Wlliam Burroughs said, "Never do business with a Christian. He's got the good Lord whispering in his ear, telling him how to fuck you on the deal." I'm sure you'll hear this a lot, but you're better off without the bum. Good riddance - plus now you get the equity! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. K Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Just out of curiosity, is/was your boyfriend part of some uber evangelical group? If so, it might explain some things as the guilt trip in those brands of Christianity is quite strong. I only heart these "have to be with a Christian" arguments from them. I am not sure if it is considered an "uber evangelical group", but he belongs to a Church called Calvary Chapel, which appears to be a chain that is all over the country. My sister, who is also a born again, also belonged to this church and dragged me there one time. Needless to say I left there a little frightened because I felt like I was among cult members. For the most part I have moved on from this, however it has only been a little more than a month so there is still some healing going on, and talking about it and writing about it is one way I get through it. I totally realize that I never would have been able to change him and I am pretty sure I would never have tried, but I guess if there is one thing I could have asked for would have been a chance to give living with our difference a try, instead of immediately giving up. But life goes on and I have certainly learned from this experience. Its his loss! Whoa. Calvary Chapel. Don't get me started on Calvary Chapel, since I live near the birthplace of Calvary Chapel. I think if they don't qualify as a cult, they're at the very least borderline. They're creepy. VERY creepy. It's the same kind of love-bombing and isolation techniques that other cults have used in the past, and do use now. You're far, far better off without him. You've seen Calvary Chapel in action, would you want to be subjected to that nonsense every day? Would you want someone to have his ear after you were married, and possibly had children, telling him that God doesn't want him yoked to an unbeliever like yourself, so he would abandon you AFTER marriage? What most likely happened is that someone decided she wanted to move in on him at Calvary Chapel, and ever-so-solicitously told him that the Lard didn't want him to be yoked unequally, and since he's not married but living with you he was living in sin, and the Lord doesn't want that, and so on. Well, looky here, it worked, didn't it? He left. And you can bet money that some sweet little Bible-thumping hobag is moving in on him. I'd bet you dollars to doughnuts that this is EXACTLY what happened. How do I know? Because when we were going to a fundamentalist evangelical Christian church, much the same thing was attempted on MY husband. Fortunately, he was smart enough not to fall for it. Your ex doesn't exactly sound like a real winner. A geologist, earning a Ph.D. in geology, and he's a creationist? Ooookaayyyyy.....yeah, that's someone I want teaching MY kid, or me for that matter (I think I still need a science class for my degree, I'm not sure...). Go see a lawyer about rights to your house. If he's the one who left, you might be able to force him to quit-claim the house to you. But, I don't know. It may be easier to force him either to buy you out, and move, or force a sale of the house and split the proceeds. Seeing as how I'm not an attorney, nor do I play one on TV, you should get some real legal advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeeland Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 I am probably going to get some respones from Christians telling me a deserved this for not believing or I must be evil or something like that, but I have a story I would like to tell. I was recently dumped by my live in boyfriend of three years because of God. When we first met, he had told me that he was once into Christianity, but that he wasn't that into it anymore. He still believed in God, but it didn't play that big a part in his life anymore. I told him that I was agnostic, and although I didn't mind if he went to Church, I didn't want to have it preached to me. He was totally fine with that, and sad that it wasn't a problem to him that I didn't believe. Other than one argument we had over evolution vs. creationism, we never talked about our beliefs and it didn't seem to be a problem. Then a few weeks ago he came to me and said that he needed to re-establish his relationship with God, and in doing so he needed to be in a "Christian" relationship and couldn't be with me anymore. I was totally blindsided by this as I had no indication it was coming. I asked him why he couldn't just go back to Church and his response was that he had to be with someone he could preach to and obviously that person was not me. We had just recently bought a house together (yes I know, stupid to by a house with someone that you are not married to). So how Christian is it when you leave the person you supposedly love with the responsibilities and expenses of running a house, without giving them a chance to work things through, and without giving them any indication of things to come? What is interesting is that he is a Geologist working towards his Phd. I asked him what he told people when they asked why we split up and he said that it depends on who he is talking to. If it was someone at school he would just say that we grew apart, because if they new that he believed in Creationism, he would get laughed out of the profession. I found it ironic that his religion is so important to him that he would dump his girlfriend over it, yet he can't admit the way he feels to his colleques (spelling?). Yes I know, I am just ranting here and I probably sound bitter, but I just wanted to get it off of my chest. This might be cliche, but if I were you, I'd say good riddance to anyone who would put their imaginary god over me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 I am not sure if it is considered an "uber evangelical group", but he belongs to a Church called Calvary Chapel, which appears to be a chain that is all over the country. My sister, who is also a born again, also belonged to this church and dragged me there one time. Needless to say I left there a little frightened because I felt like I was among cult members. Yeah, I know about Calvary Chapel. We were going there for a while. Been in the head church, and even met the founder and head honcho. They're pretty nice people, but very evangelical, and strictly into Jesus and Bible only. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boink666 Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I feel sorry for what he put you through. But theres not much else i can say but i really hope your life gets better. That you meet the right person and you live a long happy life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentLoner Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I am not sure if it is considered an "uber evangelical group", but he belongs to a Church called Calvary Chapel, which appears to be a chain that is all over the country. My sister, who is also a born again, also belonged to this church and dragged me there one time. Needless to say I left there a little frightened because I felt like I was among cult members. For the most part I have moved on from this, however it has only been a little more than a month so there is still some healing going on, and talking about it and writing about it is one way I get through it. I totally realize that I never would have been able to change him and I am pretty sure I would never have tried, but I guess if there is one thing I could have asked for would have been a chance to give living with our difference a try, instead of immediately giving up. But life goes on and I have certainly learned from this experience. Its his loss! Welcome Chris, yikes...Cavalry Chapel. I made the mistake of attending one such meeting a few years back. still shaken up about some things said. Hope things turn out all right for you. you're right, it was his loss and luckily one day he will realize so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Hi Chris. Sorry your world got tipped on it's ear like that. It's an awful feeling when the rug gets pulled out from under you, and you're faced with life - straight in the face. I know this will sound empty right now, but count your blessings. Life with a fundy would be zero fun. Hang tough, girl. Find a guy that shares your view of things. Life will be a whole lot smoother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poonis Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Pagan Christ, you will find that in relationships with christians, the one to do the breaking-up is most always the christian, because their religion tells them they should not be with non-christians. And they say we are the evil ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evelyn Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Welcome to Ex-C, Pagan Chris. I agree with the rest, if your ex-boyfriend is with Calvary Chapel, run! Other denominations/churches also emphasize the "unequaly yoked" scripture, too. I got this from my family and fellow church members because in my case, I was a Christian and my boyfriend-husband-to-be was not. I was drifting away from Christianity at the time anyway, tho didn't want to admit it. I stayed with him because we had (and still have) a good relationship and I didn't want to give him up. We got married, then he became a Christian about a month later. Huh?! He hooked with up a tiny fundy church, so I came back to Xtianity for a variety of reasons (guilt, didn't want to be "left behind" in case of rapture, etc). Fortunately for me, when I at last made the break from Xtianity a year ago, my husband totally supported me. I am so lucky! He's sort of a liberal Xtian, for lack of a better term. While he still reads the Bible and prays, he told me recently that he has left fundy Xtianity behind and is enjoying his freedom. Well, enough about me. Good luck with your situation and welcome to the community of Ex-Cs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormwarden Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Of all the stupid things to get dumped over, it had to be religion... I am sorry your ex is such a twit, expecially since he didn't think of the consequences of his actions. Given the way he dumped you, you are probably better off without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Aw, man, Pagan Chris, did we date the same guy??? What you describe sounds very, very much like something I went through in 2001. There are differences, to be sure, but in the end the result was the same: I was judged "ungodly" and dumped for god. I'm still not over it. My ex was with Foursquare. At the time he was attending a then-uncertified bible college in Cali. He was Xian all the way, just utterly deceptive about who he was and what he really wanted... One of the last things he said to me about our relationship was "if it's not founded on the bedrock of Jesus Christ, I don't want it." He was a porn-addicted, misogynist piece of shit, and dumped me because I was "ungodly". Go figure... Dumping someone for god is a horrible, hurtful, evil thing to do. As I said I'm still not over it, maybe never will be. Fold up into your mind the thought that you really are better off without him, no matter what history you have together, what bonds, what life, what anything. I really think that life with brainwashed fundies would just be a total fucking nightmare. Smeg. And I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry he put you through that, and I totally feel for you. And I hope you're recovering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkepticOfBible Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Hi Chris, Sorry to hear about the house. Do you know anyone from your ex-boyfriend class(especially those who can't stand him). Perhaps you can drop in a hint about him being a creationist. That'll teach him. Besides that is one of the teachings of Christ "What you sow is what you reap"(something like that) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pagan Chris Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 He was a porn-addicted, misogynist piece of shit, and dumped me because I was "ungodly". Go figure... Its funny that you mentioned your ex was porn addicted, because so was mine. Not very Christian like is it? It just points out the hypocrisy of some of these people. Do you know anyone from your ex-boyfriend class(especially those who can't stand him). Perhaps you can drop in a hint about him being a creationist. That'll teach him. I can get the emails of all of his class mates and professors off of his school's website, and you don't know how tempted I have been to drop them a note mentioning the fact that he believes in creatonism. As for the house, in that respect he is being cooperative, as he signed a quit claim deed to get his name off of it. I will manage with the expenses, but things will be a lot tighter. This has been very theraputic for me. Thanks everyone for the feedback! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DucorpsToo Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Welcome to the boards, PaganChris Sorry to hear about what happened..but as the others have implied, it appears as though you've actually dodged a bullet when you look at the big picture. Blech..imagine being with someone who wishes to preach to you incessantly. Hang in there...and hopefully karma will hit your ex over the head like an anvil. ( maybe in his dissertation defense...or being denied tenure in a university position...or you could help the process along as SkepticofBible suggested ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nirrti Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 You know, there's sort of a law of nature that says when it comes down to being a choice between the opposite sex and religion, the opposite sex usually wins since attraction is an inherent part of our biological make-up and religion is not. If your ex was that quick to drop you, he has huge issues and he's just using his beliefs as a cover. So you're lucky you got out before you invested anything else important into the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 If your ex was that quick to drop you, he has huge issues and he's just using his beliefs as a cover. So you're lucky you got out before you invested anything else important into the relationship. That was a big part of what happened to my ex and I. She had a lot of issues with men and with her past, abusive relationships, and Xianity provided the spiritual morphine that made her feel better, and justified her anti-sex feelings. Yes, she reconciled feminism and Xianity quite well, as did her mother before her (which is where she got so much of her indoctrination, though her mother was always nice to me). Xianity gave her, furthermore, the security blanket she need to hide from her issues in, for over five years until she and I got together. Chris, I sympathize. It hurt like all hell, to have someone beat you with their whacky cultish beliefs. To have someone put Biblegodzilla over you, especially when it is clear that Biblegodzilla-belief is hurting them even more. We even had an aptartment together and were engaged - and amongst all the other stunts she decided to pull, she pulled the cross on me. What a way to make a person feel like shit. But, to me, I can't complain. It ended up teaching me a lot about women, especially xian women, and I learned a lot about what to avoid. It paid off; I am not engaged to an absolutely wonderful young lady who is mostly nonreligious, with a slightly heathen slant - much like me. I hope your pain pays off for you in the end. Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 how Christian is it when you leave the person you supposedly love with the responsibilities and expenses of running a house, without giving them a chance to work things through, and without giving them any indication of things to come? Remember what's written in da wholly babble and you see that the answer is: "It's totally christian"! (((((PC))))) That sucks royally... This might be cliche, but if I were you, I'd say good riddance to anyone who would put their imaginary god over me. Sometimes even clichees are true... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormwarden Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 The part about the porn...well, that is not a real surprise. I noticed that many Xians I knew had the same problem, due in large part to their belief that "sex bad." They were, and probably still are, repressed. So they get away with what they can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. K Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 The part about the porn...well, that is not a real surprise. I noticed that many Xians I knew had the same problem, due in large part to their belief that "sex bad." They were, and probably still are, repressed. So they get away with what they can. Boy, ain't that the truth! I have known so many so-called "good Christians" who have quite the extensive porn collection. Now, I don't object to porn, but I do object to using porn in the place of a healthy relationship. Just weird, IMHO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts